we were in Rome , having visited the basilica of st Peter, we then got on a little bus to go to the Vatican museum, there was a fellow American,( my husband calls him Bruno from South Philadelphia, sorry if you are from there! ) , loudly asking when we were going to get to the vatican???????

Our local guide in China kept talking about the "knuckle people do this" and the "knuckle people do that". We later discovered that she meant the "local people". We also found a rock on the grass with the message "We can't stand the site of mattress fragrant grass". We think it meant "Please keep off the grass." Another guide was taking us to the "garbage factory" and told us how many colors and sizes there were and how you could hang them on the wall. We actually went to a "carpet factory."

Phone rang before I could finish my post.. After the little bus arrived at the Vatican Museum, we all purchased our tickets and entered,, in the first gallery we all were wandering around and suddenly a voice boomed out, Bruno calling to his wife Cindy.. "hey , I had enough of this lets head out and find a plate of macaroni". <BR> <BR>Another story , not mine but a friend's, her 70 something mother was on a tour with a bunch of other ladies of similar age, and were having dinner in some restaurant in Portugal that had entertainment, wonderful fado and dancing, in the break the ladies all chose to stand up and entertain the Portugese with their rendition of the star spangled banner, not the world's most perfect piece of music even when sung by experts!!!

jhm: That's the point - if the Eagles fan was serious then he is just sad and DUMB. <BR> <BR>BUT if he was making fun then he is truly despicable. The Yeoman Warders are highly decorated retired NCOs - NOT some character actors in costumes. This was not the place to show such lack of respect. The lady I was with was a Mexican national who was about to become a US citizem - and she was in tears thinking that a fellow American could be so rude and ignorant. <BR> <BR>But the Beefeater handled it beautifully - and Eagles Fan's wife about knocked his head off.

We get visitors from all parts of the U.S. here in the Southwest, and my favorite was my girlfriend's then-six-year old son who asked "will the Indians bow me?" <BR> <BR>An American tourist, at place de la Bastille, asking loudly "where's the Bastille?". Helpful me says "the building no longer exists" at which point he says "did they tear it down to put up the Opera house?" <BR> <BR>At a ruin somewhere (I've tried to block this from my memory, but thanksalot, I recall part of it): "yuhd think they could pave this to make it easier to walk around" <BR> <BR>A former traveling companion (in a moment, you'll see why 'former') to our guide on the Chestnut Tour in Aquitaine "what do the farmers do at night?" <BR> <BR>And after the fact, friends of friends showing their video of their tour of Europe. HE keeps yelling at HER throughout the video, when she had the rare opportunity to use it, "Jesus Christ you're not doing it right; Jesus Christ give me that; Jesus Christ you're missing it"...and then, four minutes of Paris street - as in, the pavement - while he carries the camera dangling from his wrist, having forgotten to Jesus Christ turn off the camera.

too funny to let die

When I was a student, I worked a couple of summers on check-in at Dublin airport - it was a laugh a minute! <BR> <BR>The most unpopular flight to work was the one to Lourdes as many of the passengers had rarely set foot outside their local town, nevermind country! One day as I closed off the flight, a woman came running toward the desk screaming something about a late train. I calmed her down and called the boarding gate. No problem, I told her, the flight was still there and they would hold it for her. "Do I check-in here?", she asked. When I answered YES she leaped up onto the moving baggage belt and dashed toward the hole. But for a quick-thinking collegue who hit the emercancy button, she would have been lost to us forever down the chute. <BR> <BR>Another passenger had packed enough food for the entire week as he didn't fancy eating that "french muck". His baggage was seriously overweight and I told him he would have to leave some of it behind . He pciks up this enormous golf umberella and says "Sure, if I open it it twill be lighter!" There ws NO anwer to that!

Forgive for making fun of my own friend in public, but I've teased her enough to her face about this! <BR> <BR>We were in Hamburg and we passed by a lovely smallish church that had been bombed in World War II. It has been left as-is as a war memorial. Walking around, my friend said, "That's so sad-- who bombed it?" There was a difficult moment before someone finally said, "Uh, WE did!" Then, of course, we razzed her mercilessly for the rest of the trip!

On a tour to southern Spain when I was in my early 20's: Our group was having lunch together. It was seafood paella. One woman plucked a piece of octopus from her paella and announced to the group: "Look, this is a testacle. The Spanish people love to eat testacles." <BR> <BR>In Athens, where I was wandering on my own, in my mid or late 20's: I'd made an attempt to learn a tiny bit of Greek in the three weeks preceeding the trip--just the alphabet, phrases like "Where is___?", words for various foods and buildings and necessities, and a few short chapters' worth of basic elementary grammar and general vocabulary. I was having fun on a bus explaining where I wanted to go and asking whether the bus would go there. An American woman got on, loudly asked her questions in English, then, getting no response, turned to me and said, "These people can't even speak English!" <BR> <BR>New River, West Virginia, about 30 years ago: A young woman from NJ and her friend from NYC were on an August weekend bus trip and scheduled to spend two days whitewater rafting. The NJan assumed that the trip would be "off" if it rained, and also assumed that it must be hot in West Virginia, since it's in the south. Therefore she had not brought a rain coat. she knew nothing about fabrics that insulate when wet. Well, it rained. And rained. Hard!!! And it was not a bit warm. The trip was on anyway. She went to a restaurant, asked for some trash bags, and fashioned a poncho for herself out of a double layer of glad bags, with slits for her helmeted head and her wet cotton-sweatshirt-covered arms. (I was the dumb NJ girl.)

I will contribute what my wife said to a cab driver in New Orleans. We had been to a show and had been drinking rather liberally. My wife flops down in the cab and in her best high school french, asked the cab driver to take us to our hotel. The east indian cab driver turned around and said"what she is saying".

A few years ago my husband ran into a bank in Rome, just before closing, to exchange some travelers checks. After a long while he came out and asked our friends and I what "brute bestia" meant, because the bank teller had called him that and disdainfully issued the money. <BR>We told him it meant ugly beast. <BR>We laughed so hard to think what would happen in the USA in our hometown, if a teller called his customer an ugly beast.

Hello, <BR> <BR>not funny perhaps-I was sad after the incidence... <BR>A couple of weeks ago I was in Paris and sat outside in a Cafe. Couple next to my table was American(the colour of the lipstick-I can always spot it). They were really nice people when they began talking to me. They were on a pre-booked Tour from Amex and the Lady told me that they were going to Rome this evening and that she`s so happy that it only takes two hours. I said to her: Well, with transportation to and from the Airport you should calculate 4 hours at least. <BR>She said:Airport? No, we are taking the train...I said: Ok, then after 2 hours you`ll be in Lyon, but not in Rome. <BR>Finally she gave me her documents-and of course it was a flight with paid transportation to Orly, after Rome cruise to Athens and Istanbul, flight back to London and home..All in all a package worth 10k$ a person(George 5th. in Paris etc..) <BR>I liked the people but felt very sorry for the ones who want to explore the world, appreciate the culture but don`t have the means to do so. Her husband thought that Athens is in Italy... <BR> <BR>Miriam

Okay, Miriam, I've gotta ask. What makes American lipstick different?

Sandi, <BR> <BR>I didn`t intend to offend anyone. <BR>I have a lot of relatives in the US. <BR>I just say one word-pink....and shiny. <BR>Nobody in Europe would use that kind of lipstick and fake plastic-nails, so obvious that you are able to spot them from a distance. <BR>Sorry, but I always have a good laugh when I read the discussions about tennis shoes, fanny packs etc. <BR>A lot of people do wear sneakers in Europe, but there are much more obvious things which will identify the American tourist. <BR> <BR>Miriam

Hello, <BR> <BR>I forgot to mention that the Lady tried to give me 20$ for my help. I just came back from a church nearby and they were collecting money to rebuild one part of the church. I told her that it was a nice offer, but that it`s a better idea to give it to the church and told her where to donate it and that I wouldn`t accept to be paid for a simple favour. <BR> <BR>Miriam <BR>

What Miriam just said remind me of a japanese guy who once asked me for directions in the street and then handed me a 10 FF coin (one US $ and a half, roughly). <BR> <BR>Of course I wouldn't take it, but he nevertheless manage to put it in my hand so I tried to put it back in his pocket while he was struggling to avoid that. Eventually the coin fell on the pavement and since none of us was willing to pick it up, it stayed there while we both went our ways.

On the domestic front... <BR>I was on a Disney World bus. An elderly lady got on and asked the driver if he stopped at the Disney hotels. "Yes," he said, "which hotel are you staying at?" The lady wasn't sure of the name. My guess is she was staying at the Dixie Landings. But she answered, "I think I'm staying at the Winn-Dixie!" (BTW, that's the name of a grocery store chain).

The HORRIBLE HORRIBLE couple in Rome who insisted on (a) being served at their cafe table in a place which is self-service (b) would not pay until they had their coffee - even though the place was a pay first drink later affair and THEN (c) were hysterically loudly indignant that they could not pay with American dollars. And yes, she was wearing tennis shoes and a crinkly sweatsuit! He was grossly fat, in shorts, a tee shirt, tennies and a baseball cap. Every bad stereotype of Americans in one hideous package.

Many years ago, when I lived in Rome, I boarded a bus with a group of American tourists (instantly recognizable from a mile away by the bright rainbow colors of their clothing). They were having a problem deciding where to get off the bus or something like that, and so I offered to help. They were thrilled that I was American and wanted to know which state--they were from Texas. I told them Pennsylvania, and they asked whether I knew "any of them Kennedys." In response to my puzzled look, they said "Well, you know, Pennsylvania is right up there by Massachusetts!"

Last month, my husband and I were enjoying a lovely breakfast at the Hotel Eiger in Muerren. Looking out on the mountains, having a nice pot of coffee, delicious breads and cheeses, and mimosas, when a British man announced loudly, "The Swiss idea of breakfast is simply rubbish." It was so funny -- especially since I couldn't have imagined a nicer breakfast.