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I rather take my Mom, but NOT my Mom-in-law!

I rather take my Mom, but NOT my Mom-in-law!

Apr 20th, 2001, 05:23 AM
  #1  
Grind Teeth
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I rather take my Mom, but NOT my Mom-in-law!

This is a legitimate question, I would rather have legitimate answers.

For some of our future European travels, I'd been thinking about taking my Mom along. She is a wonderful travel companion and a joy to have around. My husband is insisting that, if we take my Mom, we HAVE to take his mother. My mother-in-law is a great person, but think "ugly American" and that's her. This gets to me like you won't believe. I dread the thought of taking her to Europe. I believe she'll be just as happy to go to Vegas.

What would you do?
 
Apr 20th, 2001, 05:28 AM
  #2  
kate
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Go alone with your Mum, and leave mummy's little boy at home.
 
Apr 20th, 2001, 05:31 AM
  #3  
Rex
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This IS a legitimate answer. Let your husband know that I will be glad to plan and lead a trip for him and his mother.

Best wishes,

Rex
 
Apr 20th, 2001, 05:38 AM
  #4  
Grind Teeth
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Now, I am assuming you are all being serious, right?

Rex, husband won't leave home without me (he travels enough without me as it is).

Kate, your answer has some potential.
 
Apr 20th, 2001, 06:47 AM
  #5  
Paige
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Plan a trip to Europe with your mom and a trip to Vegas with his mom.
 
Apr 20th, 2001, 06:47 AM
  #6  
sjs
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Won't it hurt your mother-in-law's feelings if you invite your mother to go along on a trip and not her? If it were me, I think I'd be hurt. Seems to me your husband has as much right to invite his mother as you do to invite yours. At least consider taking your Mom on one European trip and his Mom on another one, if you don't want to take both of them together. I don't mean to sound harsh, but seems to me that others' feelings besides your own should be considered. (P.S.: yes, I am a woman.)
 
Apr 20th, 2001, 06:57 AM
  #7  
wes fowler
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No problem; when you plan to take your mother, you do all the planning. When mom-in-law wants to go, let your husband take care of the planning in its entirety, then just go along for the ride, escaping as you see fit to see and do what you want.
 
Apr 20th, 2001, 06:57 AM
  #8  
kate
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I think you're right about upsetting your mother-in-law (and husband) by only taking your Mum, which is why I think going alone with your Mum may be the answer.

Over the years I have taken occasional breaks with my Mum which we've both loved - nice for both of us to spend some quality time together, and have a break from our respective partners (sorry dad).
 
Apr 20th, 2001, 07:02 AM
  #9  
Diane
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Maybe your mother-in-law isn't interested in going to Europe. My in-laws were not interested in any travel other than down to Florida for 4 winter months, while my Mom will go anywhere, anytime. This sounds like a discussion you need to have with all the parties speaking for themselves. (You're discussing "some" of your future travels, afterall.) Will everyone pay their own way or are you "treating"? Are there children involved (present/future)? Are you actively planning a specific trip now, or is this just daydream future stuff? Have you been married long? This is almost like a "where do we go for Christmas this year" question you work out together.
 
Apr 20th, 2001, 07:20 AM
  #10  
Grind Teeth
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Paige and Wes, you'd giving me some hope.

sjs, I'll lend you my mother-in-law (MIL) for a weekend, and we'll see if at the end, you wouldn't start wondering yourself. If I wasn't thinking of hurt feeelings, I wouldn't be seeking advice, now would I?

Diane, responding to your inquiries, we are treating, there is no children present or future, we'd been married for a while (10+), and this pertains our bi-annual vacations planning (pretty solid).

For what is worth, my Mom lives hundreds of miles away, my MIL lives about twenty minutes away. Also, last summer, MIL was very offended she was not invited to MY family reunion (she hardly knows anybody in my family). You get the picture.
 
Apr 20th, 2001, 07:24 AM
  #11  
Lee
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Grind Teeth, I had a somewhat similar deal, but with my mother.

My wife and I have gone on several trips with my mother-in-law and father-in-law: Germany in '99, Prague in 2000 and Rome this year. They are great travel companions, never complaining, always supportive and open-minded. We don't take them on every trip, preferring to be sometimes be alone(like Amsterdam next month), but have included them as mentioned.

My mom, however, doesn't go. When she travels, she unfortunately finds fault with everything and usually does not want to do what everyone (anyone!) else does. It can make for some tough times. Very tough.

Ten years ago, many family members got together and went to Florida for a week. My mom went along and I paid for just over half of her costs. She went out of her way to make everyone as miserable as possible. Her reason? She was "too hot". Hot? It's Florida and she used to live there! The entire trip was a disaster and it had been my idea so I felt responsible. Everyone was depressed.

Several years later, after not learning my lesson, I took her and the kids to Niagara Falls, Canada for five days to "relax". I paid for everything. The result was the same, she was unhappy and did her best to make sure that all of us were, also. That was it, I had it. No more. Enough is enough.

I have a pretty decent relationship with my mother, taking her out occasionally, never missing a birthday, Christmas, Mother's Day, etc., but no trips. I explained that I cannot go through that again and I take my trips and she takes her trips, but not together.

I've got my wife's feelings to consider and I want to try and make sure that we enjoy the trips that we save for. That's my priority.

Sometimes you've just got to do, what you've got to do.
 
Apr 20th, 2001, 12:37 PM
  #12  
Shanna
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Having been through a couple of mothers-in-law, I can relate to what everyone is saying about her being grumpy or annoyed at everything, but I learned something really important from my used-to-be mother-in-law's children. She was stern, no-nonsense, miserly, and controlling. She would have been very intimidating had her children, including my husband, not simply teased her about it. Whenever she had a grump, they would start loudly grumping themselves. If she corrected someone, they'd all start in correcting each other. We'd end up in tears just laughing and hugging Mom. She'd be laughing and saying, "oh you guys!" You see, those children LIKED their mother and FORGAVE her for not being perfect, just like she forgave them for not being perfect - many, many times. My mothers-in-law and I always got along because I didn't expect them to change, didn't focus on what I didn't like, and simply refused to make a big deal out of it. At the same time, I never bent over backwards to please them, but I always tried to be kind and respectful, even when I wanted to yank someone bald. Maybe I was just lucky, but I truly believe because I was determined to like them - or at least behave as I did - life was considerably more pleasant for everyone. Although I admit that, on occasion, a glass or two of wine really helped put that smile on my face. Grinding, the woman can't be that bad - she raised your husband into a pretty wonderful fellow, didn't she? And by the way, sometimes as a person ages, their faculties don't work as well. Imagine if you can't hear very well what others are talking about, can't see the writing on the ticket clearly, have to use the pottie frequently, bunions and joints hurt - you'd be grumpy too. When I get a sharp "What?" from my mother, with her face pulled into a frown, I know she's not mad at me, she's mad at the bad deal life has dealt her by taking away her hearing. Lighten up, everyone. The old folks will be gone soon enough and you'll take their places. - woo-wee, i'm preachy today!
 

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