They both seem to pick up at Victoria and at Marble Arch. They both charge 14 GBP for a return ticket. Does one offer advantages over the other? Thank you for your help in my planning.

They actually have different routings out of London: the Espress stopping at Baker St and the Tube at Notting Hill and Shepherd's Bush. The Tube has slightly more stops going into Oxford, but since the traffic in Oxford's horrible practically all day, the Espress isn't noticeably faster.

The Espress has points at each seat for your laptop or to recharge your mobile: the Tube has slightly more legroom.

The Espress is single-deck, while the Tube is a double-decker. The Espress clientele has a slight bias to the biotech entrepreneurs off for a little light capital injection, the Tube to grungy students off for an evening's bopping.

Ultimately, though, it's the same as whether an Oxford or Cambridge degree enhances your career the more. Most people decide on the basis of which bus turns up first.

PS: Yes I did spell it right.

The Oxford Bus Company, which operates the Oxford Espress, is part of the Go-Ahead Group. Unsurprisingly, they hired one of those consultancies to invent a damnfool brand name.

The operation itself, though, isn't as silly.

Do you get free coffee on the Espress?

No, and the breakfastime free catering on the Oxford Tube doesn't include tea or coffee, and only works on eastbound services.

Oh, and the Tube's trialling WiFi. But the train company's postponed WiFi on its services till the summer timetable (and then only on services from the Cotswolds, but they're the only ones that matter), so the Great WiFi Battle won't really start till then.