Pat clearly stated that it was her houseguest, not her husband, who "scolded" her for entering "his" room.

There are some very extreme & outlandish reactions here, but no one can disagree that the houseguest was completely out of line.

The hostess went out of her way to make her guest feel at home, not to invade his privacy.

No, I would not go into my 2nd bedroom after a guest arrives and is staying there.

I do think it was rude of him to "scold" you but to answer your original inquiry... once someone arrives I consider it their's and keep the door closed for their privacy. If I wanted to "do things for them" I would offer them a bottle of water, for example, before they retire.

i The hostess went out of her way to make her guest feel at home,

Unless the bed sheets are changed every day in your home, she wasn't making him feel "at home."

Pat, can I come and stay with you for a few days? LOL. Change of bedlinens and towels, fresh flowers in the bedroom and bathroom, clean bathroom..sounds good to me!! You sound like a lovely hostess. Of course when I stay in someone's home I have nothing to hide or to be ashamed of as I always make my bed, put all my personal belongings away, leave the bathroom clean, put the towels back on the towel racks etc.

For decades I have had house guest. Noone has ever "complained" so guess I am doing something right. And for decades I have been a house guest and I am always invited back so again I assume I am doing something right.

"His" room.."His bathroom..I don't think so. It is your house. I will assume that you were working hard to make your houseguest feel special and appreciated. What a sad response from your house guest IMO.

I think both sides have been beaten to death here, but I have to reiterate what some others are saying:

Why are you changing the sheets for a few-day visit? Do you realize how wasteful that is? He can use one set of sheets.

OK, so, now that my left-leaning musings are done, I will say this:

He was incredibly rude and owes you an apology if he actually said "you are not allowed in there". It is your house. Although I like to give my guests some privacy, they never expect "their" room to be off limits to me.

LOL gail, that is what I thought of. My son will get all annoyed if I do anything in his room, &quot;<i>Mommm, leave my stuff where it is! I can make my bed! mommm.

</i>

I agree with NYTraveler- I think there is a good probability that your husband's friend brought something weird into the room and is worried you found it (e.g., porn or pot...the two P's).

I would be cordial to him in the future, ask your husband what his friend's deal is, and not change what you do in the future. Clearly, he is the one with the issue, not you.

Mike T: regarding your question &quot; Do the guests get a printed set of &quot;rules&quot; or just a stern lecture when they walk in&quot; - no printed rules,.... that way I can easily change the rules whenever I want :) - but the greeting isn't given as a stern lecture - it's given with fun and warmth, I promise !! - :)

I actually LOVE house guests, if we didn't love them, we wouldn't invite them to stay with us in the first place - and return guests have learned that once I've learned what their favorite juice or coffee is, I have that here for them too !! I just find I love houseguests more if I am not exhausting myself playing hotel maid and instead enjoying them !
But this thread is lots of laughs -

I agree with AustinTraveler, I see no need to change sheets the second day of the stay. I would find this very odd if I were given a room in their home and would feel like I wasn't following the House Rules if I didn't make up the bed and forgot to pick up a sock on the floor.

I think that Pat may not want him in the house and is telling him this with passive-aggressive behavior. To me cleaning the room which someone is given for the weekend to be your own says you are not following the rules, you are too messy, you are dirtying the sheets, I don't want my husbands college buddy around, and please leave.

Pat should leave it up to her husband to clean or not clean his guest's room. Of course he will not clean the room and his guest will feel much more comfortable and welcome.

First, it is not just men who might feel uncomfortable with having some one clean up after them. I am a woman and this makes me feel very uncomfortable as well - possibly more so than it does a man.

Second, why in heaven's name must the guest be hiding something? Or does he automatically have some tragic problem with privacy? Some of us value our privacy more than others. It's not a problem, people. It simply means we aren't willing to share every single aspect of our lives with every human that walks the face of the earth. And it doesn't mean we have odd habits or embarassing things to hide. Get over it.

Should a guest &quot;scold&quot; a host? Never. And if this is indeed what this particular guest did to this particular hostess, then he was out of line. But we really don't know what his words were, do we? Or if he was actually the one who did the scolding. She really hasn't come back to clarify. Plus, we really don't know the relationship she has with this guest, do we?

A better way to have dealt with this would have been for the hostess to have let her guest know she would be freshening up his room that day. It might have afforded him the opportunity to let her know she didn't need to or to secure his things or to be more comfortable with her being there while he was gone.

And as far as comparing this to a hotel situation? Ridiculous! While staying in a hotel, one knows to expect housekeeping during the day. As can be seen in this thread, some hosts do feel free to walk in guest's whenever they want, others do not. There is no hard or fast &quot;rule&quot; for a guest to truly know.

I am so very, very, very glad that I am so very, very, very good at refusing people's insistances of torture to be a dreaded houseguest! At least I can still retain friendships!

Question for all you folks who never go into your houseguests' room :
What if the houseguest is there for a month, never cleans (despite your subtle hints at where the cleaning supplies are) and never changes the linen or the towels?
What if there's a funky smell coming from the room after the third week? Do you still not go in there to clean? ((?))

Is it still their private space even though you know there may be stuff growing on the bathroom tiles that <b>you</b> will have to clean when they're gone? :-&amp;

Have you seen&quot;Brokeback Mountain&quot;? Maybe this old &quot; roommate&quot; has a special relationship with your husband. Were they off &quot;fishing&quot; that day you changed the sheets?

Pat, can you come to my house? ;) I walked into my guestroom to retrive my passport from my desk earlier and was appalled to find it like a tornado had hit with two teenaged girls staying in there at the moment. My word...what a disaster! Of course, it's their room for the week and if they want to live with make-up all over the place, clothes covering every inch of the floor, half empty coke cans on every nightstand and table, etc., then that is their business. At least it all leaves when they do and I can keep the door shut the rest of the time. :)

I feel the same way when I have any guests...it's their room for their stay and they can do what they want with it. I don't go in unless I have to retrieve something from in there since it is my office, as well. I get what I need, and walk right back out. If guests are here more than a week I will ask them if they want me to change the sheets and I also ask if they want me to clean in there when I touch up the rest of the house or if my housekeeper comes.

I would, however, have a problem with someone scolding me for trying to be a good hostess, and especially for telling me I can't enter a room in my own home. I think that is just going a bit too far, and I would never think of saying something like that to someone who had me a as a guest, either.

&quot;chele60&quot; - you summarized things so well, especially your last paragraph.

&quot;JAGIRL&quot; - you're mixing apples with oranges. The discussion is about stays of a few days duration, not a month.

&quot;PAT2003&quot; -- speak up!

While I wouldn't have gone in and changed the sheets, left clean linen, yadda, yadda, my issue is not with this, it's with how this guest responded.

He could have responded in a much more appropriate manner. Telling me that I am NOT ALLOWED to go into ANY room in MY house is a really good way to get invited to leave.

I know that most people have varying levels of privacy. That said, if one has so much of a desire for privacy, then one should not be a houseguest in another's home.

I personally don't like staying in people's houses because I like my privacy. I don't mean just going in &quot;your&quot; room during the visit, but just the expectation of making small talk, etc., that I find tedious. If OP's husband's friend had such an expectation of privacy, then he shouldn't have stayed at their house.

If this person ever comes to visit again, I would have your husband *strongly* suggest he stay at a hotel instead.

That would be a neat solution to both sides of this problem.

rb,
I'm just curious...no intention to mix apples with oranges.

I mean, under what circumstances is it o.k. to enter the room?
Was Statia wrong for going in to retrieve her passport?
What if Pat saw wet towels on her carpeted floor or thrown on the bed?
What if she saw half empty cans of soda or juice on the nightstand?

I have to say...I kind of agree with mah1980.

&quot;JAGirl&quot; - then of course rules change, and they have to be set before or at the guests' arrival.

If nothing else, I guess we all learn a little about hosting or being a guest from this thread.