Additional humor to lighten things up
Mar 15th, 2003, 05:21 PM
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Additional humor to lighten things up
Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems, known as "squawks", submitted by QUANTAS pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers.<BR><BR>P = the problem logged by the pilot <BR>S = the solution and action taken by the engineers<BR><BR> -------------------------------- - ----------------<BR>P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. <BR>S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. <BR><BR>P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough. <BR>S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft. <BR><BR>P: No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid. <BR>S: No. 2 propeller seepage normal. Nos. 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal seepage. <BR><BR>P: Something loose in cockpit. <BR>S: Something tightened in cockpit. <BR><BR>P: Dead bugs on windshield. <BR>S. Live bugs on backorder. <BR><BR>P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent. <BR>S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. <BR><BR>P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear <BR>S: Evidence removed. <BR><BR>P: DUE volume unbelievably loud. <BR>S: DME volume set to more believable level <BR><BR>P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. <BR>S: That's what they're there for! <BR><BR>P: IFF inoperative. <BR>S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. <BR><BR>P: Suspected crack in windscreen <BR>S: Suspect you're right. <BR><BR>P: Number 3 engine missing. <BR>S: Engine found on right wing after brief search, <BR><BR>P: Aircraft handles funny. <BR>S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious <BR><BR>P: Target radar hums. <BR>S: Reprogrammed target radar with words. <BR><BR>P: Mouse in cockpit. <BR>S: Cat installed. <BR>
