torn

Dear Abby...I mean, dear Fodors,
I started my first semester of grad school 2 weeks ago.... This week the chance of going to Europe next month came up. If I withdraw tomorrow, I can get a full refund, which, coincidentally, would just about pay for my trip. I am wondering how irresponsible I will feel if I dump grad school--it's not just this trip--it's the time I don't really have to spare anyway, time away from family, all for a degree which might not really get me anywhere. I have a comfortable job which pays well enough. I thought about the post from the guy debating whether to buy a home or keep living w/mom and traveling, and it seemed like the 'keep traveling' answers outweighed the 'buy the house' answers. So, would you care to vote on my life issue?

bea

There are many issues you have not brought up. How long would you be in Europe, would the opportunity not arise again, how long is grad school, is what you are studying what you wnt to do, can you defer and take up next year or maybe just skip a semester. To me, dropping out is not a good thing . The world is always there and anyone can make the opportunity to travel. You could take a year off after grad school. It also depends on where you are at grad school - a so,so college or a prestigious one that is difficult to be accepted into. Traveling is always exciting and the older I get the more I love it. (now middle aged - which I hate to admit). Good luck with whatever you decide.

Cass

Your post screams "I need to drop out," so do it.

Grad school just isn't enough "fun" to merit going, taking up your own time (and your professors' time) unless you know exactly why you're there. Your pseudo-email "address" says to me that you think grad school is a burden and that you aren't ready to be "responsible" in that way. Fine! It's very possible it would be an "irresponsible" waste of time and money for you and that you'd eventually drop out anyway (as you said, "it's not just this trip"). Life is short, and if you had a piano drop on you next year, which would you have rather done?

Having said all that and cast my vote for traveling, let me say that I disagree that the advanced degree may not get you anywhere. If you really were motivated and grad school would really give you the knowledge you don't now have and feel you need, I guarantee it would get you somewhere. But not if you aren't sure why you're there. You need to know _what_ you need to know from advanced study and -- most important -- _why_ you need to know it. Then it would clearly be part of career advancement.

I always thought that someday I'd get that Ph.D., but it wasn't 'til my 40s that I could do it. By that time, I understood that it isn't just the added degree (whether MA or PhD) on your resume, it's why you are doing it and what you do WHILE you are getting it. In Fodor terms: it isn't just the destination, it's the trip. It was a hassle to get used to studying again and I couldn't do "all-nighters" anymore, had no short-term memory to cram for exams. But I loved what I was learning, knew why I was learning it, so the educational "trip" was definitely worth it and I loved almost 95% of it.

Good luck! Bon voyage!

Santa Chiara

Cass, what a wise person you are. And bravo on getting your Ph.D.

leo

It sounds like you are having second thoughts about grad school and the trip is just a convenient excuse to drop out. Believe me, there will always be another trip or other crisis to stop you if you don't want to do something (like dieting or exercise). You say you really do not have the time to do school, job, family etc. Will you ever??

I think it might be now or never. If you WANT to go to grad school, then there are sacrifices. It doesn't matter if you make them now or later (as Cass did). It will be WORK, that's why an advanced degree is valuable. It shows what you are made of tougher stuff.

You say you have a good job, so the degree may not be of any value anyway. However, in this life things will change. You will change jobs many times in the future, and maybe even careers. The degree shows a future employer that you have the stuff to make the sacrifices.

I am happy I got the PhD (and kids) earlier rather than later. Although I agree with Cass that I might have learned more with the added life experience, but I am fortunate to have a job where learning is lifelong. Even better, now in my late fourties I have the time and MONEY to travel, and I do.

Another trip will come along. The question is "can you cut the mustard"? Do you want to?

kathy

I vote for staying in school at least for this semester. See if it's really what you want to do. I have an MBA ..and have never, ever regretted it. Not even when it didn't seem to matter to anyone but me. it It's very hard to go back to school once you stop. Travel can always be arranged later if it's a priority.

Mariarosa

Hi Torn,
I don't think your post has to do with grad school vs. traveling. It has to do with staying in grad school or not. From my experience, I can tell you that I have spent the last 6 years working on my PhD, and I am STILL working on my dissertation. Throughout the years I have wanted to drop out. It has taken a HUGE amount of motivation to stay in. An advance degree is hard to achieve - not only because of the amount of effort that you have to put into it, but precisely because you will be missing opportunities, such as travel and work (and it's hard to see your friends in jobs making money and seeing yourself with a small stipend). If you don't have the motivation then, it's just going to be even more difficult.

But before you make your decision, ask yourself, why did you decide to go to grad school in the first place? What will you be able to do, in terms of your career, if you have an advance degree, versus if you do not. How thoroughly did you think about your decision before making it, or was it made on a whim? Have you consulted this situation with people whom you respect and trust?

You will have the time to travel in the future. I have travelled every year of grad school for 4 weeks - because the student schedule allows it. It's the one luxury about still being a student.

nancy

Everyone has very convincing arguments here for both sides!
But, I would drop out and go for the travel.
Maybe it is because I was a "child of the 60's" and always took that path when I was faced with choices.
In some ways, I regret not "buckling down" when I was younger, because here I am in my late 40's ,and don't have 20+ yrs invested in a career, etc.
BUT, (yes I am shouting!)I do have great memories of many things, and I think that when one is younger, that is a good time to just DO IT!
You never know what might happen tomorrow, or next year.
Go to Europe.
It may even lead to a whole new path/ adventure in your life!

But,there is one point in your post I am curious about.
You say you do not have the time to spare now, time away from family.
What is that about?

torn

Hi, Abby, I mean, Fodors,
Thanks for the responses. The last poster asked, 'what was the 'time away from family' about?' It's about the fact that I have a spouse and child and a full-time job and a house and I have to be the Tooth Fairy and put the bunk beds together and keep on with the renovating the house project, and grad school is going to be a one-class-a-semester proposition for the next three years, at least. And I just think I ought to have thought it all out better, about my capacity to do the work/the school/the child/the family/my sanity justice. I can't go to school full time because I am the major breadwinner in my family. I'm 37, I've been out of school for 15 years and I just feel like I ought to pay most of my attention to my child while he's at home--because all too soon he will be gone. I can do school later. I thought I was willing to make the sacrifice of time away from my family, but I don't think I am.

julie

I am a grad student and have been for the past 4 years, working on a double major, working full-time and raising a handicapped 8 year old child alone for since she was a baby up until last year.

When I go on trips to Europe, I tell my employer and my teachers. I make up all missed class work and I used leave without pay if I don't have enough vacation time.

I never had to exchange a job and school for a vacation to Europe and I don't understand why you do! Your excuses don't seem very reasonable. I have plenty time with my daughter, every morning and night, and weekends. The only time I don't have with her is from 5:00 til 8:00 on Tuesday nights when I am in class. And guess what, she has CCD class that night anyway.
I am sure your child will not suffer if you are not home for a couple of hours one night a week. He might even have an activity of his own that night.

I might sound gruff, but I just don't think you are making a good point.

And... are you taking your family on the trip with you? How old is your child? Where are you going and how long? Nobody knows this info yet.

Julie

Forgot one point. The reason to go to grad school is to make your life better. You sacrifice in school so that your whole family will have a better life.

You only have one child now, maybe you will have more in the future. Everything will get harder as you get more responsibilities.

just a thought

Sounds like you are a bit overwhelmed and traveling sounds like a wonderful escape. It is a wonderful escape, but before you can escape, you need to have all your ducks in a row to enjoy it thoroughly. Plan ahead. Get rid of debt, move to a less expensive house, change your frame of reference that bigger or more is better, save for your trip, then, take the family. Despite the hassles, taking children on trip can be one of the most rewarding time of family's life.

torn

to Just Thinking,
FYI, I have no debt except my mortgage, and we live in a small, modest house in a modest neighborhood. Bigger or more is better? The only thing that kind of applies to in this case is my "degree-envy" of my friends. Of course, they didn't get married straight after undergrad like I did. The immediate trip is an opportunity to spend a week with my mother. My father died last summer, and we've just finished getting affairs settled. She hasn't been on a trip in six years. I am looking forward to the opportunity to spend some time with her in a fun setting.

FWIW, I don't expect to have any other children, so this is my one shot to be Mom. I chose to have my child, to be married, first--before I thought about grad school, and I just think I ought to fulfill my prior commitments to the best of my ability before I commit myself to hours and hours per week for the next several years. Four for class + travel time+ X for reading, writing, etc. I am feeling overwhelmed this week.

torn

And this is the first week off that I will have taken without my child in eight years. --And that one was spent studying for a professional-license exam.

Julie

I was shocked when you said MOM, I thought you were a guy.

Anyway, its only one week. Go! but don't quit school. Tell the teacher and ask for time off from work. Grad professors are normally more easy going on their students. They probably will let you make up the work latter. Also, there is something called and "i" grade. Incomplete. Not finished on time, you finish the work a little later and the "i" changes to your earned grade.

A Grad degree will help your family. You aren't just doing it for yourself, think about the benefits your child will have by you having this degree. Won't you be able to get a better job? Won't you be happier with your new career and therefore be a better MOM?

Are you a single Mom, you said you have main income. If you are married, your husband can watch the child for one week while you are gone.

Also, when I go to class and my daughter does not have CCD, she enjoys going on dates with her new step-dad to McDonalds or B.K., its good for their bonding. Maybe your child can go on "dates" with her dad, step-dad, aunt? whoever.

The beginning of school is overwhelming, give it a chance, if it doesn't work out drop at the last minute. Take the gamble! You will probably find that you can handle this is a few weeks. Don't forget, you have holidays to catch up on your studies....and the 10 hour plane trips to catch up on class readings.

Julie

Please tell us what you are studying. Someone here may give you info on the benefits of having that degree. It would be good to here from people who have gotten the same degree and why they are glad they got it.

torn

Thanks, Julie, that helped. No, I'm not a single mom--anymore--but the experience has not worn off. I had seven years of it between my two marriages. My husband is supportive, of school and this trip with my mom--encouraging about that, even; I'm just feeling like I can't do it all. And maybe guilty? Thanks for the advice. I'll email my professor today and see if we can discuss some of this.

torn

Library Science/Information Studies. Goal is to do business research full time (many recent MLS grads are doing so). The conservation/preservation aspects of the field interest me also.

I get just as exasperated as others with those who are always into the bigger/better/more thing. Our income is sufficient for us to own a home, eat well and, with prioritizing, travel every year. I have not and do not want to make work the focus of my life--but I do wonder if that's only because I haven't found the field/job inspires devotion/passion in me (except for traveling!). Yeah, I know--but hubby is pretty root-bound to this place and so I am, too.

ilisa

I was married and working full-time when I was in grad school. My first semester I took off 2 weeks for a trip to Europe. I just informed my professors that this is what I was doing (even though I had 2 exams scheduled during this time). I studied while I was away instead of reading a good leisure book, and made up the work and exams. Don't withdraw from school just for a short vacation. Can you really guarantee that you will re-enroll? And then, what if something else comes up? It's all a matter of finding a balance. With the right motivation, you can do it.

julie

I'm glad you decided to talk to your professor. It sounds like you will only miss one class...no big deal. Lots of people miss classes. You just have the advantage of knowing when you will miss the class so you can get the assignment ahead of time.

I reread your post, you are remarried and have a child. Let your son go on special dates with his step-dad each week. It is good for their relationship. They'll have fun. Don't feel guilty...take a nap...you might just be exhausted.