OliveOyl

A guest wore white to my wedding 30+ years ago, (in January!), in the days of stringent clothing rules. It didn't bother me in the least (though I obviously made note of it LOL). Truly, why should I care? It's not as if she had on another wedding dress...there was no competition.

Now I see it more and more, and black is so common it's a non-issue. Frankly white and I don't get along...it's a dirt/food/grease magnet, and cleaning can be iffy, so I just don't buy it!

With Chicago at your doorstep you'll find something great, but more importantly, the hunt will be fun! (That we had a fraction of your shopping!)

Jeannie

I live in Northwest Florida. I see lots of young (under 26) women wearing black dresses to evening weddings. In fact, some brides request that their college buddies wear black and act as sort of unofficial hostesses. That having been said, unless you are under 30, you will look out of place wearing black at a wedding. It is still considered inappropriate, but the young ones have made their own trend.
Now, white or spring/summery colors are still taboo here after Labor Day, especially white shoes. Aovid pastel colors, too. And white at a wedding is a double no-no here.
Some of you will say that those are old rules. I am just telling Midwesterner what the majority of adults (over 25) do here.
Finally, Midwesterner needs to know that Niceville and Destin are two separate, distinct small towns. Niceville is NOT a "resort-wear" type of town. The Officers' Club may be on the Choctawhatchee Bay, but it won't be anywhere near the Gulf of Mexico.
Also, since this is a church wedding, and not beach wedding, it will be more formal. If you do find a sundress in fall colors, you will feel more comfortable wearing a light shawl type thing. Many churches here frown on lots on bare skin.

X

Jeannie, on the bare skin bit - you forgot to mention the fact that she'll probably freeze to death in the air conditioning! Remember the a/c will be set for the men wearing the suits!

Cindy

Wow! I am floored to hear that people give a hoot what color a guest wears to a wedding so long as it is the appropriate level of formality.

And as for young women having some sort of claim to wearing black -- well, they'll have to pry my black dresses out of my cold dead hands. Those young whippersnappers need to respect their elders, I think.

OliveOyl

Cindy, LOL, they'll be prying mine out of my hands too! Under 26? I don't even remember 26!!

ann

Those of you who like to wear black and white to weddings are fine. I,too, have seen some beautiful black and white weddings. However writer stated she did not want to look like a hick/outsider. If she wears white, black, something with cleavage, or backless, or black stockings in the afternoon, or white shoes she will look like a hick/outsider to some of the guests if not the wedding party. I am sure they will be delighted she comes even if she sticks out like a sore thumb. Weddings are to be shared with those you love. But believe me, if it is a formal church wedding with a reception at the officer's club, there will not be too much flesh, white, black, or mid-summer florals. I agree with all the advise given by those residents of the area IF she does not want to stick out. I truly do not care what she wears - even a clown suit - but Destin area and north Florida panhandle dress is not as informal as in other parts of Florida (my sister lives in central Florida and the general population there dresses much more casually). I didn't make the rules merely responded to her request.

OliveOyl

Ann, White or black most definitely will NOT smack of being a hick. Actually, such restrictions are more provencial than anything else. And my wedding 30+ years ago when a friend wore white? It too was held at an Officers Club...at Oceana Naval Air Station, VA Beach, Va, in January. My husband was an officer and she was another officer's wife! gt;

Although winter white is fine anytime, I wouldn't necessarily advocate it for fall weddings, but black is chic all year long, for ANY occasion, and in every location I can think of. I spent 17 years of my adult life in what is probably one of the most fashion conscious mega cities in the US and I don't believe I'm mistaken about this!

QuestionforAnn

Ann,
What's the story on black stockings in the afternoon? Are they ever permissible?

Just moved to the South and am fascinated by the rules of fashion etiquette. Don't know which ones I'll follow, but wanna know what they are!

On topic: I once wore an off-white dress to a distant relative's wedding. Turns out the bride's dress was off-white and not much more formal than mine. I was very uncomfortable with my choice of dress, especially with a few "you look like the bride!" comments from some nasty cousins. Won't make that mistake ever again!

Caitlin

If it's not an evening wedding, my attitude about wearing black to a wedding is, it's fine, and best if you are wearing nude stockings and an accessory (shawl, scarf, belt, whatever), that adds a splash of color so you look festive rather than furereal. As far as sleeveless goes, aside from the AC issue, I don't think a sleeveless dress without a shawl, sweater, or little jacket is really appropriate for a church ceremony--at least, it's something I never see. IMO, the best thing to do if you're not sure what level of formality is appropriate at a given wedding is to ask the bride or someone associate with the wedding party or planning--they will certainly understand your concern, especially if you live in another area. I've been to everything from quite formal/traditional to held at a campsite, and I never want to be either over- or underdressed, or feel conspicuous, so if I'm not sure, I ask.

Beth

Wow - Can I relate to Mid-er and S! And while we're at it . . . Why can we no longer buy a sweater that isn't half lycra???? What happened to "drape?" As for the bathing suits - I've taken to wearing color-coordinated nylon shorts over all my suits. Heck, I've got nothing to hide BUT really don't want to expose it to all the world!

ann

I never claimed to be a fashion guru. However, the question was what to wear in order to not appear as an outsider/hick. I do not think black/white are "hick"; however in my opinion would not blend in with the local pattern of dress. That was thw question. Bare arms are offensive in some churches, not in others. Is it Church of God or Episcopalian? It is "safer" to have sleeves in a church. Destin, like many areas in the US, is somewhat provencial, provencial meaning being out of the big cities in the provences. It is probably more provencial than a large Virginia naval base area.Therefore, the dress norms may be what some would consider more conservative. Again, I merely commented on the way I think some of the guests, especially older ladies, would react to black, white, bare, or bright mid-summer colors. I am amazed at the reaction to the simple request to blend in.
RE: Black Stockings: of course wear black stockings but they will be out of season at the end of September. Fine to wear day or night in winter, not spring or summer. September is not really fall in this part of the south. It really can be one of the warmest months. You can always swim. Dark stockings are just out of place in the climate then although people do switch to more muted colors in light weight fabric.

ilisa

People also wore white at my wedding - my mom's suit was magnificent and white. Didn't bother me. It's not as if people were going to confuse the guests or my mother with me, the bride.

No Bleeding Heart

Never thought I was a stickler for etiquette, but only one person wears white or ivory -- and that's the bride. (Mother of the bride or groom in white is tacky tacky tacky.)

OliveOyl

Well girls...I polled my aerobics class this morning. From Catholic to Presbyterian, sleeveless is fine. Gosh...Congregational, sleeveless has been OK for decades. Can't imagine the fuss on that issue!! Likewise the issue on black, their opinion was that taboo went with the wind. Of course we are that tacky mid-Florida region so who knows. I do have to watch my step when I leave for other environs now. And have you seen the new wedding gowns? The day of "covered up" is past.

As for dressing so as to please anyone other than myself?? Not gonna happen--certainly am not dressing to please the older women in the group (heck from your perspective, I MAY BE the older women in the group gt;). I'm not about to do anything outlandish, but will always try to be instep with "the times", whether I'm in Chicago Ill or Columbia, MS! If someone frowns, that's not my problem.

And if this Officers Club is the Elgin AFB O Club...that is the largest AFB in the free world, and those associated with it are from all over the country of course. It will not be a provincial crowd. If Midwesterner lives close enough to Chicago to shop Marshall Fields, she's not going to come across as a hick anyway and I think that was more the worry than outsider.

Had another thought for you Midwesterner. I just got two new Neimans catalogues last week, one showing strictly fall, but the other had some really nice outfits for the "shoulder season" which would be perfect for your needs. I have a hard time buying clothes through catalogues, much preferring to try on, but Neimans has an online site www.neimanmarcus.com so if worse comes to worst, it might be worth a look.

ilisa

Well, No Bleeding Heart, I guess my family is just tacky, tacky, tacky (even though 8 years later people are still talking about how wonderul the wedding was). My mother picked out several suits and I told her she should wear the white one because it was so beautiful. Everyone deserves to look their best at a wedding, not just a bride.

Kerri

Wow, you certainly have gotten many varied responses! I'll answer this question from the perspective of a 28 yo single female living in Savannah, GA. I have been to MANY weddings in the last few years as all my girlfriends are getting married it seems. As far as the black/white thing, I think wearing white to a wedding as a guest is VERY taboo (and that's coming from a young girl, not an old fuddy-duddy) An all-white wedding is one thing, I've seen one and they are beautiful, but that was the bride's choice for the bridesmaids to wear white. As a GUEST you should never do it. The point is to not upstage the bride. Wearing black however is fine. Especially for an evening wedding, nothing is more chic than a little black cocktail dress and nothing hides figure flaws better than black either, it's not something just for the younger generation. I do admit though that all black may be too formal for a daytime wedding so you would want to add a splash of color with maybe a scarf. I have never heard of not being able to wear sleeveless either and we're pretty strict with Southern tradition and conservatism in Savannah. I recently wore a navy lassic strapless cocktail dress to an evening church wedding and fit in with everyone else fine! I realize that it will be hot the end of September, but you should still stay away fromm truly summery fabrics like gauze etc. as well as pastel colors or floral prints. This does not mean wear winter wool however. Crepe or matte jersey material would be perfect as both are seasonless. My choice would be a cool sleeveless dress but go with a darker color. Something like my navy strapless cocktail dress would be perfect! By the way, white shoes are OUT period but are especially taboo after labor day, even in warmer climates. Similarly, black hose are evening fall and winter only. Dressy strappy sandals with no hose are very IN. Nude hose are also in, but DO NOT be one of those fashion faux pas that wears hose/stockings with open toe sandals, TALK ABOUT TACKY!!!!!!

Topper

To the top!!!!!

OO

Hmmm...forgot the hose issue, but agree with Kerri about black hose being relegated to evening AND about the bare leg look being very IN at the moment. Prettily manicured toenails and strappy black sandals is the thing, even among us ahem, older, folks. gt; Got to be willing to put in the gym time though, getting a little definition going in the calves. My legs made their bare debut this spring at a dressy function at the Theater Center here...with fear and trepidation at first, then they saw they were far from alone and all was well. It was another 50 something friend that got me up to snuff on that trend, by the way. This is not just for the youngsters...but we both are in aerobics classes 5 days a week too. That look may not be for you, but I'd nix black hose for an afternoon wedding in any case.

Wearin' What I Want

Thank God you still can't wear white to a wedding. I was once at a wedding where the Bride's mother wore white. I just couldn't figure it out! I mean, the whole day, I thought the bride's mother was really the bride, and I couldn't figure out why she was seated in the front pew when she should have been standing up in front taking vows.

I guess I had better not wear a black suit to a funeral lest I be mistaken for the dead person.

Some customs are just plain stupid, folks.

Cindy

Ilisa, I think it is commendable that you and your mom chose to have her wear the most flattering outfit without regard to color. The idea of forcing people at weddings into clothing that does not suit them has gone too far, IMHO.