Christmas Greetings from Canada, Michi and Stephen Leacock
#1
Original Poster
Join Date: Aug 2003
Posts: 392
Christmas Greetings from Canada, Michi and Stephen Leacock
The New Food (from Canadian humourist Stephen Leacock’s “Literary Lapses” published 1910). The last paragraph is unaltered, however, to avoid prosecution I have paraphrased the remainder. (Does this count?)
Happy holidays to Australians. This has been a unforgettable year.
* * * * * * * *
The author of this piece noted that a Professor Plumb, of the University of Chicago, had invented a pill with all the "essential nutritive elements put together in the form of pellets, each of which contains from one to two hundred times as much nourishment as an ounce of an ordinary article of diet.” When diluted with water, the pellets provide all the food that is necessary to support life. It was said the Professor saw his invention as a way of revolutionizing the way people ate.
However, as the writer saw it, advantages come with disadvantages, and he could envision the following:
On Christmas day, seated around the dining table was the happy family. In front of each broadly smiling child was a soup bowl, and in front of the glowing mother was a bucket of hot water. Occupying the place of honour on the table was the Christmas dinner, under a thimble for warmth, and sitting atop a poker chip. The family grew silent as the head of the house raised the thimble revealing the pill that it held within -- the Christmas turkey, cranberry sauce, plum pudding, mince pie. Nothing was missing. The father then raised his eyes and began to give thanks.
Just then the mother cried out the baby, Gustavus Adolphus, had seized the Christmas dinner from the poker chip. As they watched, little Gustavus Adolphus bolted down the 350 pounds of Christmas dinner.
“Clap him on the back!”cried the distracted mother, “Give him water!” The water striking the pill caused it to expand. There was a dull rumbling sound then, with an awful bang, Gustavus Adolphus exploded into fragments. And when they gathered the little corpse together, the baby lips were parted in a lingering smile that could only be worn by a child who had eaten thirteen Christmas dinners.
Happy holidays to Australians. This has been a unforgettable year.
* * * * * * * *
The author of this piece noted that a Professor Plumb, of the University of Chicago, had invented a pill with all the "essential nutritive elements put together in the form of pellets, each of which contains from one to two hundred times as much nourishment as an ounce of an ordinary article of diet.” When diluted with water, the pellets provide all the food that is necessary to support life. It was said the Professor saw his invention as a way of revolutionizing the way people ate.
However, as the writer saw it, advantages come with disadvantages, and he could envision the following:
On Christmas day, seated around the dining table was the happy family. In front of each broadly smiling child was a soup bowl, and in front of the glowing mother was a bucket of hot water. Occupying the place of honour on the table was the Christmas dinner, under a thimble for warmth, and sitting atop a poker chip. The family grew silent as the head of the house raised the thimble revealing the pill that it held within -- the Christmas turkey, cranberry sauce, plum pudding, mince pie. Nothing was missing. The father then raised his eyes and began to give thanks.
Just then the mother cried out the baby, Gustavus Adolphus, had seized the Christmas dinner from the poker chip. As they watched, little Gustavus Adolphus bolted down the 350 pounds of Christmas dinner.
“Clap him on the back!”cried the distracted mother, “Give him water!” The water striking the pill caused it to expand. There was a dull rumbling sound then, with an awful bang, Gustavus Adolphus exploded into fragments. And when they gathered the little corpse together, the baby lips were parted in a lingering smile that could only be worn by a child who had eaten thirteen Christmas dinners.
#5
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,530
Thanks and Christmas wishes to you in that beautiful country ( I have to go back!).Sometimes I feel as though I will explode too after eating the traditional hot Christmas dinner in the middle of a sweltering Australian summer! We saw the absurdity of it one year and decided to have salads and cold seafood instead. It was delicious but we all decided it didn't feel like Christmas and the next year reverted to what you will be eating! Have fun!
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