Did you marry your European boy/girlfriend?
Sep 16th, 2004, 07:56 AM
#42
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I did. We met while I was on vacation in 1995. We were just friends or acquaintances for the first year and didn't keep in touch very much. Met up a year later and romance started. Did the long distance thing and then he made the move to the US.
He's originally from Massa Lubrense, Italy (by Sorrento & Positano) and I am from outside of New York City. We think we're lucky to call two of the best places in the world "home."
He's originally from Massa Lubrense, Italy (by Sorrento & Positano) and I am from outside of New York City. We think we're lucky to call two of the best places in the world "home."
Sep 16th, 2004, 08:32 AM
#43
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Yesssssss.....I married my norwegian viking and we are currently living in Oslo, Norway. We met at university and we've been together for about 12 years now.
It's enriching having a foreign husband. You get to choose the best of both cultures and make them as yours. True...sometimes it's complicated and challenging, but at the end of the day, it all works out....at least for us.
I feel blessed with my man......
It's enriching having a foreign husband. You get to choose the best of both cultures and make them as yours. True...sometimes it's complicated and challenging, but at the end of the day, it all works out....at least for us.
I feel blessed with my man......
Sep 16th, 2004, 01:38 PM
#44
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wow everyone (crazymina)....thanks for all the support! I know, i got ahead of myself as to when the next time I'll see him will be....but it is 6 months from now, not in Dec but in March! I'm trying to sneak a little trip in there sometime in December, but with work and everything I don't know if that will be possible.
There are so many posts here that I forget who wrote what, but I remember someone saying it will only work if one of us is willing to move, and I totally agree with that. See, I love Italy, LOVE IT but he's from Naples first of all, and of all the places in Italy to settle, that would probably be my last choice. Also, I don't know if I'd want to raise my children in Italy. It's a great place, but there are so many more opportunities in the US. Good news for me, he doesn't want to live in Italy when he's finished with school, and loved Chicago when he was here. BUT...you know Italians and their mothers!? Especially the boys! It's almost comical. When I was there last time (in April) his mother kept asking me what was going to happen after I left Europe for good. (I had been living in Prague all last year). I tried to say to her that he was coming to visit "only for holiday" but she didn't want to hear that at all! He says she's strong and she will understand, but the other thing (and this is big) is that his younger brother died of Cancer about 2 years ago and I KNOW his mother feels like if he leaves she'll be losing all her children. I'd hate to be in the center of all this!
In the meantime, I'm learning on taking it all one day at a time, concentrating on my work, and yes...constantly searching for cheap airfare back and forth, just to pass the time and torture myself.
Thanks everyone for all the comments! Great forum Gelato Lover!
Oh, by the way, my boy is studying Engineering, specifically Telecommunications...do you think it will be hard for him to find work here?
There are so many posts here that I forget who wrote what, but I remember someone saying it will only work if one of us is willing to move, and I totally agree with that. See, I love Italy, LOVE IT but he's from Naples first of all, and of all the places in Italy to settle, that would probably be my last choice. Also, I don't know if I'd want to raise my children in Italy. It's a great place, but there are so many more opportunities in the US. Good news for me, he doesn't want to live in Italy when he's finished with school, and loved Chicago when he was here. BUT...you know Italians and their mothers!? Especially the boys! It's almost comical. When I was there last time (in April) his mother kept asking me what was going to happen after I left Europe for good. (I had been living in Prague all last year). I tried to say to her that he was coming to visit "only for holiday" but she didn't want to hear that at all! He says she's strong and she will understand, but the other thing (and this is big) is that his younger brother died of Cancer about 2 years ago and I KNOW his mother feels like if he leaves she'll be losing all her children. I'd hate to be in the center of all this!
In the meantime, I'm learning on taking it all one day at a time, concentrating on my work, and yes...constantly searching for cheap airfare back and forth, just to pass the time and torture myself.
Thanks everyone for all the comments! Great forum Gelato Lover!
Oh, by the way, my boy is studying Engineering, specifically Telecommunications...do you think it will be hard for him to find work here?
Sep 16th, 2004, 02:29 PM
#45
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Hahaha Laurie...my man is also in telecommunications. But in a different area. He does install for companies, PABX and a slew of other stuff I don't understand. We've been looking online to see what the telecomm market looks like for him, and so far, it's not overly great. But who knows what it will look like when he gets here.
I was the one who said one of you has to commit to moving. It's good news he's interested in coming to the U.S. But getting him here will be challenge...especially depending on how old you both are. My aussie is 32...too old for many of the young work visas. Too hard to get a company to sponsor him. So we either get married, or go for the greencard lotto. We did the latter. If you went the marriage route, you would most likely be supporting the both of you until he got his work permit...6-8 mos down the line, I believe. Unless you went down the legit fiance visa route, but that takes a while to get too.
I have heard of the Italian mother thing. Korean mothers are similar (I'm Korean). Heck, probably mothers of every culture are protective of their boys, especially if it's their one and only. My Italian male coworker said his mother chased his last girlfriend away (although I doubt he stood up to his mother). My Australian girlfriend with an Italian boyfriend is going through culture shock as well.
The good thing is that if the mother doesn't move with him, that your potential mother-in-law will be far far away.
I was the one who said one of you has to commit to moving. It's good news he's interested in coming to the U.S. But getting him here will be challenge...especially depending on how old you both are. My aussie is 32...too old for many of the young work visas. Too hard to get a company to sponsor him. So we either get married, or go for the greencard lotto. We did the latter. If you went the marriage route, you would most likely be supporting the both of you until he got his work permit...6-8 mos down the line, I believe. Unless you went down the legit fiance visa route, but that takes a while to get too.
I have heard of the Italian mother thing. Korean mothers are similar (I'm Korean). Heck, probably mothers of every culture are protective of their boys, especially if it's their one and only. My Italian male coworker said his mother chased his last girlfriend away (although I doubt he stood up to his mother). My Australian girlfriend with an Italian boyfriend is going through culture shock as well.
The good thing is that if the mother doesn't move with him, that your potential mother-in-law will be far far away.
Sep 16th, 2004, 02:48 PM
#46
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Hi again everyone,
dln - my best friend got engaged at the Wayside Inn (near the "water wheel"
crazymina - don't get me started on green card headaches! it took a lot of time filling out the forms, but my husband's got his and next year we can apply for permanent status!
I_jackson - hang in there! you have the right attitude about having an open mind and heart. i NEVER thought i would be married to an italian man and living in las vegas! sometimes the future holds unexpected surprises...
hamlet - i understand about the best of both worlds...we've got tons of free places to stay in emilia romagna, tuscany and calabria!
lwinokur - the italian mother is a very special breed. it was really hard for my in-laws to "let go" of my husband when he moved here 3 years ago. of course, his father tells him constantly that he can come home and start studying to become a dentist again...he loves his family very much, but about 2 days after he arrives there they are driving him nuts and he's ready to come home where "nessuno mi rompe le palle" (sorry, vulgar!)
Thanks again for all the well-wishes and comments!
dln - my best friend got engaged at the Wayside Inn (near the "water wheel"
crazymina - don't get me started on green card headaches! it took a lot of time filling out the forms, but my husband's got his and next year we can apply for permanent status!
I_jackson - hang in there! you have the right attitude about having an open mind and heart. i NEVER thought i would be married to an italian man and living in las vegas! sometimes the future holds unexpected surprises...
hamlet - i understand about the best of both worlds...we've got tons of free places to stay in emilia romagna, tuscany and calabria!
lwinokur - the italian mother is a very special breed. it was really hard for my in-laws to "let go" of my husband when he moved here 3 years ago. of course, his father tells him constantly that he can come home and start studying to become a dentist again...he loves his family very much, but about 2 days after he arrives there they are driving him nuts and he's ready to come home where "nessuno mi rompe le palle" (sorry, vulgar!)
Thanks again for all the well-wishes and comments!
Sep 16th, 2004, 03:21 PM
#47
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Gelato lover...I'd actually be interested in your greencard stories (if you care to "get started. ) You can email me if you want (don't feel obliged to though) so we don't clutter up this thread with it. No guarantees Aussie boy will get the lotto greencard, although we are hopeful. Probably wise to look at all our options.
But I take it you married him in Vegas, THEN did all the paperwork? I have heard the forms are monstrous. My cousin married an Australian girl and had to go through it. They hired a lawyer. Apparently, this Australian affection runs in my family.
The greencard lotto is definitely the easiest way to go, with regards to paperwork. But the odds are a bit slim!
) You can email me if you want (don't feel obliged to though) so we don't clutter up this thread with it. No guarantees Aussie boy will get the lotto greencard, although we are hopeful. Probably wise to look at all our options.But I take it you married him in Vegas, THEN did all the paperwork? I have heard the forms are monstrous. My cousin married an Australian girl and had to go through it. They hired a lawyer. Apparently, this Australian affection runs in my family.
The greencard lotto is definitely the easiest way to go, with regards to paperwork. But the odds are a bit slim!
Sep 16th, 2004, 04:15 PM
#48
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crazymina,
You crack me up! You are right, we got married in Vegas first and filed the paperwork after. I will have to pull all the docs out to refresh myself on the timelines. It really wasn't too bad, I downloaded all the forms from the internet, filled them out carefully and mailed them in (certified mail, so there was no question that they had been received). Less than one year later we got the letter to schedule our "what color is his toothbrush" interview. BTW they don't really do that, at least not to us! The whole thing lasted 15 minutes and his green card (its actually yellowish-gold) came in the mail about 3 weeks later. All in all a pretty smooth process. I had looked into the fiance visa but it seemed like an added step since we wanted to get married anyway. Email me at [email protected] if you want to discuss further
gt; bye
You crack me up! You are right, we got married in Vegas first and filed the paperwork after. I will have to pull all the docs out to refresh myself on the timelines. It really wasn't too bad, I downloaded all the forms from the internet, filled them out carefully and mailed them in (certified mail, so there was no question that they had been received). Less than one year later we got the letter to schedule our "what color is his toothbrush" interview. BTW they don't really do that, at least not to us! The whole thing lasted 15 minutes and his green card (its actually yellowish-gold) came in the mail about 3 weeks later. All in all a pretty smooth process. I had looked into the fiance visa but it seemed like an added step since we wanted to get married anyway. Email me at [email protected] if you want to discuss further
gt; bye
Sep 16th, 2004, 04:38 PM
#49
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Yup...that's why most people don't seem to go the fiance visa route. Why wait for a year apart, when you can just wait a year together? And your wait seems quite short!
Aussie and I don't want to get married to get a greencard. We want him to come first, then decide which way we'll go. I think he's afraid he'll marry me for a greencard, then think "Yikes! I've made the mistake of my life!" Then divorce me and hightail it back to the land of beautiful scenery and deadly things.
Aussie and I don't want to get married to get a greencard. We want him to come first, then decide which way we'll go. I think he's afraid he'll marry me for a greencard, then think "Yikes! I've made the mistake of my life!" Then divorce me and hightail it back to the land of beautiful scenery and deadly things.
Sep 16th, 2004, 05:23 PM
#50
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gelato lover--my husband applied for his green card right after we got married and it was the year the movie "Green Card" came out (with Andie McDowell and Gerard Depardeau, remember it?). We were scared skinny we'd be turned down! Especially when they asked to see wedding photos, which of course we didn't have on us.
Turned out okay, though.
Turned out okay, though.
Sep 16th, 2004, 06:40 PM
#52
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Not all the Italian Mothers are like the classical stereotype that we see in tv or movies..
I am proud to say that I never chased any girl friend away and dont interfere in my son marriage at all.
Proud to say that I am A COOL mother in law, despite that my son is very close to me..
We have so much in common,especially in the cultural camp, after all I raised him, and he acquired some of my traits,my ways of thinking, my passion for travel and for knowledge..
I am proud to say that I never chased any girl friend away and dont interfere in my son marriage at all.
Proud to say that I am A COOL mother in law, despite that my son is very close to me..
We have so much in common,especially in the cultural camp, after all I raised him, and he acquired some of my traits,my ways of thinking, my passion for travel and for knowledge..
Sep 16th, 2004, 07:06 PM
#53
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lol Kismet, I'm sure you are a great mother in law. Whether the "stereotype" is the exception or the rule, I don't know. My sister in law loves my mother, and I know that she is a great mom...but I have to admit...from all of my Korean friends who married into Korean families, my mother is the exception, and not the rule.
Or maybe all my friends had bad luck, and Korean MILs are great. Who knows. I reckon I won't have to find out though!
Or maybe all my friends had bad luck, and Korean MILs are great. Who knows. I reckon I won't have to find out though!
Sep 16th, 2004, 08:26 PM
#54
Ann41: We left the U.S. after 3 months here, and he never returned (grace a dieu!). Actually, we still see each other every once in a while when I'm in England with my family, since we have many mutual friends.
The sad part was I lost my ability to work in England after moving back to the U.S. and not returning to England for 2 years. Still have my health insurance and pension money there though. Don't know if I will be allowed to tap into it when I reach that age, though.
The sad part was I lost my ability to work in England after moving back to the U.S. and not returning to England for 2 years. Still have my health insurance and pension money there though. Don't know if I will be allowed to tap into it when I reach that age, though.
Sep 17th, 2004, 01:21 AM
#55
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Try a potential Iish Mother in Law...Nightmare. Their boys do no wrong it just kills me sometimes. No wonder so many men can't cook or clean. If my partners mother here in Ireland (Who probably is the exception) insults me one more time in an indirect way I will take her son away! It may be a generational thing that is dying out (I hope) but Irish boys and their mammy's wreck my head.
It may be a generational thing that is dying out (I hope) but Irish boys and their mammy's wreck my head.
Sep 17th, 2004, 06:13 AM
#57
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My Korean mother-in-law (and father-in-law for that matter) was an absolute gem of a person. I was so lucky to have known her as an individual, and to have had someone like her as a mother-in-law. We miss her a lot.
Sep 17th, 2004, 11:58 AM
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Oh no, don't get me wrong, I love my boy's mother! (I think....it's hard to understand her!) She's a doll, and has the love for her son any mother should. She's just already freaking out about him leaving her, and he still has a year and a half left of school in Italy before he can even think about leaving! She freaked when she found out he was coming here for a month for vacation...and now he's coming again for another month in March. That poor woman, I can only imagine what's going through her head.
As much of a drag as it is, that's one of the things I love about him. His family is incredible, such warm and loving people. And what a spice for life! I love ethnic families! Can you say My Big Fat Greek Wedding?
God, it's all so bitter sweet!
As much of a drag as it is, that's one of the things I love about him. His family is incredible, such warm and loving people. And what a spice for life! I love ethnic families! Can you say My Big Fat Greek Wedding?
God, it's all so bitter sweet!
Sep 17th, 2004, 01:18 PM
#60
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Happy Friday everyone,
dln - you have no idea how much we panicked wondering what crazy questions they would ask us at the green card appointment. i even brought photo albums that chronicled our 5+ year relationship just in case...
kismet - there's tons more vulgarity where that came from...it's fun to swear in other languages!
crazymina - i wouldn't have gotten marreid for a green card either. the timing really just worked for us and we're planning on toasting our 50th anniversary under a tree in the tuscan countryside.
you are both right about Italian MILs not all being the stereotype. my MIL is a very giving person who defends my actions when my husband complains to her about me...albeit a rare occurence...ahem!
Thanks everyone for the great posts. I'm outta here for the weekend, have a fun one!
dln - you have no idea how much we panicked wondering what crazy questions they would ask us at the green card appointment. i even brought photo albums that chronicled our 5+ year relationship just in case...
kismet - there's tons more vulgarity where that came from...it's fun to swear in other languages!
crazymina - i wouldn't have gotten marreid for a green card either. the timing really just worked for us and we're planning on toasting our 50th anniversary under a tree in the tuscan countryside.
you are both right about Italian MILs not all being the stereotype. my MIL is a very giving person who defends my actions when my husband complains to her about me...albeit a rare occurence...ahem!
Thanks everyone for the great posts. I'm outta here for the weekend, have a fun one!
