Judy24

Thank you Al--you're a great storyteller!

(So, did little Bishop have to bail you out?)

Enya

Wow Loki, you really do have some strong opinions on this issue for someone who admits to having no kids. Being a wife and mother of two young ones, wI can only conclude that it must be easy for you to sit there and judge when all you have to go home to at the end of a day is a dog! How about having a couple of kids, a spouse, a full time demanding career each, extra curricular activities for all, aging parents, extended family, a household to run etc etc ...I wonder if you would have the same "harsh" (your words) perspective. I wonder if you would still use the word "selfish" to describe parents who yearn for a little couple time away from it all while on vacation. I wonder. There is that saying "walk a mile in my shoes and maybe then you can talk".

cfc

There's some great wisdom here and some true wackiness -- almost all of it Loki's. I've noticed the only people who ever have had the unmitigated and ignorant gall to advise me, my wife, or any of my friends or relatives on their parenting were ALWAYS people who didn't have kids of their own (and I'm sorry to say they were most often males).

Each one has a different axe to grind: the wrong food, inadequate boundaries, too severe boundaries, overly strict, overly indulgent, pushing too much or too little, inappropriate dress, breast feeding too long or not long enough, wrong toilet-training approach, wrong educational philosophy, and so forth.

The problem is that they always identify with the "poor" benighted child and have no clue, whatsoever, how difficult, complex, and maturing the job of parenting can be. On Day 1, all your preconceptions go right out the window, and the absolutes go right along with them.

But these people somehow believe that because they have been children themselves, they know how to parent. That -- at the very least -- is like thinking that because you have been on a sports team, in an orchestra, or an employee in a group, you automatically know how coaching, conducting, or managing should be done. In fact these "childfree" people think they're experts simply because they have never been "compromised" by raising their own children and having their point of view skewed by things they like to call "selfishness" and "irresponsibility."

I have seen some horrific parenting, and believe me, being left in a hotel room with a well-researched babysitter for an evening doesn't even qualify as a mistake. And the leap from hiring a sitter to exposing a child to pedophilia or any other form of abuse is a gargantuan one. I hope yesu got the right sorts of answers from the other parents and ignored the rest of the hysteria.

jersey

cfc-
How true. After raising 5 children I consire myself an expert, on raising MY children. It is not an easy job and to be called names by someone who has no clue how selfless you must be is difficult to stomach. I applaud all the parents who have taken time to contribute their thoughts on the subject. Sometimes there are aspects of a topic we haven't thought of and it is helpful to hear other thoughts.

By the by, have you read the thread on the new Mom who wants to take a two month old to Vegas? Perhaps she should read this thread.

Jayne11159

We have done this several times when staying at a family resort in NC. The girls we hired were met through the resort's children's program which meant they had been thoroughly screened and had a background check when the resort hired them. They were always college students who were home for the summer.

I just don't think I could hire someone from a sitting service but that's just me. One of the reasons I was always leary of doing so was because I was a personal acquaintance of a women who ran a nanny service here. ALL the resorts in an upscale beach community here used her with hesitation. Our kids went to school together when they were very young and she wasn't "all there". She told us that when she couldn't find a sitter she'd send out anyone she could find. It still makes me shiver.

I'm sure there are many legitimate services out there, but that acquaintance taught me not to take things at face value with something as precious as our children.

wanderluster

OMG, some of you people seriously need to get a life. A real life, in real time, NOT IN CYBER SPACE.

I'm not sure why I bothered to read this thread, but since I did, I will quote the poster "Jersey" who IMO makes the most sense. I agree with her completely. Read her post, as copied below:

""Dare I step into the fray? I have five children and have traveled with them many times. As my youngest is now fifteen, we have dealt with some of these issues. My two cents... I never used babysitting services at hotels/resorts. Not because I wouldn't have enjoyed a dinner out alone with my husband. But rather because on vacation is a special time with the kids as well as for us. So we let them stay up later and do late fun things together. If you are concerned about who you are leaving your children with you won't enjoy your time alone anyway. You'll spend the whole time wondering how you child(ren) are. We tried to take time at home to do "alone" activities where we could leave the kids with trusted sitters. I am a bit overprotective with my family, I'm the first to admit it. And I know that the services of a hotel sitter are most likely just fine. The other thing my DH and I did when our youngest was a baby was to start taking a mini-vacation by ourselves. This has since expanded to a week away every winter without the kids. For me, you have to go with your comfort zone and trust your gut.""

AMEN Jersey, I couldn't agree more.

And truly folks, those of you who have your knickers in a bunch, if you don't like what you read here, just leave. GUESS WHAT, NO ONE WILL KNOW! This forum is CYBERSPACE, we don't know you, nor do we CARE.

Can we please stick to travel issues and NOT parenting?

Enya

Geez Wanderlust, sounds to me like this issue has YOUR knickers are in a bunch. R-e-l-a-x. Stop shouting!! Take it easy, man. Breathe.

Black_Bart

God knows why I read this but I'm glad I did.

AL La Carte, your story had me rotflmao! It was worth the price of admission. Oh wait, there was no admission.

SandyP

Okay, I'm going to keep my comments pertinent to the question.

One time my husband and I used a hotel sitter. We were a little nervous, but decided to give it a try. I'd also heard the advice to "forget" something that you can come back for unexpectedly. We both decided that if either of us got a bad feeling about the sitter, we would beg off and pay the minimum.

Well the woman who showed up, "Grandma Bobbie", immediately quelled our fears. I can't speak for other areas, but we were in Palm Desert where there are lots of retirees. Many of the older women, most of them grandmothers, are employed by the services that the various hotels and resorts use. Grandma Bobbie brought books, crayons, toys.

We had a nice evening and in the morning, my older son asked if Grandma Bobbie could come play with him again.

I'd say, give it a try, but make the same pact. If either of you gets any weird vibe, cancel. Who cares if you hurt a strangers feelings. Chances are you'll be pleasantly surprised. JMHO. Good luck.

LoveItaly

Threads involving "travel and children" go really well, don't they?

yesu39470

Oh my gosh...this is crazy... Loki- did you bother to read my postings that said that what I really needed was someone to help out a bit mainly while DH and I were present???? Thank God for the sane people who posted here. For those of you who think I am nuts, selfish or irresponsible for wanting some help while I am on vacation, may I present my side of the story?

First of all, my kids, will be 3 yrs and 18 months old at time of trip (Jan 05). I will be 4 1/2 months pregnant with #3. This will probably be our last vacation for at least a year, maybe more. Also, because of concern and respect for our kids need for a daily routine and schedule and their ages, we have elected not to take a major vacation until now. So for us it has been over 3 years since our major trip(longer that 3 days or so). Furthermore, if you asked anyone who knows me you would find that if anything, I am a bit too protective/neurotic about babysitters. I have gotten rid of some who didn't change diapers often enough. I am a stay at home mom, educated and capable, but have made a choice to stay home and be with them during their early formative years. I see them every day and spend an incredible amount of quality time with them. DH is a family physician who has a very high pressure daily life and needs a break as well.
So EXCUSE ME for wanting help on my vacation. I am by no means irresponsible, and wouldn't even let someone play with my child who was even remotely questionable, much less have them for a sitter. How many of you have EVER heard of a middle aged woman or a college ageed girl being a pedophile. Please! Noone will take care of my kids as as I will, of course. But I am talking about someone who can play in the sand with them, watch them in the kiddie pool or play with puppets and crayons for crying out loud. In public. While I am present.

As far as bringing a nanny, rooms at our hotel in Hawaii are over $550 per night and a nanny is $16/hr for 2 kids. I could have her all day and still save a bundle. Not to mention airfare.

We are nuts about our kids and would never "dump" them with anyone, no matter how wonderful. I think it funny that someone would criticize me for wanting a sitter on vacation- are you the same one who would leave your child at home for a week? My folks did that to me when I was very young, and belive me I haven't forgotten it.

Thanks again to all who were kind and discerning enough to understand where I am coming from. I sure didn't mean to start such a vicious discussion. I genuinely wanted to know about people's experiences to make sure my bases were covered.

yesu39470

Also, after spending time with the "rent-a nanny" and watching her with my kids for several days I could definitely tell how she interacted with them and how responsive/trustworthy/responsible she was. I think by that time we could decide whether or not to have dinner alone after the kids were already asleep in the room. We would be under no obligation to ever leave them alone. Thanks again for all of you who were kind and understanding.

LoveItaly

yesu, I truly hope that you and your family have a beautiful vacation. You will I am sure. And congratulations on your 3rd baby!! It seems you have everything planned out very well. Take good care.

jersey

Whoa Nelly...calm down. You must be a newbie here or else you'd know if you ask for peoples opinion's that's what your gonna get. Take what works for you and leave the rest. But for crying out loud, don't ask for opinions and complain when you get responses.

PS-Most of us are good Moms and Dads, we just do things differently. Have a good trip and relax, you sound like you need to. (I had 5 kids in 7 years, trust me I know what you are going through.)

ms_go

yesu, I hope you have a wonderful vacation. I can tell you are approaching this with the right amount of preparation, and things will work out just fine. Your plan to test out the sitter while you are present is good.

For the record, 10 years ago we visited Maui with our daughter and stayed at the Kea Lani. We used The Nanny Connection twice on that trip and had no problems. I can't say whether it is the same company or a different one operating under the same name, but the website indicates that they have been operating there since 1991. I took the time to do some due diligence (including calling some of the other hotels to find out whether they used the same service, and calling the service itself to discuss their screening processes and other policies) and to make sure we were comfortable with the sitter before we went out.

Good luck and enjoy Maui!

yesu39470

Yes, jersey, I do need to relax. I am just a bit defensive, I guess. Anyway, I thought most of the responses were kind and appropriate. The main one I objected to was the one that called me a nutcase and selfish (Loki). I think everyone else does do things differently, and that's ok. I just don't like being called selfish or crazy for wanting a bit of rest on my vacation. BTW, I value any advice from someone who had 5 kids in 7 years-wow you must be Superwoman. I will have 3 kids in 4 years, and so far I love mommyhood. Thanks again!

yesu39470

Thanks, ms go, I think I will start with Nanny Connection. I really appreciate your relating your experience with them.

jersey

yesu-
We all manage to get through it. And really, isn't raising a family mostly joyous? So have relax, have a great time, and do what your heart tells you. Enjoy the little ones, don't they say the cutest things?

So, my unwanted advice from someone who's done it, relax. Don't sweat the small stuff. And enjoy the kids, its truely amazing how quickly they grow up.

Loki

You guys can try and make up a bunch of lies about me which aren't true, the only thing you got right is that I own at least one dog and do not have any biological children of my own (because I told you that), that really makes me unqualified to render an opinon, sure. The only facts I assumed about anyone else is that they would consider leaving their children with a babysitter who is not a close friend or member of the family.

All I can say is I feel sorry for all your children and I pray for their safety. Maybe you should spend more time with your kids and less time surfing the internet.

GoTravel

Sorry yesu, I was thinking the rate would be more like $20-25 per hour and your room rate would be less.

I think your idea sounds terrific and I would go for it. I would ask if they would accept a flat rate on the contingency that you like the nanny.

Good luck and have fun!