Travel the world or have a child, or both?

Old Jun 20th, 2006, 09:56 AM
  #41  
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"And with 10 more years under her belt, travel_addict will have accumulated a lot more baggage than she's already carrying. Waayyyyy too much baggage for one family. Talk about over-packing."

So, what are you saying, Beachbum?? That I have a big suitcase??

And Scarlett, yes, your opinion and the rest of the Fodorites' opinions count because the only answers I get from family & friends is to just do it. No negatives, no realistic expectations, etc. I wanted unbiased and honest opinions from people who don't know me at all, and who also love to travel. And boy, did I ever get that!
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Old Jun 20th, 2006, 09:59 AM
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From what you are telling us I think it would be better if you traveled the world.
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Old Jun 20th, 2006, 10:03 AM
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When I want something, a zillion people could not talk me out of it, or for that matter, in to it. So I think if you disregard your family & doctors, you already know what you want.
Expecting a baby to conform to your schedule etc is not realistic, most likely you are not ready yet, to have a baby..it sort of seems so from your postings here.
I wish you all the luck in the world on your decision, someone said to me and it always is true-
You plan and you plan and Life happens!
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Old Jun 20th, 2006, 10:04 AM
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Hey SAnParis...
Fancy you giving advice about kids seeing as how you apparently lost out on the "Mommy of the Year" Award!
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Old Jun 20th, 2006, 10:08 AM
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Please don't have a child.

Children need to be the most important thing in your life, your life revolves around their needs, not the other way around. If, at the age of 38, you don't know whether or not you want a child and you're polling friends, family and total strangers, then you don't really want a child.
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Old Jun 20th, 2006, 10:10 AM
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My wife and I have five children with another in the oven. We last vacationed out-of-country when my wife was five months pregnant with our first. Take it from me, children cause radical changes in lifestyle. For us, the rewards have been bountiful yet I get a little wistful when a Fodorite tells of an especially enjoyable vacation, especially if the site of the vacation is some place I'd really like to visit liked Italy, Ireland, Greece or Great Britain.
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Old Jun 20th, 2006, 10:14 AM
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Motherhood is the most important and also the hardest job in the world. You must realize this.
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Old Jun 20th, 2006, 10:20 AM
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81 PCT Dixie. I live at the top of the South, Maryland. When I interviewed for a job in Rhode Island years ago, a French-Canadian woman told me she thought I sounded like I was from Mississippi. When I vacation in North Carolina, I believe I am taken for a Yankee. What a varied land we live in.
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Old Jun 20th, 2006, 10:20 AM
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Can't win them all Jagirl - I was a bit of an underdog being male & all...
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Old Jun 20th, 2006, 10:21 AM
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Forgive the nonsequitive post. I replied to the Rebel-Yankee thread and Fodor's shot it over here. Strange doins!
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Old Jun 20th, 2006, 10:23 AM
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Scarlett & Barbara, the problem is that I think I really do want a child, but not yet. Wish I could wind that clock back 10 years but I can't.

Please don't misunderstand me though - I realize children, once you have them, do become the most important thing in your life, and your life revolves around them. If we make the decision to have a child, we will also make the commitment that goes with it - and be good, loving parents to that child.

I also understand there are many different types of parents in this world and not all of them have strict schedules and routines they follow, and somehow, their children seem to be ok. It seems to me, and as Cantstayhome indicated, they would adapt to your unscheduled & spontaneous lifestyle somewhat (and without needing years of therapy later in life!).

And by the way, I never really wanted to be a mom until I became a 'dog mom' of a very loving Shih-tzu. Now before you all start blasting me about how dogs and kids don't even compare, having a dog to take care of and be responsible for has brought out a motherly instinct in me that I never knew was there. They say having an animal first really helps you to prepare for having children. Anyone else experience that?
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Old Jun 20th, 2006, 10:26 AM
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I am a dog lover too, travel addict. But you can't drop the child off at boarding if you want to take a cruise. But you do make a good point about loving the animals.
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Old Jun 20th, 2006, 10:29 AM
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I had dogs all my life, I don't really think they made me want to be a mother LOL
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Old Jun 20th, 2006, 10:29 AM
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El_Swainer - no boarding kennel for my pup! She is way too spoiled for that. She has one of my friends or relatives stay at our house and take care of her when we travel.
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Old Jun 20th, 2006, 10:30 AM
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If you're in doubt, please do this child a favor: don't give birth to him/her. The life of this child will be miserable if s/he is not wanted. And the child will feel that, doesn't matter how well you think you will camouflage your feelings.
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Old Jun 20th, 2006, 10:30 AM
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I guess I am sort of along the belief that if a person wants a child, they usually have that strong desire for a while....I always wanted to have a kid, but first I was focused on adoption only. Now that my clock has actually started, I am for both biological way and adoption.

I think if you are turning 38 and you are still up in the air about it, then perhaps it is something that you may not feel very passionately about?

As far as traveling with a child, yes, it can be possible. Will it be more work than traveling alone? Yes, of course. But your love of your child, coupled with travel should be a thing than can benefit each other and are not mutually exclusive.

Decide how much you really want to have a child, or if you are just feeling that you should have a child based upon societal or family beliefs.
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Old Jun 20th, 2006, 10:32 AM
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Actually, someone who posts on Fodors mentioned once traveling with a small daughter and going into a nice restaurant in Portland and leaving the child asleep in the car. So maybe dogs and children are similar when it comes to some peoples "mothering" skills.
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Old Jun 20th, 2006, 10:35 AM
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I think *some* children adapt to an "unscheduled and spontaneous" lifestyle.

I was a big believer in "nurture" over "nature" until we had our daughter. While we certainly influence her and her responses; there is a lot of hardwired "nature" to contend with.

You may not have a child that easily adapts to "unscheduled and spontaneous."
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Old Jun 20th, 2006, 10:37 AM
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Good point, kureiff, and this is the kind of information that will help me make my decision.
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Old Jun 20th, 2006, 10:37 AM
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Ok, travel addict, suppose you have a child and suppose this child grows up to love sports and plays softball/ baseball, soccer or football, swims, etc, etc. This could happen by the time he/she is eight or nine. You will have NO time for spontaneous, unplanned trips anywhere except,if you're lucky, the grocery store. And then, of course, there's the age-old Fodor's question of "should I take my kid out of school to travel the world". Children are not babies for long and they let you know very clearly what they want. Is there a point where you will actually be willing to listen, or are you really thinking the child will happily do what ever you want it to forever? Are you willing to do whatever you can to help this child grow into the best person he can be, with his own thoughts, ideas, opnions, wants, needs and dislikes?

Traveling is clearly more important to you. Again, please do not have a child.
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