Tourism Australia - Q & A's
Mar 9th, 2008 | 04:54 PM
#1
Original Poster
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 16,526
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Tourism Australia - Q & A's
These were posted on an Australian Tourism website & the answers were given by the website officials who obviously have a sense of humour.
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown & then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some informaiton about hippo racing in Australia (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific which does not .... oh forget it ... Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Australia (USA)
A: Face South and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y which is ... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys' Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.Milk is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum(USA)
A. Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU cme from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
Q: I have a qustion about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia?(USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can youo tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay night clubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia?(France)
A: Only at Christmas.
Q: I was in Australia in 199 on R & R and I want to dte the Girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown & then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some informaiton about hippo racing in Australia (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific which does not .... oh forget it ... Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Australia (USA)
A: Face South and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y which is ... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys' Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.Milk is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum(USA)
A. Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU cme from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
Q: I have a qustion about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia?(USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can youo tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay night clubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia?(France)
A: Only at Christmas.
Q: I was in Australia in 199 on R & R and I want to dte the Girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
Mar 10th, 2008 | 02:41 AM
#2
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,126
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Seen this before somewhere. What a hoot!!
Surely there must be similar circulating about the US, Europe, Asia, etc. - or maybe not. Is the land of the kangaroo still as unknown and misunderstood as it was in Cook's time? What price the global village and information on tap if you care to look for it?
Surely there must be similar circulating about the US, Europe, Asia, etc. - or maybe not. Is the land of the kangaroo still as unknown and misunderstood as it was in Cook's time? What price the global village and information on tap if you care to look for it?
Mar 10th, 2008 | 03:08 AM
#3
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 697
Likes: 0
I've seen this several times before. The questions may possibly be real, but I doubt the answers were ever posted on a legit tourist website. It is probably just a piss-take for email circulation.
I have actually assisted a koala in a suburban street which had been hit by a car after climbing down from the trees. However, I haven't seen any kangaroos on suburban streets, just country highways.
I have actually assisted a koala in a suburban street which had been hit by a car after climbing down from the trees. However, I haven't seen any kangaroos on suburban streets, just country highways.
Mar 10th, 2008 | 03:39 AM
#4
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 911
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There are knangaroos or at lest large wallabies in the suburbs of Cairns and we had them in Yungaburra up until last year when the activities of dog walkers changed with the opening of a new walking track. Mareeba has Eastern Grey Kangaroos in the northern part of town.
Mar 10th, 2008 | 12:38 PM
#6
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 9,922
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I can confirm longhorn's observation about Canberra. One morning I went outside to get the paper and was taken aback when a sizeable kangaroo bounded down the street. We live about 3 km from the city centre but adjoining the Mount Ainslie nature park, home of many 'roos. One female uses a new pedestrian underpass to visit her favourite lawn in a nearby street. I've also driven past the sports ground on Fairbairn Avenue used by the Royal Military College (Duntroon) and seen a mob of kangaroos watching the cadets play football. They seemed to be following the action intently.
And some years ago a wombat broke into the city police station on London Circuit. But as everyone keeps telling me, Canberra is different.
And some years ago a wombat broke into the city police station on London Circuit. But as everyone keeps telling me, Canberra is different.
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Mar 10th, 2008 | 03:01 PM
#8
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 2,018
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I think we should start new urban myths about the wildlife!
I like the tale of the wombat break-in. Apparently if you build on one of their nightly tracks they often try to reestablish their track by burrowing under the building.
At the Boyd Centre in Bundanon (south coast NSW), a wombat periodically gnaws at the edge of the building because it is in its way. It also leaves very vivid green poo (from the non-native grass), to further emphasise its claim on the site.
I like the tale of the wombat break-in. Apparently if you build on one of their nightly tracks they often try to reestablish their track by burrowing under the building.
At the Boyd Centre in Bundanon (south coast NSW), a wombat periodically gnaws at the edge of the building because it is in its way. It also leaves very vivid green poo (from the non-native grass), to further emphasise its claim on the site.
Mar 10th, 2008 | 03:20 PM
#9
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 218
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And this is the part that reveals it as a crock of shit...
"A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water"
Australian people use metric. We don't think or talk in miles. This was not written by an Australian.
"A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water"
Australian people use metric. We don't think or talk in miles. This was not written by an Australian.
(g'day Neil!)
Mar 10th, 2008 | 07:23 PM
#11
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 9,922
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Well, to be serious for once, lavici, Canberra was built virtually from scratch as the national capital, because neither Sydney nor Melbourne would agree to the other being the capital of the new nation. Some wag called the project "a good sheep station ruined". Actually we celebrated the city's 95th birhday yesterday, Canberra Day, with the usual free concerts, fireworks and stuff that I never go to.
Other Australians associate Canberra with politicians - not unreasonable, but guys, just remember that they're YOUR politicians, not ours. We host them for half the year, not including 3-day weekends (somewhat unwillingly, because they give the neighbourhood a bad name and affect property values).
It's also firmly believed that everybody here works for the government. The real figure is 40-something per cent, including state/ municipal workers, but never let facts get in the way of a good story, I say.
Most of the residents of larger cities, having developed an addiction to traffic jams, carbon monoxide, corrupt local governments and similar urban joys, wouldn't consider living in Canberra. I used to be one of them.
We're OK with that - life could get messy if everyone wanted to come here, so we're happy to keep a low profile. The 2-hour drive to the South Coast is busy enough on long weekends.
I still go back to my home town of Windsor and surrounds (Sydneysiders here will know the area - hi, margo!) to visit the rels, but I'm not sorry to go home. The traffic has become a serious pain, and it's full of bogans in pickup trucks and checked flannies.
- lavici - a "bogan" is something like what Americans would call "trailer trash", but a good deal less harsh. Actually we don't have that many people living in caravan (trailer) parks.
Other Australians associate Canberra with politicians - not unreasonable, but guys, just remember that they're YOUR politicians, not ours. We host them for half the year, not including 3-day weekends (somewhat unwillingly, because they give the neighbourhood a bad name and affect property values).
It's also firmly believed that everybody here works for the government. The real figure is 40-something per cent, including state/ municipal workers, but never let facts get in the way of a good story, I say.
Most of the residents of larger cities, having developed an addiction to traffic jams, carbon monoxide, corrupt local governments and similar urban joys, wouldn't consider living in Canberra. I used to be one of them.
We're OK with that - life could get messy if everyone wanted to come here, so we're happy to keep a low profile. The 2-hour drive to the South Coast is busy enough on long weekends.
I still go back to my home town of Windsor and surrounds (Sydneysiders here will know the area - hi, margo!) to visit the rels, but I'm not sorry to go home. The traffic has become a serious pain, and it's full of bogans in pickup trucks and checked flannies.
- lavici - a "bogan" is something like what Americans would call "trailer trash", but a good deal less harsh. Actually we don't have that many people living in caravan (trailer) parks.
Mar 12th, 2008 | 06:56 AM
#13
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 697
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Andrew, no fashionable gay guy would be caught dead in a "flannie"! Nor would they be on a first name basis with anyone who owned a flannie.
A flannie is a flannelette shirt - a soft, brushed cotton, usually with check/tartan pattern. Usually worn open with a t-shirt underneath. You can pick them up for about $5-$10 at cheap discount stores. It's probably more what US trailer-trash or red-necks would wear.
A flannie is a flannelette shirt - a soft, brushed cotton, usually with check/tartan pattern. Usually worn open with a t-shirt underneath. You can pick them up for about $5-$10 at cheap discount stores. It's probably more what US trailer-trash or red-necks would wear.
Mar 12th, 2008 | 07:19 PM
#15
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 219
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well ozzie friends it sounds like it's funny rare instead of funny ha ha.
i had this image of canberra as a staid typical capital city with a lot of grey square government buidings,with lots of people in suits trying to look serious with kangaroos jumping around and wolla wollas and yarra yarras and wallabies, quolls and all these wonderfully sounding exotic names animals and fruits seem to have down under and everything you guys mention. but as i'm from a place that's like alice's in wonderland as everything isn't what it seems to be, or as we call it here "realismo mágico" or magical realism... nothing really fazes me;>
janine
i had this image of canberra as a staid typical capital city with a lot of grey square government buidings,with lots of people in suits trying to look serious with kangaroos jumping around and wolla wollas and yarra yarras and wallabies, quolls and all these wonderfully sounding exotic names animals and fruits seem to have down under and everything you guys mention. but as i'm from a place that's like alice's in wonderland as everything isn't what it seems to be, or as we call it here "realismo mágico" or magical realism... nothing really fazes me;>
janine
Mar 12th, 2008 | 11:47 PM
#17
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 3,680
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I dunno - I reckon checked flannies beat navy blue singlets, stubbies and thongs which feature in certain circles in FNQ. Probably wouldn't wear the thongs if the local pub didn't insist on footwear. At least the flannies hide the tattoos.
