travdis

I want to travel but my wife can not get off work. (I am a Consultant with a very flexible schedule)

Would I be a terrible husband to go on a trip with a group without her?

Anyone ever go on week long leisure trips without their spouse?

karens

Not if you give her the opportunity to do the same.

It might help if you went somewhere she is not dying to go!

cmcfong

Go for it. I do a lot of solo travel because my husband's work doesn't allow him the same freedom I have and because he just doesn't love it like I do. It keeps us both sane and happy!

highbay

I went to Paris with some girlfriends, and the following year, my husband went with a group of guys to fish and explore Costa Rica. We both had a great time!

SusanCS

travdis - How does your wife feel about your going alone? If she'd like to travel, too, but just can't get off work I think it'd be a very bad idea to go without her. If, on the other hand, she doesn't care if you go alone and will take a trip without you too, then it's okay.

Ryan

Would you be a terrible husband, no.

Will she tell you it's fine with her and go have fun, probably.

Will she really want you to go - unlikely. But, you can switch that to a yes with a little strategy.

What could fly is something where she has have no interest in participating - something that can clearly be called a "guy thing." Tour of Spring Training games or multiple baseball stadiums, golf at St. Andrews, fishing trip to Alaska or Canada, hunting, touring battlefields in the US or Europe, etc. Those you could get away with especially if you go with a friend.

A relaxing beach vacation to the islands, a week Paris, or somewhere in Europe where she'd want to go - might get the yes, that really isn't a yes.

jetset1

Oh, it's a great thing to do for both spouses when the situation is presented. I place great value on the time spent with friends on my own. I love my own comapany, and have no problem traveling alone. I think anyone secure enough and evolved realizes that guilt should not enter into these possibilities.
Your wife probably knows you'd enjoy her company, but if the situation were reversed, would she choose to go if you were unable to get away?
I know a few married people who'd never consider it, their generation didn't do things like that, fear of anything different, the guilt of leaving kids/spouse to "survive" without them.. I personally think there is enlightenment and growth in getting away and bringing your refreshed self home again.
I have taken a few trips during my 21 yr. marriage without the husband. Let me tell you, I was always happy to come back too. Especially after the kids came along, I look forward to little breaks from time to time.

Ryan

Make that "where she will have no interest..."

Tiff

Wrong, no, but every relationship is different.
Would there be an opportunity for her to join you say for a portion of the trip?
One thing my husband and I do when we have to travel for a work thing of his is extend it for a few days with just the two of us. Perhaps you could surprise her with something similar...

bamakelly

My husband hasn't been able to leave town in over a year. Not even to see family on holidays. In that time I have been to New York City, Alexandria, VA, Florida (twice), and to both our families' homes numerous times. It feels terrible leaving him behind, but he gets some small satisfaction out of me going anyway because he doesn't feel guilty for his work keeping two of us homebound. Hope that makes sense. Bottom line: do it. And like Ryan said, don't do anything that she'd be dying to do. And call her lots and tell her you miss her and would be having more fun with her there!

cigalechanta

My husband sings in a chorus and he went to China and to Russia with that group. It would have been a financial strain if I went along, so I encouraged him to go.
A few years later, I went to France by myself.

beachgirl86

I agree that every relationship is different.

My husband and I make every effort to travel together, but I love it a lot more and have more time off as a teacher. We have been together for about 3 years, and I have always gone to Florida with my cousin for a week in April without him. He misses me, and moans and groans a bit, but is fine with it. Next Feb. I may go to St. Martin with a couple of friends solo because it's an awful time for him to leave work. Again, he'll be sad but okay.

I, on the other hand, am fine if he chooses to go away with his pals...he hasn't yet, although he did go solo to cover the Super Bowl, but that was for work. And I missed him of course, but enjoyed the time alone, too.

ronkala

Trav, in your earlier post today you were complaining about the weather and cabin fever.
Why not ask your wife if she will let you take a trip to a warm destination without her. Better yet, how about a reply from her so we can see what she thinks of the idea.?

gail

I could never "get time off from work" to visit my inlaws - but somehow I manage to be able to work it out to go somewhere warm in the winter or someplace interesting anytime.

However, what people say and do, is often different. I wanted to go to London with my mother - something we have planned for years and realize that life is getting shorter for both of us. My husband could never "get time off from work" to meet our teenage daughter's transportation and supervision needs (generally 4-6 PM). So daughter is coming with us. Now my husband is miffed that he is not going - so I guess he could get time off from work for that!

All this said, he sometimes extends his frequent business trips a day or 2 for a little recreation or sightseeing - has now seen Moscow and gone scuba diving in all sorts of places. So it is a combination of emotion and logistics.

Flyboy

I think it is really important to build enough independence into a relationship so that neither party gets into the business of seeking or granting permission for reasonable things. People who can't or don't do that may one day wake up to find they are living with the personal jailers that they have built their partners into over time.

My answer to the two questions asked in the original post are:

No, you wouldn't be a terrible husband to go on a trip with a group without her. (Be prepared to be as fair-minded when it is your turn to be understanding.)

Yes, many people go on leisure trips without their spouses and there is nothing inherently wrong with it.

Intrepid1

Frankly, the fact that you even feel you have to ASK this question speaks volumes about your "relationship" IMO and convinces me you are asking everyone but the ONE person that matters.

Maggi

Intrepid has a point. If you value your marriage, you need to analyse your motives. You might be asking on this forum because you think your wife might not approve and you want other opinions to convince her. I don't necessarily think there is anything wrong with traveling without your spouse for alot of the same reasons already mentioned. But be careful of the reason you want to do so. If you're looking for a fling, you could ruin your (and her) life.

doc_

The ability to do this without guilt from both spouses is a sign if a good, strong marriage.

Controling relationships are are malignant in my book. I take at least one trip a year with friends and my wife not only likes it, but encourages it. Maybe she enjoys the time away from me;-)

crefloors

I've gone away for two weeks or more with friends and/or family many times over the last few years. My significant other doesn't like to travel like I do and with our business someone has to hold down the fort. He does this willingly bless his little heart. Only you know your relationship. I've seen cases where the spouse will say "oh go ahead, I don't mind a bit" and then make the trip and life after it a living hell for the one that went. So, it's certainly not wrong at all for you to go away without her but it's your decision in terms of your relationship whether this trip would work.

SAnParis

Not at all. Although my wife & I travel together wonderfully we each go our seperate ways on occasion. She w/the 'girls' to Charleston or the Mts. the beach, or home...Me, typically by myself, to someplace she has little interest in, like Vegas for the 'Big Smoke' or hiking destinations like New Mexico or the Mts.