(note: I accidentally posted this in the United States Forum. Sorry)

Upon my planning for a long term sabbatical, I have decided to turn our travels into a move. I am talking to an immigration lawyer in the Netherlands regarding a resident permit and opening a business. I know about the rules for doing this, so that is not where my question is.

The problem I face is that my long-term live-in boyfriend (who has not travelled much, only once in London while in high school) is frightened with my revelation. He wants to do the sabbatical and I want to do the move. He says it's not economical especially since I would have to do a preliminary trip to the Netherlands to meet the lawyer, fill out paperwork and visit my proposed city.

I feel that even if this is a difficult process to endure, I believe that it would be exciting to try even if, in the end, I fail.

Upon writing, I am not sure what my question to you would be. I know he would go, but I don't want to put undue stress on him in a foreign country.

I have visited lots of different countries, lived in France and Australia and can speak French. I want to have this moving experience, but I am hesitant to act because I love and respect his fear of the unknown.

Does anywone have a similar experience or ideas?

You might want check out expatica.com. This website has a forum about moving to the Netherlands. Many of the people are quite negative about the whole experience but people do give advice about every aspect of the move.

Jennifer

Thank you for the comment. I have read lots of information about the Netherlands, I have visited for extended perios, and I have read parts of the Expatica site.

My query isn't with the Netherlands as much as a personal journey and life change with my boyfriend whom is worried and scared about moving to a foreign country.

honestly it sounds like your choice may be your move or your boyfriend (i mean this kindly not in a mean spirited way).

Nothing that is meant to me is complicated. Maybe the simple truth is that...he is not that into you.

...meant to BE, that is...

Your question almost sounds like "should I keep my boyfriend or do what I want to do?"

Is that the question?

I'm concerned that you said,

*I* have decided to turn *our* travels into a move.

It is not clear if he is interested in the move and just nervous or really is not sure that a move is for him...it is a lot to ask or expect of someone who is not aligned with the idea.

I think you need to talk to him and also decide what your first priority is...him or the move. You may wind up with both, but if you are determined to move, you may have to accept that he is not.

Good luck!

I would be scared to death if I were your partner too. Never did much travelling, and finally when there's time to do it, she wants to move there. That's not travelling...that WORK and a new life.

Have you considered doing a short trip to the area you would like to move to and then let him make the final decision? Seeing the destination will help him decide if he has the confidence and motivation for such a move.

If he still says yes just for your sake, I don't think you'll have a happy future with him in the Netherlands.

You may certainly have to choose between your boyfriend and your dream job. Don't think anyone can help you there but your heart.

I have some experience, but in reverse, only that was across country in the US, not to a foreign country.

To be honest, I have finding what you want to do very unusual myself given your situation. I am on your boyfriend's side. You haven't given enough information about him and you that anyone can answer very well or even advise. Like what does he do for a living, what about his education, how likely is it that he can get work, how will that affect his career, what kind of family ties does he have, how long have you been together, do you own property together or have children together, etc?

It sounds like you haven't really considered these issues and are just portraying this as him being some timid insecure, unsophisticated person, not to sound harsh. Maybe you have, but it doesn't sound like it. It also sounds like you haven't been together very long. Because otherwise, I find it rather astounding that you haven't traveled together to Europe at some time.

If you have been together a long time, are very committed and you've tried to get him to travel to Europe with you many times but he refuses or is just not interested, etc., then I don't think you are very well-suited to each other.

By the way, I think you should do what he proposes; give the year sabatical in The Netherlands a try first. I don't see the urge to make such a milestone desicion now.

Thank you for all of your responses and the time it took to write them.

Your comments are very helpful. Thank you.

I too would probably try the sabbatical first...but I am more cautious than some people. The way I see it, a sabbatical would still give you that taste of life in the Netherlands, but wouldn't commit you to it and would also be an easier thing for your partner. I think if I were in your partner's shoes I would be nervous too...

Why don't you both go for the sabbatical and see how you feel after you've been there for a while? If he absolutely hates it, you will have to make a decision. If you both hate it, you come back. If you both love it, you start the immigration process.

This would take longer but it would be more fair to both of you.

I'm just wondering how your boyfriend would be able to move with you even if you persuaded him to go. Is he going to invest in the business with you? Does he have an EU passport? You're not married, so he can't come along as a "trailing" spouse. He'd need reason (and funding) of his own to be there.

Synada,

On the positive side, I lived in Amsterdam for almost a year a number of years ago, and found the Dutch to be the most friendly, outgoing and helpful people I have met anywhere in the world. Things were tough back then in the Netherlands, high unemployment, immigrant problems, welfare state & the resultant high taxation,etc., but people talked to you, invited you to their homes and really lived up to the Dutch reptuation for openness and hospitality.

That said, my Dutch friends say that starting a business and making it thrive in Holland today is a VERY tough row to hoe. What sort of business do you plan?

About your stick-in-the-mud boyfriend, I have a feeling that dragging him along, with his death wish for the venture, will kill things. If you stay here at his insistance, I'll bet it will die anyway.

Whatever you decide, have a great life.

Poor boyfriend. Because he doesn't want to move to the Netherlands (which would not be anywhere high on my list of places to live for sure) he's variously described in this thread as "frightened," "fear of the unknown," "worried and scared," "stick-in-the-mud." Maybe he is just a weak, nervous, ignorant, untravelled coward--but it that's so, why do you stay with him anyway?

Or maybe he just likes where you live now. What's wrong with that?

By the way, more native Dutch citizens are now emigrating from the Netherlands than foreigners are immigrating--most to English speaking countries. Many people in the Netherlands are not happy with some of the results of multi-culturalism and the difficulties being encountered by the Dutch economy (which doesn't bode well for starting a new business).

Finally, check to be sure that your immigration lawyer isn't just ripping you off. Immigration into the Netherlands isn't as easy as to places like the USA and Canada--especially if you don't have a job offer from an existing company there.

I think you need to speak to your boyfriend in private instead of asking advice in a forum.

If you are going to make this move with him, you have to consider that he will have to deal with getting his own work permit, which can be a long, drawn out process. Also, I agree with the comments about trying the sabbatical first, then you can decide if you want to move permanently across the pond. You might not even want to stay in Holland after a year. Dealing with the paperwork can be frustrating and time consuming. As francophile said, you two need to have a serious talk about this.

Go back up the thread and re-read BTilke's comment. That is the most important issue. All this advising synada one way or the other is basically moot. The BF probably can't do either the sabbatical OR the move. Not legally anyway