Small Town America
Jul 31st, 2006, 04:17 AM
#1
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Small Town America
My DH and I are looking to relocate from NJ to a slower, more relaxed way of life;One where you know your neighbors and you help one another out. We are a couple in our late 40's with 2 teens.Is there any place left like that in america?
Thanks
melissa
Thanks
melissa
Jul 31st, 2006, 04:29 AM
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You have to consider many things before deciding. Just for fun go to www.findmyspot.com
We live in a small town, don't know many neighbors as all of us are preoccupied with own busy lives.
We live in a small town, don't know many neighbors as all of us are preoccupied with own busy lives.
Jul 31st, 2006, 06:20 AM
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Honestly, you are not the only one.
From NJ, you will LOVE the small to mid towns of SouthWest or Western Michigan.
Depending on your kids' ages you may still get free or 75% paid college tuition if moving to Kalamazoo (Kalamazoo Promise- 6 wealthy donors have taken on all costs for MI state schools- Ann Arbor included).
I have a 2nd home in one of these small towns on a lake, and the entity you desire DOES exist. People are neighbors and they know you personally. They'll open the town office on Sunday to get you an address change, etc. etc.
I believe there are lots of places in the South and the greater Midwest that would fill your expectations. Populations are from 15,000 to 30,000 in some of these, they aren't all Podunk by any means. Nor are all the negative stereotypes of small towns usual either.
Some I know: Dexter (near Detroit but getting expensive), Paw Paw, Kalamazoo or any of 30 or 40 small towns surrounding them (you could get lake living at the same time)- some of the Western MI Lake Michigan shore cities. Travese City is bigger, but relaxed, just not as much as interior Northern MI. Grainger IN, and some of the Southern IN towns near Evansville. Relaxed, slower sped of life like the South, and good community spirit and feel as well. "We" people, not "me" people.
From NJ, you will LOVE the small to mid towns of SouthWest or Western Michigan.
Depending on your kids' ages you may still get free or 75% paid college tuition if moving to Kalamazoo (Kalamazoo Promise- 6 wealthy donors have taken on all costs for MI state schools- Ann Arbor included).
I have a 2nd home in one of these small towns on a lake, and the entity you desire DOES exist. People are neighbors and they know you personally. They'll open the town office on Sunday to get you an address change, etc. etc.
I believe there are lots of places in the South and the greater Midwest that would fill your expectations. Populations are from 15,000 to 30,000 in some of these, they aren't all Podunk by any means. Nor are all the negative stereotypes of small towns usual either.
Some I know: Dexter (near Detroit but getting expensive), Paw Paw, Kalamazoo or any of 30 or 40 small towns surrounding them (you could get lake living at the same time)- some of the Western MI Lake Michigan shore cities. Travese City is bigger, but relaxed, just not as much as interior Northern MI. Grainger IN, and some of the Southern IN towns near Evansville. Relaxed, slower sped of life like the South, and good community spirit and feel as well. "We" people, not "me" people.
Jul 31st, 2006, 07:07 AM
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Rolla, Mo. Not REAl small town, but not a city either. It is in a beautiful area, the residents are very friendly, schools are good, they have a big engineering college (maybe the teens would be interested in). About an hour outside of St. Louis for necessities such as airports, major entertainment. Also about an hour away from the beautiful Lake of the Ozarks. Rolla is slower, it is larger than po-dunk towns, but is a small town feel.
Jul 31st, 2006, 08:30 AM
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I lived in a city of a million and now live in a very rural area. I don't think there is any difference in how friendly your neighbors are. I have neighbors who I have never met. But you do loose some of your privacy because things get around really quickly. Be prepared to get your personal business aired.
Jul 31st, 2006, 08:50 AM
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Sometimes in small towns your neighbors not only know your personal business and have opinion about it but also know better than you how you suppose to conduct yourself, when, where and why. On the other hand it is so peaceful living in a small community. I love being surrounded by trees. When 15 years ago I lived in Manhattan on East 63rd Street I had wonderful and very helpful neighbours. I still keep in touch with two of them.
Jul 31st, 2006, 09:05 AM
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You also need to consider healthcare availability and jobs when you move to a small town.
Like some of the other posters, I think you can know your neighbors regardless of where you live -- you just have to put out the effort. I have lived in small town and small cities, and I am the kind of person who really doesn't want my neighbors to be too involved in my personal affairs, but that is just me. I am naturally suspicious, whereas my DH is more open.
Also, having lived in a very small town, not only do your neighbors know all your business, they will often know BEFORE you do. They will also know MORE about your husband and your children than you think is possible.
When I was a teen, we lived in a town of less than 7,000. I had been doing something I shouldn't and felt very guilty about it. One afternoon, my mother sat me down and told me that someone had come to her and told her what I was doing. Actually, it was a bluff, but I fell for it and spilled my guts. My point is that it is very likely that a townsperson COULD have snitched on me.
Like some of the other posters, I think you can know your neighbors regardless of where you live -- you just have to put out the effort. I have lived in small town and small cities, and I am the kind of person who really doesn't want my neighbors to be too involved in my personal affairs, but that is just me. I am naturally suspicious, whereas my DH is more open.
Also, having lived in a very small town, not only do your neighbors know all your business, they will often know BEFORE you do. They will also know MORE about your husband and your children than you think is possible.
When I was a teen, we lived in a town of less than 7,000. I had been doing something I shouldn't and felt very guilty about it. One afternoon, my mother sat me down and told me that someone had come to her and told her what I was doing. Actually, it was a bluff, but I fell for it and spilled my guts. My point is that it is very likely that a townsperson COULD have snitched on me.
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Jul 31st, 2006, 09:31 AM
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Here's an example of how your personal business can potentially end up all over town. During my doctors appointment on Friday in which very personal tests were done and information with my doctor was exchanged quess who was acting as my doctor's nurse that day? My "next door" neighbor!!! who is married to a man who I do business with and who keeps in touch with my dad all the time. Now I don't know who knows what.
There is no way this situation would have happened when I lived in the city.
There is no way this situation would have happened when I lived in the city.
Jul 31st, 2006, 09:32 AM
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I shuffle between my real life which is fast-paced in Silicon Valley and the very slow pace of life in Western New York in a small town on Chautauqua Lake. I believe the schools are better in NY, although my schools are the among the best in California.
I love the huge trees and the rolling hills and the fresh air. There is even an intellectual element that I didn't think I would find. And a summer of cultural activities.
It is fun to see kids just hanging around playing tag!
I don't "belong" to anything....but the church members sure don't have any privacy. Everybody knows everything about everyone! Maybe that is true in any small "community" - such as a church.
I love the huge trees and the rolling hills and the fresh air. There is even an intellectual element that I didn't think I would find. And a summer of cultural activities.
It is fun to see kids just hanging around playing tag!
I don't "belong" to anything....but the church members sure don't have any privacy. Everybody knows everything about everyone! Maybe that is true in any small "community" - such as a church.
Jul 31st, 2006, 09:42 AM
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What qualifies as a small town to you guys and gals?
Anything under a Million, 500,000, 250,000 people for the Metro?
How far from Major services?
Schools, shopping, health care, what matters to you?
How far to interstate/international transportation?
What about Entertainment/Leisure?
There are a ton of small towns, some dying, some flourishing....
I live in one myself in Southern Oregon, but we're 7000 in a 2 county valley of 250,000.We have everything but a "Nordstrom's" level of Shopping, and I find it doesn't matter much anyway.
Anything under a Million, 500,000, 250,000 people for the Metro?
How far from Major services?
Schools, shopping, health care, what matters to you?
How far to interstate/international transportation?
What about Entertainment/Leisure?
There are a ton of small towns, some dying, some flourishing....
I live in one myself in Southern Oregon, but we're 7000 in a 2 county valley of 250,000.We have everything but a "Nordstrom's" level of Shopping, and I find it doesn't matter much anyway.
Jul 31st, 2006, 10:23 AM
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Check out the mobility and demographics of the population. It's easy to get online; read all recent census information re towns of interest.
My Southside city of Chicago neighborhood has/had more town criers and people who know everyone's business (especially teenagers) than any small town I have lived in yet. And this has much to do with house/turnover mobility figures, and not overall size of the entire town.
My Southside city of Chicago neighborhood has/had more town criers and people who know everyone's business (especially teenagers) than any small town I have lived in yet. And this has much to do with house/turnover mobility figures, and not overall size of the entire town.
Jul 31st, 2006, 10:35 AM
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My step daughter and her husband moved to Wotonga Oklahoma last fall. His father is living there...was raised there..and the "kids" went because housing etc. is so expensive in Reno now that don't know if they ever could have afforded to buy. I haven't been there yet...going in October..but it's about an hour from Oaklahoma City I believe from what they said. It is very nice in the sense that its quieter, more rural and they bought a house for 35,000. The down side is there is almost no employment. He works at the prison..the biggest employer..and my step daughter finally got a job at like a..well, Woolworths kind of store. It of course pays nothing, but then the cost of living is pretty cheap compared to other areas. She's hoping to get a job at the bank eventually, but somebody has to retire or ...God forbid...die before there is an opening. There's no where to shop, nothing going on...although the Cheese Festival will be going on while I'm there. So, there's an up and down side to just about anywhere. I think we often want things to be the way "they used to be" but you can't ever "go back". I'm not sure "Mayberry" exists anymore, if it ever truly did. However, do your homework, and I'm sure there are a lot of small towns all over the country that are wonderful places and hopefully you'll find one that fits just perfectly.
Jul 31st, 2006, 10:49 AM
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IF you're interested in the East Coast, I love my relatively new hometown of Andover, MA. Pop. of about 30,000, so big enough that EVERYBODY doesn't know your business, but fantastic neighbors and a good sense of community. High home prices, though. Close to Boston, so city life nearby. Also close to Manchester, NH, so no need always to go to Logan airport to go elsewhere. Within an hour to an hour and a half you can hit the ocean, Maine, hiking in NH, western Mass., Rhode Island, Cape Cod (depending on where). I think it's great! I also love that the kids all play outside - the town culture is very sports-oriented, and a great school system.
Jul 31st, 2006, 11:11 AM
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I think Gardyloo said it well...be careful of what you wish for.
We live in a town that I call Mayberry. For the good AND bad. When we moved here and I went to one of the schools to get our son settled, everyone there already knew all about us. I am used to it by now, but it was a bit unnerving.
We live in a town that I call Mayberry. For the good AND bad. When we moved here and I went to one of the schools to get our son settled, everyone there already knew all about us. I am used to it by now, but it was a bit unnerving.
Jul 31st, 2006, 11:11 AM
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Yes, Melissa, there are still places like that. But I'm not at all sure it's possible to just walk in and be a part of it.
I think before you make a very drastic change, like moving from a metropolitan area to a small rural town, you need to make very sure that it's what you're really looking for. crefloors had some very good observations about life in a small town.
I grew up in a town that was then 2500, now a whopping 4000! It's about 45 miles out of St. Louis and many residents work in the city. But it's definitely not a suburb. I'm not sure you'd exactly call it a farming community either. But it's surrounded by farms. Although, as the towns expand, some of that rich farmland is being swallowed up by subdivisions.
Yes, there are some locally owned stores in town. But if you want something bigger, you have to drive 9 miles to a small WalMart, 25 or so to the Super Walmart and a bit further in another direction for the mall, all the chain stores, restaurants, etc.
But the major point I wanted to make is that, while your neighbors will know your business, it's likely that they'll never really consider you to be one of them. We lived in that small town for over 20 years. Both my parents were from small towns (my father a town of 500!), but not that small town. My father loved that town. My mother hated it. Largley because she never felt she was "accepted".
jorr's story was the perfect case in point. My kids get a tremendous kick out of the fact that everyone in that county of small towns is somehow connected. But, as an outsider, you won't have those connections. (At least not until one of your kids marries someone from there!) And that's always going to make you just a little "suspect". Unlike everyone else in town, they don't know who your parents and grandparets were, who your mother dated in high school, the story about your Aunt Mary, etc., etc.!
You may well have not had a town that small in mind. But if you were having one of those urban stress moments when the thought of life in bucolic small town America seemed like perfection, think again! There are many wonderful aspects of life in a small town. Other than the time he spent in the army during WWII, my FIL lived on the same street in that small town all of his 79 years. And he was very happy there. On the other hand, I would move back there only if I were promised upwards of a million dollars a year!
I think before you make a very drastic change, like moving from a metropolitan area to a small rural town, you need to make very sure that it's what you're really looking for. crefloors had some very good observations about life in a small town.
I grew up in a town that was then 2500, now a whopping 4000! It's about 45 miles out of St. Louis and many residents work in the city. But it's definitely not a suburb. I'm not sure you'd exactly call it a farming community either. But it's surrounded by farms. Although, as the towns expand, some of that rich farmland is being swallowed up by subdivisions.
Yes, there are some locally owned stores in town. But if you want something bigger, you have to drive 9 miles to a small WalMart, 25 or so to the Super Walmart and a bit further in another direction for the mall, all the chain stores, restaurants, etc.
But the major point I wanted to make is that, while your neighbors will know your business, it's likely that they'll never really consider you to be one of them. We lived in that small town for over 20 years. Both my parents were from small towns (my father a town of 500!), but not that small town. My father loved that town. My mother hated it. Largley because she never felt she was "accepted".
jorr's story was the perfect case in point. My kids get a tremendous kick out of the fact that everyone in that county of small towns is somehow connected. But, as an outsider, you won't have those connections. (At least not until one of your kids marries someone from there!) And that's always going to make you just a little "suspect". Unlike everyone else in town, they don't know who your parents and grandparets were, who your mother dated in high school, the story about your Aunt Mary, etc., etc.!
You may well have not had a town that small in mind. But if you were having one of those urban stress moments when the thought of life in bucolic small town America seemed like perfection, think again! There are many wonderful aspects of life in a small town. Other than the time he spent in the army during WWII, my FIL lived on the same street in that small town all of his 79 years. And he was very happy there. On the other hand, I would move back there only if I were promised upwards of a million dollars a year!
Jul 31st, 2006, 11:22 AM
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I went to college in a small town in Virginia and in many cases this is true; unless you've lived there all your life, you will not really ever be accepted. Tolerated yes, accepted no.
I would check out small towns by visiting and the first time someone asks, "What is your family name?" or "What kind of name is Beckoff" cross that town off your list and move on.
Also, having lived in a fast paced town all your lives, are you sure you will be able to adapt or will it just bring a higher level of frustration to you and your husband.
While a slower lifestyle may sound better, it can be infuriating.
I know many of the transplanted New Jerseyans down here in South Carolina go crazy with our slower paced lifestyle.
I would check out small towns by visiting and the first time someone asks, "What is your family name?" or "What kind of name is Beckoff" cross that town off your list and move on.
Also, having lived in a fast paced town all your lives, are you sure you will be able to adapt or will it just bring a higher level of frustration to you and your husband.
While a slower lifestyle may sound better, it can be infuriating.
I know many of the transplanted New Jerseyans down here in South Carolina go crazy with our slower paced lifestyle.
