Re: How old is too old?: boys in ladies room
Oct 5th, 2004, 06:56 AM
#41
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I have no problem with people taking a child to the restroom of the opposite sex, but I expect appropriate behavior. Loved Martha B's comment about a foot under the stall and no treats if there was peeking.
Oct 5th, 2004, 07:10 AM
#43
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It's extraordinarily rare for a child to be abducted or murdered by a stranger (unfortunately for many children, it's much safer to be in public than at home).
However, it's common for a child to be hit by a car, and yet parents still take their children outside. Go figure.
However, it's common for a child to be hit by a car, and yet parents still take their children outside. Go figure.
Oct 5th, 2004, 07:12 AM
#44
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Dick posted: "PS. I feel uncomfortable when I see people that don't wash their hands after going to the bathroom."
This could be another whole thread, but I once reported a bartender at a nice restaurant in Quebec City, who urinated (I was waiting for the urinal) and then proceed to walk out without washing hands. When I got to the bar he was slicing lemons with his bare hands. I reported him to the manager, who obviously and stupidly pointed me out to the bartender. On my way out after lunch, the bartender threatened me and insisted he had washed his hands -- HA!
This could be another whole thread, but I once reported a bartender at a nice restaurant in Quebec City, who urinated (I was waiting for the urinal) and then proceed to walk out without washing hands. When I got to the bar he was slicing lemons with his bare hands. I reported him to the manager, who obviously and stupidly pointed me out to the bartender. On my way out after lunch, the bartender threatened me and insisted he had washed his hands -- HA!
Oct 5th, 2004, 07:36 AM
#45
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Slightly off topic, but I don't like it when the changing table is inside a stall. As everyone has stated, the line for the ladies room is longer anyway, why slow it down some more by taking a stall out of use. There is no reason why new building constuction has this situation.
This past weekend I was waiting in line at a 2 stall bathroom. Mom was in one stall dealing with 2 kids. Another Mom waiting outside with kid leaving only one stall for the others in line.
I have no problems with younger kids (under puberty) in opposite sex bathrooms.
This past weekend I was waiting in line at a 2 stall bathroom. Mom was in one stall dealing with 2 kids. Another Mom waiting outside with kid leaving only one stall for the others in line.
I have no problems with younger kids (under puberty) in opposite sex bathrooms.
Oct 5th, 2004, 07:42 AM
#46
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It never bothers me to see boys in the ladies room. The basic truth is that in American life, especially city life, it is not safe to have any child go in any public washroom alone. It's just like swimming, you need a "buddy system." It is not being paranoid, as the statistics for an approach or exposure are NOT small as stated. When some people here say it is paranoia, it is not. Even in the past, it wasn't paranoid to be protective. Nor is it in Europe or most places around the world. Events are just not "talked about" with elders. If it happened to you or was witnessed by you, or if you read the studies on this, you would know that these approaches are not uncommon at all.
Also, unisex or family bathrooms or changing rooms are very much becoming the norm in the health clubs by me. Go Travel, you would not like to be in the family changing rooms at the Health Club as I have been with my grandchildren- if boys make you uncomfortable in the ladies room. You all have spacious family cubicles but the mix coming in and out with kids blasting through doors can be very educational.
The funniest thing about this is that those same kids when they go to college in just a few years- are walking up and down the halls in mixed dorms or with every other floor dorms or unisex bathroom floors- and some have just a towel on. No longer kids, but hard on some sensibilities. I think the main thing that we need to concern ourselves about as parents is that we don't have a sexual approach happening to a child. The nudity / modesty thing is quite another issue and is vastly different by family and by culture. Being in those family changing rooms has made me realize how little manners and respect that 8 to 10 year olds have been taught on this subject. This is by me in the Midwest USA- might be different other places.
But give the people with childrean a break- what difference does it make to you if a little boy is there or multiples, unless they are crawling under doors or otherwise instigating stupid behaviors.
Also, unisex or family bathrooms or changing rooms are very much becoming the norm in the health clubs by me. Go Travel, you would not like to be in the family changing rooms at the Health Club as I have been with my grandchildren- if boys make you uncomfortable in the ladies room. You all have spacious family cubicles but the mix coming in and out with kids blasting through doors can be very educational.
The funniest thing about this is that those same kids when they go to college in just a few years- are walking up and down the halls in mixed dorms or with every other floor dorms or unisex bathroom floors- and some have just a towel on. No longer kids, but hard on some sensibilities. I think the main thing that we need to concern ourselves about as parents is that we don't have a sexual approach happening to a child. The nudity / modesty thing is quite another issue and is vastly different by family and by culture. Being in those family changing rooms has made me realize how little manners and respect that 8 to 10 year olds have been taught on this subject. This is by me in the Midwest USA- might be different other places.
But give the people with childrean a break- what difference does it make to you if a little boy is there or multiples, unless they are crawling under doors or otherwise instigating stupid behaviors.
Oct 5th, 2004, 09:32 AM
#47
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Ann41 - Your point is really not a valid one. "Extremely rare" is a subjective statement. You consider it "extremely rare" but parents who are a concerned about it don't consider it rare enough.
And about cars - surely, people go outside with and without children all the time. In general, they do not allow young children to cross the street or play near a street unaccompanied. They look both ways before crossing a street rather than just walking out. These are the "normal and sane" precautions that people take that allow them to go outside and walk in/near streets while greatly reducing the chances of being hit by a car.
No one is suggesting that people should not use public restrooms. Simply that it's a normal and sane precaution to accompany your young children into the bathroom to greatly reduce the chances of them being molested/killed/kidnapped.
Oh, and no one is trying to force you to take your child into the bathroom with you, or to use a bathroom that has a child in it if it makes you uncomfortable.
And about cars - surely, people go outside with and without children all the time. In general, they do not allow young children to cross the street or play near a street unaccompanied. They look both ways before crossing a street rather than just walking out. These are the "normal and sane" precautions that people take that allow them to go outside and walk in/near streets while greatly reducing the chances of being hit by a car.
No one is suggesting that people should not use public restrooms. Simply that it's a normal and sane precaution to accompany your young children into the bathroom to greatly reduce the chances of them being molested/killed/kidnapped.
Oh, and no one is trying to force you to take your child into the bathroom with you, or to use a bathroom that has a child in it if it makes you uncomfortable.
Oct 5th, 2004, 09:44 AM
#48
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Stephanie: Where in my comment to you was I taking about a teenager? And since when is keeping your young children safe considered paranoia?
Perhaps because of the unfortunate experience you and your siblings had, you assume that only someone you know can be a threat. Well, when I was a little girl walking to school a man pulled up in a car exposing himself and tried to get me to take a ride. He wasn't a friend, and he wasn't a relative!
For crying out loud, we're talking about young kids here. I'm sorry, but when my kid was younger he did not want to go into a public men's room where male adult strangers were standing at an open urinal with everything hanging out. I'm guessing that the people who are uncomfortable with a 7 year old using the women's rest room have probably never had children of their own!
Perhaps because of the unfortunate experience you and your siblings had, you assume that only someone you know can be a threat. Well, when I was a little girl walking to school a man pulled up in a car exposing himself and tried to get me to take a ride. He wasn't a friend, and he wasn't a relative!
For crying out loud, we're talking about young kids here. I'm sorry, but when my kid was younger he did not want to go into a public men's room where male adult strangers were standing at an open urinal with everything hanging out. I'm guessing that the people who are uncomfortable with a 7 year old using the women's rest room have probably never had children of their own!
Oct 5th, 2004, 09:54 AM
#49
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People choke every day, and yet we continue to eat. Go figure.
I think some folks might just be trying to stir up trouble. We will all do what we need to do to protect our children, regardless of scathing looks from those who disapprove. There is really no benefit to allowing a small child to go into a male restroom unaccompanied, wheras there is a threat (albeit small) of harm. While there is a threat of harm to a child playing outdoors, there is also tremendous benefit. I feel very sorry for any child who is forced to stay indoors all the time for fear of being hit by a car!!
I think some folks might just be trying to stir up trouble. We will all do what we need to do to protect our children, regardless of scathing looks from those who disapprove. There is really no benefit to allowing a small child to go into a male restroom unaccompanied, wheras there is a threat (albeit small) of harm. While there is a threat of harm to a child playing outdoors, there is also tremendous benefit. I feel very sorry for any child who is forced to stay indoors all the time for fear of being hit by a car!!
Oct 5th, 2004, 09:58 AM
#50
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Buffalo girl my guess is that you are correct Stephanie does not have any children of her own. Public washrooms are just that a "public washroom", that means you will be doing your business with strangers. Nowadays, highly doubt that kids get a thrill these days by peeking under the stalls, they can see more watching tv, or at the beach.
Oct 5th, 2004, 10:00 AM
#51
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Back to the original question --- how old is too old? I think a 12 year old can safely go into a mens room alone as well as a 16 year old could. Some kids, and some venues, much younger kids should be safe as anyone else. When my son was young, but too old to go into mens rooms alone, I stood closeby and believe me if I had ever thought he'd been in there too long and was otherwise suspicious, I would have gone in after him. I am shocked that a woman would care that a boy was in the ladies room. There's nothing to see for heaven's sake. It's more difficult for a man to take a girl into the mens room. I think that out of respect for the men using the public facilities, a man should try and find an empty room or a one-seater to use or at least be discreet.
Oct 5th, 2004, 10:11 AM
#52
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OMG, this has gotten comical!
I am picturing some teenage boy being dragged into the ladies room by his mama, protesting all the way LOL
I think most parents and adults on this thread do understand that this debate is over small children going into bathrooms with their mamas, right?
Personally, I could care less if a little boy sees me walking into a bathroom stall, I close the door, he stays on the other side.
I am picturing some teenage boy being dragged into the ladies room by his mama, protesting all the way LOL
I think most parents and adults on this thread do understand that this debate is over small children going into bathrooms with their mamas, right?
Personally, I could care less if a little boy sees me walking into a bathroom stall, I close the door, he stays on the other side.
Oct 5th, 2004, 10:23 AM
#53
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I'd be uncomfortable being peeked at by any kid, boy or girl, and to be honest I do feel a bit uncomfortable seeing boys in the ladies' room, but that's MY problem. It's totally appropriate for kids to be taken into the washroom with a parent rather than being left unaccompanied. I don't mind being uncomfortable for a few minutes - at least the kids are safe.
Oct 5th, 2004, 10:38 AM
#54
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I'm with GoTravel. Personally, I'd say 9 is too old to be in a women's room. I know you're worried about your children, but the other people using the restroom deserve some common courtesy as well. Maybe I just have crazy old-fashioned ideas, but at a certain age, a boy is just too old to be in the ladies room. Yes, protection of children is of paramount importance, but it does not mean you can place your own interests above those of everyone else around you.
If your boy needs to use the restroom, either (a) check the mens' room to make sure it is clear and then stand by the door and politely ask everyone if they can wait until your son is finished; (b) poke your head into the womens' room and announce you're bringing in your boy; or (c) go into the mens' room with him. The best answer would be to try to find a single person bathroom facility. I'm sorry, but I don't think I could even make myself use a public restroom with a 10 year old boy in the next stall.
If your boy needs to use the restroom, either (a) check the mens' room to make sure it is clear and then stand by the door and politely ask everyone if they can wait until your son is finished; (b) poke your head into the womens' room and announce you're bringing in your boy; or (c) go into the mens' room with him. The best answer would be to try to find a single person bathroom facility. I'm sorry, but I don't think I could even make myself use a public restroom with a 10 year old boy in the next stall.
Oct 5th, 2004, 10:40 AM
#55
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Here's a little story that will hopefully lighten up this thread...
A couple years ago, my family was having lunch at the AMP tower in Sydney Australia. At 820 feet above the city, the views were stunning. My 13 yr old daughter was in charge of the video camera.
My daughter is adventurous and will talk to anybody. There isn't a shy bone in her body. She took the camera and was filming the food at the buffet while having the staff explain what each one was. There was kangaroo, emu, croc and many more exotic things.
She disappeared for a few minutes, returning to tell us that she had to use the bathroom. We didn't think anything of it and continued our meal.
Three weeks later, we returned home and started looking at the video. We got to the part where the buffet staff explaining the food. The next scene in the video was an Australian woman coming out of a bathroom stall and the look on her face when she realized my daughter was filming her was too funny for words. When she realized that my daughter was playing a joke on her parents by recording the inside of the restroom and not telling us, the Aussie woman got in on the joke, saying hello to us on the video and giggling & laughing with my daughter.
As for the topic of the thread - it's simply a matter of common sense. We Americans are too uptight about this sort of thing. If a child needs to go and the parent doesn't feel comfortable letting the child go alone, then the parent MUST accompany the child. Simple as that
A couple years ago, my family was having lunch at the AMP tower in Sydney Australia. At 820 feet above the city, the views were stunning. My 13 yr old daughter was in charge of the video camera.
My daughter is adventurous and will talk to anybody. There isn't a shy bone in her body. She took the camera and was filming the food at the buffet while having the staff explain what each one was. There was kangaroo, emu, croc and many more exotic things.
She disappeared for a few minutes, returning to tell us that she had to use the bathroom. We didn't think anything of it and continued our meal.
Three weeks later, we returned home and started looking at the video. We got to the part where the buffet staff explaining the food. The next scene in the video was an Australian woman coming out of a bathroom stall and the look on her face when she realized my daughter was filming her was too funny for words. When she realized that my daughter was playing a joke on her parents by recording the inside of the restroom and not telling us, the Aussie woman got in on the joke, saying hello to us on the video and giggling & laughing with my daughter.
As for the topic of the thread - it's simply a matter of common sense. We Americans are too uptight about this sort of thing. If a child needs to go and the parent doesn't feel comfortable letting the child go alone, then the parent MUST accompany the child. Simple as that
Oct 5th, 2004, 11:13 AM
#56
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I'm getting real confused here. I haven't been in a whole lot of women's rest rooms, but I assumed most of them have individual stalls for complete privacy. I've been in "unisex" restrooms where both sexes used the same restroom, but their privacy is protected by the stalls. Case in point is Belgo Centraal in London where all the stalls are within one room and both sexes share the big industrial sink. In Europe there used to be urinals along the streets where men would stand and pee in public and even chat with passers-by if they wanted to, but there was a half length privacy screen or something to protect their basic privacy. Even today, it is not the least bit uncommon for female attendants to wander through the men's room in Europe cleaning urinals right next to where you are standing. What's the big deal?
So what's the big deal if someone of the opposite sex is in a stall near by? Are people that "pee shy"? Or is this just our American morality showing -- something Europeans, for example, wouldn't think twice about?
So what's the big deal if someone of the opposite sex is in a stall near by? Are people that "pee shy"? Or is this just our American morality showing -- something Europeans, for example, wouldn't think twice about?
Oct 5th, 2004, 11:14 AM
#57
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I agree, safety first. I saw the cutest thing while in the bathroom at the Paris hotel in Las Vegas. A little boy of 6-7 was facing the wall with his eyes closed, and he was counting, 1...2...3. His mother was talking from the stall telling him to keep counting and keep the eyes closed. Rather than feeling uncomfortable at him being there, I was heartened to see that his mother cared that much !
Oct 5th, 2004, 11:34 AM
#59
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And to answer the initial question: how old is too old? Only when the child feels it's SAFE for him to go in alone. Different boys mature at different ages.
Hmmm... now that I think of it... do husbands ever mature
Hmmm... now that I think of it... do husbands ever mature
Oct 5th, 2004, 11:40 AM
#60
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kgh8m says it's better for a grown woman to go into a men's room with visible urinals than for a 10 year old boy to go into a women's room which has complete privacy.
Just wondering how you would know there was a 10 year old boy in the next stall who was preventing you for "going". Believe me, he isn't standing in there thinking about YOU. I'm betting you don't have kids.
Just wondering how you would know there was a 10 year old boy in the next stall who was preventing you for "going". Believe me, he isn't standing in there thinking about YOU. I'm betting you don't have kids.
