me likey

The travel channel recently did a show on "best bathrooms in the world." Well I want to hear about the worst bathrooms, or your worst/scariest experiences in a bathroom. When you travel, toilets are always a gamble, so I'm sure most of you have a story.

And please, no alligator-in-the-bowl stories.

buzzoff

me likey - get a life

Lyle

All the best stories regard European bathrooms....the ones where you simply stand over a hole in the floor alongside others doing the same.

In East St. Louis on a late summer Saturday night we nearly ran out of gas and had to stop at a station off the interstate. Bullet prrof windows (this was in the early 1980's no less) and looked like a war zone.
My wife returned to report the bathroom scene: used brown tampon draped across the toilet seat, dark brown stained bowl, roach family in the corner of the room littered with papers and spent beer cans, no running water.

The Boss

A legendary bathroom experience is now known throughout my circles as "The Third Stall".

Mass Pike (I-90) reststop. I think that there used to be a BK there, but they had ripped it out and were installing a new Micky D's. In the interim, the Pike had set up white trailers where people could do their bizness.

The overall bathroom experience, at its optimal - would have rated about a 3 out of 10. We were lucky enough to witness a spectacle so horrifying, so absolutly gut wrenching that we swore to pass along the legend of the "3rd Stall" as a warning to any naive travelers looking to spend time in our great Commonwealth of Massachusetts.

Apparently somebody entered a hot dog eating contest (and won), then celebrated the victory until about 5am swilling beer after beer after beer. (This is all speculation, but it's pretty much the only explanation for what we saw) This man had then decided to drive his car to the Mass Pike heading westbound away from Boston and stop at the trailer park McDonald's for some breakfast.

As we are all aware, the human body can only hold so much before reaching maximum capacity. Upon breakfast, our hero had reached a point of extreme over-saturation. He ran into the 3rd toilet stall, bent over, lowered his drawers, and aimed high. He chose not to sit, rather to kneel football style ready for the ball. On his orders, he splattered his insides - canon style - in one giant lump that exploded like a water balloon about 3 feet above the rim of the toilet on the wall.

The explosion was like the aftershock of the meteor in the Armageddon movie - the massive impact had sent debris flying all over the wall as if Jackson Pollack himself had a bucket of his waste and decided to make a masterpiece.

Rest assured, this was no masterpiece. But, it certainly was awe inspiring. How it happened, I'll never know. Whether a human being can withstand such an event and live to tell about it, I have no idea. I did not see this man, but my other sensory inputs certainly were well aware of his presence.

I recount to you this story today in the hopes that you will never have to find yourself in a situation such as the one that I saw.

Nyna

I agree......those bathrooms in Europe where you stand over a hole. Heaven forbid you've had too much to drink.

linda

when i was living in France a few years ago i came to the conclusion that pissoires(hole in the ground toilets) had been phased out ,i had been in Marsielle for six months and had never come across one.one evening slightly the worst for wear i entered the toilets of a bar i had not previously been in and stepped right into the HOLE!!!
what was worse was i had actually broken my ankle and had to wait for the ambulance men to remove me...i left france three weeks later and have never returned.

Chet

Hey "buzzoff", if you don't like a posting, then don't click it and don't respond. Anyone using the insult, "dorkbreath", is so lame.

L.M.

I have had no experience to top the hilarious bathroom experiences in the previous posts, just the usual dirty bathroom complaints {I did walk into the men's room once - does this count?}. Has anyone noticed how much cleaner the Canadians keep their camp restrooms/outhouses as opposed to Americans? I really got a laugh out of the previous poster's tales of woe - thanks for sharing! Original post! "Buzz Off", get a sense of humor!

Nina

And the winner is ... France.

I went into the bathroom of a cafe with two little closets, marked men and women I waited for the women's to be available, but the door never opened. Finally I decided to go into the men. Yes it was a pisshole, but worse yet, there was no light in it. After a few minutes of running my hand up and down the wall looking for the light switch, I decided that the only way I could do it, without falling into the hole, was to hold the door open a bit to get the outside light.

I am no contortionist, so it was not an easy task to hold the door open and maintain my balance at the same time. No way was I going to do it in a totally dark room with a hole just waiting for me to step into it. The outside light was crucial.

Just before I had finished, a man walked in to the room. He could see that the stall was occupied, but had no idea that it was a woman. When I walked out of the men's pisshole, he gave me the dirtest look.

When I returned to my table, I asked my French friends about the lack of light in the stall and related my story. They started to laugh and told me that when you close the door and lock the door, the light automatically goes on!

Those things are scary.

gail

In Egypt they "sell" for tips at the entrance to the Women's Room a tiny square of toilet paper. The sinks are so gross that it is sometimes a decision whether it is better not to touch them at all. (This was at historic sights - the hotels are fine). But my scariest bathroom experience was when I was at a party (not really a travel story) in my much younger days and some guys thought it would be hilarious to hide in the tub behind the shower curtain and spy on or jump out and scare any woman who was using the toilet. To this day I can not use a bathroom in someones home without first checking behind the shower curtain to make sure no one is lurking.

Margaritaville Dan

Hmmmmmmm, these sound pretty bad, especially stall 3. Who among you has travled around Asia in the past few years? I've lived in Korea for the past 4 years and have traveled all around Asia during that time. I have more than a few "worst" bathroom stories to tell.

Korea is co-hosting the World Cup this Summer. Korea has been going through a bathroom craze for the past two years to "clean up" the image of public toilets. Well, the bad part is, there really aren't any public toilets. Korean men will stand around the corner and whip it out (to a small degree) and do their bizness. It is not an uncommon sight in DOWNTOWN Seoul to see mothers pull down the pants of their child and either hold them over a storm grate (girl) or to let their little darling prince whizz into the sewer drain. Ahhh, the wonders of living in modern Korea. The average bathroom in Korea was made in the 1950's and hasn't been updated yet. MOst could take anuclear explosion and still never be clean. Once, I was using the restroom which was used by many different buisnesses. They all had stairs leading to this one bathroom. Well, I had been drinking and while standing I felt something brush up against my foot. Didn't think about it at first, then felt it again. What the ....I look and there is the cleaning lady mopping the floor,while I'm standing there at the urinal. Unreal.

I visited China a few years ago and they has a hole in the bottom of the floor in which to do your bizness. Well, under the floor was the waste disposal, pigs. Yes, pigs were under the floor disposing of the waste. Who disposed of the pigs waste? That's my question.

Then I went to Hong Kong and here has to be the grossest thing I've ever seen. Even grosser than the old truck stops. My wife and I are at Ocean Park in Hong Kong (amusement park) and I have to go to the bathroom. I wait in line, the guy gets out of the stall w/o flushing. In it was a mass of stench and no TP. How did the guy wipe? Still curious and disgusted.

I think that Asia is by far worse than Europe will ever be. My opinion only.

Margaritaville Dan

Linda

Anyone who has traveled abroad has to love this post!!

I was a student traveling in Europe in 72 and went to a German loo where they had toilet paper that resembled cardboard. Honestly! You could barely bend it! So, I took a few sheets and wrote upon them about my various bathroom experiences in Europe (for my parents and friends). It was a big hit, LOL!

Wendy

I have a terrible bathroom storie:

This was in Polamar, Venezuela. We were in town after dark. This was myself and 2 girlfriends. We all needed the restroom badly and asked our bus driver to drop us off at a reputable place to do our business. He dropped us off at what seemed like a coffee shop/restaurant. I went in first and your couldn't step anywhere without getting your feet wet!! The toilet was leaking! And to top it off there wasn't any TP! I tried to open the door to go and ask for some napkins but the door was locked, from the outside! My friends had go and ask the lady working the counter how to open the door. It took her a few minutes to understand what they meant when she finally went out back and rang a buzzer and the door opened! Imagine a buzzer lock for the bathroom door. Unbelievable! I was scared to close it again so I did it with the door open and my friends guarding. It was terrible!

still laughing

THE BOSS, Do you know what a terrific writer you are?! Any one can recant a story,but you are talented! I had to take my contacts out,I was laughing so hard.Great story!

Gene

This occurred at the Provincetown Inn on Cape Cod which emloys many Jamaicans during the Summer season. I walked into the lobby men's room to use the urinal. No one else was in the room except for an older Jamaican woman washing the floor. As I hesitated and wondered whether to leave, she said to me in her accent: "Hey Mon come on in, I got 7 kids back home. You don't got anythin I ain't seen before".

Dick

I was just entering a restroom at a truckstop just outside Denver when a rather "large" gentleman exited a stall.
As we passed, he gave me this odd look.
Like "oh ooo busted"
I entered the stall and closed the door,,turning to start my duty, I look down, and see the BIGGEST, and I mean HUGE piece of work. I wish I had a camera. This thing couldn't of come out of a human!!!!! as big around as a coke can and at least a foot long...an amazing sight!!...

cindy

Years ago, I was on a car trip through the Maritime provinces with my kids. My 2 sons (then aged about 8 and 12, if I remember correctly) were sharing a room. Just before we checked out of the motel, the younger one apparently ran into some difficulty flushing down his most recent - er - production. It seemed to get stuck on the side of the bowl. He appealed to his older brother for help. Big brother very confidently went in, flushed, and had the same result, or lack thereof. Hmmm.
So he went to the closet and found a wire coat hanger; his reasoning was that he could scrape it loose and accomplish the task. Unfortunately it got itself impaled on the hanger instead. He told me later "It looked like a bullrush." At this point the two boys decided to abandon the entire project, and further, since we were leaving town, to say not one word to Mom about any of it. But what to do with the evidence? They put it in the trash can, still impaled. But they didn't want anybody to know who was responsible (if that's the right word). Dilemma. They solved this one when they noticed that the housekeeping staff was cleaning out various rooms and had put a number of wastebaskets out in the hallway. They pulled a quick switcheroo and, smiling innocently, came out to the car where I was waiting for them.
I didn't hear the story for several years. Now, when we tell it, it's referred to as "the shishkabob turd story." I certainly hope the poor housekeeper has recovered, and the two perpetrators are now law-abiding citizens in their 30's.

meg

People usually do not believe me when I tell them this. In the late 70s I worked as a flight attendant for a small commuter airline (Apollo Airways) out of Santa Barbara, CA. We flew 18- passenger Jetstream aircraft to cities throughtout the state of California and also to Las Vegas. The planes did not have bathrooms. Although the ticket agents were supposed to mention the lack of bathroom facilities to the passengers before they boarded, this did not always happen. Beverages were served during the flights and some of the runs were almost two hours long. Invariably, it wasn't long before I would recognize the restless squirming of a passenger trying to "hold" it. Sometimes it was just not possible, especially for those who had not been made aware of the "no-bathroom" situation. Well, for those desperate individuals it became an experience they did not soon forget.For those who simply could not wait, I offered them a PLASTIC TRASH BAG TO USE! Not only that, due to the size of the aircraft, there was no private area in which to do their duty. I had to lead the poor passenger to the back of the plane, so that they were behind the other passengers, turn around with my back to the victim and try to block the view as much as possible while the job was done. Unbelievable? I swear it's true. Anybody out there remember my little airline and the plastic bags?

Marilyn

We went with our children to a Burger King in London. My husband took my son into the men's room. It was a revolving door for men to visit other men. When my son went into a stall and shut the door, he looked up and saw a hypodermic syringe balancing on the top of the wall. Scary!
On a trip to Beijing, we were out shopping at an open air marketplace. My husband suddenly felt quite sick and asked to use a bathroom. He was shown a room with a squat hole. Knowing that he was about to be ill, he knew that the squat hole would not work. He walked down the street to the American Embassy and asked to use their restroom. A kind hearted Marine checked out his ID and let him in.

xxx

I was one of those desperate passengers on an airplane (on another airline than the one previously referenced) without a lavatory. My morning caffeine had run through my system, and there was a lot of airtime before landing. Instead of enjoying the stunning views, I was suffering. So, I asked my companion to ask the pilots (no flight attendants) for help, as I twisted painfully in my seat. The best they could come up with was a ziploc bag. Luckily, the flight was not full, so I could take care of business in privacy at the rear of the plane (not that everyone didn't know what I was doing, but at least they didn't look). Judging from the fact that the pilots were so cool about it, and the fact that they had wipes for my hands, suggests that I was far from the first to suffer this way. My companion swore that I would never be allowed to down a 20 ounce Diet Coke before a flight again, given not only this particular event, but the fact that I'm usually the first on ANY flight to head for the lavatory (sometimes before reaching cruising altitude).