Sara's Mom

Well well well! So many negative opinions. As I've already said, I have told Sara "Yes" to the trip. I've found them a fabulous hotel, a safe vehicle, and will be sending her with my cell phone, so that we are always in touch.

To all of the people who think I am 'caving in' to her, think again. I have watched her grow and mature for the past 18 years, and feel that she is ready to handle this trip, whatever it may bring. We are very open about discussing sex, drugs, and any issue that comes across our minds. It is because we are so open that I trust her on this trip. My original question was mainly to get responses from someone who has sent a child on a similar type trip, not to get everyone's opinion on child raising.

We have faced the drinking/party/sex issue many times, at parties attended by her and her friends. She never hesitates to call me for a ride home, because even though she has decided drinking isn't for her, most teenagers feel otherwise. I too have seen the children of overly strict parents go crazy at the first hint of freedom, which is why I have raised my children with as much freedom and responsibility as possible.

So let's get this back to a travel-related issue!

Any suggestions for the girls as far as activities in the SW Florida area will be appreciated! Her particular interests are watercolor painting, history museums, ethnic pottery, tennis, snorkeling/scuba diving, and Indian food. They have an itinerary already but the trip is still over a month away, so plenty of time to make changes if something interesting arises!

Thanks again to all for your opinions.

Judie

Sara's Mom,

Having done both, I would suggest Ft. Lauderdale over Miami. We felt much more comfortable there with our family. Also, Ft. Lauderdale has worked very hard to overcome their past "Spring Break" image. It is a wonderful town with plenty of things to do. The girls will have a great time and should feel safe.

XXX

Sara's Mom,

I understand you've made up your mind, but you needn't bristle at all of the opinions that were offered. You did ask for "opinions on the safety/feasibility" of the trip. Since such a trip is obviously feasible (just get there and stay in a hotel), most of the comments went to the more important issue of safety.

By the way, did the fourth girl's parents allow her to go? Will you report back on how it all went?

mina

Sara's Mom, my only suggestion, if you haven't already advised your daughter, is make sure she is aware of who and what is out there without necessarily frightening her to death.

There are lots and lots of adult males out there who prey on teenage girls. I don't mean stalking rapists, I mean regular, friendly, nice-looking men who tend to have a lot of money to spend on young girls. It seems glamorous, innocent and fun, but girls can get into situations that are out of their control before they know it. She may already be aware, I don't know.

But I'd suggest that the girls make a pact and if even one girl is uncomfortable in a situation, they ALL leave. This may sound alarmist, but I was a naive teenager once and now years later I think back to some of the situations I was in and am amazed I came through unscathed. Very risky.

Hope she has a safe and happy time.

edie

ok sara's mom, i think you are nuts to let 4 girls drive 11 hours alone! they've had their licenses for max 2 years, and you think that's enough experience for that much driving? haven't you seen the statistics recently about how the likelihood of a teenage drive having a fatal accident increases with each additional teenager in the car?
i'm not even going to get into the rest of my objections to this.

marilyn

I really have tried to resist posting on this, but I just have to ask: how do you even find a hotel that will rent to four 18-year-olds? My daughter's best friend wanted to do this after graduating, and eventually one of the mother's located a Florida location that would take them, but not without LOTS of trouble. The girls flew and depended on the bus shuttle, because of course they couldn't rent a car. I agree that the 11-hour drive may well be the most dangerous part of the trip. I also understand that the way to develop responsibility in your children is to make your own values clear while expecting them to behave responsibly and trusting them.

My now 20-year-old daughter didn't go on the Florida trip, but plans to do some kind of spring break trip next year (junior year). Most of her friends by now have studied abroad in places ranging from Mali to London, Sri Lanka to Nepal, etc. Most drink nothing stronger than water, have boundless energy and interest in seeing the world.

If my 17-year-old expresses interest in a spring break trip, the other mothers and I have agreed that some of us will be going too, giving them freedom but also support if needed.

Dotier

Sara's Mom: I think you have gotten a seriously imbalanced set of responses here from self-righteous social paranoids with another agenda beyond the well-being of Sara. (Dr. Laura, indeed! Try Joy Browne and get some realism instead of hellfire and brimstone.)

I would be fairly hesitant myself, however, given the distance and the destination, unless Sara had been away from home at some distance before. But I am very glad you've given her a cell phone, and I would strongly recommend telling her she has to call you every day at the same time (say, 5pm) or else you will call the police, hotel people, everyone you can think of to embarrass her and find out where she is! It'll keep your voice in her ear and her voice in yours to reassure you. And tell her you'll pay for a one-way air ticket out of there if she gets in over her head.

Otherwise, I'd go on line and check out the activities in the area. If it were me, I'd probably try to take in something of the everglades and maybe the nearer keys.

If the rest of you finger-shaker have kids, I'd be willing to bet the first chance they get, they will try out all the things you are trying to scare them about.

Sara's Mom

Actually Edie, they will be driving 6 hours the first day, spending the night with an aunt & uncle, then finishing the remaining 5 hours the next day.

And to all of the birth control related posts, it is really sick to make a mockery out of a such a serious decision (birth control/teenage sex.) I won't even dignify your posts by defending my daughter's position on this matter. Suffice it to say that it is not an issue.

As to the reasons behind choosing SW Florida and Cancun as their vacation spots, they wanted Cancun because there are many kids in their class going there. And they wanted SW Florida because one of the girls has family in Ft. Lauderdale, an aunt who is a well respected artist and who will be able to show them around the galleries/ workshops, which is of great interest to them. Of course they want it to be warm, so that they can swim and sun, snorkel and jet ski. Sara is also interested in the Hispanic culture of SW Florida, as we are Hispanic and live in a predominantly white area.

I feel a bit foolish now for posting in the first place, I was really just looking for some opinions to consider, perhaps other parents who have been in similar situations. I sincerely appreciated Owen O'Neil's post for this reason. I'm shocked at how negative many of you are about the concept of letting the girls go on this trip, and it makes me wonder about your own childhoods and/or children and their levels of maturity. I am excited for Sara to learn about another part of the world, she has traveled a lot for her age, and will be appreciating so much more than the 'spring break' atmosphere that many of you seem so obsessed with.

I also appreciate the posts relating to not worrying about trusting my daughter, but everyone else, who may see the girls as easy prey. Speaking only for my daughter, she is quite used to male attention, as she has been approached several times for modeling jobs, and simply isn't interested. She really does have more on her mind than boys and parties, and handles the attention she gets better than I could! I'm sure many will think I am being naive, but the typical spring break free for all is just not their style.

Sorry to ramble on here, just felt the need to respond to some of the negativity. I will certainly let you all know how the trip goes!

queen

Well, I must hand it to Sara and her friends. So they have convinced her mother that they want to go to Florida to visit an aunt and view art. Don't all 18 year olds go to Florida for that? I'll bet the kids in Palm Springs told their parents they wanted to view the architecture and desert mountain ranges.

Mom, it's great that you trust your daughter, but WAKE UP. She's a normal, healthy, 18 year old!!! They are going there to socialize with other healthy, normal teenagers, and the best thing you can do is take your head out of the sand and heed some of the advice here instead of saying "Oh no, not MY child! She would NEVER do that!" That's what every parent thinks, but there are sure plenty of teens getting into trouble.
She is going to grow up and face all the above mentioned situations at some point, much sooner than you think. Don't get comfortable in your world of denial. It won't help her.

Owen O'Neill

Thank you, Sara's Mom, for having the diplomacy and common courtesy to respond in such a reasonable way to the many unreasonable (not to mention inapproriate and irrelevant) responses that appeared on this thread. It's unfortunate that so many participants in this forum choose to digress to topics other than what the original question indicated but such is life on the Internet. I applaud the thought and careful planning that both you and Sara appear to have put into this adventure and sincerely hope that she has a wonderful and memorable time.

Cindy

Sara's Mom,

I hope you're still listening, as I have a serious piece of important advice. Please make it crystal clear that the girls are not to get on a jet ski. Those things are quite dangerous, and there have been many, many accidents on them. Kind of like the early days of all-terrain vehicles. Horrible collisions, head injuries and drownings. Very little training is afforded day-renters who have no prior experience.

Sorry to raise yet another potential horror story, but the word hasn't gotten out about jet skis as much as it should. But obviously, if all four girls are experienced jet skiers, you could reconsider.

Just another parent trying to help.

Sara's Mom

Just me again.

To queen of denial, I am not saying that they won't be meeting and socializing with other teenagers. In fact I am sure she will, because she does at home and any time we travel, and that is normal and part of growing up! My point is that she is capable of handling it responsibly, and that boys and parties are not her 'only' interests in SW Florida. She is going to college this fall on full scholarship in art, it is her true passion so going to galleries is hardly a cover for more clandestine activities. Quite frankly, when we travel together, she is the one dragging us through endless museums/galleries/studios.

Marilyn- You are right about getting a hotel for them-- it was quite a chore! What made the difference was that I have stayed at this particular one on many occasions for business, so they recognized my name and seemed to take that as some reassurance. (It is reserved under my credit card, and they do understand that it will just be the 4 girls there.)

Cindy, thanks for the heads-up about the jet ski issue. After making a couple of calls it seems that the other girls have never driven one themselves (they always have ridden on the back, we have two watercraft at home so Sara feels comfortable driving one.) We've decided to cancel the jet ski idea in favor of an afternoon boat 'cruise' of Biscayne Bay.

Again, thanks all of you who have offered constructive input. I certainly never expected such a response to my little question!

Noah

Excellent post 'Queen of Denial'. Indeed, 'denial' is more than a river in Egypt.

The stark reality is that 'spring break'= Wild sex, booze, drugs and other reckless, dangerous behavior.

Does that mean that your daughter will defintely engage in those things? Of course not but the statistics show that the physical and moral dangers are much too high. Parents always say, "Oh no, MY KID would NEVER....". How many parents have said that only to have their child come home pregnant or harmed, if at all.

Noah

It's interesting to note that in her original post, Sara's Mom said:

"I guess I am just looking for opinions on the safety/feasability of such a trip. "

Then she complained when people did just what she requested: gave their opinions.

Noah

So basically, 'Sara's Mom', you only wanted opinions which would ease your conscience. It's like the people who call Dr. Laura and ask for her opinion and then get annoyed when she gives it. They really only wanted to hear her affirm what they already wanted to do.

metoo

I agree with you, Noah. Sounds like Sara's mom just wanted to read some posts that would reaffirm what she was already thinking, instead of soliciting any a variety of opinions. Whatever she agreed with was "constructive" but she lashed out at anyone else. She had answers and comebacks for everything.

Well, Perfect Mom, if you have Perfect Daughter in a Perfect World, why did you bother to ask for opinions? Your decisions are all perfect, naturally!

angel

Dear Pollyanna: Wake up. As soon as you say, "My daughter would NEVER," she WILL. Please consider sending some condoms along with her.

Loved your comment, quote: "I am also upgrading them to a luxury hotel, where I have stayed in the past and have a friendly repor(sp?) with the staff, who claim they will keep an eye on them for me."

That's what staff is paid for, right?

ilisa

I am truly disgusted at the tone of this thread. Yes, Sara's mom asked for opinions and got them. That is not what I am objecting to. I am objecting to the idea that ALL teenage girls automatically engage in wild and irresponsible behavior as soon as they are out of their parents view, that ALL teenage girls will automatically have sex as soon as the opportunity arises. Yes, there are many that engage in that behavior, but NEWSFLASH, there are many that don't. I realize that it is difficult for some of you to understand this (are you reading this, Noah?) but there are also some very intelligent, sensible, and mature teenagers out there. Perhaps instead of making blanket statements and judgements, you should sit back and pay attention to these young people. You may learn something. How about giving Sara's mom a break and actually believe that her daughter may be such a person? As for the poster who simply could not believe that an 18 year old girl is actually interested in visiting family and art, do you know what I was interested in at 18? Ballet, ballet and more ballet. When I was in college, do you know what I did on 3 out of 4 spring breaks? Visited my grandparents. Sara's mom, only you know your daughter well enough to make such decisions, and I believe you are making the right one. As long as you set parameters, I am sure that your daughter will have a safe and fabulous trip.

Cindy

Ilisa,

I don't want to beat a dead horse, and I don't care to comment on Sara's morality, but there is one thing that bears mentioning. What you saw in the posts was a general feeling that Sara's Mom might be just a tad too trusting in believing that the girls were interested in these wholesome activities. But those suspicions are rooted in the fact that kids who wind up in trouble usually don't approach their parents with "Hey Mom. I'd like to get drunk and have sex. Can I go?" They profess an interest in things like art or ballet or grandparents or whatever. That is how one attempts to "snow" one's parents. Since most parents of teens think their kids are good kids (except maybe the ones with kids in drug and alcohol rehab), I think you saw many people warning Sara's Mom that there might be more at work here than a genuine interest in the arts. When you add the long drive with other teens, new drivers navigating a strange town, jet skiing, and false sense of security from a cell phone and luxury hotel, some folks just couldn't support the idea. Reading between the lines with teens isn't easy, but it sure is necessary.

ilisa

Thanks for the parenting tip, Cindy. How will I ever raise my daughter without you?