Jemappell

Dateline: Hong Kong, Big Budda.
On my way to see the Big Budda a lady sat next to me and started vomiting in a bag. Now there were three seats on each side of this bus (with an aisle separating them) and no one was sitting in the outside seat. She sat in the middle seat ( I was in the window seat) opened her bag and started vomiting. Praying that she did not miss the bag and bathe me in puke, I sat ready to push her towards the aisle -just in case. After she had stopped vomiting, she moved to the aisle seat (why then?) and laid her head against the back of the seat in front of her. Suddenly she pushed my hand away from my backpack and pushed at my backpack - not gently either, then laid her head on my lap. I was sitting there with both hands in the air like it was a stickup. She then reached up and grabbed my left hand and pulled it down over her shoulder showing me the best way to comfort her. As I held her someone else in the back started vomiting violently. I don't think they had a bag cause you could hear the splattering and the disgruntled sounds from the other passengers. I prayed that this other sick person did not trigger another bout of pukes from my patient. The people sitting in front of me turned around, looked at my patient smiled and offered some type of camphor based ointment to rub under my nose to try and block the stench. I smiled back and shrugged my shoulders. Now this ride up to Big Budda was kinda hair raising. You can see some of the terrain in the photos. Big Budda is on a mountain and the busses, taxis and construction vehicles are sharing the same road - a narrow two lane road with unseen depths over the edge. They drive those busses like it is the Indy 500 and I suppose I should have been throwing up too. Anyway, when we reached Big Budda my patient sat up, turned to me put her hands together, bows her head and says thank you in Chinese, In fact, the people in the seat in front of us and immediately behind us stood up smiling and did the same thing to me. They were all together. I believe they knew she was sick and that is why they put her next to me. In fact, the whole bus was full except our row. Or maybe no one wanted to sit next to the foreigner hmmm....

Jemappell

I have embarked on a trip to China, Vietnam, Cambodia and Thailand. I started in Hong Kong and will return there to fly home on January 25th. I went to Guangzhou last Sunday. "Why" you ask? I do not really know now, but I am glad I did. I needed that time to recover from Montezuma's Revenge - 2 days. I only saw my hotel room. I am presently in Shanghai and I have yet to become really excited about it with the exception of the subway.

Yesterday I experienced it at rush hour. Everything I've read advises against tackling the subway at this time of day. Well I unintentionally joined the fray at 5:45pm. I missed the first # 2 train through polite ignorance - I wasn't going to miss the second. I was the last person stuffed on the # 2 train.
(My friend at home would have been proud of me. She says that is the way I get on the trains at home in Chicago.) While I waited for #4 a cutesy, young lady walked in front of me in line (well, sort of a line) and started primping in the glass door. You know I had to be pretty close to the doors if she could step in front of me and see her whole reflection. Being an American, I kind of resented this blatant bumping, yes I had seen it done on previous days, but not like this, but I am in China so I’m cool. When the train arrived it was every man for himself! I was now armed with the experience from # 2 and was prepared for war! I knew I was doing it right when I saw Cutesy floating on the crowded masses and heard her cry “ eeeiii!!”. ‘Tourist’ I thought and smiled smugly to myself.

On #4 I was packed against the opposite door, but I exited like a native. I suppose you could say that it doesn’t take much to make me happy. Not sure what I will do today, maybe buy some sweaters or a coat for Beijing and Xian. I did not pack much, because everything in the stores at home said ‘Made in China’. Why pay more? I have emailed some of my experiences to my friends and posted my Hong Kong Big Buddha experience on this website. If you’d like to join me on my ‘Odyssey’, let me know and I will post Guangzhou and my first Shanghai.

Jemappell

Jemappell

Dateline Beijing: Well guys I decided to spend a little extra money today and try and update you a little. No photos though, like I told you earlier my laptop is on the fritz. Did I tell you my last memory of Shanghai was two little kids on the corner, laughing, waving and screaming across the street at someone. the oldest was about 5 and the younger one was about 2 or 3 years old. the thing that caught my attention was that they were so happy. I saw why the youngest so so happy - he was squatting and shitting on a piece of brown paper!

Shanghai is a shoppers paradise also. Did you know there is a Best Buy in Shanghai? I know cause I took my laptop there hoping the Geek Squad could help, as you know they couldn't. The system needs the original Vista installation disc. You know, the one in the United States on my bedside table. A lot of help they were. Anyway...Beijing is a massive city also, their subway isn't as nice as the ones in Shanghai and Hong Kong, but it still beats the hell out of Chicago's.

I went to the Forbidden City the other day and I sure needed to start earlier or do it in 2 days, because it is truly a small city area wise. I could only cover maybe one-third of it. What I did see was exciting and I took plenty of photos. I even took one with Mao Zedong behind me at Tiananmen Square. The exhibits at the palace werekind of disappointing because there was so much dirt and dust on everything. The glass enclosures were streaked and murky the floors inside the rooms were so dusty that the floor looked gray in places. the uniforms were dirty and dusty only on the shoulders where dust settles first from above - I kid you not! The powers that be should really take better care of this stuff.

While looking around one of the souvenir shops I heard this American ask loudly " Can you smoke marijuana in it?" I don't think the salesgirl understood so he asked again louder. (he was one of those folks that think if they speak loud enough the other person will finally understand their language). I chuckled in spite of myself and I think he heard me cause he then explained " It's for my brother, he might like this." Of course I believed him.

The most exciting thing that happened was when they were closing the City for the night. The color guards came out and did a little rifle and march thing in a small area - there were two groups. I watched for a minute then as I turned to leave the soldiers started marching out of the enclosure they were in and headed towards the main gate. Well I can't describe the excitement that caused - hell, I was excited too! The people ( and yours truly)were walking and running along beside the soldiers taking videos and photos. My battery was low so I couldn't get them completely and what I did get missed the best part. They started chanting as they marched. I didn't know what they were saying, but it sounded good. These color guards, I believe were specially selected because they were all tall, about the same height, young and handsome. I do not have to tell you that they were disciplined and in perfect time - looking straight ahead. Through the tunnel out to the front gate the crowd was pushing and running to keep up and view these guys. Some folks would jump in front of them for a second to take a photo, but then jump back. These guys did not let anything distract them.

At the front gate they stopped then the other soldiers began hollering and gesturing to 'hurry up and get out!'. Outside there was a crowd waiting outside on both sides of this wide avenue separating the Forbidden City from Tiananmen Square. I found out that they were waiting for the flag ceremony (at dawn they raise the flag and at sundown they lower it) I was fortunate to view it then 'cause I sure as hell wasn't going to see it at sunrise. As it turned out, I did not see it at sunset either. Folks were really thick out there, yet I found a space to view the boyz as they marched out of the city headed across the street. Traffic was/is thick on this street - always. (You must go underground to get across) Suddenly, BAM! there was no traffic anywhere I could see and I looked both ways. The boys didn't miss a beat and marched on across. Well when they got across the street, Bam! the traffic reappeared - like magic. What wasn't magical were the 2 busses that stopped because of the jam, right in front of my line of vision. Needless to say when they finally did move the flag was down.

Jemappell

Dateline: Great Wall

I am in Xian. Left Beijing last night, after 9 days. My original departure date was the 3rd, Monday. Instead I left on Wednesday night after paying for 3 extra days. So I am still lugging around about 7 pounds of laptop dead weight.

I arrived in Xian this morning at 8:30 am and I am leaving here tonight at 10:30. My train to Kunming will take 37 hours. No it is not a typo, 37 hours. It is a long way from here-south.

I saw the Terracotta Warriors today. They were the reason I came to China in the first place. I must get to Kunming so that I can apply for my Vietnamese visa. That takes about 3-4 days to process, and I am paid for in Hanoi on the 14th. Had to skip a couple of cities on my itinerary, but it may be for the good.

Went to the Great Wall Tuesday and it wore my behind out! It is nothing but steps! You think you are at the top, but when you get there you see that you are not, and this shit keeps going and going like this - forever! I got to the first lookout and quit. Everybody you meet on the way up is smiling at you 'cause they know what you are going through. There are 2,000 steps to the first lookout (seriously, according to guide), and they are the worst steps ever created. One step is about 12-14", the next may be normal, the next 8" the next 2", 1/4",12". It was a workout going and coming. My knee started bothering me so I got a little scared coming down and was holding onto the railing. Going up you passed folks huffing and puffing, taking a break before starting again. I know they were saying the same thing I was saying " I am not going any further, _uck this!" Then you look back and say" Well I have come this far..." Believe me I had to do some heavy talking to myself to get to the top ( at least what I thought was the top).

When I got to where I thought was the top, over on the side of the mountain, is a shack (and next to that is an outcropping with a cardboard shelter with a barking dog chained to it,) that will give you a certificate that has your name on it verifying that you have climbed the Great Wall. I was so pissed that: #1 it wasn't really the top and #2 they wanted me to pay for it and #3 that I was fool enough to climb this knee destroyer - no matter what Mao Zedong said. Well I did not buy it and I took a few photos ( not the panoramic kind you see on the postcards) and hobbled my crippled self down the Great Wall. Nothing but steps! If I had seen that in any of the photos I would have taken the cable car ( I found out about that after I was back down, sweating and never wanting to see another step again). But Alas! I had to pee. Guess what ? The bathroom was up about 20 stairs in another building.

Talk to you later in Kunming!

Jemappell

Dateline: Datong

I made a special trip to Datong to see The Hanging Monastery and the Yungang Caves. According to my guidebook, this train trip should have taken about 5.5 hours each way, and there was one that left at 12:48 am from Beijing. A day trip. WRONG! The first train to Datong was 10:48am and it was a local - they all are from Beijing to Datong. Once again I wanted to save a few dollars so instead of paying for a sleeper for 5 hours I would just take a seat. Now I remembered the train from Hong Kong to Guangzhou, comfortable cushy seats - 5.5 hours - no problem.

Well what I got was the train from Hell to Hell! I thought the first money saver was a mess, but this has so far been the worst. I was seated on a vinyl covered bench (which is to seat three) looking into the faces of strangers, and believe me they are ALL looking at me. The one luxury, if you will, is the counter between the window seats of the facing benches. These tables or counters only extend the width of the people sitting in the window seats. Since I did not have that seat I staked my claim to a corner of the counter with my Kentucky Fried Chicken. If I hadn't the guy in the window seat was going to sleep all over the table.

This doesn't sound too bad so far does it? It seems this portion of the train is used to transport fruit and vegetables to outlying rural towns. Not to mention the people that boarded the train with humongous bags of oranges, mushrooms and other miscellaneous supplies. You could smoke in your seat, but I never did. The other trains required you to go to the connecting cars area (or on the luxury train I took to Beijing, in the restaurant car) -Not on 'Hell Train'. I got my tookus up every time I thought the word cigarette, because the seats were HARD and a perfect 90 degree angle. Ain't no getting comfortable on those babies!

In the area where I smoked a couple of guys were there and harked up a big glob of phlegm (spit-the thick kind) and spit it on the floor! Horrified, I quickly picked up my backpack that I had set on the floor next to me, and looked closely at the floor -just in case I had set my bag in a loogie.

On another of my smoking trips I was watching the people in the other car and the conductor opened this dirty door ( all of them were dirty, I'm sorry, I meant to write 'disgustingly filthy', and Lo and Behold! there was a coal burning furnace! I saw the hot coals burning underneath. This was for the scalding hot water they provide customers for coffee, tea, noodles and such. Another of my smoke breaks, after the conductor had gone through and swept the cars, an old lady sat there eating sunflower seeds and spitting the shells on the floor.

I made friends with the other people in my benched area by showing them photos of Hong Kong and Shanghai and family wedding on my camera. None of them spoke English, but they were nice.

It took 7.5 hours to get to Datong. Too late to go to the sights so I had to spend the night. Could not find any of the hotels that 'according to the guide' was in the train station area. Another problem was that it was about 10 to 15 degrees colder in Datong than Beijing. They say it is the wind from Mongolia, because of where Datong is located. I had on only my trench coat,silk thermals and 2 shirts - not enough! I hurried down this side street where I thought I saw the bright lights of a decent hotel. It was a seedy looking street, but most of China's neighborhoods look the same off the main strips.

I found a room - a decent one too for 80 rmb. A young lady ( basically, non - english speaking) helped me to find, negotiate the price and inspect the room for me.

After setting my pack on the bed, I IMMEDIATELY walked back out the door and headed straight back to the train station to buy my ticket out of there the next day. Starving, Beijing ticket in hand, I looked for food - anything, but no one was cooking on the street. I went to the hotel I could not find in the guidebook (I found out that it is under a different name) and met this cab driver, Wen.

Wen speaks passable English, mostly self taught he said and showed me his phrasebook/ dictionary. He took me under his wing and instead of taking me to the restaurant in the book I showed him he asked if I wanted to go to another he knew of with very good food. (Old taxi trick, but Okay I'll bite) The restaurant he took me to obviously knew him, but I did not care once I got there. They came and covered my chair once I sat down, laid out my napkin, brought me a hot towel to wash my hands and hot tea. I told Wen what I wanted and he ordered for me cause the menu was in Chinese only. It was one of the best meals I've eaten in China. The waiters and waitresses just stood and smiled and watched me eat. He waited to take me back to my hotel cause he knew where it was located. This dinner was 20 rmb. Fantastic! I do not think this was a touristy place cause the others there were nicely dressed locals. I felt embarassed at first sitting there with my long johns showing from my sleeves and my neckline, but I got over it once I started eating.

I hired Wen to take me to the Hanging Monastery(40 miles outside Datong)and the Yungang caves the next day for 300 yuan. He came and picked me up at 6:00am and we headed to the Hanging Monastery. It was a ride through the mountains that made me want to do what the kid in Shanghai was doing. "Close your eyes if you scared" he said too happily, " I do this all the time".

This is not the time or the place to describe the driving in China, and some of you that are receiving this e-mail are aware of what is like, but for the uninitiated try to imagine a roller coaster that is for real on a narrow, turning ,mountain road. I kept my eyes open reminding myself "If you have any prayers, now is the time to say them".

When we got there it was 10 minutes before it opened for business, but I got a couple of photos of the Hanging Monastery and a view of the walking I had to do to get up there and PASSED. It was FREEZING! I told Wen to head back to Datong. He volunteered to take a couple of photos in front of the entrance sign then we RAN back to the taxi and headed to Datong. After breakfast at the Datong Intl Hotel we went to The caves. At the caves, I rented a former PRC green winter coat and took my time walking through all the caves. The Budda's carved into the mountains are amazing! I made it back to the train station with an hour to spare before my train to Beijing.

I refused to to take the Hell train again so I ponied up 70 more rmb and took the sleeper. I spent the ride back in Purgatory (paid for a lower bunk this time) which in comparison to the trip there was okay with me. If anyone wants Wens' information just email me. He was fantastic and cheap.

Jemappell

Dateline: Xian
At the Terracotta Warriors site the shopkeepers and street vendors are hardcore, grasping, persistent and annoying. Do not misunderstand me I realize that these folks are trying to make a living and I truly appreciate how hard their row is to hoe, but they make you want to scream. Twice I was caught up in the frenzy of making a purchase.

The first time was when I went looking for batteries for my camera. That was frustrating enough considering I had 2 extra freshly charged batteries in my money pouch that when I placed into the camera said LOW BATTERY and shut off immediately. (The batteries in the camera should not have been telling me that either-it was too soon) Anyway, the Terra cotta Warriors were my main reason for coming to China and what kind of buzzard luck was I having that I finally get to see what I have been dreaming of but can't take photos of them?

So I'm off the bus looking for a place that looks like it sells batteries. They attack you instantly. Calling, pulling(if you are too close to the storefront or merchandise on the ground) "Come see, I give you good price-just look at this". I showed this guy the batteries and he says "I got that", but before he could get it completely out of his mouth about 4 women had surrounded me and led me into the store. They reached down into a bag and pulled out 2 different brand of batteries.
"This one good" and she writes down 15 - EACH. Thirty yuan for a 2 pack. Then she shows me the other brand and says "This one real good" 80 yuan. She looks back at the 2 pack and says "Not good, this one real good". Well they might be 'real good', but not good enough for that price. We haggle back and forth then I took the batteries out of the package and tested them - the 'Real Good' ones. Not a peep from my camera. I put the drained batteries back into my camera and at least got a low battery message. This deal was as dead as those batteries. Then the original guy came to me and had a pack of Duracells in his hand. I put them in my camera and Bam! Everything was a-okay. Now when the old man came to me with the batteries the old hags were not pleased. The two that were working on me especially, because they said something sharp to him. You do not need a translator sometimes to know what is going on. They took over again (the two women) and said "This one better, real good", in other words mo' money. Now she wanted 45 yuan for each. I told her 35 for both, she said no and I took them out of my camera and laid them on the table. The hens were still cackling when the old guy grabbed the pad and wrote 40 for both. I took it. I was tired of those women.

The second time happened when I was leaving. I made the colossal mistake of buying a red lantern for my grandaughter. '100' the lady typed into her calculator. JUST ABOUT EVERY VENDOR HAS A LARGE TYPE CALCULATOR. To show you how much they want to stick you up for and this is the way you can talk back, because the one thing we have in common is numerals. We settled on 50 yuan and I handed her a 100 yuan bill. Lesson #2 Never give large bills to the street vendors selling tourist crap. (Like a flea market at home only carry small bills) She does not want to give me my change. she kept trying to give me more stuff to use up my 100. Her partner arrives and she sees that vendor #1 is unable to close the deal on additional merchandise so she gets into the action. She knew that calculator like a CPA. She was keying in new deals with one hand and offering other merchandise with the other hand. It was a beautiful thing. While waiting for lady #1 to give me my change ( the 100 yuan bill had dissappeared), I just kept shaking my head with a smile and kept my left hand out for my change. Finally I screamed "AIYEEEE! Give me my money". They finally did.

Now I am tired and hungry. The local restaurant wasn't busy so I decided to pass, but I did see a store with very little inventory and I decided to buy a pop and maybe some chips if any were on the shelf. I placed the pop on the counter and asked "how much?". "10 yuan" she answered. "10 yuan?" I asked stunned and giving her time to correct herself. "Yes" I put the pop back into the cooler. Then she corrected herself and called after me "1 yuan". Too late cause then I was in my '_uck you' mood. I was tired of people trying to take advantage of me - I'd starve first, which it looks like she is going to do soon with that lack of inventory.

Like I said I was starving when I got back to the hotel, and I was looking for anything to eat. It was about 3:00 pm and I had not eaten since 5:00 the day before. I was looking for a busy restaurant or a street cook - anything. Then I saw what I thought was hot water cornbread being cooked in a store front. I headed towards it, but it was some type of flaky fried dough and upon closer inspection I saw it had a white filling. Great! the guy said it costs 1.5 yuan. ( .14 cents). I bought it and started eating it and found the best fried egg sandwich - I turned around and bought another. He smiled at me cause he knew how good they were.

Jemappell

Dateline: Blocking the Boogerman in Xian

The train station at Xi An's waiting room #4 was packed to the seams and overflowing into the hallways. Yes, I was in the hallway. K165 from Xi an to Kunming covered a large amount of territory before it reached its destination. The usual suspects were present in the waiting room - the local people for the many stops K165 would make on its way to Kunming. The oversized pink plaid plastic suitcases, the sacks of fruit or grain - maybe Sunflower seeds. I've noticed a lot of people eating them, a favorite snack in China.

There were two women I noticed sitting in the waiting room. Older women dressed in what I supposed was their traditional garb (purple) and on their heads they wore fez type hats with a padded decoration in front. When I first saw them I was standing in the aisle trying to move forward for boarding, but like I said this place was packed so my movements were determined by the folks in front of me. My first thoughts when I saw them was 'How wonderful!", my second thought when I looked down was 'How can they sit in that filthy shit?'. Sunflower shells, water, and paper all under foot.

When the announcement came for everyone to board the train -OH MY GOODNESS! I know I described in an earlier email the crowds at the subway stations, well this was the same, but on a grander scale. The Chinese do not subscribe to standing in line. If you leave ANY SPACE between yourself and the person in front of you you will find yourself one person and/or sack of oranges further behind.

Anyway, When I saw the little ladies again one was carrying the sack of merchandise and the other was following behind her. The interesting thing about this is the way she carried her package, a heavy sack almost as tall as she. The sack was attached to her back with a strap that wrapped around her forehead, under her arms and around the sack. She was bent forward carrying it on her back and coming through the throng like a juggernaut. She and her companion reminded me of a fullback blocking for a half back or a running back. I had to utilize a couple of NFL/NBA blocks on her to keep her from passing me (because I had plans for her). I could empathize with her considering the load she was carrying, but she should have been rested enough to handle the load it wasn't her first time. Furthermore, I had been standing for over an hour while she had been sitting and I was not giving any intentional breaks.

The service she provided was to separate me from the Booger Man. Yes, the nose picker behind me. He seemed to be having the hardest time getting these boogers out of his nose. He was digging like he was starved for oxygen. Seriously, I have seen more public nose picking per capita in China than anywhere else in the world. I have seen them in Guanzhou, Shanghai, Beijing and Xi an. I did not see any that I remember in Hong Kong.

This guy was picking his nose every time I looked back at him. He would then rub them between his fingers and flick them off. I watched him and tried to give him the "that's disgusting' look, but it did not work. He was oblivious to any and all distractions or corrections. I kept inching forward and watched him just in case he decided to flick one my way or touch my suitcase. The old lady took care of him for me. When she came through she passed him roughly, but I put up a block with my suitcase and a nicely placed forearm that did not allow passing. She would have run over it if I hadn't leaned into it. I was so grateful that she was separating me from the Boogerman that the only way she was going to get past me was by calling the police.

Jemappell

Dateline:3 Men,a Fish and a Pig

After evading the boogerman, I boarded the train to Kunming I went straight to my sleeping compartment. Imagine my surprise when I step into the doorway and see 3 men occupying my 4 person soft sleeper. Now this is going to be interesting I thought and a little scary. I had planned to sleep in my thermals that night so that I could wear my clothes again the next day without feeling and looking lousy. Well that plan was out, but I was still apprehensive about this arrangement. I wasn't worried that they would rape me. I was more concerned about robbery. Once we close and lock the compartment door anything could happen. I might be paranoid, but paranoid ain't a bad thing to be if you are a woman alone in a totally foreign country.

"Ni hao, does anyone speak English?" Almost in unison they replied negatively. I tell myself just get comfortable and keep your clothers on - take your shoes off, act normal, never show fear, don't show your money belt, don't go to sleep until they do, watch the door. The youngest one kept smiling at me from the top bunk. Oh yeah that made me feel really secure. I looked at him and did not know if I was looking at a wolf or a lamb. 'Wolf' I said to myself just to be on the safe side and let me find that knife I bought for peeling fruit in Beijing'.

I went to the restaurant car for water, and when I returned I lay there reading and eventually the elder guy asks me if it is alright if he closes the door. "So now it begins" I said and shook my head in the affirmative. They climbed into their bunks and turned off the lights. I had my handy book light so I could still see everything while I was reading. I looked up once and there was baby wolf looking down at me smiling again. I smiled tightly and went back to my book. Eventually they fell asleep and I tucked my money belt in my pants, my camera and knife under my pillow and went to sleep.

When I went to the restaurant car it looked packed. All the tables were occupied and there were people standing in the doorway at the other end looking as if they were waiting to be seated. It was like E.F.Hutton spoke when I appeared - everybody listened and looked. This cook gestured and sternly told me to leave. I was already in a tizzy so I meekly turned around and headed back to my sleeper. When the guy that pushes the snack cart around came I bought the water from him.

This situation bothered me and so I was hesitant to go into the restaurant car the next morning. I did not want the same embarrassing treatment as the night before without know what I had done wrong. Suddenly I saw my backbone lying on the cot and picked it up. Hell, I paid 517 yuan to ride in what was for this raggedy assed train -1st class. That damn car was made for me to use and if he does that shit to me again I'm finding someone on that train to translate my position as the niece of the American Ambassador at the Beijing Consulate and if he doesn't get his attitude together I'm telling my uncle in Beijing.(LOL)

Luckily nothing happened, but the waitress that was with the cook the night before was there when I entered. She looked at me smug like and I pointed to what everyone else was eating for breakfast. My breakfast consisted of 2 boiled eggs, julienned carrots and onions(grilled), 2 steamed rolls and rice soup/porridge. Watching the others eat the porridge with chopsticks I wanted to try - it wasn't worth the effort. Rice porridge is bland and not to my taste at all. the eggs and rolls and vegetables were and I loved it. She charged me 14 yuan ( which I thought was kind of high but I'm on a train so.....) I scrapped together the money from the change and bills in my pocket so I would not have to break a 100 bill.

After lunch I went back to buy another water and they acted as if they did not want to sell it to me, yet they did, but this time they showed me that If all I wanted was water I should buy it from the push cart guy. Okay. I felt better about last night.

When I returned for dinner the car was almost empty except some conductors, police and soldiers. The waitress was sitting with the conductors playing around. So once again when I entered -Silence. Then Ms. Smug gets up and asks me what I wanted. I gestured eating and sat down. She started to show me the menu and I waved it away and said fish. ( NO ONE SPOKE ENGLISH) Then I made like wavy gestures to imitate a fish - no understand. then I took her pad and pen and drew a fish. She laughs and shows it to all of her buddies. Then she turns back to me - no smile and writes 30 on her pad. I looked at her, smiled, took her pen and drew a picture of water next to the fish, pushed her pad back to her and lit a cigarette. Dismissed.

She had me mixed up with those poor souls that were sitting on their luggage in the opposite doorway - I did not come from the cheap seats. I know I looked like I had slept in my clothes - that's because I had!

Those people in the doorway made eating the most delicious, boniest fish one of the most uncomfortable experiences I have ever had. They all had that " ...lean and hungry look I trust him not...." ( Julius Caesar). Every time I looked up I met a pair of eyes. I could not finish it. I paid and returned to my compartment. The 3 guys got off at Chengdu and the young wolf, still smiling said "Let's Go!" He meant 'Good bye'.

They were replaced by a woman that ate from the minute she sat down: smoked turkey wings, noodles, and chips then she slept. Then she awakened and started again. I did not think she would ever run out of turkey wings. She even had a plastic bag of extra meat to put into her dried noodles. When she left I had the remainder of my journey alone. China is the most beautiful country I have ever seen. I could and did sit all day and just look out of the window at the beauty of the mountains and the farms and fields- the way the people have terraced them, designed them it is truly amazing. To see them even slightly elevated really is wonderful. I must also say that I am enjoying my trip. On the whole the people are helpful and friendly. This has truly been an odyssey for me.

Jemappell

Dateline: Kunming, Hostile Hostel

Kunming has 'springlike' temperatures all year 'round, according to the Lonely Planet guidebook. Well that must be why I am unable to find a heat vent in this cold assed room. Today it was a spring like 60 degrees outside. It was warmer outside than inside. I asked the manager about the heat and he said "No heat. You cold?" The one good thing about the warmer temperatures is that I can shed this orange trench coat. However inside the 'hostile hostel' I am forced to continue to don my long johns. Right now I am lying here wearing my thermals and socks snuggled beneath two thick duvets.

This bed, if you will, has nothing to recommend it except it is snow white, crisp and clean. However I believe that it was probably used earlier to train Tibetan priests in mind control or some sort of sensory deprivation training. Actually it is supposed to good for your back. That lets you know that it is as hard as a board. Oh by the way, IT IS A BOARD. A board with the stingiest padding imaginable. Tonight I am sleeping with one of the lovely pillows beneath my hip to ease the discomfort. In addition to that I'm going to watch the worst televison programming in the world, maybe with the exception of Myamar.

They even have the nerve to expand this stuff to cable. On one channel there is two guys telling jokes ( a chinese vaudeville show), on another they are talking about turning pig shit into electricity ( I'm interested in that. I think I'll watch it), on another a stage show celebrating the Olympics - now that is probably on the next 4 channels, dynastic period soap operas, news, news, news in Chinese, Chinese, Chinese. There is only 1 English (British)language channel and it ain't the BBC. It is just the Chinese news in English and small documentaries of dead Chinese people.

I spend most of my viewing time watching the sports channel and the English one. I watch the others also and try to follow. On the sports channel, the NBA and the NFL are shown as well as the Olympic qualifying. I can watch a complete NBA and NFL game in the 1 hour regulation time for each. They do not waste time with all the stuff we do - just the facts.

I must remain at the 'hostile hostel' because I sent this address to my beloved son before sitting on the bed or seaching for a heating vent. Once again I am the captive of an international delivery service. I expect to stay in Kunming for at least 5 to 6 days to also await my Viet Nam visa, but this is the pits. One good thing is the manager, if he could radiate the warmth he shows to his customers to this building we would all be snug as a bug in a rug. I guess I've finished bitching for the moment. So I will kill this bottle of Chinese whiskey (nasty stuff) then maybe I won't notice the rest.

Jemappell

Dateline: Kunming
This morning I heard music playing for the folks outside doing their Tai Chi. While in Beijing and Shanghai I saw older people outside in the mornings performing this exercise ritual. In Beijing they had fans that popped loudly when they opened and closed them.

Right now I am sitting in a restaurant popular for Yunnan's most famous dish 'Across the bridge noodles', but first let me wipe this dead cockroach off the table, obviously he is finished. Is this an omen? Mr. Roach didn't seem to have survived. Anyway, I have already paid for my food and as long as the roaches stay out of my bowl of noodles I am eating it.

They have given me napkins in a little bifold wallet. Napkins. "So what?" you're thinking ( unless you are still thinking about that roach). Well this morning at breakfast I asked for a napkin with my noodles and the waitress graciously placed the Kleenex dispenser in front of me. You know, the kind you see in bathrooms. Plastic , about 7" tall with a steady supply of facial tissues(pull one and another pops up). Well instead of tissues - my bad-there was tissue, toilet tissue. And you pulled what you needed and tore it off - steady supply.

Now this napkin thing is an important and necessary part of the dining experience in Yunnan and Sichuan provinces. Not to wipe your hands, but to wipe your nose. Everyone that eats spicy foods knows that your nose is going to start running and you need a napkin. The food is naturally spicy and if it isn't spicy enough for you there are little dishes on each table filled with crushed, mixed peppers and MSG enough to satisfy your capsacian loving palate. Those little containers are as common to the food table here as salt and pepper is to America.

I walked to this restaurant from my 'hostile'. The weather is 'springlike' (64 degrees) and now I am sitting outside a pub chillin', writin' and drinkin' a delicious screwdriver. Not my favorite cocktail, but with the fresh orange juice it is pretty good. I ordered it using the 'KISS' philosophy. It was still kind of difficult getting it made.

The 'barmaid' and I am using that term very loosely, understood that I wanted vodka. She understood that I wanted it in a highball glass. She understood I wanted orange juice. She did not understand that I wanted them together in the same glass. She had to go and get somone whose understanding was slightly better . "Fresh orange juice?" she asked . "Yes, in the same glass". (Too much English) She picks up a soda/ ice cream float glass and with her fingers, measures 3/4 up the glass and asks "fresh orange juice?". "No" I pointed to the highball glass with both hands and two fingers - together. they looked at each other like I was crazy and discussed something then the wise one says " one minute". The barmaid ( who did not know which end of the measurer to pour the shot into) disappears into the back. When she returns the wise one asks"You want ice?". " Yes uhh No." No thanks lady, no ice for me. Their ice is just a frozen version of their water - DO NOT DRINK. The above happened yesterday and right now I am on my way to pick up my Vietnamese visa (which cost me 350 rmb 50.00 US). With any luck I will be out of this 'hostile' by nightfall and on my way to Nanning then Vietnam. Will let you know guys.

Traveling Granny

USNR

We are counting the days until we return to China after an absence of 15 years. Your travel description answers one of our most urgent questions: has China changed? The answer is no...and yes. Wonderful experiences, delightfully described. Please keep us informed! We are old hands in travel within Vietnam. You will find it even more fun, in case you have not been there. Never have we encountered people who were more gracious, eager to please, and different from us Round Eyes.

Jemappell

I am going to Hanoi tomorrow. Will keep you informed. i am enjoying myself trmendously.

USNR

Hope you can take the train from Hanoi northwest to the end of the line, catch the bus, and wind up in Sapa. Above the clouds, among the native people, fascinating. Stay a couple days, if you can.

Granted its tourist atmosphere, do not miss seeing the water puppets show while you are in Hanoi. You can't stop grinning.

Be sure to drop in at any one of hundreds of shops selling "pho" -- pronouned "fur." It's a soup that is a meal in itself. Very cheap, very filling, lots of fun with the locals.

hester

Jemappell, Great trip report! I can't wait to read your next installment.

atravelynn

I put Mongolia in the search box because I miss that place and came up with your report. The vomiting enroute to the Big Buddha was captivating and immediately got my attention. At the time, I'm sure it was not so captivating.

You have a fascinating report here! Thanks for sharing.

Femi

I've got tears in my eyes from laughing so hard at that first entry


It's like I was there. I guess they had motion sickness from the curvy road.

Haven't read the rest yet...

BillT

I have never laughed so hard reading your trip report- it is truely the best thing I have read in years- I'm laughing so hard tears are sreaming down my eyes- you have a gift - a real gift!
keep it coming I'm lovin' it!

atravelynn

I got to The Great Wall. Very entertaining! Hope your knees have recovered and that the terra cotta warriors were all you had hoped for. Looking forward to reading the rest of your installments.

BillT

Jimappell:
Can't wait for your next installment- I don't see how you can top your China report- the best I have read ever! Never laughed so hard. Keep it coming!

wiselindag

Jemappell,

I enjoyed your TR so much that I sent it to a friend in Wales. She also thought it was wonderful. The last time we laughed so much about a TR was when we read a 20 page (as I remember it maybe more!) TR of a trip she took to Italy with her extended family... unbelievable!

As with the others, the first entry definitely had me hooked! Please your reports coming...