justineparis

Christina.. how do get off saying a 19 yr old can't or hasn't fully funded their travel .

MY daughter did dear, she FULLY funded her entire two month trip to Europe.

She got a job at McDonald when she was 15. She kept her grades up and worked and saved her money. She didn't buy designer jeans, she did buy make from Sephora( where do most 16 yr old girls get 35 dollars to spend on a freaking lip gloss) , she didn't own a music system or an iPhone.. she saved her money.

She didn't go to college the year after she got out of highschool but worked full time at a coffee shop AND part time at a pizza joint.. So often worked 10-12 days in a row without a day off.


Last April at the age of 19 she went off to Europe... fully self funded. She went with two friends, one of whom was also self funded , the other did have to float the mom and dad loan.

She started college this past September.. and the funding for that is 1/3 her, 1/3 me and 1/3 her dad.

She works part time and has a full course load this semester.

Not all 19 yr olds are penniless flakes.

I don't know why so many people figure they have to hand over money to their kids for life.. by 16 all kids should get jobs and earn there side money ,, if a child is not a good student.. then perhaps only working during the summers.. but we are raising a bunch of lazy entitled kids who expect their parents to 100 fund their college and pay for their lavish weddings.. We are doing them no favors.

Rant over.

justineparis

Should be she "DIDN'T" buy make up from Sephora.

schnauzer

Back to the trip.... My son took off 18 months ago for five months with a return ticket and lots of money. He was considerably older at 24. He booked a couple of hostels in advance, London and Paris but that was it.he also did a top deck tour which was good but expensive.

Flexibility is the key for a fun time, I wouldn't lock in accomodation other than at the beginning, he met people at these hostels and together they went off to places. He had a ball, met some great kids/people. It was great to be able to go with the flow if the opportunity came up.

My only big ask as a mother was that he contacted me on a regular basis or posted on Facebook so I could see he was alright. That is HUGE for a parent, do not fall down in this area, when a parent/s don't hear all sort of crazy thoughts come into your head. So either commit to face time, what's app, FB messenger or whatever the chosen method is and contact your parents! I asked that no longer than a week should go by without hearing, at 19 perhaps make it every four days. Just a quick, I'm ok mum and dad, hope you're well, is enough, even seeing my son active on FB was enough at times. He kept his promise and I was grateful. However.... He is still overseas having decided he liked Amsterdam and he now lives there! Yes I still worry when I don't see him active for a while on FB but then up he pops and my heart starts beating again. Do not under estimate the worry your parents will be going through. Put them at ease at every opportunity, yes it can be a bore for you but it will pay huge dividends I can guarantee it! Let them know when you leave a town and where you are heading and when you arrive... Simple and terribly effective!

You will have a great time and wish you safe travels. A travel loving Mum....

kerouac

Since I made my big trip alone at age 17 with my own money, I do not see why anyone would be surprised that it is possible. My parents fully supported my trip, but if I had needed some assistance, I would have only received it through postal communications. While it is certainly wonderful that young people can now be bailed out in under 24 hours if there is an emergency, I hope that it is not encouraging anybody to take trips such as this one because if anything goes wrong, Zorro will rescue them.

suze

One thing you can do to reassure your parents is keep in touch with them when you are in Europe.

Make some kind of arrangements that every 3rd day (or whatever) you will email (or text or skype or facetime or whatever works best for both of you) them and let you know you are OK, where you are, what you are doing.

ira

Hey Jeje,

Do you have any friends, relatives, contacts in the region sp that your parents can call someone if they can;t reach you?

This would help alleviate their concerns.


Have a great visit.

justineparis

I got an iPhone so daughter and I could text each other free and Skype free with wifi .

Every couple of days we'd text .

WoinParis

Yeah. We have the same arrangement with our daughter.

jeje977

Wow! Thank you all so much for the responses, it is really appreciate that you all are helping me.

Updates on the situation:
My parents told me that they will let me leave for the trip since I'm 19 years old and that they can't do much about it, however they still aren't very convinced. They say that I'm leaving for the wrong reason, which is "getting lost on the other side of the world to try to find myself". They say that I should leave for the pleasure of travelling, which they don't understand that I will be doing that as well.

My purpose for this travel, is to do a solo travel, where I will come back and feel accomplished in a way. A solo travel is something I've been wanting to for about 5 years I would say, and I feel like the time is now since I don't go to school. And since I don't go to school anymore, I don't know what to do, and that scares me, and I feel like I need time to myself. That is why I wish to leave: to discover and learn not only on the french culture and history, but also to discover and learn more things about myself. I am ready to do it, but I feel like the only thing that is keeping me from doing it, is the fear of deceiving them, even though they told me that I wouldn't deceive them.

Everytime time I wish to talk to them about the trip, it end up into an argument, and my mother ends up crying because the thought of me leaving alone brings her anxiety, which makes me feel guilty.

Anyone knows what else I could tell them to reassure them without making my mother cry and my father angry?

Thank you very much!

ssander

Our sons are 35 and 40 respectively, and we still worry about them for a variety of situations...we are parents, and that's part of our job discription.

We've learned to live with the worry and to trust their judgment...but we will always be their parents.

Yours will always be your parents.

Show them your plan...talk about the relative safety in France compared to the US, and tell them you understand their concerns and you believe they have raised you well enough to do this.

ssander

ssander

...and remember, while the purpose isn't to get their permission (you don't need it), don't throw that fact in their face.

ssander

nukesafe

In the final analysis the necessary action is to stop dithering. Just do it or don't do it. Paint or get off the ladder. Your vacillation is just serving to make all concerned feel frustrated, anxious and angry.

Once the decision is made servery can get on with dealing with the fact you are going and come to terms with it.

Go for it girl, or get off the pot!

sundriedtopepo

Maybe your parents know you better than a bunch of strangers...maybe they are worried because you are unhappy and they don't want you to be unhappy alone so far away from home...

justineparis

My daughter was "in between " school and work life also when she took her trip. She had graduated high school.. and had good marks.. so we were hoping she would go to college right away.
She told us.. if I go now I will be wasting the money and time since I am not sure what course I want to follow.

We respected her , she is a smart girl..so we let her work for a year and take her trip.

She will be 21 this May.. and started college this past September, and she loves the direction she is taking.. and we are glad we didn't "heavy hand" her.

You will be fine.. you are young and not married.. no kids, do your "wild" choices now..you will settle down easier and better I think in the long run.

Have a wonderful trip.

fuzzbucket

If you find out that your trip isn't going as well as you'd like it to - for whatever reasons - you can always go home again.
Your parents won't judge you and will be glad to see you.

Trying to find out who you are and what you want to do with your life doesn't have to mean spending an enormous amount of money and travel time. This won't solve the main problem, which is that you don't really know yourself very well. It's an age-related problem.

Relax - most of us take years to find out who we really are.

If you were my child, I'd suggest that you get some sort of job - just for some structure in your life - if you don't want to continue going to school. Maybe you just haven't found the right options, yet.

Travelling by yourself won't give you any magical revelations, because you will be stuck in the same rut as you are now.

I'd postpone your trip until everyone stops crying.

WoinParis

'is the fear of deceiving them, even though they told me that I wouldn't deceive them.'

You are a good daughter (for whatever reasons I thought you were a male) and they are good parents.

Parents have to learn that YOU live YOUR life. I'm in that process right now and it isn't easy. So there are difficulties on both sides and nobody likes to see his child go away. Yet it is necessary for you to spread your wings.

Go, have fun, don't ask yourself too many questions but find yourself.
And I don't have to tell you that your parents will jump in the first plane to come to your help should you be in need of help.

Life is only starting for you, and you are in the nromal process of asking yourself a lot of questions.

Don't hesitate to come back and ask for whatever help for your trip.

kerouac

I know far more people who regret not taking the trips they wanted to take when they were young than the reverse. In fact, I have never met a single person who ever told me "I shouldn't have travelled."

FuryFluffy

>> They say that I'm leaving for the wrong reason.. They say that I should leave for the pleasure of travelling

May I offer a practical advice since I was in that situation once? I also left my parents for a while to find myself again, and that made them super anxious, no matter what I tried to explain to them. Just don't tell them that you are scared and want to discover more things about yourself. That can ring wrong for some parents. No one would want to let a child go alone when the child is scared, the parent instinct would be to protect and shield the child from the world.

Tell them more about the "pleasure" side of your trip, if you really feel it within yourself. Tell them how the french culture and history attract you, tell them how you have been dreaming of this trip for 5 years (You may have already told them that, but do continue to insist on that side). Tell them how you are preparing the trip, how you are booking accommodation and looking for itinerary, how the preparing process excites you. You don't need to lie to them: if the preparing process doesn't excite you then you should as well stay at home.

Don't tell them that after the trip you'll come back and feel accomplished in a way. Big target for the trip might scare your parents. As you said, they just want you to have the pleasure of traveling. Real travelers embrace what the trip would bring to them, not set goal before it and expect the trip would fulfill it. Don't try to be too philosophy with them during this sensible time. Show them that the trip is simply a trip and not an escape.

If all of your conversations with them don't go well lately, you don't have to make too many conversations. Just show them your self-confidence and your resourcefulness before the trip, they'll understand.

Sassafrass

At first, I thought, "Yes, go for it."
However, the more you write, the less convinced I am that this trip will be of any value to you. I see your parents' point now.

This is not some proven theory, only my personal observations.

Travel to see and experience places is of educational and personal value. My daughter was in a career field she loved, but knowing she might not have time after graduation, she decided to push through college in three years so she could take a break after the second year to travel for a few months, then return for the third year. She started in Summer when it was easier to be outside more and planned hostels for meeting other young people.

OTOH, when a person is trying to "find themselves," they need to be actively persuing different possibilities. Doing nothing except moving around usually just prolongs the floundering. You didn't like the field you were in. What are some of your other interests? Animals? Volunteer or get a job at your local zoo or shelter or offer free help with a veterinarian. Kids? Do some volunteer work at your local school or offer an after school program in something you love: music, art, sports, photography. Kids love anything that seems like fun, not work, and you might discover you enjoy one of those things enough to study that. Volunteer with big Brothers. Visit a nursing home and write biographies of some of the residents. You might find you like counseling. Get a job with a landscaper, builder, selling cars (I would say real estate, but you need a license, which requires a lot of training and you may be too young). Do you play an instrument? Play at a restaurant for tips, just for the experience. Usher at a theater to see the plays. Do something at a hospital. Join a crew on a sailboat. You will find those things you dislike as well as those you do. One of my daughters joined a crew on a large sailing ship. It sounded romantic to her. She absolutely hated it. She loved working with deaf children. You find yourself by "doing" things.

Along with these things, get a job to save more money. As you work and do the volunteering and have different experiences, plan your trip for Spring or Summer. This will do a lot for your maturity and self confidence, and your parents, in six months, will feel a lot more confidence that you will benefit from travel.

All just my opinion, of course. Others will think differently.

kerouac

Yes, I do indeed think differently. You are saying "get in the standard rut and just put up with it." No!