Doctor Jacobs finished his examination and informed Herman that he was in perfect health.

"But what about my headaches?" Herman moaned.

"I'm not at all worried about your headaches," Dr. Jacobs replied.

"If you had my headaches, doctor, I wouldn't worry about them either," said Herman.

Don't give up your day job!

Thank you for TTTing!

A penguin was driving through the desert when her car broke down. She waddled to the nearest phone to call AAA. Her car was quickly towed to the nearest garage where the mechanic told her he would need a couple of hours to check things out. The penguin, being a good natured bird, didn't complain, and then wandered off to find the closest supermarket. She proceeded to the frozen foods section and hung out near the fish sticks. After a while she got into the freezer, next to the vanilla ice cream, and ate several gallons. Then she noticed the time and headed back to the garage, covered with ice cream. The mechanic walked over to her, wiping his hands and shaking his head, and said, "It looks like you blew a seal." Blushing, the penguin replied, "Oh no! It's just ice cream."

Oh that's a good one. Heard it before but still gets a chuckle.

That one's better!

Man bought a parrot that swore like a sailor. No matter what the man tried he couldn’t stop the constant swearing. Finally after nothing else worked, he put the parrot in the freezer with the parrot swearing at him all the while.

Then all was quiet. The owner worried and opened the freezer to remove the parrot.

The shivering but apologetic parrot promised he would never swear again.

“By the way” he asked, “What did the chicken do?”