FainaAgain

Aucho, it's an issue only if you 2 are making it an issue. My husband hates travels. I go off on my own - with a tour group, or relatives, or alone. We're happily married for 31 years.

ComfyShoes

Aucho, It appears my minute long analyses may have contributed, to some extent, interesting posts from many along the same lines. Sorry! Take all this advice with skepticism.

What is so hot about a Spanish polo player? Last I heard it wasn't a high priority sports for too many spaniards!

hester

Go without him, go by yourself or with a friend. But don't make him feel bad. Just put a smile on your face and plan your trip and go. This advice comes from experience. Mr. Hester use to turn into Mr. Crabby Pants when we traveled. Then he said he didn't want to travel to far, that's translated to only Yellowstone. So I started traveling with my daughter and/or sister or the high school french club. I never nagged Mr. Hester I just went on my merry way. Over the last five years and many trips, he has seen my pictures, listened about all the fun that I've had and now he has decided he wants to travel again. Before our last trip to NYC, I did warn him if Mr. Crabby pants made an appearence, that I wouldn't travel with him. We are off to South Korea and Tokyo in April. I honestly never thought he would travel again (he use to be a consultant and traveled all the time)I am overjoyed he is going. But I know I can go alone or with a freind if I need to and he knows that I will. See, I have the traveling sickness and there's a lot of places I need to see in this world.

scatcat

hester:

At least Mr. Hester aka Mr. Crabby Pants looked at your pictures. My husband is totally disinterested in any to do with travel unless it is done so on a motorcycle. Hasn't slowed me down a bit.

aucho53

Hi everyone,

Ok, wow...I did not think I would get this many responses, but you know what I am so glad I did. There are so many of you that I can't give each of u an individual response so forgive me if I leave you out...but thanks soooo much for you help. All of your answers were very sincere, and considering we are all strangers to one another that surprised me. I wasn't even going to post on here about this cuz sharing this info with strangers is weird, but I figured what the heck...and I did it. I am so glad that I did.
To those of you who mentioned going to Quebec, that was a great suggestion, but actually we live in Montreal soooooo lol....he speaks French (as do I), is familiar with it totally and Montreal is such a multicultural place that he is familiar with many cultures. He is Italian and speaks italian (as do I) so a language barrier in lets say france or italy would not be an issue.
Bashawdi- thanks so much for your thoughtful response, I really enjoyed your story and learned from it.
Mrkindalla- thanks as well for taking such time and effort in responding.
worktowander- I'm glad to hear that you no longer have to vacation in Minnesota every year and that you were able to compromise.
Maddie Astrid: He does love soccer...lol...I will mention that next time it comes up.
Trafaelwyr- Wow that's great! I'm so glad that you enjoyed Les Argonautes!!
Dukey- I have mentioned the idea of travelling on my own to him before, in fact I was even think about applying for a working holiday visa to australia at one point and he was all for it, he definitely knows that i am interested in doing that.
Ira- Well lets hope that's not going to be the case with him lol!
ltilley- Glad to hear it's getting better! Thanks!!
Wyatt- Hi again!! Ya maine won over Newport for a few reasons not only his decision though, mine also. Maybe we'll do the Chowder festival in Newport in a couple of years! Lol! Thanks for your opinion!

OK...so here's where I'm at. We spoke again last night, and it actually went well. His point was "I do eventually want to do this with you but I am not sure when and I am sorry that I have made you feel that your wants have been ignored, eventually we'll plan something". Now, this was good for me, I told him that I still felt a bit uneasy about the fact that he says "eventually" because I have no idea when that is but he said "start saving and when the time is right we can go somewhere." Now, that makes me feel better, but I want to make sure that he follows through on his "evntually" promise. That's my next step, but I guess I will just go with the flow from now on. I don't want to come across as a "nag" girlfriend, I'm not...this is the only issue that I guess I have forced somewhat and only because it's important to me....not because I have watched too many romantic movies, like someone mentioned.

Thanks soooo much to everyone for all your suggestions....it was nice meeting all of you, I have liked this forum for a while now and I really feel even better about it now...I feel like I made new friends lol lol!!!

Thanks again guys!!

Layla

Naplo999

Why don't you go somewhere besides France. Maybe he'll be more excited about it. Go to Italy or Ireland, or Spain, or somewhere that is not France and Paris.

It really doesn't have to be that expensive. Look for cheap airfare on www.kayak.com

There is a pretty good possibility that your boyfriend is a lame a$$ and you should break up with him.

MaureenB

Go on your own. If you even could convince him to go, you'd feel responsible for him the entire time and it would be stressful, not fun.
>-

Dukey

They say if you really want to KNOW about someone you should travel and/or play cards with them.

All I can wonder at this point is what his reaction would be if you actually WENT on a trip, any trip, without him.

outwest

I sympathize because my husband is/was the same. When I met him I had just come back from my first trip to Paris--I had loved it SO much that I persuaded him to go--he's a nervous flier and had only been outside of the country once--a trip to San Francisco (we're Canadian). He didn't do any research/reading guidebooks etc. and I guess he basically suffered extreme culture shock when we got there and our trip was a disaster.

Several years later we went to London and it was a completely different story--a fantastic trip from the second we landed. We went to London a second time and then back to Paris--and had a great time.

So maybe you should try what Rick Steves refers to as "Europe-light"--the UK--it might make the transition a little easier.

aucho53

Hi again,

MaureenB- See that's why I am so confused because he has said that he would like to go and see different places, but when time comes to plan he pulls back everything he's said. That's another thing that was frustrating me, but now he says "we'll do something eventually" which is a glimmer of hope for me

Dukey- I have taken 3 trips to Europe without him, the longest one was for 5 weeks, and he didn't have any real reaction to it at all....it doesn't seem to bother him. The first trip I did with school, the second with 3 girlfriends and the third with his sister Cristina. So, that's why the suggestions to just start planning in hopes that he'll tag along don't really apply to him, because I have planned extensively with him and he doesn't bat an eye.....hummmmmm lol!

Talk to you guys soon!

Layla

alanRow

<<< He's nervous about flying >>>

So why haven't you paid for him to go on a "Fear of Flying" course?

I would have thought that in 5 years of trying you might have considered that

LLindaC

back again Layla. I had an ex with all kinds of "we'll go eventually" promises. he had plenty of money, etc, but issues with actually doing anything. The man I'm now married to will travel anywhere, anytime at the drop of a hat. For those who say 'go alone'....well, that's an option and girl trips are fun, but the memories of the trips and seeing things together are absolutely priceless. That's what our love is all about- sharing, making memories, keeping love and life alive constantly. You are young and with the school thing....I went as a junior in HS the first time and actually got out of school a year early. Seeing Europe as a young person changed me. If you wait till you think you can afford it, till the time is right, etc it may be a huge mistake. Once you are saddled with jobs, kids, sick parents, etc you may not have opportunities. If youritch says NOW , do it! I'm sorry that he doesn't share your enthusiasm, but figure out some way to go, please. Life is precious, we have no guarantees. Follow your heart and don't feel guilty!


ps...if worse comes to worse....call Dr Phil

neverthere

Hi Aucho,

Let love conquer all. It sounds like you're starting to.

I really want my BF to go to Norway with me but he does not want to go, at least not now.

I LOVE to travel but I decided I love him more. I know I won't be able to show him the places I love b/c he doesn't want to see them.

But I also realized (confirmed it through this great thread) that my dream is not his dream. So I focus on OUR dreams. That makes me just as happy.

You need to decide and accept your decision b/c you can't keep asking.

Good luck!

camelbak

I had a BF, who then became a husband, who worked a night shift. He said that he would "eventually" take a day job so we could be closer. He would "eventually" take some time off so we could go travelling, and we would "eventually" get to do all the things we wanted to do.

I waited 7 years before realizing that he wasn't going to change.

Well, turns out he did change...once we parted ways. He got a day job, and travelled the world.

It is a nice that you would love your BF to go with you to Europe. I think him "being fine" with you having gone to Europe on your own, and with friends, before (including for 5 weeks) says a lot more than him "eventually" going with you when he thinks the "time is right".

Trust me...there won't be a right time....

Sorry you are going through this struggle...but plan your trip and go without him. Like others have said, accept what will be, or make a change in yourself.

Good luck.

janisj

OK - you've been trying for 5 years and now you tell us you have already taken <b>3</b> extended European trips since you've been together. I think that is enough evidence that he isn't interested.

Leave the poor man alone and go enjoy what you want to see/do and let him do the same.

job816

Wow – this morning when there was only a few responses I was going to write dump him and thought better of it. But after all the feedback I will add my 2 cents. After five years and only an “eventually” you are not nagging but entering into a battle that you have to either decide to accept as is - meaning going it alone (travel that is) or really going it alone. Relationships are built on compromises and by now, IMHO he should have comprised to at least give it a one time try. I like Linda feel bad he doesn’t share your enthusiasm, but feel worse that you are giving up on your own passion to make something work that you might need to think twice about. So ask yourself how important is traveling together to make this relationship work? On a side note: I just asked my own DH his opinion. His response: Dump him.

aucho53

Ok, wow I am still getting over the fact that I got so much feedback here! I do appreciate it though. It's almost like this has become a mini fodors soap opera lol!
Well....I don't think that ending the relationship is the answer that I am looking to explore because even if this may be an issue I am very happy with him. And I don't know if I would go so far as to say that I am giving up my passion. I have been travelling and have decided that I will go next May regardless....if he decides to come all the better. If I can't find someone who wants/can come with me for that time I will go it alone...which doesn't bother me in the least, I have wanted to try a solo trip for a long time. And in fact I think that if I am alone I will try somewhere that I have been really wanting to see that he may not yet be ready for (Croatia maybe???
I do however agree that I think he should at least give it a try, seeing as there should be some give and take...others may not agree with that but that's how I feel.

Thanks again for all your answers!

Layla

StCirq

&lt;&lt;I have wanted to try a solo trip for a long time.&gt;&gt;

Wait a minute! I thought you said in an earlier post that you had already done that three times. Which is it?

Christina

I don't know what Layla said, but I think she has taken numerous extended European trips with others (friends, family, etc.), not herself. So she went without the BF, but not on her own. I think. Maybe it is time to do one solo. I realized from some other posts she lives in Canada, also, so obviously the mentions of going to Canada to try out foreign countries wasn't a good one (I think I suggested that).

Some people just don't care about Europe -- I don't personally care about visiting some other places in the world, and wouldn't want to expend my time and energy (and the long flights) to go there, either. Who knows what interests some people and not others, but I'm not particularly interested in Asia, for example, and have zero interest in visiting Australia whereas some people want to go to both. I would probably be up for it if they weren't so far away, however, but not when it takes that much time and money to get there. I am interested in South America, though, and would love to do one of those photo safaris in Kenya or somewhere.

Maybe the BF could start out someplace shorter but still kind of foreign (not US, obviously) -- like Martinique or one of the other Caribbean islands. I really enjoyed visiting Guadeloupe down there, and there aren't a lot of American tourists there.

leather1026

If you always vacation the way he wants, time to move on!! A lifetime with someone like that needs to be thought about very seriously, it starts with the holidays then its going out alone etc.