Mary over on the RS forum has posted the below link to a recent CNN article about a 70ish couple whose relocation to southern France did not go according to plan.
What are your thoughts?
I am done. but not really
https://community.ricksteves.com/tra...e-s-experience

Interesting read. I can relate to the lack of a social life. I have lived in the Netherlands for forty years now, speak Dutch fluently and still can go for months without talking to someone other than my husband. I have found it incredibly hard to make any friends.

Fresh food in some supermarkets in France can be less than good it's true, though those peppers look wonderful as does the rest of the veg on display. They could shop at markets of course, but that would need some French.
Not sure how you can live somewhere for a year and not pick up any of the language.
French bank accounts complicated by them being US citizens and the US rules concerning them. Some banks won't deal with US citizens for that reason. The doctor problem is not unique to France either.

They seem spoiled to me - every married coupe should have two houses???? Really?
And not really committed to living abroad by keeping a rent controlled flat on, which somebody else would have been very grateful to live in!

Good lessons there though for any thinking of escaping the US in the near future.

I think that wherever you go vacation life and daily life are not in perfect correlation and it unrealistic expecting it to be.

One of my friends, spoke perfect French and moved with her monolingual English husband to Cahors, they brought up family there in their second home and even family members bought other houses nearby.

Husband never learnt French
They both left in winter as their neighbours just stayed in doors by the fire
In the summer, it was much better
But "making" friends is hard work.

Adults in general often face difficulty building a community in their own countries. It takes a lot of effort to do so. When moving to a place where one does not have the same resources whether it be via hobbies, faith, or other methods and not knowing the language on top of that, it is all the more difficult to integrate into that society as a foreigner.

As I am someone who is also considering making this sort of move, I am aware that this might be one of those hurdles - among many others - I would have to overcome. But, fortunately, am considering those that are English-speaking. But not knowing the landscape around adults in my personal hobby, would have to consider whether this might be a method where I can build my own community. Obviously, this will have to take some time.

I read the article yesterday, and as someone who has lived in several countries, I can relate to some of it. Especially the part about having trouble making friends, as this was an issue even when we moved back to our own country.

I think it's just a fact of life that it's more difficult for older people to make friends, and that many friendships are developed early in life from work/kids/school/community, so take away those and well, there you go.

Even though we were expats and had the support of a company behind us, I found myself often going it alone, not wanting to hang with expats as somehow it detracted from the whole overseas experience. Hanging with expats can lead to gripe sessions, and that can cripple one's ability to adapt.

Not sure how you can live somewhere for a year and not pick up any of the language.

Ever try to learn Arabic?

I agree though, I don't get it either, especially if one plans to live there the rest of their life. We have many residents in the US who can't speak English, and I'm not sure how they get by, other than clinging to their clan, which makes one's life pretty small. However, I also appreciate how difficult it is to learn a second language late in life, as I've struggled with that myself.

It's not just language though, it's culture. I wasn't awash with friends when we lived in Australia - where I spoke the language for the most part. Of course personality plays a big part, as not everyone is outgoing and bubbly, and not everyone craves a large circle of friends, but for those who do, there are generally plenty of opportunities to do so.

The grass is definitely not always greener.

When people suggest they want to make one of these moves my question tends to be

What are you planning to do all day?

People often think they'll just move and magic will happen.

Turns out life is life. You need to think about your interests etc.

I have to admit, I toy with the idea of moving to France. I found this an unusually frank article, and I think the commenters were too hard on her. What this article showed me was that no matter how prepared you may think you are, it's the unknowns unknowns that will get you.

I'm pretty sure for her, the lack of frozen yogurt was not a major factor; it was just the last straw. I can see myself going along happily for a few months, but suddenly one day a craving for Utz potato chips would hit me. Hard. French potato chips are so bland that I have to put salt on them. I'd probably wind up making my own chips. For another thing, we'd both miss the plain peanut butter that's hard to get even here.

It sounds trivial until it's not.

Finding a doctor would be the biggest problem that I foresee in our case, but I want to see what other Fodorites have to say.

They should have read the new IMPOSSIBLE CITY: PARIS IN THE 21st CENTURY, by Simon Kuper. Non-fiction, he lived there, and this book has been mentioned in this forum, and was a great explanation about many facets of Paris life. Heartily recommend it.

I am not sure how committed they were to their move. Keeping a place in your home country means you always have an escape route if the going gets even a little bit tough.
If like us you have sold up and moved and there was no way back you make the best of it.
You deal with bureaucracy, new foods, learning the language, accepting that making friends is difficult, if not impossible when you have no shared history and find your way through life in a foreign land.
We lived in an area with few English speakers so couldn't have mixed with expats even if we had wanted to. I think they could have been a big help with some things, but held us back in others.

I still think the every married couple should have two homes statement is actually the most outrageous one in the whole article. There are huge numbers who don't even have one home let alone multiple.

I'm not unsympathetic, but it was a bit naive to make what they intended as a permanent move without speaking the language. At least only renting means they're not trapped.

French bureaucracy is notorious.

My parents lasted for 9 years in France, even though my father never learned to speak French. But he understood a lot of it and was quite happy with life there. But they finally returned to the US when the dollar plunged (retirement funds arriving in dollars). A year later, the dollar doubled in value (1981) but it was too late for them to change their mind.

Ignore this if it's too personal, but why did you choose the area you did?

I agree about the "2 homes" comment. I think it's telling regarding the outcome, being out of touch with (ignoring) the real world until it catches up.

If you give it 2 years you get past most of that difficult stuff and can start to live a normal life. Everywhere you move to there will be culture shock and difficult stuff to deal with, but you can adapt. Language lessons help prepare you for some of that as there is no language lesson without culture to some degree. Language classes also help you make friends - you have a whole room full of people in exactly the same boat as you, new to the country and willing to talk. And if you don't like that class, try another language school. The teacher is also someone to ask about those difficult relocation things like bank accounts. Reassurance goes a long way.

I have lived in three countries and yes, we ultimately did return home because my old people were ailing. I was glad to come back to Australia, I couldn't soak up enough sunlight, so it seemed. But I never had problems making friends and once you get past that initial difficulty, you get it, yes, they are different and you even start forming theories about why (and questioning why you do things a certain way too - maybe they are not different, maybe it's you!). You start to accept, and take on some of the new ways of doing things. We went back to Australia from Germany with a recycling bent and guilt whenever we had to place batteries in the garbage (you can recycle them now, you don't have to do that any more). But I work in a German-speaking environment here (a university), so I am still sort of immersed in it, and we send our students abroad and mentor them through exactly the same culture shock and difficulties that we went through, and they also have support at the host university. They come back changed people, having got through much tough stuff and coming out the other end (and speaking German fluently).

I get why the couple returned home, but they didn't prepare themselves for the experience adequately by working on language first and I think that is why they loved London but hated Nîmes. But I don't criticise them for leaving, it can be a hard road to tread, even if you have the language.

Thanks for posting this, Zebec, I have no illusions about living abroad (it's hard!) but it is good to have that reminder.

Lavandula

I had read the article and was sad for them, but I don't know that they prepared adequately for this undertaking. Taking French classes would have been a top priority for me before I left, researching Doctors and establishing a relationship with one, and having a financial network in place before arriving. I don't know the French social dynamic, but I imagine that has a learning curve. I don't understand her complaint about vegetables, in her picture they looked fantastic. Also, they don't have children and said they really missed their friends. I think senior citizens should really think through what support they will have when health issues become a problem or if one spouse dies.

We are retired and have 2 sets of friends that picked up and moved to different resort areas. They each moved back after about a year when they realized their neighbors were only there occasionally because it was a second home for them. There were no Happy hours, welcome plates of cookies or backyard barbecue invitations. We have other friends who recently moved to be close to their grandchildren in the town where they went to college and were excited to live near old friends. They recently commented how little they actually see their old friends, who are busy with their own families and the friends who have lived in town with them for the last 40 years. I am open to new friends, but at this age, it is so much more rewarding to spend time with friends who have shared my life journey with me. I think a move could be wonderful, but you really need to research clubs, activities, and ways to meet people.

I think spending time in 2 locations, is a good idea. Downsize in your hometown and rent or buy a small unit in a more adventurous location. It allows for different experiences, with a foot in your old life and a chance to experience something on your bucket list.

Fascinating, as are the embedded links to other Americans who moved to Europe--the good and the bad about that huge undertaking.
I could not understand the comments about the limp celery and the inability to find great produce but then, I've never been to Nimes....and not learning to speak French asap (??)

Would LOVE to read other articles about people moving to Europe from elsewhere..please post links!!!!! I am supposed to be packing for Spain so need all the distractions I can get so as to postpone my least favorite part of travel!!

There's always the aspect that the article content was developed as clickbait, but have to agree with heti that the couple - well, the wife, at least - comes off as hyper-entitled. One thing that had me shaking my head was the complaints about produce - sure, grocery store stuff can be lousy anywhere in the world, but I have never been unable to find great produce in local markets in France - and no language proficiency is required, as the pointing works pretty well.

IMHO, this couple should have been taking French class before they ever left the U.S.. DH and I visited the big Nimes' market... like Les Halles in Paris...amazing produce!

Did this couple participate in any interesting activities in France? Is a year enough?

I kept an open mind throughout the article. Hard to say what the editing process may have taken away or rearranged.

*But my first reaction about the supposedly poor produce was ????

Farmers markets across France consistently offer great quality across the board. For example, the best cherry tomatoes that we have ever were found at the Lourmarin market not far from where this couple apparently lives.
And anyone who has ever bought from that big olive-vendor table at the Uzes market may've thought they'd died and gone to heaven.
The strawbs can be special too. Also great grapes, squash and on and on, so I dunno.

(editor-Zebec, might you show us a photo or two of those? Oh wait, on second thought, don't. DO NOT).
Travel is about learning, including about oneself, one's partner/spouse and both of your comfort zones. And if foregoing any relocation works best for some, surely that is a wise choice.

I am done. the lucky few

It was an interesting read. I do not think I could move permanently to another country. I follow several blogs by people who have moved to France to live, or who spend a lot of time there. They are a mix of some who are fairly well settled in their life and have a mix of ex-pat friends and French friends, interests and things they like doing, and some who seem to rely mostly on the other English people who have also moved there. Language is the big thing I think.
Finding a doctor is not confined to France either. Here in Australia we have a shortage of general practitioners, especially in rural areas.

Not selling up completely before moving may seem like not really committing to the move, but in the end it was better for them. Most people would not have the luxury of doing that. We certainly would not be able to keep a home here and buy elsewhere.

The food was amusing to me. It reminds me of those people who think the French eat frog legs and snails every day. Those capsicum looked pretty good to me, and even if the supermarket offerings were not up to her standard, a fresh market may be more acceptable. We do not speak great French but still manage to shop at markets and in boucheries, boulangeries etc. And to me, if you are living in your own place, you can eat whatever you want. Do not like " French food" ? Then cook what you do like. You can have bangers and mash and onion gravy, or roast chicken and roast veges, or spaghetti bolognese, or an Asian stir fry, or curry and rice. I hasten to add that I do not cook any of that when we stay in gites!! But I could if I wanted. And even when you do go out, there is usually something on offer- steak , chicken, fish - that is not too 'French".

To make a move like that requires a lot of research and planning. They were naive to expect that life would carry on as usual and that there would be no compromises to make or things they would miss. But they have admitted it was a mistake, and hopefully their story will be useful to others who may be contemplating this without the necessary preparation. For us, we will just keep visiting for long holidays until we are no longer able ( not that long away though, sadly ).

Happy travels.