AgentWhittaker

...Indeed you may be right. I did work in film and television for several years but alas it's not a one pager for a screenplay but maybe now it should be. LOL Your response might be the best of all in highlighting further how absurd my aversion to travel actually is.

AgentWhittaker

Its not Egypt that's the real problem. It's "travel." I detest vacations, flying, crowds, planning, noise... I also don't know why I would want to go to a terrorist haven.

AgentWhittaker

I've done some vacation travelling---Mexico, Central America, Southern USA.

Anything that turned me off from travelling: Drunks. People in general. Every place is a dump with terrible food and water. Mostly though, I just don't like being away from work. I'm bored. I don't want to sight see---don't care about the history and culture of anyplace. Food? I care even less. I don't want to sit by a pool. Seems like a waste of time swimming in a warm bath of piss, suntan oil and drunk sweat, when I could be working and doing something meaningful and productive.

Its also less about Egypt and more about "travelling." I have no desire to see Egypt or anyplace for that matter. I don't even want to go to Europe where my family is from. Geezus, my sister has lived in UK for 25 years and I refuse to go and waste time there, either. Had a chance to go to Tuscany and travel Italy for a month all expenses paid---I chose to stay home because it seemed a waste of time. I just don't like to travel. I really, really hate it and everyone that surrounds me while I'm in it.

To your further point---I'll do anything for my wife, including travel. I just need to help her understand that I'm not built for it. I'll send her and her kids anyplace but I just don't want to do it myself. As I mentioned; for me--ME--travelling is a complete waste of my--MY--time. If it makes my wife happy, I'll do it but I can't give her or anyone the impression that I'm okay with travelling regularly, especially on long haul trips to dumpster fires and armpits like central and south America, mexico or the middle east. I have a river in my yard, a dock, a boat, peace and tranquility at home. It makes no sense to go someplace that I'm going to need to have a vacation from when I get back to decompress from all the stress.

Damn, even thinking about it makes me anxious

AgentWhittaker

Wasn't looking for a psychological analysis. Appreciate your layman's assertion though. As for our compatability factor---It's very high. I care deeply for my wife and her children and I give a lot---because I'm generous. This is about finding a way to get through it. I have no idea why the insults--"Glad your not my neighbour." WTF is that all about. I've travelled for work, all over the world. I hate, hate, hate travelling but I hate, hate hate, vacationing even more. Follow?

AgentWhittaker

Love it! Too old for LSD now.

AgentWhittaker

Even the worst anxieties should be made funny

AgentWhittaker

Hey P_M--I am real. i was hoping for feedback hence my listing of every absurd objection I have to travel. There has to be someone out there that's like me and that have dealt with this sort of thing in a positive way with their wife or husband

AgentWhittaker

Honeymoon won't be Egypt. I'll go to another armpit like Jamaica or if I can talk her into it--Bermuda or some very westernized place around there.

AgentWhittaker

Thanks for the kind words. Love to see that other thread. I'm sure its good for a laugh

P_M

Wow, of all people on this thread I am honored to get a shout out. Thank you.

I've travelled before with someone who hates travelling. It was miserable for her because she didn't want to be there and all she talked about was going home. It was miserable for me because it was hard to enjoy a trip with someone who doesn't want to be there and complains constantly.

If you don't like travelling and you just want to stay home that's OK. If your wife loves travelling then I think this will be an issue. My husband likes travelling to a point and he does enjoy our trips. But if I want to go someplace that he doesn't want to go, I just go on my own or with a friend. This works for us but it wouldn't work for everyone.

There are a lot of trolls on chat boards and sometimes it's hard to tell who's real and who's not. People who detest travel rarely join travel boards. I do understand this is a real problem for some people. If you hate travel as much as you've expressed then it's hard to imagine that will change. Whatever happens I wish you the best.

Fra_Diavolo

>>>This is about finding a way to get through it.<<<

There isn't a way through it. You hate travel, so take one last honeymoon trip and be done. Send your wife and her kids off when they please and hunker down at your desk -- or wherever you work. As a guy who hates work and enjoys a drink I wish you well.

mrwunrfl

>> (I can name 100 things I'd rather do than go on a trip someplace)

Ok, go ahead. Name 10, at least.

eta: any/all working on spreadsheets and ppt slides counts as 1 thing

LucieV

If you're under 110, and if you've got an experienced guide, you'd be fine.

I just want to say how much I like your screen name.

I'm kind of baffled by all those saying that your marriage is doomed because your wife likes to travel and you don't like to travel.

But I'm also baffled by your feeling the need to do something you don't like doing just because your wife wants to do it.

(And then again, as I've stated many times, I'm also baffled by the assumption that people who like to travel are in any way superior to those who don't like to travel.)

mlgb

I wouldn't have looked at this if it wasn't for the "other" thread.

I know several married couples where one spouse (often an older husband) hates travel. My stepmother used to say "your father is in his nesting phase". I know many older women who become avid travelers later in life in part because they had little "adventure" when they were stay at home mothers or had no satisfaction in their work lives. Or just have specific interests such as art, history, food, etc... Probably more common in the older age cohort where many occupations were not really open to women.

Their solution is that the husband stays home while the wife travels as much as she wants to with companions or on tours. One husband I know will not go anywhere 'adventurous', eg no Jamaica, only Hawaii and Alaska. They also live in a nice place (that a lot of people travel to). Another husband travels mostly to attend "conventions" of one of his several hobbies, sometimes the wife goes with but they are free to do what they want during the day, separately.

So yes for your honeymoon do try to find a place in a Westernized weathy location, maybe with private bungalows or cabins and no common pool (also my least favorite thing to do on vacation, sit around a pool with a bunch of loud drunks). Fly first class, as short a flight as possible, using smaller airports if possible etc.. (Or is driving an option?) Let your wife go shopping without you, she can chat with the sales people, have lunch, you stay back and do whatever you want. Pay for some other people to go along as a group on your other mandatory vacations. Do you have any "bros" you can bring along with their spouses?

WeisserTee

Reading your list of requirements, it sounds like you might enjoy -- or at least tolerate -- a trip to the Swiss Engadine. Plenty of places where you're unlikely to run into anyone, much less crowds. Travel in first class on Swiss trains and look for the quiet car, so nobody will strike up a conversation with you, talk loudly to their companions, or play videos or music at full volume. Once you're out and about, you're unlikely to hurt yourself, but even if you do, the healthcare here is world class (has been voted best in the world on various surveys). Swiss people are not usually garrulous so you're not likely get pinned down in conversations with strangers. Stay in a private chalet or apartment where your interactions with other travelers would be minimal.

Barring that, you and your wife could go to a place where you could hole up in the hotel room and order room service while your wife is out enjoying herself.

raincitygirl

I think the only way around this is to tell your wife you just aren't interested in travel but you support her going wherever and whenever she wants to. Especially to Egypt to see her family which must be important to her, and on that note I sure hope you aren't describing Egypt to her as a terrorist haven and a shithole. Many people have travelled there without being blown up by terrorists after all...lol.My husband even rode his bicycle from there to Capetown camping all the way and taking four months to do it...certainly not my idea of fun but he rode through worse places than Egypt and lived to tell the tale.

Lots of couples have different ideas about travel and if both agree what's the big deal? Your wife can travel and you can stay at home in your serenity.
In terms of the honeymoon, what about Turks and Caicos? Bermuda? Hawaii is lovely, not so much Oahu but the other islands and I have found far fewer loud obnoxious drunk types in Hawaii than in Mexico.
Not sure where you live but if east coast then Turks and Caicos or Bermuda or Bahamas would be a pretty short flight and pretty safe and tame when you get there, plus lovely hotels etc.

As one who loves to travel I don't get it but hey we are all different and entitled to like and dislike what we want. I do however, get not wanting to be around loud drunks and obnoxious people and I certainly plan my destinations to avoid that at all costs.

thursdaysd

It occurs to me that an Untour might work for you. You could hunker down in the apartment, while your wife went exploring. You'd still have to cope with a flight, but flying business class makes a huge difference.

See: https://www.untours.com/

CounterClifton

I'd think with this many people on the planet, there are bound to be a great number of them that hate the idea of travel. It's just that you're on a chat forum specifically designed for people who live for travel, so you probably wouldn't find many of your own here.

Definitely, there are some of us who experience anxiety when it comes to the generally horrendous experience of getting from one place to another. Some combination of distraction and prescription drugs helps me. Maybe you could bring some work tasks along (assuming you're not a elephant handler or a cab driver) since that's your preferred activity anyway?

The problem comes more from the "being there". There's not much to be done to distract from the fact that you're not sitting in your lounge room or on your river bank. And that's the point where it'll be harder to identify with those of us who have a great deal of interest in the wider world around us. That's pretty much the common bond amongst all of us on this forum because god knows, we can and do argue about practically anything else. We all love "being there". And you don't (and there's no reason you should). You're foreseeing a negative experience because the negative is coming from you, not from Egypt or Europe or Central America. You can have pretty much any kind of experience you want in any of those places IF you're willing to have them. Maybe conversing with people, maybe hiking in solitude, possibly sitting on a bench and doing nothing or working on your novel.

The main reason I kind of went "erg" when I read your post wasn't because you didn't like travel. It's more than you'd do anything for your wife.... and your wife seems to place a high degree of value on her familial attachment to Egypt. Some of the comments were pretty derisive of something she values - her heritage, her country - but I assume they were things you wouldn't say in front of her. Feelings that strong are likely to shine through all the same. I'm married to someone from another country. And now I live in that country... because I wanted her to be happy. There have been times when I've let loose with negative feelings and anxiety about being here. I've realised sometimes that I'm not just expressing my own feelings and experiences, but I was kind of pissing on things that mattered to her at the same time. I'd have felt the same way if I had to listen to someone whose opinion I respected bashing my home (the US).

The best I could suggest is to can the stuff about Egypt being a terrorist haven and a sh*thole if you can - because those are just unqualified opinions (assuming you've never actually experienced a terrorist attack in Egypt). They don't have any value to anyone else. Maybe just stick with the one useful fact - traveling makes you miserable and you don't want to do it. That's enough and keeps you out of TMI territory.

hetismij2

One of the most precious things you can give your wife and her family is YOUR time. Truly.

If that means spending some of it with them travelling isn't that a great gift? Especially if you try and make an effort to enjoy at least some of it. Really spending time together, not with work hammering at the door everyday. It is hard to disconnect from daily stress, but equally travelling can give you a chance to really connect as a newly formed family.
After having to only consider yourself for so long it can be a steep learning curve to share your life and do things you have never particularly wanted to do.

Egypt may be a step too far for you, so start with Europe - perhaps the UK so you at least (sort of) speak the same language.
Have you considered crossing the Atlantic by ship? Then either hiring a car or using trains to get around?
Flying business/first class eases some of the hassle of flying, and I completely understand how you feel about flying.
If you hate planning then let your wife do it if it is something she enjoys doing, but don't then complain when she chooses things that are of little interest to you.

I wish you and your new family good luck with your lives together, just remember it is a partnership and needs give and take on both sides.

AgentWhittaker

Ten Things I'd Rather Do Than Travel:

Sit on my dock and listen to silence for a week uninterrupted--except for my beautiful wife of course
Take a walk through my forest and take in nature
Get up and go to work everyday
Build something
Stain my deck
Entertain a few musician friends, play music and drink wine
Wrench on my car, lawnmower, or something
Spend a week with my step kids hunting or fishing
Chop and stack firewood
Skin a porcupine
De-fur a skunk
Eat the crotch out of a dead horse
Cleanse my body with rotten fish

There's more. I know there is.