There's No Such Thing As The Greatest City In The World But, If There Was, It Would Probably Be New York City
Mar 28th, 2006, 10:16 PM
#21
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Just a few points quickly before I go out to work;
Firstly - thanks very much for all of your kind remarks. They are very encouraging.
SandyBrit - someone once said (I can't remember if it was Jean Paul Sartre or Adam Sandler)that if you have to explain a joke, then it's not funny. Given that I already knew this one wasn't funny I suppose it was inevitable that I would have to explain it. As it happens both highflyer & rjw_lgb_ca called it right.
Go Travel - Of course I gave the cab driver a proper tip - "Don't wear white socks with black shoes." Really, don't worry, I tipped him with the generosity for which we Scots are world-renowned.
Neopolitan & laartista - Mea Culpa. It was the Queens-Midtown. As usual Scarlett was correct although I have to say that I find her opinion of Liz somewhat worrying.
As for the rest of the report? Well, I'm afraid that it hasn't been written yet. I don't keep a journal or notes so I am having on rely on a series of rapidly blurring memories which may not all be 100% accurate. I will try to type up more today.
Thanks again.
Jim
Firstly - thanks very much for all of your kind remarks. They are very encouraging.
SandyBrit - someone once said (I can't remember if it was Jean Paul Sartre or Adam Sandler)that if you have to explain a joke, then it's not funny. Given that I already knew this one wasn't funny I suppose it was inevitable that I would have to explain it. As it happens both highflyer & rjw_lgb_ca called it right.
Go Travel - Of course I gave the cab driver a proper tip - "Don't wear white socks with black shoes." Really, don't worry, I tipped him with the generosity for which we Scots are world-renowned.
Neopolitan & laartista - Mea Culpa. It was the Queens-Midtown. As usual Scarlett was correct although I have to say that I find her opinion of Liz somewhat worrying.
As for the rest of the report? Well, I'm afraid that it hasn't been written yet. I don't keep a journal or notes so I am having on rely on a series of rapidly blurring memories which may not all be 100% accurate. I will try to type up more today.
Thanks again.
Jim
Mar 29th, 2006, 04:11 AM
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Jim, please do post more - it's been informative AND funny so far!
"someone once said (I can't remember if it was Jean Paul Sartre or Adam Sandler)that if you have to explain a joke, then it's not funny" Thanks, you started my morning off with quite a laugh.
"someone once said (I can't remember if it was Jean Paul Sartre or Adam Sandler)that if you have to explain a joke, then it's not funny" Thanks, you started my morning off with quite a laugh.
Mar 29th, 2006, 09:23 AM
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Hi JJBhoy, I am so enjoying your report and your sense of humor. Regarding the tip I sure "got it", could be because my dad was a Scot (raised in Australia) and that would have been the type of joke he would have told. But my mother, she never ever got a joke or a funny comment in her life LOL. Use to drive the family crazy.
And your wife, love her style, never take no for an answer. Well not at least until you know the NO is truly a NO. Good for her!!
And your wife, love her style, never take no for an answer. Well not at least until you know the NO is truly a NO. Good for her!!
Mar 29th, 2006, 01:40 PM
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LOL Scarlett, I was thinking the same thing. There was this time in Hawaii when we started to check in at the hotel we found out we were not going to get the ocean front room we had been assured of...well two hours later the Mgr. actually put us in an oceanfront suite...and ran the opposite way everytime he saw me for the next week. And my DH went to the bar while I had discussions with the desk clerk, the Sr. desk clerk, the Assistant Mgr and BINGO finally the Mgr.
Husbands should appreciate women like us. Honest JJBhoy, it is true!!
Husbands should appreciate women like us. Honest JJBhoy, it is true!!
Mar 30th, 2006, 02:45 PM
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Before I go on, just to answer another couple of points raised earlier. We arrived in New York on the Sunday evening & left on the Thursday evening so we had 3 full days & the best part of a 4th. It still wasn’t nearly enough, however.
McLaurie – we have all been to Orlando, Florida on family holidays and in fact we made our third trip there last June (2005). In addition, Eddie had also been to Las Vegas and Liz & Anne Marie had made a short 2 day trip to Niagara from Canada a few years ago. Incidentally, I would like to go on record to thank you for the wonderful information you provide here for visitors to NYC.
I really wasn’t sure how to approach the next part of the report. Up to now it has been written more or less chronologically but the problem is that we packed so much in to our visit that I honestly have a pretty poor grasp of the exact timeline – in other words what happened when. As I mentioned earlier, I didn’t keep a journal or any notes. In the circumstances I have tried to loosely group various aspects of the trip together but I hope I will be forgiven if I wander “off topic” from time to time. The more observant of you will have noticed that I am inclined to do that anyway!
I should say upfront that some of the things we did went flatly against advice often given here and so I fully expect to get flamed. Perhaps the most obvious example is;
FOOD
One of the problems about travelling in a group is that you have to make compromises & eating out was probably the prime example of that during our trip. Whereas Anne Marie & I are game to try almost anything, Liz & Eddie are both naturally cautious travellers & very much prefer the tried & tested – particularly when it comes to restaurants. I had arrived in New York armed to the teeth with recommendations for restaurants scattered the length & breadth of Manhattan but, in the event, we had dinner in chain restaurants within steps of Times Square on each of our first 3 evenings. Our litany of shame read….Olive Garden; Planet Hollywood; Hard Rock Café.
Look, I know…..the food is overpriced & probably no better than you can find in other, less “touristy” parts of the city but Liz & Eddie recognised the chain names from our Florida trips & were happy to play it safe. As it happened I actually thought that the Olive Garden was OK but I would be perfectly happy if I never had to go to another Planet Hollywood or Hard Rock Café again. On our last evening we did manage to persuade them to eat in Carmine’s which, as far as I know, isn’t a chain although it is still on the threshold of Times Square. There was a lively atmosphere, huge portions & much better value for money than the others but I can’t say that I was over-impressed by the food.
By & large we had no language problems at all during our visit but Eddie ordering food was a constant source of amusement to the rest of us. Any ex-pat Scots reading this will no doubt remember a comedian at home named Stanley Baxter who used to have a very successful TV show in the 70’s & 80’s. One of the most popular features on the show was a running sketch entitled “Parliamo Glesga” (“Glesga” being the local pronunciation of Glasgow) which was a spoof on those very stilted & staged “teach yourself a foreign language” educational programmes. Stanley & his sidekicks would act out a little play of everyday “Glesga” life in the local slang before stopping to “translate” what had been said into very formal English.
For example, Stanley would go into the local grocers & say to the assistant, “Geeza punna burra furra murra” before looking the camera straight in the eye & explaining in a very posh accent that he was enquiring as to whether it would be at all possible to purchase a pound of butter for his mother. Other “useful” words were;
“Scummindooninbuckets” – “My goodness it is raining heavily today!”
And, said by an indignant young female to a rakish young man at the local dance hall;
“Takyurhonaffmabum” - “Would you kindly please remove your hand from my posterior?”
I have a very broad Glasgow accent so whenever I travel (even if it’s just down to England) I always go to great pains to speak slowly & enunciate my words as clearly as possible. Eddie, on the other hand, makes absolutely no concessions at all & as a result no-one (and I mean NO-ONE) we met in New York had the remotest idea of anything that he said to them. Invariably, Liz would order her meal first and it was always the “safest” item on the menu – lasagne, for example, or spaghetti bolognese. Almost before the last syllable of the word “bolognese” had left her mouth, Eddie would chime in with “Allhuv’atanall”, which Stanley Baxter would have translated as “I would like to order the same meal as my friend, please”. Every time, they both ordered the same thing as each other and, sure as fate, every time, the waiter/waitress had absolutely no idea what Eddie had said. Wherever we went shopping we became accustomed to the sight of a bewildered store assistant looking blankly into the face of a red faced Scotsman desperately trying to get his point across. Eddie would ask a seemingly straightforward question, for example, “Excuse me – are these shoes available in a size 11?”, to which the assistant would smile weakly, disappear for a couple of minutes & then triumphantly return carrying a tennis racket and a photograph of the Dalai Lama.
If there is one thing I could transport from New York back to Glasgow I think it might just be the deli’s. We made a point of getting up early each morning, around 7.30 a.m., making tea or coffee & some toast & then going out to have breakfast. We would just choose one at random and without exception they were all excellent, although I think our favourite was the one next door to the Tourist Information office on Seventh Avenue (sorry, don’t remember the name). We also got into the habit of stopping off for a nice warm bowl of soup each afternoon after a morning’s sightseeing in the cold weather. We simply don’t have anything to compare to them at home – I wish we did.
More to follow….
Jim
McLaurie – we have all been to Orlando, Florida on family holidays and in fact we made our third trip there last June (2005). In addition, Eddie had also been to Las Vegas and Liz & Anne Marie had made a short 2 day trip to Niagara from Canada a few years ago. Incidentally, I would like to go on record to thank you for the wonderful information you provide here for visitors to NYC.
I really wasn’t sure how to approach the next part of the report. Up to now it has been written more or less chronologically but the problem is that we packed so much in to our visit that I honestly have a pretty poor grasp of the exact timeline – in other words what happened when. As I mentioned earlier, I didn’t keep a journal or any notes. In the circumstances I have tried to loosely group various aspects of the trip together but I hope I will be forgiven if I wander “off topic” from time to time. The more observant of you will have noticed that I am inclined to do that anyway!
I should say upfront that some of the things we did went flatly against advice often given here and so I fully expect to get flamed. Perhaps the most obvious example is;
FOOD
One of the problems about travelling in a group is that you have to make compromises & eating out was probably the prime example of that during our trip. Whereas Anne Marie & I are game to try almost anything, Liz & Eddie are both naturally cautious travellers & very much prefer the tried & tested – particularly when it comes to restaurants. I had arrived in New York armed to the teeth with recommendations for restaurants scattered the length & breadth of Manhattan but, in the event, we had dinner in chain restaurants within steps of Times Square on each of our first 3 evenings. Our litany of shame read….Olive Garden; Planet Hollywood; Hard Rock Café.
Look, I know…..the food is overpriced & probably no better than you can find in other, less “touristy” parts of the city but Liz & Eddie recognised the chain names from our Florida trips & were happy to play it safe. As it happened I actually thought that the Olive Garden was OK but I would be perfectly happy if I never had to go to another Planet Hollywood or Hard Rock Café again. On our last evening we did manage to persuade them to eat in Carmine’s which, as far as I know, isn’t a chain although it is still on the threshold of Times Square. There was a lively atmosphere, huge portions & much better value for money than the others but I can’t say that I was over-impressed by the food.
By & large we had no language problems at all during our visit but Eddie ordering food was a constant source of amusement to the rest of us. Any ex-pat Scots reading this will no doubt remember a comedian at home named Stanley Baxter who used to have a very successful TV show in the 70’s & 80’s. One of the most popular features on the show was a running sketch entitled “Parliamo Glesga” (“Glesga” being the local pronunciation of Glasgow) which was a spoof on those very stilted & staged “teach yourself a foreign language” educational programmes. Stanley & his sidekicks would act out a little play of everyday “Glesga” life in the local slang before stopping to “translate” what had been said into very formal English.
For example, Stanley would go into the local grocers & say to the assistant, “Geeza punna burra furra murra” before looking the camera straight in the eye & explaining in a very posh accent that he was enquiring as to whether it would be at all possible to purchase a pound of butter for his mother. Other “useful” words were;
“Scummindooninbuckets” – “My goodness it is raining heavily today!”
And, said by an indignant young female to a rakish young man at the local dance hall;
“Takyurhonaffmabum” - “Would you kindly please remove your hand from my posterior?”
I have a very broad Glasgow accent so whenever I travel (even if it’s just down to England) I always go to great pains to speak slowly & enunciate my words as clearly as possible. Eddie, on the other hand, makes absolutely no concessions at all & as a result no-one (and I mean NO-ONE) we met in New York had the remotest idea of anything that he said to them. Invariably, Liz would order her meal first and it was always the “safest” item on the menu – lasagne, for example, or spaghetti bolognese. Almost before the last syllable of the word “bolognese” had left her mouth, Eddie would chime in with “Allhuv’atanall”, which Stanley Baxter would have translated as “I would like to order the same meal as my friend, please”. Every time, they both ordered the same thing as each other and, sure as fate, every time, the waiter/waitress had absolutely no idea what Eddie had said. Wherever we went shopping we became accustomed to the sight of a bewildered store assistant looking blankly into the face of a red faced Scotsman desperately trying to get his point across. Eddie would ask a seemingly straightforward question, for example, “Excuse me – are these shoes available in a size 11?”, to which the assistant would smile weakly, disappear for a couple of minutes & then triumphantly return carrying a tennis racket and a photograph of the Dalai Lama.
If there is one thing I could transport from New York back to Glasgow I think it might just be the deli’s. We made a point of getting up early each morning, around 7.30 a.m., making tea or coffee & some toast & then going out to have breakfast. We would just choose one at random and without exception they were all excellent, although I think our favourite was the one next door to the Tourist Information office on Seventh Avenue (sorry, don’t remember the name). We also got into the habit of stopping off for a nice warm bowl of soup each afternoon after a morning’s sightseeing in the cold weather. We simply don’t have anything to compare to them at home – I wish we did.
More to follow….
Jim
Mar 30th, 2006, 04:11 PM
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"the assistant would smile weakly, disappear for a couple of minutes & then triumphantly return carrying a tennis racket and a photograph of the Dalai Lama."
Oh, help!! I laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes. BTW, I had an aunt in Ireland with whom I believe I had this very same conversation.
Oh, help!! I laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes. BTW, I had an aunt in Ireland with whom I believe I had this very same conversation.
Mar 30th, 2006, 05:27 PM
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I came back looking for more of this report and am not disappointed! I don't know what you do for a living but consider writing a humor column somewhwere and we will all subscribe...hmmm a travel column and you can see the world on someone else's dollar!
Mar 31st, 2006, 11:08 AM
#34
I've been watching for updates on your trip report and look what I find. You are hilarious! Looking forward to more.
And if it's any consolation, we ate at Forrest Gump's in NYC. We were just all very tired and hungry and there it was.
And if it's any consolation, we ate at Forrest Gump's in NYC. We were just all very tired and hungry and there it was.
Mar 31st, 2006, 05:33 PM
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Once again – thanks for your supportive comments; ncgrrl - I needed the subtitles for Trainspotting too.
Since I mentioned the subject of shopping on my last post I may as well continue in that vein. Having visited Orlando, Florida on 3 previous occasions I think we had been somewhat spoiled in our expectations of bargain clothes prices in the US. It goes without saying that New York has an absolutely fantastic range of shopping & it is also true that, in general, the prices here are cheaper there than at home. But for a few exceptions, however, we didn’t really find the level of fantastic bargains we had become accustomed to in Florida.
Before our trip, Anne Marie had heard some good reports about the Woodbury Common Discount Outlets, which are about an hour by bus from Manhattan and she & Liz decided that they would like to pay a visit. Now, I like bargain shopping as much as the next man (assuming the next man is slightly overweight, balding & has seen better days) but I wasn’t going to spend one of my few precious days in New York at a shopping mall. Eddie felt the same so it was agreed that we would have a day when we could all go our separate ways.
Eddie had been looking forward to seeing the USS Intrepid Sea, Air & Space Museum so, bearing in mind his linguistic difficulties (see my previous post above) we walked him down to West 46th St. early on the Wednesday morning, pointed him in the right direction & then told him to keep walking until he came to a big boat. I then walked with the girls down to the Port Authority building, where we barely got in the door before we were set upon by a swarm of sales agents all trying to sell us bus tickets to Woodbury Common. They seemed to assume that any female who entered the building was bound for a day’s shopping and of course, in our case, they were dead right. I saw the girls safely on to the bus & then, after waving them off, I headed straight for the nearest whorehouse.
Nah…..of course I didn’t. I went exploring but will save that story for my next post.
When we met up later on Liz & Anne Marie had done a fair amount of shopping, but nothing like the “credit card melt down” proportions I had expected. For instance, I can well remember Anne Marie buying 6 pairs of shoes in little more than an hour at the Orlando Premium Outlets on the last day of our 2005 visit (one pair of which consisted of 2 left feet – we had to take them back to the Liz Claiborne store at 10 p.m. the night before we flew home). They thought Woodbury Common was OK but the prices weren’t up to (or should that be “down to”) Orlando standards.
As we have two teenage boys at home who are VERY particular about their clothes we had to bring back plenty of presents for them & most of this was done at two stores – Century 21 & Bloomingdale’s. I’m afraid that we never found the time to visit either Macy’s or Saks (even though we passed by the latter every day) and I can’t even remember seeing either Barneys or Bergdorf Goodman. Century 21 turned out to be quite a success, although the crowds are such that is very much survival of the fittest – every man (or, more accurately, every woman) for him/herself. We were able to find some of the boys’ favoured labels at excellent prices (Energie & Lindbergh Sports, for example) and we simply cut the Century 21 labels off & stuck the clothes in Bloomingdale’s bags before handing them over. Presentation is everything.
Now… Bloomingdale’s….Our visit there was quite eventful & perhaps even worthy of a trip report in its own right, so I hope you’ll bear with me.
I had read that if we took ID demonstrating we were visitors to their Customer Services we could get a card giving us a discount on most of our purchases. So, Liz & I headed there immediately on our arrival & sure enough we got our discount card. I can’t remember now exactly how much of a discount it was, but I think 11% - certainly well worth getting. While we were waiting in line at Customer Services we noticed a few of the people in front of us collecting black Bloomingdale’s shopping bags & key rings & so when we got served Liz asked about this. The assistant explained that, as discount card holders, we could claim a free gift for every $100 we spent. All we had to do was present our receipts at the end of our visit and so we thanked her for this information & headed back to meet up with Anne Marie and Eddie & do our shopping. A few hours later we sat in the Showtime Café on the 7th floor and on pooling our receipts we found that we had spent over $800. So, that equated to 8 free bags – perfect gifts for family & friends back home.
In an attempt to curry favour with Liz (I had seriously upset her earlier at breakfast when I accidentally put 52 grains of sugar in her tea instead of her usual 51) I offered to take the receipts down to Customer Services while she & the others finished their snacks. So I headed back down armed with our receipts but my journey downstairs was halted somewhat when I found that one of the “down” escalators was closed & on looking down I saw a very curious sight. Lying spread out on the ground at the foot of the escalator was a very expensive looking fur coat – it looked rather like those chalked body outlines you see on TV detective programmes when there has been a murder. Standing around the coat were 3 Bloomingdale’s employees – 2 harassed looking female shop assistants & one important looking man in a suit who was barking something into a walkie-talkie.
Ever since I have puzzled over what was going on. Had someone attempted to steal the fur coat? Maybe, but why didn’t the staff just pick it up & why was it necessary to close down the escalator? Was there an extremely small old lady inside the coat who I hadn’t noticed? Maybe she was just so small & frail that she had slipped imperceptibly through the 5mm gap between the stairs & down into the escalator innards among all the cogs and gears. If so, what a horrible way to go. Of course, that’s just my theory. Maybe you have a better one.
Anyway, I eventually got back down to Customer Services & presented our receipts to the same assistant I had spoken to earlier. “You’ll find that they total $832”, I proclaimed proudly. “I’ll take 8 free bags, please”. She looked at me disapprovingly & explained that it wasn’t quite as simple as that. Her story now was that we were only entitled to claim one free gift for each member of our party and not simply per $100 spent. “Oh, I see”, I replied, although I didn’t see at all – this definitely wasn’t what she had told Liz & me earlier. My life slowly passed before my eyes as I pictured going back upstairs to Liz & explaining that I had only got the 4 bags.
The conversation then proceeded along the following lines;
Bloomingdale’s Assistant – “So sir, how many people are in your party?”
JJBhoy (panicking) – “Er…8”.
B A – “8! Are you sure?”
JJB (a little more sure of myself now) – “Yes. Definitely 8”.
B A – “But there was only yourself and your wife earlier on!”
JJB (well, there’s no going back now) – “Yes, I know. The others were all upstairs shopping”.
B A – “I’m afraid that I will need a note of their full names & addresses”.
JJB (confident & self assured) – “No problem”.
I knew that she hadn’t asked the people in line before me for this information & that she was just testing me out so, in addition to our own 4 names & addresses I gave her the details for my mother, my sister & Liz’s mother & aunt. She wrote down every single detail on a sheet of paper & then gave me the 8 bags. What’s more, God bless her, the smile never left her face throughout the whole process. I have no doubt that the sheet of paper went straight in the bin the minute I walked away.
Did I do wrong? Maybe – but would you have gone back to Liz & explained why you were 4 bags short? Believe me, I was caught between a rock & a hard place. Those who disapprove will be pleased to hear that we got our come-uppance when we got home to find that a Hugo Boss sweatshirt we had bought for one of the boys was too small.
We actually went on to spend another $300 but decided not to try & claim any more bags. Eddie offered to go down to Customer Services and have a go and I was sorely tempted just to see how that conversation would turn out, but we already had one tennis racket & photograph of the Dalai Lama. What was the point of getting any more? I thanked him for the offer but told him just to forget it.
But that’s not all.
We went to the male grooming section in Bloomingdale’s to buy after shave for our boys & Eddie wandered off to see if he could find anything for his own son. Once we had completed our purchases we looked around but couldn’t see Eddie anywhere. We eventually found him having some sort of lotion rubbed into his cheeks by a glamorous looking sales assistant. He was doing his best to fend her off, but she just wasn’t taking no for an answer, although I suppose to be fair she had no idea what he was saying to her. We stood for a while enjoying the spectacle until eventually the laughter proved too much to bear and we stepped into rescue him (or her – not sure which). Eddie has quite a ruddy complexion & he told us later that she had approached him with the memorable sales pitch; “Good morning, sir. Is it windy outside?” To me, that is tantamount to saying “Good morning, sir. My God, your skin is in one hell of a state”.
This section has gone on for far too long, so just a quick mention for two other places. The sales staff in Tiffany’s were absolutely charming. We went in for a quick look expecting to feel quite intimidated but they could not have been nicer. Even though it must have been perfectly obvious that we had no intention of buying anything they were friendly and happy to let us look around. We also liked Pier 17 at South Street Seaport. A good place to pick up inexpensive gifts for back home, a decent food court but, best of all, a fantastic view of the Brooklyn Bridge while you eat.
Still more to follow…
Jim
Since I mentioned the subject of shopping on my last post I may as well continue in that vein. Having visited Orlando, Florida on 3 previous occasions I think we had been somewhat spoiled in our expectations of bargain clothes prices in the US. It goes without saying that New York has an absolutely fantastic range of shopping & it is also true that, in general, the prices here are cheaper there than at home. But for a few exceptions, however, we didn’t really find the level of fantastic bargains we had become accustomed to in Florida.
Before our trip, Anne Marie had heard some good reports about the Woodbury Common Discount Outlets, which are about an hour by bus from Manhattan and she & Liz decided that they would like to pay a visit. Now, I like bargain shopping as much as the next man (assuming the next man is slightly overweight, balding & has seen better days) but I wasn’t going to spend one of my few precious days in New York at a shopping mall. Eddie felt the same so it was agreed that we would have a day when we could all go our separate ways.
Eddie had been looking forward to seeing the USS Intrepid Sea, Air & Space Museum so, bearing in mind his linguistic difficulties (see my previous post above) we walked him down to West 46th St. early on the Wednesday morning, pointed him in the right direction & then told him to keep walking until he came to a big boat. I then walked with the girls down to the Port Authority building, where we barely got in the door before we were set upon by a swarm of sales agents all trying to sell us bus tickets to Woodbury Common. They seemed to assume that any female who entered the building was bound for a day’s shopping and of course, in our case, they were dead right. I saw the girls safely on to the bus & then, after waving them off, I headed straight for the nearest whorehouse.
Nah…..of course I didn’t. I went exploring but will save that story for my next post.
When we met up later on Liz & Anne Marie had done a fair amount of shopping, but nothing like the “credit card melt down” proportions I had expected. For instance, I can well remember Anne Marie buying 6 pairs of shoes in little more than an hour at the Orlando Premium Outlets on the last day of our 2005 visit (one pair of which consisted of 2 left feet – we had to take them back to the Liz Claiborne store at 10 p.m. the night before we flew home). They thought Woodbury Common was OK but the prices weren’t up to (or should that be “down to”) Orlando standards.
As we have two teenage boys at home who are VERY particular about their clothes we had to bring back plenty of presents for them & most of this was done at two stores – Century 21 & Bloomingdale’s. I’m afraid that we never found the time to visit either Macy’s or Saks (even though we passed by the latter every day) and I can’t even remember seeing either Barneys or Bergdorf Goodman. Century 21 turned out to be quite a success, although the crowds are such that is very much survival of the fittest – every man (or, more accurately, every woman) for him/herself. We were able to find some of the boys’ favoured labels at excellent prices (Energie & Lindbergh Sports, for example) and we simply cut the Century 21 labels off & stuck the clothes in Bloomingdale’s bags before handing them over. Presentation is everything.
Now… Bloomingdale’s….Our visit there was quite eventful & perhaps even worthy of a trip report in its own right, so I hope you’ll bear with me.
I had read that if we took ID demonstrating we were visitors to their Customer Services we could get a card giving us a discount on most of our purchases. So, Liz & I headed there immediately on our arrival & sure enough we got our discount card. I can’t remember now exactly how much of a discount it was, but I think 11% - certainly well worth getting. While we were waiting in line at Customer Services we noticed a few of the people in front of us collecting black Bloomingdale’s shopping bags & key rings & so when we got served Liz asked about this. The assistant explained that, as discount card holders, we could claim a free gift for every $100 we spent. All we had to do was present our receipts at the end of our visit and so we thanked her for this information & headed back to meet up with Anne Marie and Eddie & do our shopping. A few hours later we sat in the Showtime Café on the 7th floor and on pooling our receipts we found that we had spent over $800. So, that equated to 8 free bags – perfect gifts for family & friends back home.
In an attempt to curry favour with Liz (I had seriously upset her earlier at breakfast when I accidentally put 52 grains of sugar in her tea instead of her usual 51) I offered to take the receipts down to Customer Services while she & the others finished their snacks. So I headed back down armed with our receipts but my journey downstairs was halted somewhat when I found that one of the “down” escalators was closed & on looking down I saw a very curious sight. Lying spread out on the ground at the foot of the escalator was a very expensive looking fur coat – it looked rather like those chalked body outlines you see on TV detective programmes when there has been a murder. Standing around the coat were 3 Bloomingdale’s employees – 2 harassed looking female shop assistants & one important looking man in a suit who was barking something into a walkie-talkie.
Ever since I have puzzled over what was going on. Had someone attempted to steal the fur coat? Maybe, but why didn’t the staff just pick it up & why was it necessary to close down the escalator? Was there an extremely small old lady inside the coat who I hadn’t noticed? Maybe she was just so small & frail that she had slipped imperceptibly through the 5mm gap between the stairs & down into the escalator innards among all the cogs and gears. If so, what a horrible way to go. Of course, that’s just my theory. Maybe you have a better one.
Anyway, I eventually got back down to Customer Services & presented our receipts to the same assistant I had spoken to earlier. “You’ll find that they total $832”, I proclaimed proudly. “I’ll take 8 free bags, please”. She looked at me disapprovingly & explained that it wasn’t quite as simple as that. Her story now was that we were only entitled to claim one free gift for each member of our party and not simply per $100 spent. “Oh, I see”, I replied, although I didn’t see at all – this definitely wasn’t what she had told Liz & me earlier. My life slowly passed before my eyes as I pictured going back upstairs to Liz & explaining that I had only got the 4 bags.
The conversation then proceeded along the following lines;
Bloomingdale’s Assistant – “So sir, how many people are in your party?”
JJBhoy (panicking) – “Er…8”.
B A – “8! Are you sure?”
JJB (a little more sure of myself now) – “Yes. Definitely 8”.
B A – “But there was only yourself and your wife earlier on!”
JJB (well, there’s no going back now) – “Yes, I know. The others were all upstairs shopping”.
B A – “I’m afraid that I will need a note of their full names & addresses”.
JJB (confident & self assured) – “No problem”.
I knew that she hadn’t asked the people in line before me for this information & that she was just testing me out so, in addition to our own 4 names & addresses I gave her the details for my mother, my sister & Liz’s mother & aunt. She wrote down every single detail on a sheet of paper & then gave me the 8 bags. What’s more, God bless her, the smile never left her face throughout the whole process. I have no doubt that the sheet of paper went straight in the bin the minute I walked away.
Did I do wrong? Maybe – but would you have gone back to Liz & explained why you were 4 bags short? Believe me, I was caught between a rock & a hard place. Those who disapprove will be pleased to hear that we got our come-uppance when we got home to find that a Hugo Boss sweatshirt we had bought for one of the boys was too small.
We actually went on to spend another $300 but decided not to try & claim any more bags. Eddie offered to go down to Customer Services and have a go and I was sorely tempted just to see how that conversation would turn out, but we already had one tennis racket & photograph of the Dalai Lama. What was the point of getting any more? I thanked him for the offer but told him just to forget it.
But that’s not all.
We went to the male grooming section in Bloomingdale’s to buy after shave for our boys & Eddie wandered off to see if he could find anything for his own son. Once we had completed our purchases we looked around but couldn’t see Eddie anywhere. We eventually found him having some sort of lotion rubbed into his cheeks by a glamorous looking sales assistant. He was doing his best to fend her off, but she just wasn’t taking no for an answer, although I suppose to be fair she had no idea what he was saying to her. We stood for a while enjoying the spectacle until eventually the laughter proved too much to bear and we stepped into rescue him (or her – not sure which). Eddie has quite a ruddy complexion & he told us later that she had approached him with the memorable sales pitch; “Good morning, sir. Is it windy outside?” To me, that is tantamount to saying “Good morning, sir. My God, your skin is in one hell of a state”.
This section has gone on for far too long, so just a quick mention for two other places. The sales staff in Tiffany’s were absolutely charming. We went in for a quick look expecting to feel quite intimidated but they could not have been nicer. Even though it must have been perfectly obvious that we had no intention of buying anything they were friendly and happy to let us look around. We also liked Pier 17 at South Street Seaport. A good place to pick up inexpensive gifts for back home, a decent food court but, best of all, a fantastic view of the Brooklyn Bridge while you eat.
Still more to follow…
Jim
Mar 31st, 2006, 05:52 PM
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I think you were a perfect husband to make up to Liz for the gross oversugaring of her tea.
The mental picture of the frail old lady slipping through the cogs had me cackling , then questions were asked by my husband and now both of us are grinning like fools.
Jim, please, remember everything and make this last a very long time...Thank you, Scarlett
If only we could have audio on here, I want to hear Eddie asking questions!
The mental picture of the frail old lady slipping through the cogs had me cackling , then questions were asked by my husband and now both of us are grinning like fools.
Jim, please, remember everything and make this last a very long time...Thank you, Scarlett
If only we could have audio on here, I want to hear Eddie asking questions!
