Scarlett

SeaUrchin, that sounds like such fun!

Cassandra

Robespierre, what an insightful addition. Traveling with someone who puts people in arbitrary categories if you don't would certainly be a trial. E.g., "oh look at those awful Americans!" or "wow, spandex-for-brains bike-fanatics" or "mouth-breathing Disneyland recidivists." Of course, it could be equally tedious to travel with someone ready to pounce on every utterance.

(Or perhaps you were, once again, taking a swipe at someone/me? Be logical, at least: a quiz like this doesn't generate categories, it generates responses to be compared.)

SeaUrchin

Ha, yes it is is much more of a workout than I excpected! I feel like a Hillary Swank Of A Certain Age! It's fun. I got the little trampoline new on Ebay, called a rebounder.

Sorry for hijacking your thead, peeky, but maybe you can p/u a tramp. too. Oh I guess that can be taken two ways!

cfc

13. How much difference does it make to you whether there is a shower, tub, enclosure, bidet, etc.?

14. Is a shower necessary every day? Morning or evening?

15. If you disagree with a traveling companion, would you be happier to try to find a compromise or take turns "winning"?

16. How far from your hotel are you willing to go for dinner? Do you need to know before the end of the day where you'll be having dinner?

17. What do you drink? wines; beers; hard/mixed drinks; soft drinks only. Would it bother you to have a meal without alcohol? Would it bother you to have a companion who drinks more than you do?

Tekla

Have to do a post on this one! I have been lucky enough to have traveled a bit during my lifetime. In my younger days I could zoom around all day and still be up for late night fun. Now, when planning a trip I need to plan FIRST on how much rest I will need. I can't believe it! Remember when dealing with an older person--you will be there too some day!!!

AnthonyGA

Here's a single, simple question: Do you spend more time debating what to do with your travelling companion than you spend actually doing it? If the answer is yes or even close to yes, the two of you probably should not be travelling companions.

If I tour with one or two people, I do what they want to do. But if I tour with a group of thirty people, I tell them what we will do and expect them to follow instructions. The more people you have, the more conflicting wishes you have, and unless you have the luxury of cutting people loose and allowing them to do what they want, you have to put your foot down. But with a very small number of people sometimes you can reach a consensus before it's time to take a taxi back to the airport for the ride home.

MelissaHI

18. Is there anything in particular you want to see, do, buy, or eat? Are you going to do any research on the destination before you go? Or bring any guidebooks?

This was important from my last trip, where she did no research whatsoever. While it was annoying in Paris, I nearly fell over when we arrived in London and she said, "I'm glad we spent more time in Paris than London. Because London....well, what's there?" I rattled off the various sites in London of historical and cultural value, and she gave me a blank look and shrugged.

Later another friend explained that many people travel that way--they don't travel to a destination to actually SEE anything, they just want to be able to say they've been to the destination.

In any case, be prepared to have to be the one to direct the whole trip!

andy

peeky-

if you are still posting on this board and have not killed your friend ( lol!), tell her to do this....


( I have a horrid knee problem and cannot walk a lot so I am used to this and NEVER keep my travelling companions back)---

Tell your friend to take a paperback book ( or 2) with her on vacation--when she starts to poop out, sit her down at the nearest cafe to have some espresso and read and people watch....I do this ALL the time ( even in the states) as I LIKE to travel and see things --but IF my knee acts up ( and it normally does), I just beline it to a bench or cafe and chill out.


Just ask her to be prepared to sit it out at a cafe if she gets tired..Not only is the cafe fun, the book good, but people watching is an artform!!


I do this ALL the time and TELL her if she wants to go back to the hotel, to GO--and do it by taxi...

I ALWAYS use taxi or bus to travel and YES, I will pay for the convenience in order to NOT be in pain!

But PLEASE get this decided on BEFORE you go or you will kill each other.....

peeky

Hello again. We have had an argument of sorts. It ended with her telling me she hopes I get mobility troubles in the future and that I am egotisical. I am really very sad about all of this and I don't want to hurt her feelings. Anyway I don't know where the trip stands right now because we haven't spoken. I am thinking we can just go separate ways after the plane lands. I would like to say thank you to all of you too. I am sad.

sunny16

Peeky, I'm sorry to hear that you had an argument with your friend. In all honesty, it's probably better that you had this discussion now, instead of being miserable traveling with her at your destination. You will have a much better time being able to travel your own way without having someone hampering your enjoyment of your trip. I hope you can work things out so you can at least manage to stay friends.

mountaincyclist

And on a pleasant note, from 24 years of living and traveling abroad:

So much of traveling comes down to your attitude, expectations, and being smart.

1. Wear comfortable shoes and rotate them every other day.

2. Dress warm enough or cool enough (this will make you tired if you don't).

3. Drink lots of water. Keep snacks in your bag.

4. Be prepared: learn about all possible transportation ahead of time. Get good maps.

5. Plan your day to allow for rests every 2 hours (minimum). Just call them "time to people watch" instead of "rests".

6. Don't cram too much into a day. Organzie your sites by area to reduce walking.

7. One travel partner should be prepared to do journeys away from a central spot and back, in case the other needs more "people watching time".

8. EXPECT a certain level of discomfort and don't complain. EXPECT things to be different, than the usual and be surprised.

9. If you find you are feeling miserable - change your plans.

10. Stay light (don't carry alot) and stay interested.

The best tip: talk about what you both hope to get out of the trip, what three things do you really want to do. Give even focus to those 6 things, anything else will be frosting.

My fondest memories are usually the unexpected moments that come when I slow down.

peeky

Thank you for all your encouragement and ideas I am going to go alone now but I am trying to look upon the brighter side. By the by she isn't disabled she just does not like to move around and she is not even that big. She is a slug OK I got that out of my system. OK2 I will have to post a new question now.

SuzieC

Good Peeky. You'll have a good time.
Paris on one's own is something to treasure. Honest. Cross my heart...

starrsville

Peeky, I didn't post before now because I agreed with your friend. I love to travel but my impression was that the trip was more important than the friend.

Since you've already had the blow-up (really, probably better now than on the trip) you can give some thoughts to Plans B, C and D.

Instead of completely going your separate ways, how about having a honest talk, let her tell you how much you have hurt her feelings (and be quiet while you listen to her express her feelings) and then together come up with options that will make some joint experiences possible.

Perhaps the two of you can come up with something you want to do together each day, meet up to do that together, explore separately the rest of the day and meet up again to share your experiences.

I used to be a manic traveler and had to go, go, go all the time because I didn't want to "miss anything". As others have pointed out, it's amazing what one can experience when you slow down a bit...or a lot

I took a recent trip with someone with severe mobility issues. It slowed me down A LOT. I was only able to "see" a fraction of what I would be able to see solo - but I was able to experience those things with someone I cared about.

Maybe this is an important Life Lesson you needed to learn. A) the person is more important than packing everything into a trip, B) the trip is more important or C) there can be a combination of both. There are no "right" answers - just the right answer for you. Good luck. I hope you and your friend both have a wonderful time on the trip.

karens

Hi all. My husband and I are the ones who seem to have higher energy, plus more of a desire to explore than to just hang out. I do a ton of research before we leave, and make some pre-plans. I've had friends say they like to travel with us because they don't have to "do anything" about planning, b/c we do it all. My husband gets sensitive that we are deciding everything, but I find that when we throw the ball into their court, they just pass it back to us.

Peeky, are you going on a group tour? I did a 9 day Paris group tour with my friend, and we were fine. On a group tour, a lot of your pace is pre-arranged. But the tour guide declared we were the most independent of the group, and he saw us the least. We would go off on our own, and meet back for dinner. We were able to do this b/c our tour had only one stop - Paris, with several day trips. My friend seemed a little nervous to go off to the Moulin Rouge and leave me behind. I told her it was no problem - just to let me make arrangements to come back to the hotel with someone else. And we split up in the Louvre. We were there a total of 6 hours, over 2 days, but explored all of that time on our own. What was neat about that, was that we discussed what we saw. I wouldn't have seen Napolean's apartments if she didn't tell me about them.

Also, I am never without a good book, so waiting doesn't bother me as much.

Cassandra

Oh dear, Peeky, it seems as though perhaps both of you valued your friendship less than being able to travel in the style you wish. If that's the case, traveling together wouldn't have been a good idea anyway, but it is sad.

If you think you want to retain the friendship later on, perhaps you could think about some gesture to heal things a little -- like agreeing to meet for a couple of days to enjoy Europe together, eve if you're otherwise on your own.

Although some people are quite happy traveling alone, many enjoy it more when there's someone to say, "hey, look at that!" to. You might want to take a break from autonomy as well as try to patch up the friendship.

peeky

Now I feel even worse. I'll call her we can work it out maybe. She is younger and now I think she may be looking up to me to plan things but we are both adults that is what threw me off before. There is alot to take in consideration.

MelissaHI

Oh, peeky, don't feel bad....or worse! Starrsville had a good suggestion. In today's world, it is amazing how seldom people try to approach one another after a spat to smooth things over. The trip is not lost, believe me.

Not to mention.....what if you had fought while on the trip? Nothing is worse than being in another state or COUNTRY and getting into a fight.

I don't think I like her comment about wishing mobility problems on you, though, that wasn't nice.

I don't know that I would go as far to say that the trip was more important than the friendship. I can see that both are important to you. You just want to ensure that you have a good time for the time & money that you are expending, right? Anyone would want that. Why on earth would anyone want to travel to another country to have a bad time? Not me.

Hopefully, she will at least compromise by being flexible enough to go back to the hotel by herself when she gets tired. Then you can explore by yourself, which is always a good adventure.

kfusto

I agree that travelling with a friend -or even a lover, despite the benefits - can be a real challenge.

I have learned that for me it is worth it to book smaller, single rooms at a more basic hotel than to share. This gives us both a break and we have our much appreciated privacy.

I also do not equate travelling together with being joined at the hip. I run in the mornings and like my afternoon naps. My travel partner is welcome to do as they please, always, and I prefer to have a good bit of time alone to pursue my own interests.

suze

I'm sorry for your feeling sad, but if you can't even have a telephone call without it ending so badly, I don't know how the heck you'd make it thru a trip to Europe happily with each other. It simply doesn't bode well for your travels together.