The purfume-wearers inspired this post. I'm sure everyone has stories of the worst fellow passengers they've ever had to deal with. <BR> <BR>The funniest story I have is that once I was on a flight from Paris to New York (AKA "The Wrong Way"), and we'd had to hold our flight for about an hour (while inside the plane) for a connecting flight that had over 50 people. They finally made it on, and they weren't any happier than we were. One gentleman was grumbling and snapping at the flight attendant, and she told him to please be quiet and take his seat. He said "Lady, I've been flying for 24 hours!" She replied: "Honey, I've been flying for 35 years, and I suggest you take your seat immediately!" <BR> <BR>Other bad passengers include: <BR> <BR>A businessman playing a 3D video game on his laptop - with the sound on! (BAM! Rat-tat-tat!) <BR> <BR>LOUD TALKERS - invariably, these come in pairs, one of whom is seated in front of me, while mid-flight, the other appears out of nowhere to stand in the aisle and have a LOUD conversation with them. <BR> <BR>I once had a little girl playing SLAP JACKS on the table tray on the back of my seat. I asked her OBVIOUSLY INSANE mother to please ask her to stop, which caused the girl to cry loudly for the next 30 minutes. <BR> <BR>San Fransisco to Tokyo, we had the very last 2 seats in a full plane - you know, the ones that are right next to the toilets??? Well, there is a large, empty floor space there due to the design of the plane, which 7 American military men decided was a good place for a BAR! They drank beer and talked VERY LOUDLY the entire flight. <BR> <BR>I've found that the direct approach works like a charm in most cases, as does the flight attendant call. I used to just suffer through annoying passengers, but now I give them 5 minutes to stop whatever they're doing, and then ask them directly or call the flight attendant.

My pet peeve is with those people who insist upon reclining their seats all the way back in economy. Cattle class is tight enough with the seats in the full upright position. When the person in front of me reclines, I can barely even cross my legs, and I'm only 5'5''. Forget trying to get out of your row to use the bathroom, etc.

Didn't sit next to me thank God but while we were waiting to board the plane at the Zurich airport a guy decided that this was the perfect time to clip his toenails! I am not kidding!!! I was dry heaving just hearing the clip clip sound of him doing it. That was in 1990 and I don't think I'll ever forget that.

I was once one of the most annoying airline passengers. My daughter was just about 2 years. We had only one seat on a crowded plane. She couldn't stay still, her ears hurt, she was uncomfortable, frequently crying. After about an hour of trying to comfort her, I found nothing I could do helped. After about 3 hours, she fell asleep on the floor. It was shortly before it was time to land. Then, the airline attendant told me to put her on my lap for the landing. Of course,as you might expect, she started crying. As we left the plane, the person in front of me commented to me what a terrible flight they had, and that I done nothing to make it better. I felt terrible. Little did he know,that my mother had just died, and I was returning home for the funeral on the last seat available for that day. Be careful what you say about others-you might not know their pain.

OK, mostly we have a "live and let live" attitude when air travelling... but last October on a flight from London to Athens, I had an experience that just blew me away. <BR>I reclined my seat, slightly, and I mean slightly, I am not a tall person. And the person behind me kicked the back of my seat with all their might. <BR>I looked behind me to see this extremely petit Greek woman glaring at me like the devil. <BR>Ok... so I adjusted my seat forward a little bit. Next thing I know the younger man sitting next to this woman, (I took him to be her son) stood up, reached over my seat back, shoved my husbands arm off the arm rest, pushed my seat button and shoved my seat back forward with all this strength! Horrified, <BR>I asked a young Greek lady next to me, if that was common in Greek culture and she assured me it was NOT she was as shocked as I was. <BR>I didn't want to create an international incident so I talked my husband out of freaking out... I mean, if they had asked me politely, or come to think of it, even rudely, I would have happily kept my seat upright, but NO, the force of his shove nearly broke the flippin' seat right off, like this guy was really pissed off... I was fuming for the rest of the 3 hour trip. I did reap some slight satisfaction when dinner was served, I opted not to eat and as soon as I spotted her tray full of food I jumped up and body slammed the back of my seat drenching the creature with beverages, I figured I lost the battle but won the war .

Our nominees are cretin-like parents who let their kids kick and kick and kick the back of my seat despite my requests that they control their low-foreheaded progeny.

Al, I've come up with a way to deal with those kids kicking your seat. You turn back and say very calmly and politely to the child (with the very interested parent listening intently): "I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to break your leg." Now, be sure to practice this delivery carefully in front of a mirror at home. It's a dead-pan joke, not a nasty threat. <BR> <BR>Most annoying passenger: a guy in front of me Paris-Detroit who reclined his seat as far back as he could, with his hair FULL of louse nits. It was a long, gross flight!!! <BR>

My worst: On a flight to Paris I sat next to a fellow who announced shortly after takeoff "I've just been released from a mental institution and am taking my first trip abroad. I think it's going to change my life." And then he got out a pair of tweezers and started pulling nose hairs, with a little compact mirror to aid him. This was before the individual computer screen days, and I had to listen to him talk about his neuroses while watching him engage in various weird grooming practices most of the way across the Atlantic. There was nothing he did that was so strange as to warrant calling a steward, yet it was a very unsettling flight, especially as I found out that he had absolutely no plan at all in place for visiting Paris - no hotel, no itinerary, nothing.....I always wondered what became of him.

A SMOKER!

On a flight from Milan to Newark I thought there was a 15 year old boy playing video games behind me with his own sound effects. Turned out to be a 40 something 'gentleman?' going into his second childhood. oh, and then he started whistling some mindless tune for about 2 hours.

Card shuffelers!! I have been on more than one flight where people loudly shuffle cards and snap them down when the lights are dimmed and others are trying to sleep - the noise goes right through my ear plugs.

Mine was an American oil worker returning to Saudi Arabia (aisle) from the west coast, who spent 10 hours telling me (window) about how much he detested middle easterners, no matter their nationality, sex, age, economic standing, or friendliness to Americans. His language was really profane, fueled by plenty to drink, refueled by the Pan Am cabin attendents who should have known better. The thing was, there was a really nice Arabian airline pilot sitting in the center seat, returning after a training session at Boeing. He had to endure this abuse all night/morning. I protested several times to the flight crew, nothing. Business traveler, I guess. <BR>My wife's fave was another Pan Am story, this time on a Hong Kong-San Francisco segment. One of the attendents had consumed LSD before the flight and at one point commenced walking on the armrests up and down the aisle, making bird noises. She was physically restrained by the crew, but continued making chirping noises for several hours. Mile high club, indeed. RIP, Pan Am...

Late evening flight on SWA. Plane <BR>about half-full. Woman across the aisle is sitting by herself, second-to-last row. A man is sitting alone in the last row. Nice, quiet, lovely. My toddler goes to sleep. <BR> <BR>Flight takes off. FA asks man in back row to move up a row so that she can sit in his seat and eat a salad. He doesn't want to move, he likes last row. FA talks him into moving one row just until she eats. He moves up next to woman alone, she gets loudly chatty. Her topic? Her struggles with INFERTILITY!! (Really graphic details.) Man is trapped for 4 hours, never gets to go back to his seat. We are trapped for four hours, listening to this woman drone on about mucus. But it's not over yet-- <BR> <BR>My child uses a safety seat, so we're always last off. The trapped man made a run for it as soon as the plane landed, but the mucus lady jumps all over FA for "forcing me to sit with that lecher. He was coming on to me the whole time!"

People who fly FIRST CLASS....especially on transatlantic flights. What do they do for a living and why do they have so much MONEY? Okay, on with the little things.... <BR> <BR>1. Two kids behind us...ages 8 to 10...it wasn't the kids that were annoying..it was the MOTHER. She kept threatening them with death if they didn't behave. Obviously they weren't listening to HER. <BR> <BR>2. The boy about 12 who kept telling his mother that if this plane 'crashed' into the Atlantic ocean the sharks would kill us. I felt like turning around to inform him that physics wouldn't allow the sharks to eat us...we'd be already smashed to smitherines by then. He was also the boy who sneezed and wiped his nose constantly. Needless to say, I returned home from a wonderful week in Key West this past November only to be stricken with the flu for the first time in over 15 years...wonder where I caught that from <BR> <BR>3. The families who don't sit together but think it is perfectly acceptable to carry on loud conversations across rows of seats. They are always on my list of favorites, especially on the small Delta Express planes. <BR> <BR>4. We've heard this before...people with extraordinarily large carry ons! I swear I will never sit in an aisle seat because I'm afraid the overhead is going to open and one of these lethal bags is going to hit me over the head and kill me. I was recently on a flight where the person behind me kept getting up and down out of her seat to keep exchanging her clothing for some reason, necessitating the opening and closing of the bin. I thought the attendant would notice the bin open but she didn't. Consequently, we landed with the bin open. <BR> <BR>I always like flying trans atlantic and having someone board who looks like Sadam Hussein. This never fails to prompt me to ask for water so I can take my xanax in case we're hijacked. I know, I know...you can't go by peoples' looks but. . .we all do. <BR> <BR>How about the passenger who doesn't fit into their seat and somehow overlaps into yours...really awful when you have to grope for your seat belt and find it's under their butt or something. UGH.... <BR> <BR>Oh, and the old woman who decided to bring a potted plant on board with her. I don't know how she got it past the boarding area, but she did. She insisted she hold it on her lap. The attendent said she couldn't do that. This went on for a long time and finally the attendent got it away from her. <BR> <BR>My favorite was this past week...the Delta Express Pilot announced to a fully loaded Delta Express plane that now that we were all shoehorned in, we just needed to load the trunk with the luggage and we'd all be on our way! And, oh, by the way, it would be a rather turbulant flight, so airline attendants were instructed at this time to take their seats... Nobody would be allowed to walk the cabin and snacks would not be served. No granola bars on this trip! <BR> <BR>Isn't flying fun?

Oh...and I forgot...the time I got up to walk around on a 7 hour flight from London to Boston and was standing in the back of the plane only to notice the guy that was sitting next to where I was standing was HANDCUFFED to the passenger seat...I kid you not....I almost died.

Speaking of handcuffs! <BR> <BR>I was on the return flight from Paris with teenage students...I was sitting on the aisle of the center section and the man on the aisle across from me was on his way home from 6 years of military service in S. Arabia. <BR> <BR>He was loud and chatty, and ordered TWO double Crown and cokes with each chance...However, we noticed that as the FA was making his drink'S', he was taking numerous liquor bottles off of her cart and stashing them all around him in his seat. <BR> <BR>In front of me was some poor young girl in her 20's who had been in Norway volunteering for the Salvation Army and she was wearing a nun habit (sp?)... this man proceeded to talk loudly to her, offer to BUY her a drink on the plane (?) and then started coming onto her! <BR> <BR>My students were terrified to go to sleep and after a few more of his stolen rounds, I notified the crew at the back of the plane. When they notified him he was bothering other passengers and he would not be served more drinks, he screamed, "It's okay lady! I have plenty!" He produced all his stolen goods and with one hand downed red wine and with the other downed straight Crown. I wish I'd had a photo of my students' eyes... <BR> <BR>He FINALLY passed out and we did too, until one of my studetns woke me up and told me that he was trying to touch me AND the nun under our blankets from across the aisle! <BR> <BR>I jumped up, ran to the crew in the back, the captain came down the aisle and handcuffed him to his seat and threatened to land in Greenland and have him arrested if he didn't stop. It was a full flight and nowhere to move him. <BR> <BR>The guy passed out again and when he woke while we were landing, he proceeded to wake up SOBER (we thought he'd surely die of alcohol poisoning)and offered loudly to buy everyone drinks when we landed at the airport and asked for the nuns number!!!!! <BR> <BR>He never noticed he was in handcuffs. <BR>Sad but true.

I hate it when people put their carry-ons in the first overhead bin they find which is empty and then proceed to sit somewhere at the back of the plane. This happened to us once. When we took our seats, the overhead was already filled so we had to walk down the back to find a spot for our carry-ons. When we landed, we of course had to wait for everyone to leave so we could go down to get our bags. While waiting, a person came from the back and removed the bags from over our heads. So very annoying!!!

These are GREAT stories --- goodness knows it can be quite the ordeal when you're stuck in one of these Kafka-esque dramas, but got to admit I'm getting a laugh (there but for the grace of god, go I . . .) <BR> <BR>I don't have an incredible saga to regale all the readers. Just encountered the 'usual, run of the mill' sick & snotty seat companions, ANNOYING kids (seat kickers, squalling babies, poopy babies), inconsiderate adults (reclining into your lap during meal service), LARGE individuals that spread their legs & lap over into your space. <BR> <BR>With all due apologies to Thyra --- I'm sure by your post that you're pleasant & would graciously raise your seat when politely asked. However I find myself increasing annoyed the moment anyone 'reclines' into my lap, no matter how slight (this is NO such thing). Never done it, but got to admit that I've thought of doing exactly what the Greek woman did and kick the ever-loving CRAP out seat in front of me when they lower it 'just a bit'. SORRY --- I'll take a deep breath & repeat the flyer's mantra "this too shall pass" . . .

1. Bathroom pigs. <BR> <BR>2. Bathroom hogs. <BR> <BR>3. Newspaper thieves. A gentleman asked to borrow a section of my Washington Post, and took a great chunk of it. He NEVER GAVE IT BACK! Now I'll never know what happened that day. <BR> <BR> <BR>

Fat People!!! If you need two seats, by all means buy them! I once had an obese man sit next to me and actually pick up the arm rest between our seats to allow his tremendous girth to spread out onto my seat without interuption. I slammed it right back down on top of his nasty gut.