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Black Bart’s Vegas Wing-Ding (Rated: PG-13 for semi-explicit shower scenes)

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Okay. So I haven’t contributed much to this forum. And when I do it’s sometimes harsh criticism. Here’s your chance for revenge.

Last week I went to Las Vegas for the first time in my life. Read all I could first on Fodor’s and tried not to ask stupid questions (which of these 20 hotels should I stay at? Is Vegas hot in the summer? Which buffet serves the best, reheated seafood-type products?). It’s amazing how much of a trip you can plan simply by using the search engine on Fodor’s. What a concept.

Because I also wanted to immerse myself into the world of gaming, I read two BJ books, one Baccarat book, one Craps book--and even attended a Craps “workshop” at a local hotel. Now I was ready to do some serious (amateur) gambling!

After reading about the numerous hotel choices on Fodor’s, I decided to stay at the Imperial Palace. Just kidding, I actually decided upon The Mirage. Booked it on the Internet for $89, which included a free upgrade to…something. Can’t really remember what it said. Fortunately for me, the hotel knew what the upgrade was to, and ended up giving me a room higher up in the hotel. I guess that’s what “up”-grade must really mean: You get something that’s more “Up”. Anyway, the room was great and the view was, well, of a lot of sand. Oh wait, there was the pool about 140 stories below! Now where are my binoculars?

Took a shower (nice bath products), soaping up my firm thighs, rinsed, changed, reviewed my notes on BJ and decided to put all of my gaming research to the test. Fifteen minutes and $100 (down) later, I decided to give the casino a break from the pressure it must have been feeling. Being a bit peckish, I asked Mr. Carl “take no prisoners” BJ dealer where I could find some good Italian. “People or food,” he inquired. “Both”, I replied. He suggested Onda and, since I had remembered seeing some good things about it on Fodor’s, decided to give it a try.

Bagna Cauda was the special at Onda that night. For those of you who’ve never experienced this delight, Bagna Cauda is Italian fondue on crack. Basically it’s a bubbling mass of cream, anchovies and garlic into which one dunks assorted meats, breads and vegetables. It was made for two to share, but I managed just fine on my own. In a word, it was “an artery-blocking cauldron of pure dining heaven”. Okay so that was several words. Onda is a wonderful restaurant.

Since I had done so well on my first attempt at BJ, I decided to get a little revenge with Baccarat. I’ve always heard that Baccarat is a fairly easy game to play so I sat down to learn the ropes. $150 (down) later I went up to my room to grab a towel to throw in.

Continued...

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