Nemaste, old chappies! I am Mrs. Bindi Hindi, a nice lady from Delhi. I am coming to visit London soon to see my uncle, Bahvesh, the owner of Princess Poondandy’s House of Curry And All-You-Can-Eat Buffet. (Jumble sale on Saturday afternoons, in the back, bring your own plastic bags. Many nice, used things for sale, including Air India jet engines.) Oh Yes! Oh Yes!

I would like to know if there are any cows in London, for I am TERRIFIED of cows! Oh No! Oh No! Cows have been known to try to eat my good Sari, and have pulled down my laundry, hanging in the sun to dry.
I do not want to encounter any cows in Londowtown. (I also do not want to encounter any Punjabis either.) No Punjabi! No Punjabi!

Also, if you could give me some fashion advice? Would my yellow Sari, paired with my pleather Big Purse (purchased at the Chor Bazaar for 15 rupees in 1969) and matching Sandals, be out of place in the city of Mary Quant?? I do so want to fit in and not look like a Mother Teresa Wannabe.

Thank you and a merry good Marks & Spencer afternoon to you all! Oh Yes! Oh Yes!

Mrs. Bindi Hindi

ROFLMAO!!!! I choked on the rice pudding I was eating. This is priceless.

Degas? Billyboy? Betty/Billy Jones?

Christine

Oh, Ms. Bindi Hindi, of course there are cows in London. Not to worry, of course. They're very friendly and domesticated cows, who when misbehaved, are served on a platter.

I'm sorry I didn't know of your uncle's restaurant while I was there. I was in need of some curry in a hurry. Not that that will help me now.

Any color Sari except white will do you well, you'll fit in and not look like a tourist, all of whom seemingly love to wear that wretched white color.

Oh Bindi Hindi - Don't worry dear heart you will be a smash!

Oh Yes! Oh Yes! Tank you veddy much. But I can't wear White Sari because I am not a virgin!! I have not been a virgin since 13 when I married my first husband, Mr. Butcha Bakar the Candlestick Maker.

Yellow Sari for me!! he he.

I am so glad no cows in London. I heard there was Parade of Cows and was overcome with Sweat and Fear. Oh NO! Oh NO! Now I am relief.

I will be so at home with the Kumars.

Chow-Chow
Mrs. Bindi Hindi the Nice Indian Lady

The idea that there are cows in London is udder-ly ridiculous, and frankly, a big load of BULL!! I'm sari you were given incorrect info. If you wish to mooooove to London, you'll be in no danger from cows. They love Indian food there, so you can open a restaurant and milk it for all it's worth.

Now, let's not mislead the nice lady from India -- there are plenty of cows in London. How else would we get that wonderful Steak and Guinness Pie? But the cows don't move much, as they are usually hanging from a hook in a freezer. No danger at all to a fast-moving sari.