A complete lists of do's and don'ts for anyone planning a destination wedding.
Planning a destination wedding can be tricky. Who pays for what? What is expected? What do you need to consider when picking a wedding destination? With wedding season in full swing, we’ve interviewed two wedding planning experts, asking them questions on etiquette, their hot takes on invitations, tips on managing the costs, and everything else needed to throw a memorable celebration.
When to Send Your Save the Dates
You’ve probably found yourself searching online for a definitive answer on the best time to send your Save the Dates, only to discover the answers vary. According to Amanda Virga of AMV Weddings and Laura Ritchie of Grit & Grace Inc, it’s better to send your Save the Dates earlier than later.
“People are super busy and catching up from a backlog of COVID,” explains Ritchie. “This is one of the busiest travel years, and people have busy lives. Your Save the Dates need to be sent out ASAP. That means 12 months before the wedding, if it involves flights and international travel.” In short, if you’re planning a destination wedding, send your Save the Dates pronto.
How to Help Your Wedding Guests Plan a Trip to Your Wedding
Once you’ve sent out Save the Dates, the next step is to put yourself in your guest’s shoes. For some guests, planning travel is fun and exciting. For others, planning travel causes stress-induced stomach aches and hair-pulling while trying to purchase an affordable plane ticket. To be helpful, you’ll want to overcommunicate and send out your wedding website with as many details as possible as soon as possible.
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“Have all the information at the ready on your [wedding] website and make suggestions that guests fly to this particular airport, book with this recommended shuttle company, use this link for the hotel block, and include the concierge number at the resort,” advises Ritchie. “[Your wedding website] should be a one-stop shop for them.”
In addition to travel resources on your wedding website, you should include an outline of wedding events with start and end times, safety information, weather considerations, and details on whether Uber operates in the area. It’s also helpful to offer dress code tips, such as suggesting sandals over stilettos for beachfront ceremonies. Ritchie encourages brides to create dress code design boards with ideas.
With all this hand-holding, it may be tempting to hire a travel agent and direct guests to them, but don’t go overboard. Virga and Ritchie agree that you should let guests book their travel. With people traveling from different airports, trying to coordinate flights will be a mess. Let guests choose their own modes of transportation and dates. Destination wedding guests typically extend their travel plans and continue to explore the area beyond your wedding.
Being Considerate of Your Wedding Party
If you go the traditional route, your wedding party is invited to a few different events, including the bridal shower, the bachelor/bachelorette, the rehearsal dinner, and the wedding itself. The wedding party has a lot on their plate, so it’s important to consider how to thoughtfully include them in your celebrations while respecting any financial or vacation time limitations.
Our experts offer a suggestion: poll your friend group to gauge their preferences and comfort levels. Opening up a line of communication and discussing the events with your friends can help you understand what they are comfortable participating in, Virga suggests. Additionally, Ritchie suggests considering adding a few days leading up to the wedding.
“You’re already abroad and making special memories,” Ritchie says, but it’s important to consider the financial aspect and the time commitment required. Ultimately, it’s your job to read the room and be considerate of your friends.
Deciding Who Gets a Plus One
When it comes to invitations, who gets a plus one?
“People don’t like to travel alone and you might need to be a little softer with plus ones than if you’re hosting a wedding in your city,” Ritchie says. “If Bob is your coworker and doesn’t know anyone else at the event, he can bring a guest. If your cousin has a different girlfriend at every holiday event and your whole family is there he doesn’t get a plus one.”
Virga adds that a plus one should not be automatically given. It’s important to consider the length and depth of the relationship.
“Would you travel with someone after just a few months of dating?” she asks. Traveling can be stressful, especially for new relationships. Another pinch point is the venue capacity and limited numbers. Virga suggests being aware of the maximum capacity of your venue and determining if you are nearing that limit or if you have room to be more generous with plus ones.
Whatever You Do, Don’t Do This
As a thoughtful bride-to-be, it may seem considerate to share with guests an estimated cost for attending your wedding. However, our experts strongly advise against this approach.
“It’s really hard to estimate a budget, and costs are unpredictable that far ahead. Flights will double in price and then drop,” Virga warns. When it comes to costs, it’s best to provide clear and upfront information only about room rates. If you’re concerned about the cost of accommodation, Ritchie suggests talking with the resort about subsidizing the negotiated rate.
The Etiquette Around Additional Activities
Our experts unanimously agree that you should never ask your guests for money.
“If you want to host a boat day, you are hosting and paying. You should never put your name on an activity and tell people to come if you’re not footing the bill,” advises Ritchie. You can suggest optional excursions like a Tuscan wine tasting or a visit to nearby ancient ruins, but let the guests book those activities themselves through the hotel.
Follow the Rule of Three
If your guests have made the effort and commitment to attend your wedding festivities, they deserve some face time with you. They’ve traveled this far, so not getting some quality time would be in poor taste. Ritchie and Virga both agree that three days should be standard. The total length should complement the travel time it takes to get there, so Europe could warrant more than three days. You want guests to have “a great mix of events and free time to explore the destination you’ve chosen. Guests can explore the organic reason you fell in love with it,” Ritchie says.
For a three-day event format, think: welcome reception, wedding, then sendoff. A welcome reception could be as simple as drinks in the hotel bar or a full beach bash BBQ. Ritchie explains there needs to be an initial event that anchors your guests to you. Virga points out that this format is also a great way to weave in local culture during your time with guests. Consider a Tuscan wine tasting, a French perfume tour, or entertainment as a great way to honor the culture. Virga remembers an evening at Lake Como with Italian tenors singing over dinner and “grown men just in tears.” Then comes the wedding day. Then plan a sendoff touchpoint for people to say goodbye. Ritchie says that the sendoff is very important because you want the weekend to have “bookends.”
However, be mindful of flight arrival and departure times. If you schedule a pickleball tournament for Friday morning but flights to the island don’t arrive until 3 pm, you may not have any players. Similarly, if your Sunday brunch coincides with the first flight home at 11 am, you may find yourself eating eggs Benedict alone. Ultimately, it’s crucial to prioritize convenience and consider your guests’ travel arrangements when mapping out your wedding weekend schedule.
Forego Gifts When Having a Destination Wedding
In regard to bringing gifts to destination weddings, Virga doesn’t see it being common.
“Physical gifts are silly to travel with back and forth,” she says. Sometimes there will be cards with cash, or maybe someone will buy a shower gift but perhaps not a wedding gift. “Their presence may be the gift,” she says. A tangible gift is less common and less expected for a destination wedding.
Should You Invite Kids to Your Wedding?
As a wedding photographer, I’ve observed many instances where children are brought to a wedding, only to become unsupervised chaos during the reception. From sliding across the dance floor during the first dance to getting their hands on the wedding cake. When thinking about whether or not to invite kids to your celebration, consider if you’re ok with an extra element of surprise that may ensue on your special day. If your guests are determined to bring their children, I recommend suggesting that they arrange for babysitting services through the concierge desk. Their little ones can have a great time jumping on hotel beds, watching movies, and ordering room service while the adults enjoy an elegant evening out.
Don’t Plan Your Wedding for the ‘Gram
While having a hashtag gorgeous wedding day is important, it’s equally important to remember that the purpose of gathering your loved ones in a far-flung locale is to spend time with them. When thinking about your budget, it may be tempting to create Instagram-worthy floral arrangements with five different bridal looks, but consider how some of that budget might enhance your guests’ comfort and experience. This could be subsidizing a portion of their accommodation costs, providing transportation services, arranging an extra activity or entertainment showcasing the local culture, or leaving a welcome basket in your guest’s hotel rooms. For example, if you’re getting married in a tropical area, consider including bug spray and sunscreen in the welcome basket. These “creature comforts,” as Ritchie aptly describes them, may seem less glamorous but are highly appreciated by your guests. Remember, wedding planning isn’t necessarily about extravagance but about being thoughtful.