You can walk from the South Beach Marriott to Joes. Just a couple of blocks inland. Here's my recommendation for stonecrabs and Joe's:

Get there early and position yourself at the bar. They serve a great French Champagne in very nicely iced flutes. You can polish a few of these off as you watch the juxtapositioning for a table for dinner. How much will that elderly couple tip? What about those gauche trendies? Will that pushy group get seated before those quiet preppies? It is highly amusing. Once you have had enough of this scene, you can head next door to Joe's To Go, get your claws and slaw and take them down for a picnic on the Government Cut or on the beach at Nikki's (just south of the Marriott) and chow down watching the half-dressed compete for admission.

If this makes you hungry for food, head to Nemos or to Smith and Wollensky, both within walking distance....if otherwise hungry, back the the Marriott.

LMF

LMF, what a great idea. I was there seething since my name was on the list and I was one of those people that the ones at the bar were placing their bets on (or against). I don't care to do it again. But to sit there and enjoy it because your name ISN'T on the list is really clever.

I totally agree with LMF. Go get take out at Joe's. They have everything there that the restaurant serves, including the key lime pie, which is a MUST.

My husband and I used to go to Joe's all of the time when we were without children. Since the kids came, we do the take out and we actually enjoy it more!

Just make sure that they give you enough of their mustard sauce for the crabs. Oh yes, and lots of napkins! Enjoy!

I'm a Maryland who loves blue crabs and a Floridian who loves stone crab claws. We keep nut crackers here at the house in Florida for breaking the claws a little more after the market has broken them. The nut crackers work well. We also like to eat the stone crabs with a bit of Old Bay seasoning on them - ummm good!! It adds a great spice to that sweet crab meat.

If you're thinking of a picnic - pack a couple rolls of paper towels, some nut crackers, some beer, a couple cutting boards (makes everything easier) and for appetizers use some seafood sauce (the ketchup and horseradish mix type) with some crackers and you'll have an old fashioned Maryland crab picking picknic. We haven't found many blue crabs here on the west coast - if any of you find any good ones please post their locations.

Orangetravelcat,

If you do go to Joe's, be sure to have their Manhattan-style clam chowder (the red). They serve it tableside in bowls that are so hot it sizzles when they ladle it in--it's excellent!

Strive

To LN:
Oh you and your Old Bay! My goodness I bet you put it on your cornflakes too!
Don't know where on the west coast you live, but I know 3 places in St. Pete you can get live blue crabs - they're all located on 49th Street South...and subject to weather and whim of the owners:

Save On Seafood (15 th Ave south)
Tom's Crab Cooler (a private home with stand outside on Tangerine Ave & 49th St So) (best reputation for fat crabs and prices to match)
An Unnamed Shack (a concrete outbuilding on the parking lot of the old lumber bldg at 8th Ave south & 49th Street)
Happy pickin!

OK...here's a scenario for you. You have a restaurant that serves stone crabs. They come cracked, but you know how that is. One diner manages to get a cut on his finger eating the crabs (yes cocktail fork is available on the table as well as cracker to use as necessary). He doesn't notice said cut right away, so ends up with some blood on his pants and shirt--which is how he realizes he has been cut. Diner wants pants and shirt cleaned at your cost plus meal comped. Your response is....?

Not that I would know anywhere that this might happen!

Is the diner related?

If not, I would just probably smile while bloody diner confronts management.

If bloody diner is related, I would tell bloody diner to shut up.

Go Travel's pretty well said it right.

Tell the bloody diner to go to bloody Hell! (Not that they'd use that kind of language in a really nice place like the one I suppose you're talking about).

I used to have friends like that. I don't go out to eat with them any more. They were always looking for things to complain about and asking for comped everything.

There's lots of people around like that who like to eat free and get dry cleaning done too!! It's amazing that some smart thinker hasn't figured out a way to stop them cold...

And Joan thanks for the three blue crabs places. Yes, I always put Old Bay on my corn flakes, my burgers, my french fries, soups, and my crab cakes too!! But, if you haven't tried it, you ought to - it adds a great flavor AND it comes from Maryland.

I'm just below St Pete on Longboat Key. So when I go by to get some of these fat, heavy crabs I'll call you when I'm ready to start cooking and you can come help us devour them!!

If we get takeout, will the crabs already be cracked and ready to eat? We have no idea how to crack them; that's why I'm asking.

Orange cat: stone crabs will be cracked and come with everything you need. They expect that many are ordering these for their hotel rooms, etc.

OO: This sort of opportunistic person exists everywhere. Even a great place like Oystercatchers probably gets their share. Finish 2/3 of an entree and send it back...half a bottle of wine, etc. etc. Pure Chutzpah. LMF

LMF

Joan, will you let me know when LN has those crabs ready? I have a few old rusty bins of Old Bay I've been trying to get rid of. Well worth a trip to Long Boat Key to get that stuff out of the cupboard ;~)

we were there one night ... hammered ... the actor from "Officer and a Gentleman" was at the next table. can't remember his name but it was the character in the movie who hanged himself ... friend of mayo's.

pretty funny, we heckled him pretty good.

"actor who hanged himself " is David Keith

OO, you'll enjoy this. I remember the night many years ago we were at Bern's. A young couple, looking under 21 but drinking so either they had fake ID's or were older than they looked performed a scene. In the middle of dinner, the girl stood up and starting raving about how bad her steak was. The guy stood up too. Before long they were literally throwing their food across the room. It was unbelieveable. We were nearly done, but they were escorted to the lobby. When we got to the lobby after we had paid, we discovered they were waiting for the police and their car had been "impounded". It seemed they had no money and this was a fun thing they did, planning for the restaurant to be glad to get rid of them. But Bern's wasn't ready to do that. They were demanding not only full payment for the dinners they ordered, but for the "damage" as well, including the broken glasses they threw across the room. This young couple was looking very pale indeed when we left.

I wish there were a simple way for these people who want to "take" a restaurant for all they're worth to get their due.

My gawd, Patrick, how funny. You must have been flabbergasted! Theater in the round.

I strongly believe the industry, restaurants, hotels, whomever, brings some of this on themselves by comping anything and everything, fault or no, just do it--at the drop of any hat. No skin off our backs and it creates goodwill. Well, that's true, but it also breeds this sort of behavior so you have those who go around looking for things and if they don't exist, creating their own. Your couple got an early start on the profession, but good for Berns, hopefully the behavior was nipped in the bud! How funny...it's a wonder you were able to snap your jaws shut long enough to chew!

When I heard the stone crab story I was apoplectic...which is why he runs the hotel and I don't. Oh...I calmed down on learning they had put their foot down with this one, thank goodness.

Tandoori Girl, I'm with you on warm stone crabs. In my case I think it may have something to do with the fact that I grew up in New England and got my crustacean start with lobster, then moved on to New Orleans and crawfish, so may be trying to duplicate that flavor.

OO, for what it is worth, I see some of the things my husband puts up with in his restaurants and wonder how he puts up with the crap.

Out of good faith on a complaint, my husband gave a gentleman a $50 credit towards a future dinner. The diner came in several nights afterwards and used the credit.

His dinner came to around $35. When he did not get cash back change from the credit, he wrote a letter to the editor of the local paper COMPLAINING! I couldn't believe this.

LN and Tandoori Girl: Thanks and Yes! Let's do this! I'll bring the stone crabs (if I can get 'em that is!) and we'll do a blue crab/stone crab/hot/cold/with Old Bay/without Old Bay taste test! And Olive must come too. And all the other Fodorites in the area, including those vacationing here! Maybe Patrick and LMF can drive up? (They have to bring the wine though....mmmm!) We will solve the dilemna once and for all (of course I already - smirk - know what the outcome will be)

Joan, jump over to the Europe board. There's a Tampa Getogether post there. I'm not sure where it's headed but they've got it steamrolling somewhere.