In the first installment of "Dear Eugene," we answer the question of whether solo travelers should switch their plane seats for families.
Inspired by our intrepid founder, Eugene Fodor, Dear Eugene is a new monthly series in which we invite readers to ask us their top travel questions. Each month, we’ll tap travel experts to answer your questions with the hopes of demystifying the more complicated parts of travel. Send your questions to [email protected] for a chance to have them answered in a future story.
Dear Eugene: Do I have to switch my airplane seat so that another passenger can sit next to their family or friend?
Plane etiquette is a topic that is endlessly being discussed and debated. It’s a topic that we’ve covered at Fodor’s extensively, from asking flight attendants about unruly passenger behavior to whether reclining your seat is inconsiderate to fellow travelers. One recent etiquette question that has resurfaced is whether solo travelers should switch their plane seats to accommodate families not seated together.
We’ve all been there: you’ve boarded the plane, stowed your carry-on luggage in the overhead bin, pulled out your essentials, tucked them into the seat pocket in front of you, and nestled into your seat when you suddenly hear a sheepish, “Excuse me.” You look up and see the pleading eyes of a fellow passenger asking if it would be alright to switch seats so that they may sit next to their spouse, parent, child, sibling, or friend. For some, this might seem straightforward, but when you consider factors such as what seat you’ll be switching to, the length of your flight, and whether you’ve paid more for your current seat, suddenly, the question becomes more heated.
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This debate took center stage in 2023 when a viral TikTok video sparked a fierce online debate: Is it rude to decline? Should you smile politely, re-gather your belongings, and make the move? What is the proper etiquette in this situation? According to a study from Kayak, travelers are divided on this issue, with 54% of travelers being okay with switching seats and the other half firmly against it. To answer this question, we asked a flight attendant from a major U.S. commercial airline (who preferred to remain anonymous) to weigh in.
Why Aren’t Families and Couples Already Sitting Together?
Let’s start with the first question: if a family is traveling together, why aren’t they already seated next to each other? The answer depends on a few factors. Seating can depend on the type of plane ticket a traveler books and whether they are flying on standby. When it comes to flying standby, a few things come into play, such as whether a traveler is a revenue or non-revenue passenger.
Revenue standby is for passengers who have paid for a full-fare ticket and are on standby either for an upgrade, to catch an earlier flight or because they’ve missed or been rolled over from a previous flight. These standby travelers get priority and are usually top of the list. Non-revenue standby is for travelers flying on discounted tickets, such as those flying on buddy passes. Standby passengers are typically assigned to whatever empty seats are left onboard, which can often be separated, especially on a nearly full flight. In other cases, travelers may opt to save money by booking a basic economy ticket, which doesn’t allow them to pre-select seats ahead of time.
Recently, Fodor’s Senior Editor Nikki Vargas and her husband flew standby from Brussels to New York, leaving them with two middle seats in rows directly behind one another. While Vargas was tempted to ask her seatmate if he’d be willing to switch with her husband, she didn’t.
“I realized I’d be asking him to trade an aisle seat for a middle seat on a long-haul, trans-Atlantic flight,” recounted Vargas. “And so, I didn’t ask, deciding that our decision to fly standby was not his burden.”
“People should talk to the gate or ticket counter agent if they’re seated separately,” suggests the flight attendant we asked. “Do this instead of going on the plane, trying to get the flight attendants involved, and asking other passengers to switch with you. Boarding is a hectic time for flight attendants, and space is tight, so reconfiguring passenger seats can be challenging.”
What to Consider Before You Switch Your Seat
If asked to switch your seat, the first question to consider is what seat you’ll be switching to. If you have pre-booked a window seat, for example, and are being asked to switch to a middle seat, that might be an instance in which to decline the switch politely.
Another thing to consider is whether you’ve paid extra for your current seat. Certain seats in the economy cabin, for example, incur an extra fee for added legroom, such as exit rows or front-of-cabin seats. If someone is asking to switch seats for one that you’ve paid extra, that is when you should decline.
The final thing to mull over is the flight itself. Are you on a two-hour flight to Chicago in which switching to that middle seat will be a short-lived inconvenience? Or, are you on a long-haul flight headed to Hong Kong, where you’ll really regret giving up your window seat?
“It is entirely up to you if you want to make that trade,” adds the flight attendant. “Everyone paid for their seat; it’s not fair if someone makes you feel guilty or pressured to switch seats if they bought a basic economy ticket, did not check in on time to get the seats they wanted, or is flying standby.”
While switching seats can be a nice gesture, remember that you are not responsible for another passenger’s seating assignment.
So What Happens if a Passenger Demands You Switch Seats?
You’ve been asked to switch your seat to accommodate another passenger and have politely declined. In an ideal world, that should be the end of the conversation, but this is not an ideal world. What do you do if the other passenger becomes irate and demands you give up your seat? In this awkward instance, stay calm so as not to escalate the situation and flag a flight attendant to intervene.
So When Should You Give Up Your Seat?
While you are never obligated to switch seats, it’s up to you when you do decide to accommodate a fellow passenger. Perhaps you’re feeling generous and want to give that pair of swooning honeymooners the chance to canoodle on their way to the Caribbean. Maybe you feel bad for the teenager sitting away from their parents. You could be unhappy with your window seat and wouldn’t mind switching to that aisle seat. The only instances in which to consider trading seats might be if a young child and parent are sitting apart, which surprisingly can happen. In 2022, the Department of Transportation issued new guidelines addressing this very issue, encouraging airlines to enact policies that have children seated next to accompanying adults.
Whatever side of the debate you stand—whether you’re a solo traveler or traveling with your family—never board a plane expecting other passengers to accommodate your seat changes. Instead, speak to the gate agent prior to boarding to see if your seat assignments can be changed or, better yet, pay for the seat you want.
I will absolutely NOT do it unless it's an even switch (which usually is not what's requested) not too far away. Those of us who plan in advance all have our usually very good reasons for choosing the seats we do, and should feel no obligation to people who don't do that and figure they can just take advantage of us. And if crap happens despite the best laid plans, which it does on occasion, then I don't see how it's other people's problem.
Did it in my youth to my own detriment with little appreciate. Won't ever do it again.
Funny thing...
So, I had someone sit in the middle seat next to me. When he sat down, he whispered "don't let my girlfriend sit next to me!".
So, I got the harassment of declining his GF exchanging seats with me (her a couple rows back), but the satisfaction of turning someone down who definitely didn't deserve it; normally it wouldn't have been an issue, her seat was an isle like mine.
The nerve... I paid for my child and I to sit together for many years. Now, parents want freebies and want us to be responsible for their kids. Please do NOT think of asking me for my seat.
Here's one thing I learned: If you are amenable to switching seats with somebody,, ask to see their boarding pass. I once said yes to someone who directed me to "their" aisle seat, which didn't belong to them at all. The rightful owner of the seat boarded and kicked me out. I did get my original seat back, but not without a lot of unnecessary hassle.
An excellent point, and I will amplify it: I, too, once nearly agreed to exchange my aisle seat with a young woman who wanted to sit beside her boyfriend, but discovered in time, after seeing her boarding pass, that the aisle seat in which she had been sitting was not her assigned one; rather, she had been assigned to the adjacent middle seat -- which of course I refused to take. If you want to avoid the justly-hated middle seat, take the above advice seriously -- demand to see a boading pass before switching seats.