I think when you give a person a room in your house, you are making it their private space. If you were staying somewhere , would you be bothered if other members of the hosts family came in for any reason?
I think this person was not very diplomatic in his response but I ( being deeply in the minority here :) ) think that it is not that unusual for a person to wish that no one enter the room he is staying in..

It sure SOUNDS inappropriate.

But we only have heard one side of the story and we don't have exact quotes of what was said. Some people (guest and hosts) are rather thin-skinned and take offence too easily to comments that are not intended to offend. Did he say "stay the hell out of my room" or maybe something like "pleast don't (bother) going into my room (...I don't want to be a bother to you -- implied).

At any rate, to consider kicking him out, well, it's her husband's house too, and I'll be the OP has some friends that he doens't quite take to either.

Guests in our home are given a clean room and the privacy to do what they wish, except no food outside the kitchen.

I wonder what Dear Abby or Miss Manners would say?

Are you sure you were <i>scolded</i>? Why haven't we heard back from you Pat? I agree with jorr's theories.

I think a knock on the door by a host or hostess before he or she comes in to bring something or get something is well within the bounds of acceptable behavior anywhere.

A host or hostess who comes in and searches through one's things while one is away is to be regarded as a nosey-Parker and that home is to be crossed off one's list of people and places to visit. Resented, but silently, and not scolded.

A hostess who comes in while one is away, cleans the bathroom. changes the sheets and leaves fresh flowers is to be thanked humbly and sincerely. And taken out to dinner at a very nice restaurant. And not resented or scolded.

&quot;I ( being deeply in the minority here ) think that it is not that unusual for a person to wish that no one enter the room he is staying in..&quot;

Scarlett, I don't think your opinion is that far in the minority here. There have been a number of people that have responded similarly - it's just that those responses are easy to overlook when compared to the far-more-dramatic &quot;maybe he's a serial killer, axe murderer with a drug addiction and a blow-up doll&quot; replies. :)

According to the OP, the guest is only staying a few days so I really don't know why clean sheets, etc. were even necessary. But, I also read this as she was being scolded by her husband, not the guest. Pat2003 definitely needs to come back and clarify. This sounds like a little tiff between husband and wife to me and she's looking for people to take her side. Just my opinion of course!

I think if you find a blow up doll you should put it in a dining room chair for dinner---let the cad sit next to it at the evening meal.

&quot;DH and I just wanted to include your friend at dinner.&quot;

AustinTraveller, her post heading reads &quot;I got scolded by our house guest&quot;

I would ask your husband if he had always been this weird? Or - if the hubby knew of any habits (past or present) that he would want to hide.

He may just have a very odd sense of privacy - but there is at least a chance he brought someting into the house he's embarassed you might find (naughty magazines?) or some substance that you might not want there.

In either case I wouldn;t invite him again until your husband straightens this out with him. And that would include an apology to you.

Scarlett - I don't know if you are the minority. I wouldn't necessarily want my host/hostess changing the sheet, etc. in the room I was staying in while I was gone. However, I wouldn't dream of scolding my host/ess if he or she did.

Pat~ I think you are a very considerate host. I would certainly be inclined to provide fresh sheets and towels as well, maybe leaving them on the end of the bed, his choice to freshen them up.
In Alaska, when the guests often fish while visiting, it is probably a good thing to refresh the linens,lol. As well as get that smell of 25-40% Deet product off the skin from our state birds. Or, a nice full bottle of Febreeze,lol.

A sweet 3x5 note taped to his door:
Due to the sudden onset of gluteal pain, please feel free to prepare any meals or snacks. I'll be resting with Jose, Jim and Stoly for a few days til it clears itself up.

It's not at all clear who did the &quot;scolding.&quot; If it was the guest or the husband? And we don't really know the context.

If I was a guest, I would feel uncomfortable with someone cleaning my room up and changing the sheets. That's not the kind of attention one expects as a guest in someone's home--unless they have hired help--and actually could come off as a little judgmental and neurotic.

If the privacy issues are not discussed the day before, I feel free to enter.

Sometimes the houseguests, especially childrens' guests, ask not to enter. In this case, I assume they will do the cleaning or live in a pig sty.

I guess I am a rotten host - guest was there for &quot;a few days&quot; and sometime during visit OP changed the sheets asnd cleaned the bathroom. These are not something I would think need to get done mid-way thru &quot;a few days&quot;

I don't even enter my 19 year old son's room when he is home from college without telling him first - note, I said telling, not asking.

I would have done the same for a house guest if I had some need to enter their room, but for the mentioned length of time, I wouldn't.

So if we are playing etiquette police here - guest was out of line for &quot;scolding and home owner was out of line for not informing - but that is just my opinion.

And as far as equating it with a hotel housekkeping staff, I disagree. One has a reasonable assumption in a hotel that staff will enter his/her room and can opt out with a Do Not Disturb sign. One does not have that same assumption in someone elses home that their room will be entered.

If a guest in my home actually <i>asked</i> me---at the outset of the visit---not to enter the bedroom I would make a point of checking it at least once a day. Announced visits, of course. :D

WOW - I love all the interesting and varied reactions here - toothpaste in socks....hmmm I once as a child got rid of an irritating babysitter by putting a raw egg in the toe of her boots she'd taken off by the front door....

For me, it is immaterial whether the guest or the husband 'scolded' her - scolding is not allowed, Pat is an adult - AND the homeowner. If it was husband who scolded, I can't imagine him even mentioning it unless the guest complained -if the guest did, shame on him - but my rules for houseguests follows:
Repeat houseguests (of which we have many) know the rules, new ones get a tour and the rules:

HI - welcome to our home. In our home, guests become family, because we like it that way - so let me give you the tour:

This is your room. I change the sheets once every 5 days, if you would like them changed more frequently, they are in the bottom drawer of the bureau. Please just put the used ones in the hamper in the upstairs laundry room, and when you leave please either leave the bed unmade, or strip the sheets and put them in the laundry room.

The rest of the bureau is empty for you and there are hangers in the closet.

Here is the linen closet with some extras should you need them: extra towels, common bathroom necessities (tissue, q tips, shampoo, small soaps, toothpaste, toothbrush, etc) Please help yourself.

Please help yourself to new towels as frequently as you would like - daily is fine with me if that is what you like - just put your old one in the upstairs laundry room hamper - all I ask is used towels are either hung in the bathroom or on the rod behind your bedroom door.

5.The iron and ironing board are also available in laundry room.

6. Here is our kitchen. Please help yourself to anything at any time since I may not always be right here when you need something. Here is the refrigerator, and the cabinets with tea, coffee, snacks, the coffee maker, tea kettle, breakfast foods, liquor, blah blah blah. Please feel at home, oh and here is the dishwasher where of course, dirty dishes belong.

Our only food rule is no food or drink in the guest room. (Used to allow that, but too many spills on the stairs on the way up and in the guest room)

If you are an early riser, the newspaper is on the front steps in the morning, help yourself to what else. If a late night owl, we prefer you watch tv in the den and shut the lights on your way upstairs.

*I always put out fresh flowers (good for a week), some mints and magazines in the guest room and we have a photography coffee table type book of photos and history of our area.

HOWEVER&lt; it is my house and I do stick my nose in the guest room when they are not there. If they've left a used wet towel on my lovely guest chair or worse, on the bed, I put it in the hamper.
Then I get to say &quot;Oh, I removed the wet towel from the chair so the chair could dry out and put it in the hamper. Help yourself to a new one in the linen closet.&quot;

If they've done anything else in the guest room - like leave a window open and now the a/c has been put on, I shut it - remove wet towels and that's about it. If they choose to leave their clothes piled on the floor or a chair, that's their choice.

If anyone dared scold me for entering a room in my home, I'd be livid. Maybe he was just embarassed - did he leave out his smelly socks? his dirty underwear? Too bad - then he'll learn to hide them in his suitcase if that bothers him. And next time he wanted to visit, I would kindly offer to send him an email of some area accomodations, since the rules in my house didn't seem to please him.

But Pat, please return and keep us posted as to what the results were !

Hindsight being 20/20, I may have had to have had a little fun w/him first...a little laxative w/his meal may have been a pre-requisite to kicking him to the curb. Funny how those old college pranks stay w/you forever. Public humilation is also a good tool to insure he doesn't return..

MikeT: The Message Title of her original post says: &quot;I got scolded by our house guest&quot;.

Hey, Pat, why don't you come back &amp; give us some more info....this thing is really heating up! If he is only staying w/ you &quot;for a few days&quot;, why did you have to go in &amp; change the sheets??...or, were you just making up the room...maybe he arrived yesterday morning b/f you had chance to get his room ready &amp; then he &amp; your husband went out for the day?

escargot. Do the guests get a printed set of &quot;rules&quot; or just a stern lecture when they walk in? :)