In our case, I (the wife) am always the one objecting ............ when they try to seat us at a restaurant table when we've waited 10 minutes for a booth; one of our dinners comes out almost cold, while the other is fine; my frozen Margarita has obviously been sitting, and is no longer FROZEN; I order a $9.00 salad, and the apple slices taste like they've been in the back of the fruit drawer for a month!!! I complain, send things back, don't accept mediocrity. I think my DH would accept ANY food or situation and not really complain! What about you? In my circle of friends/family, it's usually the wives who do the complaining!

My experience has been that it's the wives who will complain directly to the restaurant; husbands put up with the bad service or food and then complain to their wives on the trip home. In my case, it may be because when I was young, I worked in restaurants as a hostess, waitress and in the kitchen. So I have a fairly good idea of what I should be getting. I don't complain to a waiter about slow service, for example, if I see that the place is understaffed (in which case the fault is with the management, not the servers). I will tell the manager he/she needs to hire more wait staff. I also don't blame the waiter for poor food--that complaint should go to the management or the kitchen (although if a dish or drink arrives cold when it should be hot or vice versa, that is the waiter's responsibility).
I believe customers SHOULD complain (but politely) if a restaurant or hotel fails to deliver. The worst thing to do, IMHO, is to accept meekly lousy service or food and then make your dining partner miserable with your complaints on the way home. Share the aggravation with the source, not another "victim"!

In our case, I am the one who notices things wrong and then wimps out and will not complain - I know I should, and I certainly can complain enough in other situations. Just can't make myself send food back, etc. Could be because I have a now deceased family member who never ate a meal without sending food back, requesting to see manager - it ruined every meal we ate with her.

My husband, on the other hand, will complain to appropriate people in the appropriate way - but does so less often when dining with family than on business.

Definitely the wives complain when dissatisfied!

I don't believe I have ever sent any food back, but I would if it were obviously rotten or undercooked. I have sent flat/bad beer back a couple of times. But I'm always nice about it and don't complain.

I have always tended to date guys, though, who send things back often. In some cases it's been embarassing. One guy sent his meal back not because it was bad, but because it wasn't as great as the last time he had it!

Don't misunderstand what I mean by *complain*......... I can *complain* very politely, quietly, but with great persistence. I'm ALWAYS nice when I complain. I'm not talking about being loud and obnoxious.......... Just so you know.........

Neither of us articulate complaints often, probably because we've been on the receiving end just enough to be more tolerant and understanding of errors. If they aren't terrible, I'd just as soon let it go than fuss and dampen an evening, and he would too.

If something needs addressing, I will for my food and he will for his. Gawd forbid anyone rile him that much though, and it's almost always the result of a poor attitude rather than a quality issue. For someone who has the patience of Job, when it is gone, it is just gone, no reserves left, and once he starts his spiel, I'd love to be anywhere but there. It's all said calmly and quietly, and to the appropriate person, but his words are daggers dripping ice. Lawsy! I'm far more likely to soften what I say, unless I get lip back, at which point, all gloves are off. He never, but never, will complain on the way home if he hasn't done it there, but he will hold a grudge...for a looooong time. There are no 2nd chances no matter what the offer. We just won't be back, ever again.

Since my spouse and I are pretty much the same about this I will deferr to my Parents.

My mom is totally embarrasing to be with in a restaurant. She starts with complaining about the table we are brought to and demands another table after we have already been seated and offered water or drinks. Then she gets up and "tests" other tables and tells the rest of us to pick up our drinks and move to the other table. The wait staff gets all confused every time. She rates the table on lighting, view, and if there are air vents blowing toward the table.

In the past year we just let her "test" the table before any committments are made and she Still pulls the table changing thing sometimes. I won't even get into the complaining about the food itself. ARRRG!


BTW, Dad never complains about anything in a restaurant. I think men are are conditioned not to complain about food and food service because its women (wives) who usually do the cooking at home and any complaining will be viewed as insensitive.

My husband has had to send two undercooked chicken dishes back to the kitchen and we dine out a lot. He'll definitely complain if the food is undercooked.

I have never had food sent back, I guees I'm lucky. I'll ask for a booth with the best view if it's a view restaurant, or ask to be moved to a quiet table if I want to carry on a meaningful conversation while we eat and not have to shout to be heard. ***kim***

DH complains to me, I get sick of hearing about it and take action. That's how it works in our house!

My wife is very used to me sending back food, usually because the food is either under or overcooked, but most often if the item is not the correct temperature. I've also taught my 17 year old daughter to politely insist that food go back if it isn't done right. It makes no sense to get rude or indignant--I don't take this error personally, but I will insist that the kitchen get the food right. It's my experience that a competent waiter or waitress will acknowledge the problem and take the food to get it fixed immediately.
I will also complain about table location if I've made a reservation. I was in the Caymans two weeks ago and had made a reservation at the nicest restaurant on the island 3 weeks before our meal. I was not happy to be seated next to the kitchen and politely commented to the host that I expected a better table since I'd made the reservation weeks before. He apologized and said that he'd made a mistake. We were taken to a wonderful table that had a small table tent with out name on it! We even got 2 glasses of wine compliments of the house---now that's customer service!

We don't complain, not in the sense you imply. If there's a problem, we quietly describe it and make a request, and that is that. No betaing a dead horse. And taking advantage of wait staff is not fair. The poor people earn little as it is, and work in the tyranny of a restaurant. We give them every opportunity to do it all over again, and better. And I am happy to say we really don't find much to complain about anyway ... people are unhesitatingly pleasant to us and try to offer good service. I think they see how we are as people and respond similarly. Mistakes are simply that, nothing to get riled about. I hear the horror stories about how patrons got into it with restaurant people, and frankly, I don't believe either party won anything. Anger is never the most effective approach.

SoBeTraveller, please read my explanation/clarification about what I mean by *complain* a few posts up! I'm not talking about getting angry, and *taking anything out* on the wait-staff! The people at the next table would have no idea I was even unhappy.......

RandyK, it sounds like the only "mistake" the maitre d' made was in thinking you would be OK with the table by the kitchen!

I definitely agree with most posters that making an ass out of yourself is NOT the way to GET your way. However, there are times when politeness and understanding have lived out their useful lives and your only recourse is to clearly show your displeasure. With the every-increasing costs of travel, ourselves.

Hmmmmm.....and I thought it was in the official wives handbook to be the complainer ;-)

I myself am more of a demander, in a nice sort of way.

whoops, I hit "post" instead of "preview!" That was supposed to be "with the ever increasing costs of travel, we consumers have to stand up for ourselves."

Bonniebroad, I did re-read it .. I'm picturing the sitaution and dialog ... you send things back ... resist being seated at a table ... complain about hot drinks, tired apples, having to waiting ... and the entire time you're not a bit angry. Call the vatican ... I have a saint recommendation! I'm wondering what perceptions the people at nearby tables had when you were "quietly" resisting the chair and trying to arm tackle the waiter to a booth. Just tell me, please, you didn't throw the apple slice at the kitchen, right? Tell me you didn't do that.

I am definitely the one who opens her mouth when it comes to these things, but I am also always polite about it. Years of customer service has taught me diplomacy. My BF is the one who will stay quiet and then later complain to me. LOL

Not all women complain, and not all men stay quiet, so I hate that stereotype.

One night a girlfriend and I were at an IHOP and there was a hair in her eggs. It was clear it was not one of ours. (different color and thickness). She wouldn't say anything. I kindly told the waitress there was a hair in the eggs, could they please replace it, which they did.

My brother has been known to send back things if they're not cooked right or as ordered.

SoBeTraveller, I think you are reading what you want to read into my post. You can quietly and politely say that you would prefer a booth - that in fact, that's what you'd been waiting for; you can very politely say you'd prefer your frozen Margaria indeed *frozen*; and you can very politely say you'd like your prime rib at the proper temperature, and NOT almost cold with fat congealing on the plate. I make no apologies for expecting to get what I paid for, but I am always quite civilized, thank you!

Oh, you're right, I do tend to read into things what may be occurring. But since you are able to endure all that and still remain cool, calm and collected, my hat is off to you. But puleeeze, tell me, do, that once in the car, headed home, you at least throw out a banchee yell!! And pound the steering wheel! I'm just teasing you a bit. Thanks for a good discussion, it makes me think about how I need to behave when things go awry in public places.