O.K., this has nothing to do with travel. <BR> <BR>Sorry. <BR> <BR>It is computer related however and because we all use our computers so much in regards to travel things, I thought all of you would really, really get a kick out of this. It was sent to me by my grandpa. <BR> <BR>The following is REAL. It is a recorded conversation between a WordPerfect customer service rep and a caller to the help line. The employee was fired and is now sueing WordPerfect. Read on... <BR> <BR>Lynn <BR> <BR <BR> <BR> <BR>Employee: "Ridge Hall computer assistance; may I help you?" <BR>Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect." <BR>Employee: "What sort of trouble?" <BR>Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the <BR> words went away." <BR>Employee: "Went away?" <BR>Caller: "They disappeared." <BR>Employee: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?" <BR>Caller "Nothing." <BR>Employee: "Nothing?" <BR>Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type." <BR>Employee: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?" <BR>Caller: "How do I tell?" <BR>Employee: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?" <BR>Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?" <BR>Employee: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the <BR> screen?" <BR> Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept <BR> anything I type." <BR> Employee: "Does your monitor have a power indicator? <BR> Caller "What's a monitor?" <BR>Employee: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a <BR> TV. <BR>Caller: "Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?" <BR> Employee: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find <BR>where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?" <BR>Caller: "Yes, I think so." <BR>Employee: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's <BR> plugged into the wall." <BR>Caller: "Yes, it is." <BR> Employee: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice <BR> that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, <BR> not just one?" <BR> <BR>Caller "No." <BR>Employee: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again <BR> and find the other cable." <BR>Caller: "Okay, here it is." <BR>Employee: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely <BR> into the back of your computer." <BR>Caller: "I can't reach." <BR>Employee: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?" <BR>Caller: "No." <BR>Employee: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something <BR> and lean way over?" <BR> Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle, <BR> it's because it's dark." <BR>Employee: "Dark?" <BR>Caller: "Yes, -the office light is off, and the only light I <BR> have is coming in from the window." <BR> Employee: "Well, turn on the office light then." <BR>Caller: "I can't." <BR>Employee: "No? Why not?" <BR>Caller: "Because there's a power failure." <BR>Employee: "A power... A power failure? Aha, Okay, <BR> we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes <BR> and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?" <BR> Caller "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet." <BR> <BR>Employee: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and <BR> pack it upjust like it was when you got it. Then take it <BR> back to the store you bought it from." <BR>Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?" <BR>Employee: "Yes, I'm afraid it is." <BR>Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?" <BR>Employee: "Tell them you're too fucking stupid to own a computer <BR> <BR>

Circa 1996

Best laugh I've had all week!! ThankX Lynn!

Oh my god Lynn, way too funny!

More in this vein. I'm sure this is an Urban Legend, but it is funny: <BR> <BR>A man calls the support desk of a computer manufacturer, explaining that his coffee cup holder is broken. The curious support desk representative asks a few questions and is completely mystified. <BR> <BR>The customer explains that he has this coffee cup holder that came with his personal computer. It is now broken, and he would like to get it replaced. <BR> <BR>It takes a few minutes for the support rep to realize what's happening: Every day, this fellow comes in, pours a <BR>cup of coffee, goes up to his PC, presses the CD-ROM drive button, and out comes the drawer. <BR> <BR>Each day, he places his cup of coffee on the drawer. It's no surprise that the thing wears out after a while, and <BR>he's looking to get it replaced.

Hi again - <BR> <BR>I just realized I forgot to put **** in the "special" word at the end. I had planned on censoring that part put I guess I was so excited to post it I was in too much of a hurry. Sorry! <BR> <BR>Of course, it is a quote, that's what he said! <BR> <BR

Who needs a good laugh today of all days? The fact the the GOP has lost control of the Senate by their own stupidity has me ROFLMAO! I'm soooooo elated!

I heard the one about the coffee cup holder at a seminar a last year. The instructor had another good one, too. Seems a guy called tech support and couldn't figure out why his keyboard wouldn't work. After some questioning, come to find out, he had thought it was dirty, so he soaked the keyboard in the tub all day, took it out and removed each key so he could dry them! This was a true story! Can't imagine why it no longer worked! <BR>

True item - My son works for/at a computer store. A young man came in and was looking at moniters for about 1/2 hour or so. Several of the employees asked if he required help. No thanks, said he. After awhile he bought a moniter and took it home. The next day he came in and complained that he couldn't get his computer to work properly. After a few questions it was determined all he actually had was the moniter, no keyboard, no CPU. LOL

This stuff is all too true. I teach a beginning web design course at our college. There are supposedly minimal requirements for enrolling. Ihaven't gotten anyone who can't use a mouse... but frequently I get people who have no idea how to use windows. <BR> <BR>For further humor along the above lines try the online comic "Daily Static" -- http://www.userfriendly.org/static/

Lynn, <BR> Thank you, best laugh in a long time. Your grandpa must be one cool dude. Ab-so-tively priceless. <BR> Happy traveling. <BR>Iowa_Al

This isn't quite computer-related but it's similar - and it isn't one of those apocryphal things. It actually happened. A friend of mine used to work for a video distribution company, and got a phone call one day from a man who complained that he had rented one of their videos and there was something wrong with it. It was supposed to be in colour and it was in black and white. He was quite irate. My friend, after asking a bunch of questions, finally asked "Sir, what kind of TV do you have?" He got even more irate. "It's black and white, of course, that's why I wanted to rent a colour video!" She was able to choke out "Could you please hold for a moment, sir?" and put him on hold before she burst out in whoops of laughter. At this point her boss came in and she said "I think you'd better take this call." He asked the same series of questions, including, eventually, the one about the man's TV. I think he ended up putting the guy on hold too, and the two of them just laughed themselves silly.

fire him i would have given him the employee of the month award and a bonus hehehehe

Very true story: Several years ago the university where I worked bought a new piece of equipment which included a computer. The technician was there to hook it all up, and we chatted. He told me he took a call from a guy who'd bought the same system, and couldn't get his software to work. The company sent him a new floppy disk (this was before cds). The guy called back and said he still couldn't get the software to work. This went on for a few iterations, when the tech asked him a series of questions ending with "where do you store the floppy disk?" The guy answered that he was afraid of losing the disk so he stuck it to the side of his file cabinet with a big magnet!!

I've worked in the IT industry for 15 years now .... don't think that these stories are urban myths I have seen them all! <BR> <BR>When I worked on a Help Desk, in the days when we had real "Floppy Disks" (5-1/4") a lady called because she could not access the files on a disk her boss left her - she was getting the dreaded "Abort, Retry, Ignore" message. I told her to pack it well and send it to me by inter-office mail. <BR> <BR>Next morning the disk arrived and she had packed it VERY carefully in a padded envelope. To further protect the disk, she had stapled it to a heavy piece of cardboard! <BR> <BR>I like this story: <BR> <BR>&gt; What gender is a computer? <BR>&gt; <BR>&gt; A language instructor was explaining to her class that French nouns, <BR>unlike <BR>&gt; their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or <BR>&gt; feminine. Things like "chalk" or "pencil", she explained, have a gender <BR>&gt; association, although in English these words were neutral. <BR>&gt; <BR>&gt; Puzzled, one student raised his hand and asked, "What gender is a <BR>&gt; computer?" <BR>&gt; The teacher wasn't certain which it was, and so divided the class into two <BR>&gt; groups and asked them to decide if a computer should be masculine and <BR>&gt; feminine. One group was comprised of the women in the class, and the <BR>&gt; other, of <BR>&gt; men. Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their <BR>recommendation. <BR>&gt; The group of women concluded that computers should be referred to in the <BR>&gt; masculine gender because: <BR>&gt; &gt;&gt; 1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on. <BR>&gt; &gt;&gt; 2. The have a lot of data but are still useless. <BR>&gt; &gt;&gt; 3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half of <BR>&gt; &gt;the time they ARE the problem. <BR>&gt; &gt;&gt; 4. As soon as you commit to one you realize that, if you had <BR>&gt; &gt;waited a little longer, you could have had a better model. <BR>&gt; <BR>&gt; The men, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be <BR>&gt; referred to in the feminine gender because: <BR>&gt; &gt;&gt; 1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic. <BR>&gt; &gt;&gt; 2. The native language they use to communicate with other <BR>&gt; &gt;computers is incomprehensible to everyone else. <BR>&gt; &gt;&gt; 3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for <BR>&gt; &gt;&gt;later retrieval. <BR>&gt; &gt;&gt; 4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself <BR>&gt; &gt;spending half of your paycheque on accessories for it.

Several years ago I designed and programmed a foreign currency trading system fot the bank where I was employed. There were 2 sets of clients for the system, the Traders in the treasury department and the tellers in the Vault that counted and shipped or received currencys that had been bought or sold. As I was training the tellers on how to use the system, I said "Using your mouse, point to the screen item that looks like ****." Remember that these people never saw the light of day as they were in the vault underground, One of the tellers that had worked in the vault for many years and had never touched a coupmter before, picked up his mouse and pointed it at the screen. I held my poker face but made an excuse to go to the restroom and fell on the floor laughing. The moral to this was that he actually did as I had asked pointing out that the most important aspect of our lives is communication. <BR>Regards <BR>