TripleSecDelay

In the spirit of the traveling we will soon be doing for the holidays, I offer the following -- and invite all to contribute their Funniest Travel Story. If it didn't happen to you, that's fine.

Let's bring some humor to the holidays and Fodor's in general...
___________

I left Austin on Interstate 183 heading toward Victoria on Saturday, when I decided to stop at a rest stop. The first toilet stall was occupied, so I went into the second one.

I was no sooner seated than I heard a voice from the next stall: "Hi, how are you doing?"

Well, I am not the type to chat with strangers in highway restrooms, and I really don't know quite what possessed me, but anyway, I answered, a little embarrassed: "Not bad."

And the stranger said: "So, what are you up to?"

Talk about your dumb questions! I was really beginning to think this was too weird! So I said: "Well, just like you I am driving south?"

Then, I heard the stranger, all upset, say: "Look, I'll call you right back, there is some idiot in the next stall answering all the questions I am asking you. Bye!"

FainaAgain

Triple, this is the funniest thing I've EVER read, anywhere!

Marilyn

Urban legend, bad joke, whatever -- sorry, TripleSec, but I heard this about 2 years ago. I bet there are plenty of good tales that really happened to people, no?

brookwood

I have two funnies. Story #1 was in Yellowstone. We were staying in the Roughrider Cabins at the Roosevelt site.
The bathhouse was a short hike away, and the morning was chilly. The water supply at the time was a bucket and a faucet in the yard.

As I walked out of the cabin toward the communal bathhouse, a man swinging a bucket came around the side of the cabin and ran into the north end of a south bound bear that was nosing in a sack of something. He realized it was a bear, about half grown, yelled "BEAAR", swung his bucket up in the air and ran. The bucket came down and conked the poor animal on the rump.

The startled bear took off and ran straight into the women's end of the bathhouse. Whereupon, a stream of females in various stages of dress came tearing out yelling "BEAR". Poor critter. He was the last one to emerge with a bewildered look. At that point he had sense enough to make for the woods.

I don't know if the perpetrator of the excitement came back to find his bucket or not.

#2 took place on the Iceline Trail in Canada. We were hiking toward the Stanley Mitchell Hut when a sleet storm struck with hard winds. Fortunately, we had our GoreTex rain outfits with us, pants included. We stopped for a bite to eat and some liquid in the shelter of a big boulder.

While we were stopped, I heard voices in the gully behind us. Soon 5 people came into view, two adults and 3 children.
The two boys, whom I judged to be perhaps 12 and 14, were fussing and complaining about the sleet stinging their ears and faces. Neither of them had any type of headgear so they were walking with their arms over their faces and ears. Mama was on their case big time. All the way uphill toward us, and as far as I could hear her over the patter of the sleet, she was letting them have it: "If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times, wear a hat when you go hiking. Don't you have any common sense? You ought to know how the weather is up here." I turned around, walked a little ways down the trail, and kept my hood up so she would not hear me laughing. I guess Mom had taken all she was going to take, but I think she had gotten a bit out of control. I probably would have too!

I wonder if the guys remembered the next time? Probably not.

TripleSecDelay

Good stuff!! Thank you, brookwood.

razzledazzle

Yup. I've told it before and it's true...

It was a sunny day in mid October
1988. I was walking around Pacific Heights in San Francisco on my
way to view an apartment for rent.
It was a gorgeous warm day, blue skies and the view of the bay with it's
shimmering water gave me~butterflies~
"I am so happy to be moving
to San Francisco" I thought.

I was a bit early for my meeting
and decided to stop a few minutes
in a little park. On my way up
the hill from Union St.I had
passed an Embassy or two-
the Russian one was of note-
a large, beautiful mansion
like most of the them.

Here I was,
lucky me!!!!!!!
pondering my good fortune
and enjoying my lovely surroundings when I heard
a rumble and a vibration ("earthquake??? oh-my-god!!!")
next came a screaming whine,
no it was probably
4 or 5 screaming whines,
dark objects
moving in fast over my head,
("where's a tree I'll be safe under there!")

I am quite certain my heart sought
shelter in my throat during my sprint for safety.("My god!!!!they're attacking the Russians!!!!")

SSSSCCCCCCRRRRRREEEEEAAAAAAMMMMM
WWWWWHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNEEEE
ZZZZZZZZOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM
they all "rollout" over my head
and make a large turnaround back
toward the Bay.

My terror stricken eyes follow them and
something large is in the water..a aircraft carrier is entering the Bay under the Golden Gate Bridge....panic,
more panic,
heart is going to stop...("It's not
the Russian embassy they're after
it's... it's....THE CARRIER"!!!)

I am here to tell you that
sweat can be cold.

Now's a good time for a passing jogger
to stop to explain about Fleet week and the Blue Angels show on the upcoming weekend.

Lucky me.

R5

FainaAgain

LOL Dazzle this is exactly how it feels for the training week in the Financial district. Are we glad when it's over!

TxTravelPro

There were 3 carloads of family headed to a wonderful COE campsite at Lake 'O the Pines in NE Texas.
We all stopped at the dam to just have a look at the layout of the lake.
I opened my door and as it opened, it bumped into one of those 2 foot tall wood posts that hold a guard rail to keep cars from going into the lake.
Well... about 10 huge bumble bees came out of that post and made a beeline right for me. I am TERRIFIED of bees and I took off running, screaming, arms flailing. I threw both my shoes and in my panic ran straight onto the highway without even thinking about cars.
One of the bees bumped my head.
It was crazy.
Finally they just stopped and went back to the post.
As I stood there, I noticed about 50 people laughing and pointing at me.
I was just mortified. And so I bowed, waived and went back to the car, careful to get in on the other side.

A side note... I KNOW what wood bees are. I grew up around them. These were wood bees but they were so ferocious I just elected to see bumble bees.
Wood bees are almost all bark and no bite. They are really aggressive and territorial but usually will not sting, even though they can.

TxTravelPro

I figure some smarty pants will feel the need to correct me... I'll do it first:
Wood Bees = Carpenter Bees (same thing)
The female can sting, and she is not aggressive. The male is aggressive but cannot sting.

JJ5

Both very funny ones happened in Europe.

One was in West Berlin in 1984. I was trying desparately to make a phone call home and couldn't get anything to work for me. Some Berlin youth tried to tell me that the DDR money wouldn't work in any of the pay phones because you couldn't put that amount in fast enough, NOT to be disconnected.

Well I did it, I got my cousin to throw coins in as fast as she could and I got to talk to my 4 year old. She continued doing this for about 3 or 4 minutes- and I was only actually on the line with home about two. After I was done, I turned around in the subway/underground and there were about 7 German teenagers on one side and 4 or 5 American soldiers on the other side of me and they were all either clapping or singing the American National Anthem (or trying to anyway).

Another time much later in late 1990's in Italy I was sitting by a bus station, on a bench waiting for my bus back to Formia. This man steps up and talked very fast in Italian for about 5 minutes to me and I just keep looking at him. Then he asked me a question (I could tell) and pointed to one of the bus signs on one of the buses sitting next to us. He repeated the question again and I thought he meant to ask what bus I was waiting for there. I said, "Formia" and he said "Graci" and got on the bus next to me and left.

I don't think he really had a clue that I didn't understand Italian.

Loisde

Back in 1979, my husband and I were driving from NC to Charleston, SC. I-26 was not yet finished, so we took secondary roads.

In a little SC town called Old Fort, we made a bathroom break at a Burger King. I went to the ladies' room. There was one toilet. I proceeded to do what I came to do and when I pulled my pants down, I heard a voice say "Whopper."

I jumped up, yanked my pants up and whipped my head around . . . like I was going to see something in this small bathroom. Of course, I saw nothing, thought I was hearing things and proceeded. I heard again: "Whopper." I hurriedly finished (think it couldn't be helped by this time) and literally ran to the car.

After relating the story to my husband, he straight-faced reminded me that "Whopper" is the name of Burger King's signature sandwich. Apparently, the drive-through speaker was mounted next to the bathroom.

And, for the record, I'm not a whopper.

Really.

Orcas

We sure have a lot of bathroom stories here, so I'll tell one. Maybe you had to be there but....

Many years ago, I was visiting one of the monuments in Washington, which I remember as the Lincoln Memorial. A woman was screaming with a NY accent, "Harvey! Harvey! Where are you Harvey? Harvey! Harvey! You answer me right now, Harvey!"
Then, we heard a male voice cry out apologetically, "I'll tell you later!" From our vantage point, we could see poor Harvey entering the men's room.

jacketwatch

We were waiting in the San Juan airport once for a connecting flight. Well a Hispanic lady sitting next to my wife, who is Indian but has been mistaken for Latino just decided that what ever was so weighing on her mind just had to come out. She turned to my wife and began a 10 min. long lament in Spanish about what I have no idea. My wife just listened, nodded and after she finished the lady left looking alot better with this load off her shoulders. We still laugh about that.

BobbiOh

Back when I had just graduated from Travel School and was interning at a small leisure oriented agency....

A couple came in looking to book a honeymoon to Egypt. She was about 20, he was about 90. He got up to use the restroom and she leaned over my desk and very quietly asked, "How would you get a dead body back to the US from Egypt?"

I wasn't sure if she was planning it, just being careful, or buying a mummy, but,I'm sure my shocked expression said it all.

Kal

Another bathroom story...

I was in the Sacto "Intl" Airport's men's room a few weeks ago getting ready to fly down to San Diego on "biddness".

Standing at the urinal getting rid of a few large cups of "rented" coffee with two guys doing the same along side me...
All three of us were obeying the "look straight ahead-don't talk" rule.
~o)~o)~o)~o)
I had my cell phone in my pocket.

I have it set to ring "Jingle Bells" when Mrs Kal calls me...and I have it set to vibrate in case I' somewhere where I can't hear it.

Well.....we're all standing there obeying "The Rules" when we start to hear "Jingle Bells" and small vibes coming from my pant pocket.

I start laffin' and say "That's my Wife calling...".
Then one guy says "you going to get it?"

Told him "Once it's done vibrating-I'm on a roll!!! \/

Glad I didn't hear one of the guys saying "Whopper"! :-"

R5-
I almost dropped a full beer on Mrs. Kal when the Blue Angles/T'birds did an unannoucned fly by at Wrigley Field a few years back so I can relate!

indie

LOL jacketwatch, my cousin and her hubby had gone down to Juarez in Mexico. The cab driver started talking to them in spanish, when they said they did not speak the language - they were sternly admonished about how terrible it was people like them were turning their back on their culture and language.
I've had people look at me in disgust too when I say "No Comprehendo"

indie

Guess I should add I am Indian too

MikeBuckley

I don't know if this is true, but I heard it a long time ago and it is definitely about the ultimate travel experience.

When Neil Armstrong, the first human to walk on the moon, climbed the ladder back into the lunar module, he said, "Congratulations, Mr. Smith." (Smith is a fictitious name because I can't remember the real name.)

Reporters asked NASA officials what he meant by that. They had no idea so they asked him. Armstrong said he would never explain so long as Mr. and Mrs. Smith were still alive.

Reporters did everything possible to locate a Mr. and Mrs. Smith that might know Armstrong. Everyone came up blank. Years went by. Occassionally a reporter would ask Armstrong about it but he never ofered so much as a hint.

Finally, decades had passed and a reporter asked him about it. Now that Mr. and Mrs. Smith had died, he explained.

One day when Armstrong was a kid playing baseball with his friends, one of them hit a home run. The ball was hit so hard that it went out of the field and onto the Smith's porch. As Armstrong ran onto the porch to retrieve the ball, he heard Mrs. Smith saying to Mr. Smith, "The day I give you oral sex (actually a less elegant pair of words was used) is the day that kid Neil Armstrong walks on the moon."

Jocelyn_P

True story:

My traveling DH boarded a little puddle-jumper plane for a short flight. He'd had a few sodas before boarding the plane. Once they had pulled away from the gate, it was announced that they would be delayed. After waiting a long while without moving, DH decided this would be a good time to use the bathroom. THERE WAS NO BATHROOM ON THE PLANE. He waited. And waited. And waited. The need to go was getting worse. DH was in the front row of this plane, all by his lonesome, with the FA in the back. DH discreetly put his coat in his lap, took out the barf bag, and, well, did his business in the bag. #-o quot;> amp; :-"


Sorry, I couldn't decide which emoticon to use, so I just did all that were appropriate.

MikeBuckley

One more story with my apologies that it isn't humorous and -- for those that have already seen it -- that I've already written about this on Fodors. But it is true and remarkable.

My wife and I were at an overlook at Canyon de Chelly. If you've been there you know some of the overlooks are at the top of sheer 800-foot cliffs.

A small pack of docile goats accustomed to the tourists slowly walked into the area, probably hoping to get fed as usual. A girl about 8 years old that was not properly attended by her parents became scared of the goats. She began moving backwards rather quickly to get away from them, always keeping her eyes trained on the goats but being completely unaware that she was headed straight toward the cliff. Everything happened so quickly that before anyone could do anything about it, she was only about ten feet from the drop-off and showing no sign of slowing down.

All of us saw what was happening but nobody was close enough to do anything about it. It was one of those moments that seconds seemed like minutes.

Suddenly the goat that was closest to the girl lowered its head, ran quickly toward her, and knocked her to the ground by butting its head into her chest. The goat just as quickly returned to the previous spot it had come from, where it immediately became as passive as before.

Naturally, the girl started screaming. Her parents ran to her and held her, crying happy tears that their daughter was not only alive but physically unhurt.

My wife and I saw the entire incident from about 30 feet away. Once our hearts returned from our throats to the normal position, we realized the goat had seen that the girl was in imminent danger and did the only thing it could to save her life.