Alas brethren, allow me to impart 10 truthes to thee as thou travel through the highways and biways of life:

Truth 1: He who tippeth less than 15% shall not see the kingdom of heaven; nor shall he who tippeth more than 20% because of size of waitress' bosom;

Truth 2: The revolving restaurant at the top of the Marriott Marquis sucketh eggs;

Truth 3: If thou hast a large caboose and must pay for two seats on the large silver bird, sue them and you shall receive thine money back;

Truth 4: Desite being a popular rock band, KISS really does stand for "Knights In Satan's Service";

Truth 5: Atlantis is heaven on earth, but only if thou stayeth in the Royal Tower;

Truth 6: The dolphin mindest not the man who swimmeth with him; unless that man passeth wind in the water;

Truth 7: Be thou careful; thine boss readeth all thine emails. If thou speakest bad of him ye shall tend to graveyard shift at Jack in the Box;

Truth 8: Though thou thinkest heaven shall look like Hanalei Bay, thou shall be surprised to find it to look more like Zoo Atlanta;

Truth 9: Restauranteurs love children. Their noise maketh customers leave faster and increase the number of turns.

Truth 10: The Producers beith better with the other guys.

You forgot to mention that the rest of your name is actually "The Lord of Stupidity and Gullibility".

Atlantis sucketh eggs...even in the Royal Tower it is Atlantic City warmed over and has been a travesty for locals who see very little of the money spill over to them.

Those dolphin swims are just plain cruel to the dolphins. Ever ask anyone if those dolphins live normal lifespans? Nope. Tragic misuse of some of God's most beautiful animals.

People with double wide rear ends owe normally proportioned people some space....which means they need to buy two seats.

The Producers was spectacular with Matthew and Nathan and is now just good.

You need to go back to Lord School and polish your game.

Excellent reply Abe Rahim!

Truth 11: He who doubteth my word shall receive 1 handbasket with thine name engraved upon it. Mr. Abe, how many in your party?

Ummmmmm....if you're the Lord you should know, am I right?

(PS, what am I thinking right now?)

The Lord God shall not be mocked!

Mr. Abe, I am just checking to guarantee that I engraveth the correct size handbasket.

I believe right now you thinkest that I beith a troll!

Abe, lighten the hell up. It was funny. Humor. Joke. So sick of cranky-asses like you who ruin this forum with your snide, picky little snipes. Jesus, get outside and get some fresh air. Let the Lord direct our travelling ways!

Don't knock it guys. The Lord's "truths" rates as one of the more intelligent posts on this forum.

Oh Lord, hear my prayer. We thank thee for thine wisdom. Now we prayeth that thou smitest the Abes of this world with carpal tunnel syndrome and that on their 38th birthday shalt thou add to their bottoms all the lard they heretofore had in their brains.

Also, Lord, canst thou not do something about the "Can you hear me now?" ads on television?

Thank you 'makeitso" Yes lord can you stop the "Can you hear me now?" guy. We get it already.

The Lord usually flippeth channels during commercials and doth not know the "can you hear me now" guy.

To which product doth this scourge give testament?

Weak, very weak.

And Lord, whileth you are at it, can you maketh the "Save Now" ad banner disappeareth from my computer screen everytime I signeth onto this sight, and perhapseth make it burn in hell? Please?

I think Abe's problem with it is that it isn't actually funny. God has a much better sense of humor than the original poster.

OK, you lame-O's who don't seem to 'get it'.
Ann is correct.
The reasons I flamed the original post are 1)most of it isn't very funny
2)mixes serious criticisms with attempts at humor which is a comedy no-no (if you know anything about the mechanics of humor) and 3)the premise had promise and it could have been a funny post with a little work.
But it gets a thumbs down from me, and extra spice on the flames since it was borderline sacrilegous without being too funny.

Let's kick those flames up a notch.

BAM!!!!

Good God (sorry, big guy), but this Abe sounds like a giant-size drip. He really should see a proctologist at once to have the stick removed from his nether regions.

Ya know Abe, it's real easy to sit back & criticize. Let's see YOU come out with something good, and not all ya whining.

Oh yes, there is such a thing but it lives only in the mind of men.