anonymous

We have always taken our kids with us on vacation and have never had a vac alone for more than 4 days during nearly 19 years. My husband does not like to leave the kids out and feels we would be selfish to go alone. However, it is very expensive to go to Europe from America during school holidays air-fare wise, isn't it? <BR> <BR>Any of you out there feel as my husband does that it is practically a sin to leave the offspring home for a romatic week alone in Europe? Presently offspring are 11 and 15, a rather awkward time for a babysitter. He believes there is plenty of time in say, 6 or 7 years, when youngest is of age. As you can tell from my tone, I'm not so convinced. But, perhaps he is right that during these parenting years we should not "abondon them".

Ed

We've done it, once, when the kids were about that age. Some guilt feelings in doing it, but all worked out fine. Adult sitter is a necessity, at least for us. <BR> <BR>Ed

mom

I see nothing wrong with leaving the children for a romantic trip. We have 2 kids, 10 and 2 and try to get away alone at least once a year! this may be a 4 day weekend in the Bahamas and it may be a 14 day trip to europe. I believe that children can learn alot of history and cultue in Europe, we have taken our 10 year old on two separate trips, but i have not taken my two year old. Some may disagree that traveling with a toddler is okay but IMHO its work!!! you are not really abandoning your children when you go away without them, its a chance to recharge your own batteries and they may not appreciate all the things you want to do. do people really think we are terrible because we vacation without our children , I doubt it! In our case my parents live about 6 hours away and do not get to see their grandchildren all the time, it is a treat for both for grandma to come stay with the kids for a week. i don't think however that 11 and 15 year olds would take kindly to a babysitter, but they do need some supervision. perhaps a family member staying at your house would be better or it could be classified as a housesitter rather than babysitter?

mom

I see nothing wrong with leaving the children for a romantic trip. We have 2 kids, 10 and 2 and try to get away alone at least once a year! this may be a 4 day weekend in the Bahamas and it may be a 14 day trip to europe. I believe that children can learn alot of history and cultue in Europe, we have taken our 10 year old on two separate trips, but i have not taken my two year old. Some may disagree that traveling with a toddler is okay but IMHO its work!!! you are not really abandoning your children when you go away without them, its a chance to recharge your own batteries and they may not appreciate all the things you want to do. do people really think we are terrible because we vacation without our children , I doubt it! In our case my parents live about 6 hours away and do not get to see their grandchildren all the time, it is a treat for both for grandma to come stay with the kids for a week. i don't think however that 11 and 15 year olds would take kindly to a babysitter, but they do need some supervision. perhaps a family member staying at your house would be better or it could be classified as a housesitter rather than babysitter?

anoyomous

Thank-you very much for the response. I hould clarify that I would NEVER leave them alone for a week at their age. For my husband, the issue is leaving them out of the vacation and with a "housesitter" or family member with whom they would be slightly uncomfortable with for a week. Our parents have both passed so there is no grandparent option. In this circumstance, how many of you would take off without them?

bobbie

I think you can easily get away now, leaving them perhaps with a teacher from their school 'cause it will only get harder. When they become teenagers, no one will stay with them and you can't leave them alone or the whole town will be partying at your house, whether your children are the "popular" kids or not. Teenagers have a keen sense of a home without parents and descend (sorry...)So enjoy yourselves now, you won't be able to go out for many years.....

Julie

I too would feel very guilty leaving my child behind so I take her with me everywhere. However, I must schedule Europe vacations off-season when things are cheaper. She still is free in most hotels and museums and gets a reduced rate on airfare. I think your children are beyond the age for all these cost-savings that I still benefit from. <BR> <BR>However, I am planning on going without her as soon as she is, IMHO, old enough for stay away camp. <BR> <BR>Maybe, you could find a great summer camp for your 11 year old and your 15 year-old could be a junior counselor at the same camp. You could check into camps in other states for a truly enriching experience. <BR>The 15 year-old would be free of charge, maybe even make a little money. Then it wouldn't costs much for the "childcare" , the kids wouldn't feel like they were being baby-sat, and the great experience of going to camp would make your husband not feel like the kids are being left out.

????

i think what this person was referrin gto was that traveling in th off season was cheaper but she couldn't because her children were school age. She either travels in the summer while they are on holiday (much more expensive) or doesn't travel because the kids can't go. <BR> <BR>Your children are old enough to understand tht you need time on your own they are not babies an there is no reason to feel guilty!. Tell the kids the next rip will be with them adn that you will be going to a lot of "boring" places while in europe, they probably woldn't enjoy it anyway. A housesitter is the answer for the kids. Try to make it less uncomfortable by leaving money for the housesitter so that the kids can do extra "fun" things while you're gone. Extra money for the arcade, moives, shopping, lots of eating out etc etc.

Parent

I really am against leaving kids at home. I am of the feeling that children are a gift and that it is our privilage to share our lives with them for the time we have with them. It goes by much too fast -- I feel that if your kids want to go with you that you should take them. There may be a time that you are anxious to share time with them and their busy lives may not be able to accomodate you. A romantic weekend is a bit different and may be just as much fun.

anon

<BR>Why does your husband feel he's abandoning them? I would be more concerned about how my wife felt. Isn't just as important for you to have couple time and not just be Mommy and Daddy all the time? <BR>How about one of your sisters or brothers? Or do they have a really close friend whose house they could stay at and the parents would look after your child? <BR>I'm sure to get blasted here but I don't see why kids have to go everywhere and why their parents should feel guilty about leaving them behind. <BR> <BR>Tomorrow may never come and the kids may never "be old enough" for you to travel without them. Go now while you can. Both daddy and kids will get over the abandoning. believe me!

badmom?

Am I really a bad mother because I see no reason why children shouldn't be left at home? I certainly hope not and I don't even feel guilty doing it! I have a 4 month old son who is the light of my life and I adore him, but i'm still planning on Italy in August for 16 days without him. I also just got back from a long weekend in Vegas over New Year's without him. It just makes me appreciate him even more when I come home! There are certain places tht are jsut inappropriate for small children, 5 cities and a rental in Italy with an 11 month old is one of them. I hope people don't think I'm terrible because i went back to work when my child was 3 weeks old either! You don't have to prove to the world you love your child by spending every inute with them. You should just enjoy yur children and let them know how much you love them

Bil Cliton

This could very easily disintegrate into a liberal vs conservative argument. Family values. Suffice it to say, I wonder how well-adjusted these kids are that are left at home while Mommy and Daddy go play. Very selfish.

Julie

I can't speak for the author of the question but my guilt is not about leaving my child. It is about my child not experiencing something that she would enjoy. She loves Europe. Many children love going to foreign countries and visiting museums, castles and palaces. <BR> <BR>If your husband feels guilty for this reason, then if he finds something the kids will really love, he'll feel better about the whole situation. <BR> <BR>Staying at home with a sitter and getting extra money for pizza and video games may not be too thrilling for all 11 and 15 year olds. Maybe they would be happier going to camp, horse-back riding, mountain climbing, and white-water rafting. <BR> <BR>Good camps can costs around $500 a week but if one child is free (the 15 year old) it is a lot less expensive than flying both to Europe. Assuming that you are able to go in the summer.

Cindy

Anonymous, you raise a really interesting question. My husband works long hours outside the home, so I do almost all of the child care. When he has time for a trip, he insists that the kids come along. He does not see them as often as he would like, and he feels he needs to connect with them on vacation. Personally, I could leave them for over a week and not miss them that much, but I defer to his wishes, bring the kids, and take a break by letting the kids have some time with Dad on the trip. <BR> <BR>Could this be what is bothering your husband? If you've had the time to develop a better relationship with the kids over the years, maybe he feels vacation time is his only time to catch up. If so, maybe hang on a few more years and take the kids along until you two really are on your own. <BR> <BR>Anyway, good luck.

anoyomous

Cindy, your thoughts are close to what my situation is however, my husband is home by 6:30 every night, works some over-time, but not much and I work part-time also. But he does LOVE to be with them. However, at this point my son does not want to be seen with us, if you know what I mean. He'd love to go to Europe as he truely appreciates history and culture but would rather wait until graduation and do a summer on his own sans parental butt-ins...11 year old is museum-phobic. 15 year old goes on week long school trip to D.C. next year, but that still leaves 11 year old. My husband does not feel it is right to leave her for seven days. I am glad to know there are a few parents out there who feel the same as he does, 'cause I do see his point, but to tell you the truth, I'm not one of them!

matchmaker

Anon, maybe you should leave all those losers at home and hook up with the guy looking for female companionship in Paris.

shocked

I'm horrified that anyone would leave a 4-month old behind and go off on a holiday. That child is still and infant and should be breast-fed.

badmom?

I'm sorry you are shocked that I left my 4 month old at home. Maybe I should have clarified, I did not go to Las Vegas over New years for just a "holiday", my husband's sister was getting married in Vegas on New year's eve. We went for 3 days and yes we did leave our son at home with my parents. We also plan to still take our trip to Italy in august. We have been planning this trip with another couple for 2 years and I feel our son would be more miserable and uncomfortable being stuck in a rental car for 16 days and changing hotels 5 times, children can't always adjust to these situations and he would probably be better off with my parents or my husband's parents. Please don't be so judgmental and make blanket statements like he "should be breast-fed" This is only your opinion and no I'm not breatfeeding, we are quite fine with the bottle!

annrita

Shocked, you are too rude. Don't pay any attention, badmom, shocked is trolling. Anonymous, I think you should check out the thread, Leaving Honey at home. Just put it in the search function and it will come up. Think about it!

rand

Well, my parents dumped me in boarding school when I was 11. I can still remember the feeling of abandonment today. But 5 years of boarding school and 10 days are hardly comparable. Anyway I did grow up into a semi-functional adult in spite of it.