Drunk Mom's Travel Limericks
#1
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Drunk Mom's Travel Limericks
I've never started a thread before, but it seemed like a good idea to break the limericks subthread off from the "I Was Drunk..." thread, since it's taking on a life of its own.
Here are two weak attempts to start it out. Surely *you* can do better!
Got a layover at CDG
And was wondering what I could see
In an hour and a half.
Can I beat a fast path
Through the major museums of Paris?
Just got back from my third trip to Flanders
Where the mighty Scheldt river meanders.
The chocolates were swell
The dioxins as well
In the chickens, the eggs, and the ganders.
Here are two weak attempts to start it out. Surely *you* can do better!
Got a layover at CDG
And was wondering what I could see
In an hour and a half.
Can I beat a fast path
Through the major museums of Paris?
Just got back from my third trip to Flanders
Where the mighty Scheldt river meanders.
The chocolates were swell
The dioxins as well
In the chickens, the eggs, and the ganders.
#6
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Posts: n/a
Dear Fodors:
We've three hours to see all of Rome,
(including a glimpse of the dome)
We're so tightly slotted
There's minutes allotted
To take in the old catacomb.
To Florence with haste we will scamper
With no space to waste in our hamper
No where will we roam
Without washclothes from home
Our motto: "ourselves we do pamper."
We wanted to try some Nutella
We read it was so "muy bella"
In Hagen's famed Copen
A jar we did open
One taste and in love we did fella.
The British, they drive on the left
At dodging their taxis we're deft
My drunk mom, one night,
She looked to the right
And made her poor family bereft
We've three hours to see all of Rome,
(including a glimpse of the dome)
We're so tightly slotted
There's minutes allotted
To take in the old catacomb.
To Florence with haste we will scamper
With no space to waste in our hamper
No where will we roam
Without washclothes from home
Our motto: "ourselves we do pamper."
We wanted to try some Nutella
We read it was so "muy bella"
In Hagen's famed Copen
A jar we did open
One taste and in love we did fella.
The British, they drive on the left
At dodging their taxis we're deft
My drunk mom, one night,
She looked to the right
And made her poor family bereft
#7
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Posts: n/a
Hmmm, how about Haiku? (5-7-5)
2 screaming children
Into the overhead bin
No one hears their screams
Pedestals for feet,
what is this hole in the ground?
I must be in France.
The menu says "ris".
Hey, this doesn't look like rice!
It tastes like sweetbreads.
2 screaming children
Into the overhead bin
No one hears their screams
Pedestals for feet,
what is this hole in the ground?
I must be in France.
The menu says "ris".
Hey, this doesn't look like rice!
It tastes like sweetbreads.
#9
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We're headed off to see Rome
To see the Basilica's dome
so where should I stay?
my fears to allay
where none of the gypsies call home?
There's not even room for my feet
In this uncomfortable airline seat
I don't mean to be rude
but this airplane food
Even makes sweetbreads a treat!
#10
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Why do those French seem so mad?
I wore the best windsuit I had.
Why won’t they seat me
And serve pre-dinner coffee?
And why does their cheese smell so bad?
I’m heading to Europe and terrified.
Reading this forum has me stupefied.
Good grief!
Everyone’s a thief!
The Gypsies have certainly been vilified.
My goodness this seat is small.
Sure glad I’m not 7 feet tall.
But this I will bare
For a Supersaver fare.
I’ll just get drunk and have a ball.
I wore the best windsuit I had.
Why won’t they seat me
And serve pre-dinner coffee?
And why does their cheese smell so bad?
I’m heading to Europe and terrified.
Reading this forum has me stupefied.
Good grief!
Everyone’s a thief!
The Gypsies have certainly been vilified.
My goodness this seat is small.
Sure glad I’m not 7 feet tall.
But this I will bare
For a Supersaver fare.
I’ll just get drunk and have a ball.
#11
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Posts: n/a
In Vienna I stopped for some strudell
It's crust was as limp as a noodle
We waited an hour
The filling was sour
And the pie wasn't fit for my poodle
In Prague I ordered a schnitzel of veal
With potatoes and slaw, what a meal
I paused with my fork
When told it was pork
For my Rabbi I do think would appeal
In Paris I yearned for some wine
The Bordeaux we selected was quite fine
After 15 more glasses
We fell on our asses
And couldn't even walk a straight line
In London we sampled some chips
Along with some stout a few sips
When it comes to their cooking
The English are looking
For someone to give them some tips
In Athens we wanted souvlaki
But food on a stick seemed quite tacky
Our tour from Contiki
Enjoyed the Tatziki
But the grease made a stain on my Khakis
It's crust was as limp as a noodle
We waited an hour
The filling was sour
And the pie wasn't fit for my poodle
In Prague I ordered a schnitzel of veal
With potatoes and slaw, what a meal
I paused with my fork
When told it was pork
For my Rabbi I do think would appeal
In Paris I yearned for some wine
The Bordeaux we selected was quite fine
After 15 more glasses
We fell on our asses
And couldn't even walk a straight line
In London we sampled some chips
Along with some stout a few sips
When it comes to their cooking
The English are looking
For someone to give them some tips
In Athens we wanted souvlaki
But food on a stick seemed quite tacky
Our tour from Contiki
Enjoyed the Tatziki
But the grease made a stain on my Khakis
#12
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Posts: n/a
I seem to have had a mishap
We took off and I took a nap
Now London is thataway
I'm in Piscataway!
I think that I need a new map.
At PR Abate's a pro
But RomanHomes had to eat crow
There are no more vestiges
Of spurious messages
Allowing him his horn to blow
We took off and I took a nap
Now London is thataway
I'm in Piscataway!
I think that I need a new map.
At PR Abate's a pro
But RomanHomes had to eat crow
There are no more vestiges
Of spurious messages
Allowing him his horn to blow
#13
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Posts: n/a
My sneakers have treated me well
On trips in the past, truth to tell
But I hear that their whiteness
Will ward off politeness
Though they're clean and they don't even smell.
"Learn the language," they say, and I've tried
To speak French and Italian with pride.
But I lost all my daring when
faced with Hungarian.
And in Budapest I was tongue-tied.
When I studied in Scotland I ate
A haggis arrayed on a plate.
So I'm not quite a rube,
But Haggis-in-Tube(TM)
Doesn't sound like it was worth the wait.
On trips in the past, truth to tell
But I hear that their whiteness
Will ward off politeness
Though they're clean and they don't even smell.
"Learn the language," they say, and I've tried
To speak French and Italian with pride.
But I lost all my daring when
faced with Hungarian.
And in Budapest I was tongue-tied.
When I studied in Scotland I ate
A haggis arrayed on a plate.
So I'm not quite a rube,
But Haggis-in-Tube(TM)
Doesn't sound like it was worth the wait.
#20
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Posts: n/a
Speaking of croissants:
You might know not to say Edinburrow
If your education was thorough
And if you're a touris'
You can learn to say Culross,
And Kirkcudbright and Hawick you will purr-o.
(That's more or less "Curris," "Kirkcoobree" and "Hoyk" -- pardon my bad phoneticization.)
You might know not to say Edinburrow
If your education was thorough
And if you're a touris'
You can learn to say Culross,
And Kirkcudbright and Hawick you will purr-o.
(That's more or less "Curris," "Kirkcoobree" and "Hoyk" -- pardon my bad phoneticization.)