concernedparent

Our son has decided college is 'not for him' at this point in his life. He is doing well academically, 'but longs to wander and explore before it's too late.' He has traveled to Europe, (prior to college with a group) to Austria and the Czech. Republic. His 'youth' wants to throw caution to the wind and just take off. I have done research and am aware of the Schengen confederation of countries and the limit of 90 days without a visa. I have also advised him travel in the state of the world today is much more regulated and scrutinized. From the postings on this forum I have looked at and passed on to him the websites for gap-year.com and backpackingeurope.com. Both have provided valuable information. Are there any parents out there who have had a child/still teenager who has had a successful (or dreadful) experience? I keep telling him the world is different today...and you need to have plans......I would greatly appreciate any comments or advice. THANKS!

hetismij

SPeaking as a European a gap year is very normal now. My nephew went to Australia backpacking, and worked at a summer camp in the US during his gap year. My niece toured Europe by train and then went to Malaysia on Operation Raleigh to work on various projects there. Both raised the money themselves, by working hard, and for the Malaysia trip also through sponsorship.
My niece was 18 when she went by train through Europe, on her own. Never had a problem. Sometimes she camped, sometimes she stayed in hostels, and towards the end of the trip she stayed with me for a few days before returning to the UK.
It was worrying for their parents, but the kids grew up in that time and were ready for uni the following year, far more so than those who went straight from home to uni.
He should do his research well before setting off, and maybe should use part of his gap year financing (some of) the rest of it, rather than you paying for it all. It is a great opportunity and he should grab it with both hands. It may never come his way again.

concernedparent

thank you for your insight - I was worried about his traveling alone...and yes, he will have to earn the money for this trip prior to departure...we feel it is a good lesson in 'nothing ventured, nothing gained', if it is 'handed' to him, it will not mean as much. And I also appreciate the affirmation he needs to take advantage of/and grab hold of the opportunity while he is young!

annhig

hi, concerned,

I'm interested in your thoughts as our 16 year old is already talking about travelling in his "gap" year, in approx 2 years' time!

if you google "gap year" then you'll find loads of ideas for projects/journeys he can do.

regards, ann

concernedparent

Thanks for the reply annhig - yes, there are a lot of "planned" options for a gap year......but our son wants to "free-style" on his own...hence our concern...I am not against his idea of wanting to travel but he neeeds to have some plans......any 'older' 'former' free-spirits out there with advice?

nona1

There are still plenty of backpackers taking the more random approach - he will be far from alone. There's no need for him to join any 'official' or arranged gap year scheme if he doesn't want to.

RGTraveler

When I was 19 (Over 30 years ago-ouch!)I went to Europe with a buddy for several months and had absolutely the most wonderful time of my life!
Although I can't recall many specifics now, the best thing we did was buy a Eurail pass which enabled us to zip from place to place effortlessly.
For a single traveler I don't think there would be much need for a structured itinerary. He can pop into any town at virtually any time of season and find a youth hostel or room to rent at affordable prices. Most cities will have a TI which can give him detailed info.
Language today isn't much of a barrier either as all teenagers seem to speak plenty of English. Depending on what his interests are, he may want to seek out more youth oriented or college towns such as Heidelberg, Prague, Siena, etc. Or if he's a true backpacker or camper make sure he heads for the Alps.

I presume this won't be a working trip for him and since you say he's been to Europe before, he should adjust easily to the different cultures of foreign travel.

So just let him go, and tell him to have the time of his life and come home when the money runs out.

nytraveler

I think the key thing here is who's supporting him.

If he's paying his own way - obviously he can just head out and do whatever he wants. But- he obviously has no right to expect you to fund this for him.

If you've been paying for his college you may have some negotiating position - that he complete a year before he heads out.

But assuming he's 18 - he can do whatever he wants. Just make it clear you won;t provide a safety net - and if he runs out of money it's his problem.

(I actually think this is a avery good idea of many kids who go to college because they're expected to - but don;t really have any idea why they're there - or aren't working towards any specific goal. Often this time/space will help them mature enough to realize the value of an education.)

We're lucky that both my step-daughters had very specific plans when they started college - one is now in law school and one's studying journalism/ communications because she's determined to be a reporter.

(That said, both of our girls spent the summer after high school wandering europe with friends - but on their money, not ours. We just pay for the schooling.)

But for kids who are kind of aimless, some time off often helps them focus on what they want and who they really are.

Cowboy1968

Being almost 40, I think that nothing would have freaked me out more at age 18 or 20 than a nicely "pre-planned" gap year.

As you pointed out, his gap "year" won't be more than 3 months - if he decides to travel in Europe's Schengen treaty countries. He will probably do some research on visa requirements for other contries.

Most big city train stations have cheap hostals nearby where he gets a roof and a bed for 10-20 Euros. Also a good place to meet friends.
Most travelers who start on their own will meet other people, say in Munich, who they join to go to Rome together. And back from Rome to Amsterdam.
Yes, pickpockets may steal the wallet in Barcelona, some hostals in Berlin may be seedy, and you should not spend all day at an Amsterdam coffee shop to have at least some brains left.

The "world" has never been a nice and cosy place. He will make lots of experiences and learn to use common sense what to do and where to go.

But that's what seperates people age 16-20something from people age 30 plus: They are still in that wonderful stage of being able to make all those mistakes for their first time

gruezi

Dear concerned parent,

Both my teenagers attend different international high schools in Europe where the idea of a gap year is pretty standard for 18-year-olds. From my own un-scientific data, boys seem to be a little less focused at that age...I have 5 brothers and none finished college in 4 years...and it seems more boys than girls opt for the gap year.

Most of the parents I know don't fund the year completely and try to encourage some structure and some kind of educational aspect to the year. Some kids travel, some take classes, some return to their home countries and work for a while. Some waste the time and still are pretty aimless at the end... but that would not be your son

I think college is so expensive and having just completed a second undergrad degree and witnessed the absolute waste on some kids, if your son wants to try something else and "find himself" then he probably is making a pretty honest and mature decision. He could stay at school and basically throw away your good money as some kids do. Or go the binge drinking/drugs route...

I think time abroad will clarify things for him and perhaps inspire him. It will definitely build independence, responsibility and confidence which are important to a good education...

ira

Hi CP,

>Our son has decided college is 'not for him' at this point in his life.

As a person who spent over 30 yrs in the professor business, a good part of which was spent advising students, I can only advise you that, having raised him as best you could and counseled him as best you could, you let him go.

It's not as if he will be going to Iraq.

gruezi

Ira,

That explains alot...

bet you were a fantastic advisor!

gruezi

ira

Aw, shucks, G

J_Correa

When we were in Germany, we talked to some people who were travelling around with a company called Bus About. Basically you buy a pass with the company - they have different routes and you can buy passes for one or more routes for a specific period of time. The company also has reservation services. The people we talked to were travelling for 6 months and just sort of winging it - but since they had these passes, they could go when they wanted and use the reservation service to find decent lodging.

It might be something your son is interested in.

kp

I certainly have no idea of your sons economic situation but -- if he's a US citizen he might want to consider of the current value of the US Dollar against the Euro.
There's more to the world than Europe.

hopscotch

My daughter did a gap year after high school. She spent 90 days in Italy and about 6 months in the Carribbean where they don't have the stinking 90 day rule. Now, a year later, she is in college and starting to get serious about life, but still has the wanderlust. She did another month in Italy this summer. Takes after the old man.

Concernedparent should open the cage door and see where the bird flies.

artlover

My daughter recently spent 6 months in Italy by herself--3 at a university in Siena, 3 in Southern Italy and it was a great experience for her. Yes, yes, let him do it! (Not that you really have much choice). It will be a great experience and give him time to grow and come to terms with what he really wants to do in the future. (

BTW, DD is in law school now and has temporarily put her wanderlust aside...if only her mum could do the same)

thirtythree

How are you doing sir (concernedparent)? I am a pretty young American with quite a lot of experience with Europe. I am a soldier in Germany, living with my wife (well, when Im not in Iraq where I am writing from right now).

I thought my uniqe persepctive might help out a bit. Basically, I travel almost every weekend. Having an apartment dead center in Germany is a great outpost from which to start travels. On my three day weekends, I just take short trips around Germany and possibly into Czech and Austria. On longer weekends, I travel quite extensively throughout Europe, including the UK, Eastern Europe, and you name it.

My best advice to your son is the following: you don't want to structure and plan everything, but some basic guideposts will really help you enjoy yourself more. I understand the draw of "just going". And my guide post idea allows for this. Say your son is going to take three weeks to do his trip. Say he flys into, oh, Frankfurt. From here his next guidepost is in 1 week, and will be at the Frankfurt Hahn airport. He now knows that whatever he does in the week, be it explore the Rhineland, go to France, travel to and from Berlin by rail, that he needs to be at the Frankfurt Hahn airport in 1 week, for a pre scheduled 10 Euro flight to Dublin.

Next outpost is in Shannon, Ireland in 5 days. He now has another target, and knows that in 5 days, he has another 10 Euro RyanAir flight to London Stanstead.

You see where I am going with this? Now the well off countries in Europe, like Germany, France, etc, are pretty accomidating to the free travel spirit. As long as you stay out of major cities, a traveler can find rooms for rent for so cheap.

My wife and I dont like hostles. We like to pay just a bit more to stay away from travelers. But we almost never stay in hotels. In Germany, we use Zimmer Frei's. Just rooms for rent in local homes. The homeowner puts a Zimmer Frei (room available) sign up. They usually have a portion of the home partitioned off, so its your own place. Its a real home. Its real Germany. Its cute, quaint, and almost always comes with an included breakfast. We have used simillar places in France and Austria.

To an American, this sounds odd and a bit unsafe. But I assure you, it really is the way to go.

If you trust your son, and he takes this advice, all will work out well.

If he plans on seeing Eastern Europe, I would reccomend a bit more structure, and a few traveling buddies, just to stay on the safe side.

If you have more questions, leave a post, I would be glad to help.

concernedparent

Dear Ira, G.,kp,hopscotch,cowboy, all of you who took the time to reply,

Your thougths and comments have been extremely helpful and very appreciated. Wow, Ira, your reply will go a long way with convincing Dad this is OK for our son to do! At 40+ it was good to be reminded by others of how different an 18 year old's thought process is. I feel much better about him taking this step....I thought the cage door was opened when he went off to college....guess not....because he is feeling 'trapped' there.
Please keep the advice/comments coming.
Any advice on health insurance since he will be off dad's policy if he is not a full-time student?
concernedparent

Sassafrass

One more vote for letting your son go. Our daughter did that a few years ago, left college and traveled around Europe for seven months, supporting herself totally (not a penny from Mom & Dad) by getting part time jobs along the way.
She dug potatoes in Ireland, harvested vegetables in England, worked as a maid at a hotel in Germany, etc. She traveled until she was low on money, then worked until she had enough for going on, etc. She did wait until Spring to go, so she was there during Summer and Fall and home by Christmas. She returned home and finished college. She now speaks several languages fluently and has since lived in Central and South America and Europe - with regular jobs. I wish every young person could do it. There is never a better time. Encourage him to go for it.

Just ask him to post to the forum once in a while so we can all know how he is doing.