Dogster: Death on the Ganges
Mar 20th, 2010, 08:51 AM
#21
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Where does it say 17?
[Actually, there <i>were</i> 17, but as Yankee Joe was immediately excommunicated and American, for ease of explanation, I made it 16 instead].
She's ferocious. lol.
Kathie, this has been hard to write. It's not a snappy story with easy jokes and cra-a-azy situations. Walking my particular ethical line through the go/no-go zones of the situation means that I've concentrated on elements of the story but left others out entirely.
It's spread over a fourteen day period, too. Gawd - it's only the first night. Settle in. Roast those marshmallows. It's a long way to Varanasi...
[Actually, there <i>were</i> 17, but as Yankee Joe was immediately excommunicated and American, for ease of explanation, I made it 16 instead].
She's ferocious. lol.
Kathie, this has been hard to write. It's not a snappy story with easy jokes and cra-a-azy situations. Walking my particular ethical line through the go/no-go zones of the situation means that I've concentrated on elements of the story but left others out entirely.
It's spread over a fourteen day period, too. Gawd - it's only the first night. Settle in. Roast those marshmallows. It's a long way to Varanasi...
Mar 20th, 2010, 09:05 AM
#25
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Ahh, I found seventeen. I've been puzzling over that for an hour. Amazing how you can't see something right in front of your face.
<i>'Six couples, a mother, daughter and three singles </i>
Only Marija would think to actually <i>count</i> them. Dang. I thought I'd changed every reference. 10/10 Eagle Eye Award to Marija.
<i>'Six couples, a mother, daughter and three singles </i>
Only Marija would think to actually <i>count</i> them. Dang. I thought I'd changed every reference. 10/10 Eagle Eye Award to Marija.
Mar 20th, 2010, 09:23 AM
#27
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So here we all are in the one place at the one time; sixteen Caledonians, six Australians, two Germans and mute Yankee Joe, all poised to cruise away up the Ganges to Varanasi.
There was just one small problem. The Mother Ship was dead.
She’d been floating, immobile in the river for a week while the owners quarreled. Finally, just this morning, the poor swan was tugged in to see the ship-doctor. Yup, she still had that broken propeller she’d had for three weeks. Right now she was high in dry-dock somewhere up-river, surrounded by shouting men and mobile phones - the passengers weren’t going anywhere.
Oh, another minor concern - nobody had told them.
There was just one small problem. The Mother Ship was dead.
She’d been floating, immobile in the river for a week while the owners quarreled. Finally, just this morning, the poor swan was tugged in to see the ship-doctor. Yup, she still had that broken propeller she’d had for three weeks. Right now she was high in dry-dock somewhere up-river, surrounded by shouting men and mobile phones - the passengers weren’t going anywhere.
Oh, another minor concern - nobody had told them.
Mar 20th, 2010, 09:24 AM
#28
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Mobile phones at dawn. E-mails and faxes flying. A man called Singh is at the coalface, screaming into his I-phone. More men cluster around the stricken ship. Boiler-suits scurry, experts are summoned, secret deals made - something horrible is happening.
By six a.m. it is apparent that the boat cannot sail. Someone has to tell the passengers. The boss runs for cover leaving poor Sumit, the guide and man in the middle, to explain. He’s sent off on a breakfast run to announce ‘a slight delay’. We’ll be leaving after lunch. This buys another three hours.
‘Errr… we’ll be Kolkata touring this morning,’ Sumit said brightly, thinking very quickly. Off they go.
There’s no let-up at the dry-dock. A state of full emergency now declared, Mr. Singh is shrieking blue murder into a blushing I-phone. Minions dispatch, taxis arrive, mobiles bleep and rage, men in overalls hurtle up and down stairs as if pursued by the Goddess Kali, a grinder sends up a shower of Lord Shiva sparks; Mr. Singh is spewing money, calling his pals in Parliament, pulling every stunt he knows.
By six a.m. it is apparent that the boat cannot sail. Someone has to tell the passengers. The boss runs for cover leaving poor Sumit, the guide and man in the middle, to explain. He’s sent off on a breakfast run to announce ‘a slight delay’. We’ll be leaving after lunch. This buys another three hours.
‘Errr… we’ll be Kolkata touring this morning,’ Sumit said brightly, thinking very quickly. Off they go.
There’s no let-up at the dry-dock. A state of full emergency now declared, Mr. Singh is shrieking blue murder into a blushing I-phone. Minions dispatch, taxis arrive, mobiles bleep and rage, men in overalls hurtle up and down stairs as if pursued by the Goddess Kali, a grinder sends up a shower of Lord Shiva sparks; Mr. Singh is spewing money, calling his pals in Parliament, pulling every stunt he knows.
Mar 20th, 2010, 09:25 AM
#29
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Lunch.
‘Yes?’
Twenty-five foreign faces staring.
‘No?’
‘Err…’
The stricken look on Sumit’s face says it all.
I won’t expose you to the relentless horror of the next forty-eight hours. Trust me, it’s boring and you don’t want to know. Just imagine that two days of utter confusion has gone by. Better still, go sit in your bathroom, lock the door and beat your head against the basin till it bleeds.
Go. Stop. Stay. Leave. Now? No? Off? On? Briefing, secret meeting, mobiles shrieking. Don’t know. Go? Yes? Stop. Stay here. E-mails firing, missing wiring, intrigue - sabotage. On? Off? Stop? Go? Don’t know. Yes? No. Definite? Certain! Maybe.
Dogster heard a cultured voice hissing into his I-phone.
‘This is costing me a fortune! Just lie. Say anything and get them on the boat!’
He looked around to see who it was. To his complete surprise, there was no-one there.
‘Yes?’
Twenty-five foreign faces staring.
‘No?’
‘Err…’
The stricken look on Sumit’s face says it all.
I won’t expose you to the relentless horror of the next forty-eight hours. Trust me, it’s boring and you don’t want to know. Just imagine that two days of utter confusion has gone by. Better still, go sit in your bathroom, lock the door and beat your head against the basin till it bleeds.
Go. Stop. Stay. Leave. Now? No? Off? On? Briefing, secret meeting, mobiles shrieking. Don’t know. Go? Yes? Stop. Stay here. E-mails firing, missing wiring, intrigue - sabotage. On? Off? Stop? Go? Don’t know. Yes? No. Definite? Certain! Maybe.
Dogster heard a cultured voice hissing into his I-phone.
‘This is costing me a fortune! Just lie. Say anything and get them on the boat!’
He looked around to see who it was. To his complete surprise, there was no-one there.
Mar 20th, 2010, 09:27 AM
#30
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Somewhere in the late stages of the ordeal, frazzled passengers and damaged ship were united. They sat fat at Ballyghat and waited for a very long time. The stye in Sue’s eye grew bigger by the minute.
Tick tick, tick tick…
<i>Brru-u-u-urppp.</i>
At least we knew which cabin Aussie Joe was in.
Every minute the engines remained idle was a minute less the boat could sail.
Tick tick, tick tick…
In her upper deck cabin the Lady of the Dead Squire’s Manor was composing the first draft of what would soon become a lengthy letter of complaint. Next door her luvvie friends unpacked their stash of duty-free liquor.
Tick tick, tick tick…
The less the boat could sail, the less chance of making it to the destination. Everybody knew that, except for the passengers. They were on board and, as far as they were concerned, their cruise had begun.
<i>‘Bwaawww, bwwa-w-rgh,</i> India-h-h-h,’ one husband brayed, raising his whisky at the skyline.
<i>‘Wa wa wa,’</i> the others muttered,’ very good, <i>bwa-a-ah.’</i>
Not one of them noticed that the boat was not moving. Most sunk enough wine at dinner to kill a small cow - they were cactus by ten, by eleven the boat was deserted.
Below decks it was a very different scene. Mobiles erupted like alarm-clocks, multiple Singhs screeched orders, secret prayers flew into the night – while the Gods considered their reply, a troupe of lawyers was preparing theirs. The boat remained trapped at Ballyghat. It wasn’t just the engine that was broken.
It’s a long way to Varanasi…
Tick tick, tick tick…
<i>Brru-u-u-urppp.</i>
At least we knew which cabin Aussie Joe was in.
Every minute the engines remained idle was a minute less the boat could sail.
Tick tick, tick tick…
In her upper deck cabin the Lady of the Dead Squire’s Manor was composing the first draft of what would soon become a lengthy letter of complaint. Next door her luvvie friends unpacked their stash of duty-free liquor.
Tick tick, tick tick…
The less the boat could sail, the less chance of making it to the destination. Everybody knew that, except for the passengers. They were on board and, as far as they were concerned, their cruise had begun.
<i>‘Bwaawww, bwwa-w-rgh,</i> India-h-h-h,’ one husband brayed, raising his whisky at the skyline.
<i>‘Wa wa wa,’</i> the others muttered,’ very good, <i>bwa-a-ah.’</i>
Not one of them noticed that the boat was not moving. Most sunk enough wine at dinner to kill a small cow - they were cactus by ten, by eleven the boat was deserted.
Below decks it was a very different scene. Mobiles erupted like alarm-clocks, multiple Singhs screeched orders, secret prayers flew into the night – while the Gods considered their reply, a troupe of lawyers was preparing theirs. The boat remained trapped at Ballyghat. It wasn’t just the engine that was broken.
It’s a long way to Varanasi…
Mar 20th, 2010, 03:28 PM
#36
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The great thing about river-cruises is that you get to extraordinarily out-of-the-way places very easily indeed. The only bad things about river-cruises are the other passengers. They are a specific, quite dreadful breed. The pax I describe could have been on any one of a dozen cruises - it's just that on this one, they were in the majority. Usually, they don't come pre-bonded - which gives a natural group-dynamic a chance.
Maybe I will murder someone. I certainly felt like it.
Maybe I will murder someone. I certainly felt like it.
Mar 20th, 2010, 05:23 PM
#37
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>>>They are a specific, quite dreadful breed.<<<
Any relation to some of my rather horrid -- but, yes, wealthy (kindly die soon) -- Scottish relatives?! (One of many reasons I went to live/work in Asia.)
Now, warm Sunday morning greetings to you dogster, before departing a rather cherished Hong Kong business travel hotel for a flight back 'home' (guess the airline), and rumour has it, doggie dude, you're going to commence flying business class, Singapore Airlines, ex-Melbourne!!! If so, I (we) salute you. (My primary reason for posting on fodor's -- marching orders from 'the better half' and all.)
Truth be known, I don't read every word of your reports. (So hope to never, ever do a 'boat cruise' -- fear of being trapped with those Scottish relatives and remain rather partial to a rather specialized high altitude climbing forum and sqtalk; big surprise.) What I do read is wonderful. (But just between us, dogster: a 'couple of Girls' are putting out astounding trip reports over on sqtalk, SQ R pics and all; no bias from me.)
Keep up the good work dogster, and all the best to all 17 of you in family friendly fodorland, from a rather productive/fun ~ 96 hours in Hong Kong. (And thanks for considering/flying SQ.)
macintosh (robert)
hey, hey, cripple creek ferry/
(n. young)
Any relation to some of my rather horrid -- but, yes, wealthy (kindly die soon) -- Scottish relatives?! (One of many reasons I went to live/work in Asia.)
Now, warm Sunday morning greetings to you dogster, before departing a rather cherished Hong Kong business travel hotel for a flight back 'home' (guess the airline), and rumour has it, doggie dude, you're going to commence flying business class, Singapore Airlines, ex-Melbourne!!! If so, I (we) salute you. (My primary reason for posting on fodor's -- marching orders from 'the better half' and all.)
Truth be known, I don't read every word of your reports. (So hope to never, ever do a 'boat cruise' -- fear of being trapped with those Scottish relatives and remain rather partial to a rather specialized high altitude climbing forum and sqtalk; big surprise.) What I do read is wonderful. (But just between us, dogster: a 'couple of Girls' are putting out astounding trip reports over on sqtalk, SQ R pics and all; no bias from me.)
Keep up the good work dogster, and all the best to all 17 of you in family friendly fodorland, from a rather productive/fun ~ 96 hours in Hong Kong. (And thanks for considering/flying SQ.)
macintosh (robert)
hey, hey, cripple creek ferry/
(n. young)
Mar 20th, 2010, 05:58 PM
#38
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The only thing Scottish about these cruisers was the name of the company they booked with. They were all British to their bootstraps. Not old-school-tie, not at all. These people <i>aspire</i> to old-school-tie. All they got was old.
I am indeed considering SQ, robert. I cannot spend one more night on an angle in Thai business. That lovely big mega-thing flies to Melbourne now. I might try that out.
Thank you for your kind words, my friend. Really, it's never necessary to read everything. Just dip in and out. Everything is just a moment in time. It can link to another moment - or not link. As you choose.
I am indeed considering SQ, robert. I cannot spend one more night on an angle in Thai business. That lovely big mega-thing flies to Melbourne now. I might try that out.
Thank you for your kind words, my friend. Really, it's never necessary to read everything. Just dip in and out. Everything is just a moment in time. It can link to another moment - or not link. As you choose.
Mar 20th, 2010, 06:02 PM
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Doggie- a joy for the panda's eyes. Your prose is poetic. I laughed out loud so many times, Beth kept saying. "What are you reading?". She was not surprised. Please keep us informed.
One question, "Does it actually count as a cruise, if the boat is not moving?" I thought the notion of cruising entailed motion. Wrong again.
I'm trying to pick out the one passenger with which I can identify most, not counting our fasir chronicler.
One question, "Does it actually count as a cruise, if the boat is not moving?" I thought the notion of cruising entailed motion. Wrong again.
I'm trying to pick out the one passenger with which I can identify most, not counting our fasir chronicler.
Mar 20th, 2010, 06:12 PM
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Yes, I thought this might keep you diverted.
They are still fixing the engines so it'll be an hour or so yet. Nobody knows what's happening but Mr. Singh has deserted the ship. I heard three blasts on a whistle before.
There's a comfortable chair outside your cabin. You can smoke cigars there with your feet up on the railing, looking out at the Ballyghat Bridge. The local spirits are terrible, but they're free and do the job.
They are still fixing the engines so it'll be an hour or so yet. Nobody knows what's happening but Mr. Singh has deserted the ship. I heard three blasts on a whistle before.
There's a comfortable chair outside your cabin. You can smoke cigars there with your feet up on the railing, looking out at the Ballyghat Bridge. The local spirits are terrible, but they're free and do the job.
