Saira

Hello Everyone! My boyfriend and I will be visiting his family in Hungary for the holidays. This is an anxiety-inducing enough, but no one in his family can speak English. His father can manage a few expressions if he has his dictionary handy. I think not knowing a single word of Hungarian will leave me feeling very isolated. I know probably a handful of words/ expressions right now. Can anyone recommend an audio/dvd that will help me learn just the basics. I leave on Dec 18, so I don't expect to learn the language overnight (and I know it isn't exactly an easy langauge to learn)..
Thanks!

centralmainer

Teach Yourself Hungarian

In Flight Hungarian

Colloquial Hungarian

All available from Amazon

Saira

Thanks! Is the in-flight Hungarian really something you can do in such a short time? Like during a flight?

KayF

We've used this audio site to pick up how to pronounce words in another language, it's good but the amount of words/phrases is fairly limited. It will give you the basics though and knowing how to pronounce a word properly is crucial.

www.travlang.com/

Kay

stfc

Relax for goodness sake. Does your boyfriend not speak Hungarian? Will he not translate for you? My advice - learn 'please, thank you, hello' and any other social phrases you can think of, smile a lot, and shake any hand that is offered. Show an interest in his family's lifestyle and culture and ask them for help with words. I have yet to find a country anywhere in the world where you will not be offered help if you adopt a positive and inquiring attitude. Enjoy it all.

Saira

Thanks, Kay! I can find the basics there. My boyfriend has to frequently translate when I meet his friends who live in New York, even though they know some English. So I'm worried what it will be like when I'm traveling in Hungary.. As you can probably tell, I am very nervous about going.

Saira

Stfc, thank you for that post - I needed it. I am really in tears right now. I'm so nervous about going to his country for 16 days, and family will be with us even when we take short trips to Vienna or Prague. When I even suggested Vienna / Prague my boyfriend was offended. Imagine. I've met the family before, and they know a few phrases in English. It isn't easy at all. Yes, my boyfriend can translate for me, and he isn't drinking so much now (that is the perfect way to be ignored for hours - his friends drinking a lot more than I am comfortable with, and their English is gone then) so I feel better.
But this is exactly what I am going to do: learn a few phrases, and just smile a lot and express my interest and enthusiasm to learn about the culture - that probably is expressed without language.
Apparently his family lives far from the center of Budapest, so I can't even go and explore the City for a few hours on my own. It just feels overwhelming - so to lessen my anxiety, I thought language would help. Thanks for the kind post.

stfc

Saira

Oh dear, I hope I didn't upset you. Please let me try to put some perspective into this. Stand back and consider the following:

1. You will experience Christmas with a family in a Central European country. This will be quite different to what you have experienced before(you Americans suddenly stop after Dec 25, we Brits go on for days afterwards) and I think you will find is extremely enjoyable and not half as commercial and indulgent as what you are used to.

2. You will not learn Hungarian in 3 weeks, period. However I suspect your hosts will not expect you to be fluent. A few words, though, is a much-appreciated courtesy.

3. The fact that they don't live close to Budapest means that you will experience provincial Hungarian life instead. That's more than most of us have ever done.

4. Your boyfriend obviously thinks enough of you to want you to travel to see his family. I'll leave the rest hanging...

Don't get preoccupied with getting as much 'culture' as you can, such as Vienna & Prague etc. If I had invited an American girlfriend to spend Christmas with my family all hise years ago i would be a bit taken aback if she wanted to take in Paris

stfc

Sorry, pressed the wrong key then. Anyway, if she had wanted to visit Paris, Dublin etc I would have been a bit upset.

Go with the flow, and above all enjoy it.

GBC

Hi,

To put this in a little different light, remember that you are an invited guest. It is up to them to make you feel welcome and to enjoy your visit with them.

Also, I think that you will find that there is usually someone around, especially among the younger people, who can speak at least limited English.

As noted above, just learn a few basic phrases. Another useful one is 'beautiful'.

During your visit, make a point of showing great pleasure in something that is especially Hungarian. Their beer would be an easy one for me but focus on things that you actually care for.

Try to fit in with the family schedule. If they rise early, you should not be sleeping in, etc.

I agree with the previous poster. This is a fantastic opportunity. Have a wonderful trip.

Saira

Thanks Stfc, you didn't upset me but rather helped. : ) And thank you for helping put things in perspective. In fact, I do not have much experience celebrating Christmas at all - I am South Asian. And you are right, this will be a great life experience. I will definitely learn a few words of Hungarian - already know about 10 -15 expressions.
I understand that one would be offended if the other wants to see another city, but to explain myself a little, my boyfriend and I have been together nearly two years, and we have never traveled together - I mean not even out of New York City -he works all the time. I was traveling all the time before I met him (my name means 'traveler'). I made two trips to Europe every year. I am just dying to explore the world with him now. And two nights in Prague and a day in Vienna isn't taking away from Hungary. We have 13 days in Hungary.
But I guess I am very scared and nervous and that is what's getting at me. Haven't had this experience before with a boyfriend. Learning. And scared that now that I am 30, this can end up being the real thing - wow!

Saira

Thanks GBC. I can't tell you how helpful you and stfc are. You are right. I am sure that his family will try to make me feel welcome - show me around - share their culture with me. His sister is having her four chilren stay home from school for a few days so they can hang out with us. The girls are so excited to style my hair. They live in Szentendre.
I think I am just too overwhelmed. And scared. And not knowing the language makes me feel like I have no control. Kind of a pathologic thing isn't it now with my generation - we have to be in control.
I am just very scared (probably said that a thousand times already). : ) Thank you for the kind support.
And I learned how to say delicious! and this is great! i enjoyed the museum! the architecture is wonderful! You are great hosts!
Compliments mostly.

elina

>>>And two nights in Prague and a day in Vienna isn't taking away from Hungary. We have 13 days in Hungary.<<<

Well, no, but this is not a tourist trip. This is a family-and-relatives-meet-girlfriend trip. He wants you to experience his own country, town and people. Forget Vienna and Prague now. Besides: One day in Vienna and two in Prague? You would not have time to see anything. Leave those to another time, and concentrate on his family, watch him in his own surroundings, around his family. After all, he wants to be with his family, not gaping at sights in Prague. They are waiting for you as a guest, not as a tourist who has to see things. You will be there to feel, not to see.

LoveItaly

Hello Saira, although a complete different situation I have been with dear friends in Italy and many of their family members do not speak any English at all. But somehow it works out. You already have learned some good words, that is a big help. It is amazing just how being able to express something is beautiful in the other person's language can bring such a smile to their face.

And food or having a drink that you obviously enjoy needs no words so to speak. I have had Italian women feed me until I could barely walk as although they don't speak English my absolute pleasure with their meals is so evident, even if I hadn't known how to express it at all in the Italian language.

The children..that should be a wonderful experience. I have had so much fun with little Italian children. They have taught me some Italian words and I have taught them some English words. We have had some fine times giggling and laughing together. And if you enjoy the children and give them some attention I can guarantee you their parents and the rest of the family will be so pleased.

A thought..perhaps you could take some photographs of your family with you on the trip. Photos are something you could share with your boyfriends family. It would give them an introduction to you and your life and looking at photos doesn't need any language skill. But if you learned how to say "father, mother, sister, brother, grandparents" etc., that would be a big help in having them understand whose photos they were being shown.

Arriving with a small pretty bouquet of flowers would be a good way to start the visit if that is possible. Most Europeans are always so pleased to receive flowers. And perhaps a small box of chocolates from your area. Chocolates are another appreciated thought. And maybe some type of candies for the children?

Best wishes to you. I hope you will be able to post back after your trip to let us know how it went. I imagine you will have a wonderful time and you will have an experience most people going to Europe will never have.

WillTravel

Many Hungarians speak French or German. Do your boyfriend's relatives? If so, it might be worth focusing on these.

I can understand having anxiety at the prospect of such a trip. LI's idea of talking to children is a very good one.

One part that concerns me in your post involves your discomfort with your boyfriend's drinking levels, as that seems like a red flag, but that's something you will have to work through on your own.

suze

I would focus on a few words and phrases in order to be polite. The one sentence I practice until I am totally comfortable spouting it off in any situation is... "I'm sorry I do not speak, xxx". And say it with a shy smile.

Then learn (can't your boyfriend help you?) "please", "thank you", "excuse me", "Pleased to meet you", "delicious", "may I..?" Little things that can serve as ice breakers in their home. Don't even attempt to learn the lanugage in a way to make full sentences, you don't have time.

suze

Here's another trick I use for socializing and being comfortable when I don't speak the language. When I visit friends in Switzerland depending on who is at their home conversations may be part in English or may be all in French.

Don't think of it as being "isolated"...

Rather sit back, carefully watch the different people as they are speaking, try to follow the general thread of the conversation, don't expect your boyfriend to translate word-for-word (that only makes the isolated feeling more profound).

You may be surprised how much you are able to understand. Even if you don't, everyone will see you are polite and interested because of making eye contact and following the conversation around you (even if you do not understand it).

ComfyShoes

Having spent couple years with someone from that part of the world (many years ago), I could advice on many phrases that you may find useful. But many of them have the potential to get me banned on fodors

Seriously: Much good advice above. Hungarian is a hard language to learn (my personal opinion) on the fly. But don't be so nervous. Avoid the "your mama is ..." jokes outside of U.S. (attempting to be funny here ). Learn the basic pharses. When in doubt, smile politely. Compliment the cook. Compliment/respect customs. Etc etc. Works wonders everywhere. Fortunately, 16 days is not an entire lifetime.

Did you mean Saira = traveler in some south asian language?

Saira

Thank you so much everyone, really. I will keep you updated about my plans. I am now thinking of forgetting Prague and maybe making a list of more that I want to see in Hungary. Really, everyone thank you thank you thank you for the help.
I can't even begin to explain how nervous I feel.
Saira means traveler in Urdu. Actually it is one who casually walks around enjoying her surroundings. Maybe one who perambulates.

Saira

I used to be annoyed when I was younger and heard someone translate my name as 'wanderer.' And then I read the Tolkien line: not all those who wander are lost.
Thank you all for the advice. The latest is that I will be staying in Hungary the entire time. My boyfriend saw that I was excited to see castle hotels on a Hungarian website, and he said, hey we can stay at one (big, big deal coming from him). So.. I'll probably post about this somewhere here and ask Fodorites for advice - yet again.
Thank you everyone!!