Feeling Guilty About Trip?

Jan 5th, 2009, 03:33 PM
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 20,113
We never feel guilty about our trips.

Do people always tell their family about the trips they take?

We don't.

Plan as well as you can. Live as well as you can. Then you shall have no regrets.

seetheworld is offline  
Jan 5th, 2009, 04:55 PM
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All my friends also travel, maybe that's the difference.
suze is online now  
Jan 5th, 2009, 05:56 PM
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stw - we don't either. It is just easier that way.
MomDDTravel is offline  
Jan 6th, 2009, 04:08 AM
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I have noticed that the people who are crass enough to say "Must be nice!" when I mention my traveling are the ones who belong to the country club with the outrageous fees, dock their boats at their summer homes, or drive to Biloxi frequently to gamble!

Go, enjoy, live YOUR life and live it abundantly.
sallyjane3 is offline  
Jan 6th, 2009, 02:30 PM
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I agree about not feeling guilty, but also not talking too much about trips to people who definitely can't afford to travel.

We have quite a few family members and friends who are living pretty close to the financial edge, so we just don't talk much about trips when we get together with them. We wait to talk about travel with friends and family who really are interested.

The one exception is my great-aunt - she is too frail to travel much now and doesn't have much money to spare anyway, but LOVES to hear about our trips. And she tells me to take all the trips we can because she and my uncle always waited until retirement for their travel, but they only had a few years of retirement before my uncle lost his eyesight, which ended travel for them for the most part.
november_moon is offline  
Jan 6th, 2009, 02:48 PM
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I understand how you feel -- I have been feeling insanely guilty about our upcoming trip to Thailand, Laos and Cambodia. Every time I tell someone I get "the look" -- and frankly, I give myself "the look" internally a few times a day.
It's interesting as I rarely book as far ahead as I did this year, so I had paid for my tickets as Lehmans was crumbling and the bailout was being cobbled together. I live near NYC and know a lot of people affected directly by what has happened on Wall Street. Some of my customers lost jobs.
But -- I had planned the trip to visit a charity I have given small amounts to over the years -- and I had promised them and another charity $$ and a visit this year -- so how to say no? It puts it all in perspective for me that one of my pledges is going to employ computer teachers for a year, another will send a hospitality student to school for a term -- all for less than my property taxes are a month. I think the trip is going to give me some very real perspective -- I know how I felt after my first trip to Asia in 2000.
So, do I find myself saying things like "the flight is non-refundable" and "now I can't cancel the hotels" -- yes. Will I shop less on the trip? Undoubtedly. Will I soak it all up like a sponge to savor for a long time when I return? I think so.
jenskar2 is offline  
Jan 6th, 2009, 03:25 PM
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I recommend that anyone who is feeling guilty about traveling go type in the name "Degas" into the search box and read the thread, "Live Forever". Here is someone, one of our own, who is facing some serious times...he says,

"I guess my point is to not delay or put off things. Live your dream. Don't wait. Take a little more risk. Go on that trip to Paris. Apply for that job in another city. Take up that new hobby. Pick up the phone and call an old friend or relative. Most of my regrets are about not having done something."

That really turned my attitude around!
wren is offline  
Jan 6th, 2009, 04:20 PM
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My husband and I married 'late' - in our 40s, and we agreed that wanted the fabric of our lives to be woven with remembrances of a perfect sunrise, a beautiful walk in the mountains, a delectable meal, the small villages we've seen. We didn't want memories like "remember when we had the kitchen wallpapered". We've been true to our intentions and at 19 years this year, absolutely no regrets. Haven't been everywhere, but we've done pretty well. We think that people who choose to own a Hummer, or insanely expensive house, or who have too many children at the expense of travel are more than a little odd. At the moment we need gutters for our now 112 year old house and a few other things, but I'm turning 60 and intend to snorkle the Great Barrier Reef, so the hell with gutters. You own noone an explanation for how you spend your hard earned cash. What's that expression....dance like noone's watching..that's what I'm doing!
oliverandharry is offline  
Jan 6th, 2009, 04:31 PM
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hah! oliverandharry--you are soooo right! My DH and I had a similar philosophy. We'd say, well what will it be this year? replace the old (chocolate brown shag) carpeting (or refurbish the bathroom--or whatever) or go to (Europe, Scandinavia, whatever) and 'go to' always won the day. Our Dear Son got an education about the world and believe me, he never ever says, "I wish our house had better carpets when I was growing up".
mahlquist is offline  
Jan 6th, 2009, 04:34 PM
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and zwho-- you don't owe anybody an explanation about your choices. Anyone who really knows and cares about you already understands, and why on earth do you care about what anyone else thinks? Knock it off. One thing I've learned in my long time on this earth is that NOBODY is thinking about you as much as you think they are. Go. Have a good time.
mahlquist is offline  
Jan 6th, 2009, 04:42 PM
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In a word...no.

So many people, for so long, at so many times in my life, have questioned why I spend time and money traveling...I question their outlays of money, too.

We do what we can do within reason within our own budgets and within our own frames of desire. My desire is to travel as much as I can, experience as many things as I can, pack as much into my lifetime as is humanly possible.

If you want to stay home and watch the telly and knit, do it. Just don't tell me what I should do. I won't listen, anyway. I've always forged my own path in the world and it's certainly been at odds with the paths of others in my life, and I don't care. I gotta do it. Enough said.
StCirq is online now  
Jan 6th, 2009, 05:32 PM
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zwho and everyone:

You know my attitude abut guilt and travel, Zwho...we discussed it when we all had breakfast together in L.A. To sum up, as you and Jerry were about to leave on a cruise, I said..."keep on travelin' friends..don't ever look back. "

The attitude spelled out so succinctly by my dear friend LoveItaly (above) says it all...it's your money and you can spend it any way you want to...put it in a tin can and bury it in the back yard, wallpaper the bathroom with it, take flying lessons or travel. Guilt, be damned!

OK everyone, one more time.."keep on travelin' and keep on
truckin' !!"

stu t.
tower is offline  
Jan 6th, 2009, 05:36 PM
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This thread is bringing tears to my eyes!

OliverandHarry--"remember when we wallpapered the kitchen..." Exactly! Not much of a memory.
siena1 is offline  
Jan 7th, 2009, 01:26 AM
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Great thread. Really does ring bells for people, as many of us have struggled with this.

My $.02--
1. Foreign travel is more "conspicuous consumption" to friends and family and co-workers than other things people may spend similar amounts of money on. You usually can't just quietly leave the country so it gives people more opportunity to have an opinion about your choices. In wealthy countries we are always making choices that could be second-guessed. We could all (not just foreign travelers) feel guilty about how much money we spend and waste when there are people in so much need. (Should we really go out to dinner or the movies? Maybe we should stay home and send that money to the homeless shelter...) It is an ancient dilemma, but I've come to peace with giving some of my money to charities and using some of it to travel.

2. People who don't travel don't understand why you want to do it and don't value it in the same way you do. I remember when I was about 22, I used National Geographic maps to basically wallpaper my room. A friend asked why I did that and my reply was that I liked to look at all the places I might go someday. He said he had no interest at all in traveling outside the US and I couldn't understand him any more than he could understand me.

3. For people who do want to travel, but don't think they can afford it and so seem sad or a tad judgmental when they hear of your plans....tell them you will be sincerely glad to use your traveling expertise to help them figure out a way to go somewhere, figure out budgets, etc. They probably won't take you up on it, but then you won't feel as guilty about you being able to go on a trip and them not.

4. Exposure to other cultures does have many personal growth elements, but also when more people think of themselves as citizens of the World rather than just of their Nation we will have a more progressive planet. Young people who have traveled will have a different focus when they take over governing this world...and that is one reason I'm so glad to have a new US president who is so comfortable traveling in the world and in other cultures.

5. I'm all in with the people who say "seize the day"...I've managed to travel a lot and have taken my family lots of places they've never been and wouldn't have gone without my juice...wonderful memories but now my husband is having some health issues which may curtail some of his traveling...He's always been a great, game traveler. I'm grateful for all the places we've gone together but now for a real guilt trip (!) I've lately started thinking about the possibilities of me traveling alone if he can't manage it at some point. Is that terrible? I actually really enjoyed traveling alone when I was young, but it somehow seems so disloyal to contemplate taking a trip without my husband that I know he would love. I have never talked to him about the possibility and we aren't there yet...but some trips I want to do will probably not realistically be possible for him. So do I not do them and accept the reality of our changed circumstance and plan travel that he can do, given a travel budget that is not unlimited? Anyway, this is where my guilt thoughts are falling in right now!

LynAK is offline  
Jan 7th, 2009, 02:43 AM
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I'm under the impression economists are urging people to stimulate the economy by spending money. It's the people who aren't spending who should examine their consciences!
zeppole is offline  
Jan 7th, 2009, 07:32 AM
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I am so thankful for this thread today. I may actually have tears in my eyes.

Hubby and I are in our early thirties and for the past 5 years, have traveled extensively, both within the States and overseas to many countries and continents. We LIVE for travel. I work in travel. I LIIIIIVE for travel. My family thinks we're nuts; they wonder where I came from, as they are happy sitting home. My friends scoff because they either don't understand or don't really get our priorities or can't figure it out for themselves.

I am thankful for this website, and for my colleagues, as we're all in the same boat.

I'm so sick and tired of feeling bad (either by hearing "must be nice!", or "rough life", or just my own self-inflicted guilt) for working my ass off and playing just as hard, in the form of travel.

So thank you, to all of you.
BostonGal is offline  
Jan 7th, 2009, 08:25 AM
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Where is it written that we all must be miserable? Who has decreed that to be accepted in society we must all agree to have 2.5 children, live in cookie cutter houses, work at jobs we dislike and never vacation. Everyone who has commented on this thread has had it said to them at least once: "must be nice!" And I would offer there is only one appropriate response to that: "Yes, it is."
oliverandharry is offline  
Jan 7th, 2009, 08:40 AM
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Just keep in mind that there's a difference between being guilt-tripped and feeling guilty. You can't control the former -- people will always try to makes themselves feel better by implying that you're just a lucky duck -- but you can control the latter by not taking it to heart! If travel is a priority in your life, then you're the only person who needs to understand what you've done to earn that privilege, whether that means scrimping, making sacrifices, or simply working your butt off.
karameli is offline  
Jan 7th, 2009, 09:42 AM
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BostonGal - you said the words right out of my mouth! Except for the fact that I don't work in the travel industry (but I'd love to!).

I am always planning that next trip or the one after, or trying to fit another one in between! I'm addicted and I can't stop. Thankfully I know I'm not alone!

I don't feel guilty that I travel a lot compared to friends and family, but at the same time I feel like I can't talk about it much. Some people get snippy with me like I'm bragging if I even mention I am going somewhere. Recently, I returned from a long weekend getaway and my co-workers never even acknowledged I was gone (there are only 4 of us in the office and they all knew I'd been planning this trip for a long time). So I just keep my travel plans to myself and hang out here on Fodors!

sherhatfield is offline  
Jan 7th, 2009, 09:58 AM
Join Date: Nov 2005
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Folks might find this item amusing...I cut this out from some magazine a few years ago (don't know which one):

"No Place Like Roam"
Some people just can't stay put. They're only happy when heading away from home to exotic distant lands. Constantly fantasizing about the next adventure, their pulse begins to race the minute they book a plane ticket. Tension builds as they await departure, worried that something will delay their plane. Not until takeoff do these travel buffs feel truly at ease. It's not just a passion, say doctors; it's a disease.

Travel junkies are actually suffering from an impulse-control disorder called DROMOMANIA, says Dr. Thomas Stuttaford in the London Times. Like shoplifters and arsonists, who also suffer from impulse-control disorders, they feel a buildup of pressure that can only be relieved when their hunger for foreign lands is sated. Once back home, they can tolerate daily routines for awhile. But soon, "their eye will be caught by a gaudy travel poster, and the cycle will be repeated."
LynAK is offline  

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