Planning a trip with/for another couple - finances?
Oct 26th, 2005, 08:45 AM
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Planning a trip with/for another couple - finances?
There is a similar thread right now but this is a specific question about finances. Last year we traveled to Italy with a couple who we knew were well off, financially. I did all the planning and didn't worry about costs as long as it was within our budget. It worked very well. This year we invited my husband's sister and her husband to go to Italy with us. They said yes immediately. I hesitated to ask, because I don't know their financial situation. They live in another state and have their own businesses but I didn't know if a trip like this was feasible, financially. They say they are onboard with whatever I plan as they have never been to Europe. I don't want to insult them by booking something that is too expensive. I also don't want to insult them by assuming that something is too much. What about restaurants? My husband's attitude is that they said yes and told me to plan, so just go with it. What would you do?
Gen
Gen
Oct 26th, 2005, 08:52 AM
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I'd tell them that there's a huge variety in accommodations in Italy and what's their idea of a reasonable price to pay for a hotel and a meal? At the same time you can ask them what type of accommodations they prefer in terms of style, comfort, décor, etc., as well as what kind of dining experiences they're looking for. That will give them plenty to think about and should help you make good choices for them. Seems to me you should be asking these types of questions anyway, if you're going to travel with them and have a good experience.
Oct 26th, 2005, 09:13 AM
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Great suggestions, St. Cirq. The problem with asking what they consider a reasonable price to pay for a hotel room is that they have never been to Italy. The hotel we have booked in Positano is one of the least expensive in the town and it is 160E per night. In Rome our 3 star hotel is 190E. Maybe I should just tell them that?
Oct 26th, 2005, 09:13 AM
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I agree with StCirq. When I first started planning for my trip to Spain, I thought things would be the same as here. D'uh! Didn't take long to realize I had a little more researching to do.
Do everyone a favor and bring your inlaws into the planning process. That's half the fun, anyway! It's not an insult, just an inquiry as to what their tastes are and you just want to make certain that all of you have the best time possible!
Do everyone a favor and bring your inlaws into the planning process. That's half the fun, anyway! It's not an insult, just an inquiry as to what their tastes are and you just want to make certain that all of you have the best time possible!
Oct 26th, 2005, 09:24 AM
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I agree completely with StC. I think you have to be very frank before proceeding with any bookings.
I would give them the option of an upscale or affordable trip (give them some comparative nightly room rates and typical meal costs)with absolutely no pressure to go either way.
I recently heard some considerable grumbling from a friend who traveled with some extravagant people (particularly meals and associated dinner wine costs).
If they would prefer a less costly trip and that would detract from your enjoyment of the vacation it may be best not to travel with them. If you think you can enjoy either type of trip, I'd leave it up to them to give you some direction on the planning.
kakalena
I would give them the option of an upscale or affordable trip (give them some comparative nightly room rates and typical meal costs)with absolutely no pressure to go either way.
I recently heard some considerable grumbling from a friend who traveled with some extravagant people (particularly meals and associated dinner wine costs).
If they would prefer a less costly trip and that would detract from your enjoyment of the vacation it may be best not to travel with them. If you think you can enjoy either type of trip, I'd leave it up to them to give you some direction on the planning.
kakalena
Oct 26th, 2005, 09:31 AM
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You say that you invited your husband's sister and husband to go to Italy with you... Are you sure they think they are paying?.. when I invite my husband's family to go to Europe with us, I pay for everything (airfare, meals, hotel, museum entrance, everything).
Oct 26th, 2005, 09:40 AM
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Hi rb,
>This year we invited my husband's sister and her husband to go to Italy with us.<
As noted, do they know that they are sharing the expenses?
Have you told them what the projected costs are?
I would approach it as, "Hotels run from about xxx to yyy per night, restaurants from aaa to bbb pp. Here is what you can expect at each end. Which would you prefer?
It is a major mistake to assume that other people's idea of "moderate" is the same as yours.
For example,
>The hotel we have booked in Positano is one of the least expensive in the town and it is 160E per night. In Rome our 3 star hotel is 190E. <
On the AC, we paid 80E per night. In Paris, we paid 124.
Don't be embarassed to ask about budget expectations. It saves a lot of trouble later.
>This year we invited my husband's sister and her husband to go to Italy with us.<
As noted, do they know that they are sharing the expenses?
Have you told them what the projected costs are?
I would approach it as, "Hotels run from about xxx to yyy per night, restaurants from aaa to bbb pp. Here is what you can expect at each end. Which would you prefer?
It is a major mistake to assume that other people's idea of "moderate" is the same as yours.
For example,
>The hotel we have booked in Positano is one of the least expensive in the town and it is 160E per night. In Rome our 3 star hotel is 190E. <
On the AC, we paid 80E per night. In Paris, we paid 124.
Don't be embarassed to ask about budget expectations. It saves a lot of trouble later.
Oct 26th, 2005, 09:43 AM
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It's really a good idea to discuss expectations in advance. I learned this the hard way.
A few years back I went to London for a week with my mom, and my best friend, and her boyfriend.
We really didn't discuss anything in advance and the first couple of days turned out to be a bit rough. They were willing (and able) to spend quite a bit more than we were on dining out and sightseeing and such. My friend also spends waaaaayyy to long on every item in every museum for my taste.
So, we finally figured out we should do things on our own, and meet up for dinner or lunch. We also had some meals apart as well.
If I were ever to do it again, I would discuss various options and travel styles with my companions first.
A few years back I went to London for a week with my mom, and my best friend, and her boyfriend.
We really didn't discuss anything in advance and the first couple of days turned out to be a bit rough. They were willing (and able) to spend quite a bit more than we were on dining out and sightseeing and such. My friend also spends waaaaayyy to long on every item in every museum for my taste.
So, we finally figured out we should do things on our own, and meet up for dinner or lunch. We also had some meals apart as well.
If I were ever to do it again, I would discuss various options and travel styles with my companions first.
Oct 26th, 2005, 09:48 AM
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Consider presenting them with 2 or maybe 3 possible itineraries at low/high and maybe middle range budgets. I did that when DS offered to pay my way in Italy without really knowing what he was in for.
I sketched out X many nights in each city at (say) $150, $200, and $250 (I translated it all from Euros to keep it "real" for decisionmaking), gave brief description of the hotels at each price level, and added on a range of food perdiem ("modest" "Splurge"
, some more for transport, etc. etc. And then gave a total for each "scenario."
It took a fair amount of work, but we ended up choosing level A for one city, level B for another, etc., and were pretty happy with how it all worked out.
I sketched out X many nights in each city at (say) $150, $200, and $250 (I translated it all from Euros to keep it "real" for decisionmaking), gave brief description of the hotels at each price level, and added on a range of food perdiem ("modest" "Splurge"
, some more for transport, etc. etc. And then gave a total for each "scenario." It took a fair amount of work, but we ended up choosing level A for one city, level B for another, etc., and were pretty happy with how it all worked out.
Oct 26th, 2005, 10:17 AM
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Why, why, why....do you feel you have to travel with someone?? It's the greatest way in the world to ruin a perfectly good relationship...kinda like marriage! 
Seriously, if you want to have a good, trip, DON'T travel with an "unknown quantity". It's so risky.
Seriously, if you want to have a good, trip, DON'T travel with an "unknown quantity". It's so risky.
Oct 26th, 2005, 10:21 AM
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Oh wow, all great suggestions. For clarification, we shared with them all about our trip to Italy last year. They saw the pictures, heard the stories about the meals, etc. They knew what we did and how we did it. When they visited us this summer, they mentioned that it would be fun to take a trip with us after they saw all our pictures and heard our stories(they knew the couple we traveled with last year). So we threw it out there to them a few weeks ago, saying, "You guys talk it over and weigh the pros and cons and let us know what you think." They immediately said,"We're in." When I encouraged them to talk about it and call us back, they said no that they were in and they would do whatever we wanted. I asked, "Venice or Tuscany?" Their response was, "You decide." And trust me, we're not the kind of family who pays each other's way! Anyway, I think when we see them at Christmas, we will have a sit down and discuss some plans and include the costs of hotels, etc. Thanks!
Oct 26th, 2005, 10:54 AM
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rbnwdln:
Not to keep harping, because I think you are very well-meaning, but I would be VERY wary of traveling with anyone who honestly wants zero input in the planning process and who just wants you to decide everything. I think that's a recipe for disaster.
IMO you need to tell these inlaws that you are not a travel agent and that they need to take ownership of at least half the planning process. Give them specific research tasks to do and dates by which they must be done. DON'T allow yourself to become responsible for this trip or you will automatically become responsible for all the shortcomings and problems that they will undoubtedly find once you are on the ground in Italy.
Not to keep harping, because I think you are very well-meaning, but I would be VERY wary of traveling with anyone who honestly wants zero input in the planning process and who just wants you to decide everything. I think that's a recipe for disaster.
IMO you need to tell these inlaws that you are not a travel agent and that they need to take ownership of at least half the planning process. Give them specific research tasks to do and dates by which they must be done. DON'T allow yourself to become responsible for this trip or you will automatically become responsible for all the shortcomings and problems that they will undoubtedly find once you are on the ground in Italy.
Oct 26th, 2005, 11:09 AM
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I agree that it's a recipe for disaster not to have this clear ahead of time. As others have said, what you consider reasonable or expensive could be very different from their idea. When you showed them all those pictures and told them about the last trip, did you mention how much you paid for hotels and meals? Probably not! You need to be sure that they understand just how much this trip will cost.
Another thing that should be discussed ahead of time is how you will pay for meals. Will you each pay for your own at each meal? Will you each put an amount in a kitty and replenish when necessary? Some people have no problem with just splitting the bill each time, while others will resent that method, especially if the other couple routinely orders more expensive meals. DECIDE THESE THINGS AHEAD OF TIME!
Another thing that should be discussed ahead of time is how you will pay for meals. Will you each pay for your own at each meal? Will you each put an amount in a kitty and replenish when necessary? Some people have no problem with just splitting the bill each time, while others will resent that method, especially if the other couple routinely orders more expensive meals. DECIDE THESE THINGS AHEAD OF TIME!
Oct 26th, 2005, 11:16 AM
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well, I don't agree with that exactly. That seems pretty aggressive and negative for no reason. First, this couple was "invited" to go along with the OP. That pretty much sounds like the OP would do most of the planning. It wasn't do you want to get together with us and plan a trip together.
Second, the first couple has never been to Europe, and it sounds like the OP knows how to do this stuff well -- the mentions of the travel reports, photos, stores, etc. It sounds like the first couple knows they are neophytes and are trying to be undemanding and amenable. After all, if you have close relatives who would like to travel and think it nice to go with you, it's maybe not so nice to talk about the trips you take with others if you refused to go with them.
Some people like planning trips, also, and I wouldn't want my sister to plan any trip even if we did go together, because I know I know more about travel. No harm in them reading up on a few things they might want to do in certain places, however.
I don't understand why this is such a big problem to discuss money. It seems pretty simple and straightforward for a trip of this size to them, when they haven't traveled before, to just talk about what they think they can spend, give them an idea of about how much you typically expect a day to cost (hote, food, etc) and ask if they can afford it. I wouldn't even worry about discussing such a thing with my siblings, nor hestitate to do it for a second.
Second, the first couple has never been to Europe, and it sounds like the OP knows how to do this stuff well -- the mentions of the travel reports, photos, stores, etc. It sounds like the first couple knows they are neophytes and are trying to be undemanding and amenable. After all, if you have close relatives who would like to travel and think it nice to go with you, it's maybe not so nice to talk about the trips you take with others if you refused to go with them.
Some people like planning trips, also, and I wouldn't want my sister to plan any trip even if we did go together, because I know I know more about travel. No harm in them reading up on a few things they might want to do in certain places, however.
I don't understand why this is such a big problem to discuss money. It seems pretty simple and straightforward for a trip of this size to them, when they haven't traveled before, to just talk about what they think they can spend, give them an idea of about how much you typically expect a day to cost (hote, food, etc) and ask if they can afford it. I wouldn't even worry about discussing such a thing with my siblings, nor hestitate to do it for a second.
Oct 26th, 2005, 11:17 AM
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I agree that the "you decide" mentality is likely to backfire. I am sure it is now already at the thorny stage but I would still insist that they give you some feedback about what you have ALREADY booked..get their agreement as to specific accommodations.
If they balk at that notion then I think you have to be even MORE upfront and tell them that YOU are "uncomfortable" with this way of doing business. If THAT "bothers" them then you definitely DON'T want to travel with them.
Right now they have very cleverly, if totally unwittingly, made you responsible for everything and if anything goes "wrong" you'll be hearing about it LONG after this trip is over I can assure you.
If they balk at that notion then I think you have to be even MORE upfront and tell them that YOU are "uncomfortable" with this way of doing business. If THAT "bothers" them then you definitely DON'T want to travel with them.
Right now they have very cleverly, if totally unwittingly, made you responsible for everything and if anything goes "wrong" you'll be hearing about it LONG after this trip is over I can assure you.
Oct 26th, 2005, 11:18 AM
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a few posts crossed, my remarks were about how bad this is, how unreasonable for them to think you'll do the planing, and the idea of telling them that you aren't a travel agent (sounds kind of mean).
