I'm thinking about going away for the first time (without husband--working) w/ our 1 year-old baby to San Francisco (cousin's wedding). My baby is walking pretty well, loves to poke around everywhere, gets distracted easily, won't sit still and might as well been named Curious George. Does anyone have any tips on air travel and/or getting around San Francisco with a baby? I appreciate it.

Well, I guess I'll jump in. Can't tell you anything about San Francisco, but I have travelled with a one year old. Your child sounds a lot like mine. First, I strongly suggest that you consider purchasing a seat on the plane. Besides the fact that it is the safest way to travel, you will be a lot more comfortable, especially is you have an active child. Imagine a squirmy 1 year old on your lap. People will suggest a bassinet for the child, but 1 year old is too big. Make sure you ask the airline for a 1/2 price discount for the seat. Take advantage of preboarding!! Since the pressure can be a lot on a child's ear, make sure the baby has something to suck on for takeoff and landing, such as a bottle or pacifier. Make sure you pack some favorite toys and snacks for the flight. There will be a lot of people who will tell you that you absolutely should not travel, fly, leave the house with such a young child and that travel with kids is a pain. Do what your instincts tell you. I personally don't find travel with kids daunting. It can be a challenge, but a welcome one. All it takes is a little extra planning.

Before the mud slinging starts over traveling with kids I'll assume your cousin wants the baby at the ceremony and reception.

You will need an airplane seat for the baby. Find out if the hotel you will stay at has a shuttle that can handle a child seat. If someone from the wedding party is meeting you at the airport, it's not a concern.

Reserve a crib at the hotel. Ask the hotel staff if there is "play area" (it could be a couple of empty parking spots) for you child to run around and use up excess energy.

Try to keep the baby on a regular nap schedule. Bring familiar objects from home.

Any way to convince your husband to come along? Single parenting is difficult. It's tough to carry baby, stroller, car seat, luggage, etc. with TWO people without child wondering off.

If your child is prone to ear infections, see if you can work in a quick trip to the doctor the morning of the trip - just to be on the safe side. I know a lot of people don't like to unnecessarily medicate kids, but 24 hours before you leave, start giving your baby decongestants - so those Eustachian Tubes are as clear as possible! Make sure you have decongestants and Tylenol and bottles in the diaper bag for the flight. If your child is that active, consider Benadryl or another antihistimine that will help your child nap. We know they try to stay awake as long as possible so they won't miss anything, but everyone (including the baby) will appreciate and enjoy a well-rested, happy baby! The bulkhead seat will give you just a little bit more room. If you have a layover at the airport, they will meet you with a cart if you let them know you need help. You'll want a carseat at the other end, can you borrow one? If the baby wants to walk around some, consider one of those baby harnesses & leashes. As you head into winter, remember to plan for the worst as far as layovers go. You don't want to get stuck at the airport with a weather delay and run out of diapers; or have the baby throw up all over itself, or you without a change of clothes; etc.

this might not even need to be said, so please forgive me if it's unnecessary.

did the wedding invite say:
Mr. and Mrs. Cousin
& their child
**or**
The Cousin Family

if it did not say either of the above two options, please don't bring your baby. i say this as a recent bride, not as a traveler. And if it was just addressed to you and your husband, and you are figuring that since he's not going, you can bring the baby "instead", please don't.
again, this may be totally unnecessary to point out, so i apologize in advance if that's the case.

Come on - If my cousin flies all the way to San Francisco to come to my wedding - I would greet her with love and make sure I (the bride) have made arrangements to help her find a sitter for the wedding. Common courtesy demands it. Twenty years ago, my husband and I planned a very complicated wedding in the mountains - two hours from anywhere. We knew we had friends and family members with small children who would have a difficult time finding care for their little ones - What did we do? We hired our own sitter and brought her along. THe babies did fine during the ceremony in another room of the church - and they were more than welcome at the reception. What has happened to America that we would or could be rude to a family member traveling hundreds and maybe even thousands of miles to a wedding - What are weddings about? The show or the future!

And Again the traveler did not ask for anyones opinion on whether the baby was welcome - only for help with travel.

But here goes probably another 1000 post controversy on whether babies should go anywhere - Oh Brother!!

Buy a stash of new, small toys and have them ready to bring out, one at a time, when restlessness sets in. Ditto a stash of little snacks, to alternate with toys and in case you get caught in delays, missed connections, etc. without airplane food.

If you are traveling from Ithaca, you will have at least one connection to make, so I suggest trying to keep the baby awake until you make that second flight (the longer, presumably). Get him to walk constantly while you are waiting to board, to reduce the fidgets and tire him out.

The suggestion re:medication for congestion/ear infection is very, very valuable. My son was prone to ear infections and flights could make one flare up even when he didn't have one to begin with -- so we relied on Dimetapp. The fact that he got sleepy with it was just a side benefit.

Finally: Ignore posts that don't answer your question.

Nicksmom had some wonderful suggestions. Especially about napping on the longer flight. Having him nap during the longer flight will be much easier on you than trying to carry the dead weight of a sleeping child around an airport.

Since your carry-on baggage should be primarily geared towards yours and his inflight needs, consider a sturdy wheeled bag instead of a "diaper bag." It will be easier on your back; as an additional amusement, he can ride on it or pull it during quiet times in the airport; etc.

Do a text search on "inconsiderate" - not saying that you're inconsiderate, but there's a good discussion and suggestions on babies in the air. Have fun. I think by being prepared, you'll have a much more enjoyable trip!

Plan for the worst. Figure you will be delayed at the airport two hours, on the runway for an extra hour, and you will not get your bags until the next day. All of the above has happened to anyone who has travelled often. If you are prepared for the worst nothing will shake you.

Bring water or ask the stewardess for a bottle of water. It will be good for you (if you are nursing) or the baby. If the baby is sleeping during takeoff/landing you don't have to worry about air pressure. Call the airline and/or your travel agent and if you are sure that the flight is not full don't bother spending the extra money on an extra seat - you will have one anyway. You can also upgrade on some airlines at the counter to business/first class for a small charge ($50-) which will make you much more comfortable. Otherwise, the center seats of bulkhead is good - you can have a problem on some airlines sitting in the bulkhead exit aisles - you can't assist others in case of emergencies. Also if you sit in bulkhead you may well end up next to another parent with child which means no oxygen mask for both of you in case of emergency (only four oxygen masks per aisle). If that case the airline should move one of you with baby to another aisle.


We have travelled extensively with our 11 month old twins and have had no problem. Despite all the above concerns, you will be fine.

If you can stay in hotel with other close relatives who may want to help out with baby care. If it's a day wedding at ceremony if you are with baby stay in last aisle for easy exit in case of crying. Or stand by an exit with baby. Consider a babysitter at wedding so you can enjoy yourself more. Family in SF will be able to recommend babysitter.

Try to keep baby on a similar schedule as home. Remember baby will still stay on your old time zone if it's different from SF. We took our twins to Italy and it was six hours later there so our babies wanted to go to sleep at 12:30am instead of the usual 6:30pm.

Enjoy!

Just a couple of points of caution. Your e-mail suggests that this is a cross-country flight, but I think you'll be fine on the plane. I have taken my kids plenty of places, and it was no big deal if you plan and dedicate yourself to making sure your child isn't a nuisance.

The problems are more likely to occur at the wedding. If the child was clearly invited, no problem.

If it is ambiguous, please don't ask. Lots of folks getting married do not have children and may prefer an all-adult affair. The bride might be reluctant to be honest with you about this. If an exception is made for your child, then your kid could wind up being the only child shoe-horned into an adult event, while other parents who left their kids at home are left to wonder why you got to bring yours. You'll get lots of dirty looks. You'll also be stuck for hours preventing "Curious George" from getting into trouble instead of enjoying yourself.

Finally, I'd be awfully careful about leaving the child with a random sitter someone digs up for you. First, you may know nothing about the sitter's background, and I wouldn't assume a hotel sitter has been thoroughly checked out. At this age, kids can develop stranger anxiety and may refuse to stay with the sitter, particularly in a strange place like a hotel. If you don't know the sitter, you can't be sure the sitter will display patience with your screaming, freaked out child. I used a hotel sitter only once, and my child screamed in the hotel and tormented neighboring guests. It is best to avoid this if at all possible.

So maybe it's better to leave the child with Dad and day care you arrange at home. You know -- a friend, relative, neighbor. To the extent I have done this, Dad gets to do some one-on-one bonding, the child stays on schedule, and Mom gets a much-needed rest. A win/win/win situation.

Please don't change the kid's diaper on the seat -- we just witnessed that lovely stunt -- and bring a pacifier, no one wants to hear a kid screaming on a flight. Sorry but it's true.

Hi Debbie:
You don't say when you are going, how long you are going to SF for or where you are staying (Family, Hotel, B&B)...Does anyone have a stroller they can lend you in SF? That would be one less thing for you to drag along. The last flight I was on there were numerous children on it and I noticed that the small kids that were not in car seats were hard to keep entertained. No baby wants to be held for 5-8 hours and it can be very hard on you. What happens when you need to use a bathroom or want to eat or close your eyes? I think you would feel a bit more relaxed if your baby was. So I would definitely get a seat for your baby and use a car seat. Curious George will feel like he is the car at home and probably sleep! Snacks (Cheerios, Ritz, etc) and non-heirloom toys are essential. Please pack a change of clothes for you and George. No one objects to a cute kid in cute pjs. Even if you think you have enough diapers, you don't. Pack more than you think you need.

Don't concern yourself with those who want to know if you child is welcome at the wedding. That's really not any of our business. Good luck!

Debbie,
I don't have a child, but I can give you the advice my girlfriend swears by. (she and her husband have traveled a great deal with their son, now 8)

1. Get a separate seat - either by paying extra or seeing if the plane is underbooked. (BTW, all flights I've been on this year have been filled to capacity, so you may end up having to pay for it)

2. Bring at least ONE change of clothes, possibly more if it is a long flight, or long delays between flights.

3. Pack extra diapers.....and then pack more!

4. Bring along some familar stuff from home for security - especially in hotel rooms/relatives homes.

5. Buy some new *cheap* toys, and keep them in a secret stash - to be brought out unexpectedly.

6. Be sure to bring extra eats that baby likes.

7. Really think about using something like Dimetapp. My girlfriend is a physical therapist, and she would always give her son a 1/2 dose roughly a half hour before take-off. Kept his ears clear, and he usually slept through most of the flight. Also, if the flight was non-stop and long, and if her son woke up mid-flight, she would give him another, smaller dose of Dimetapp to make sure his ears stayed clear. She would also bring food that he could suck on in case the Dimetapp didn't take effect soon enough.

Enjoy!

I would definitely check to make sure your child is welcome at the wedding ceremony. I recently got married and someone bought a baby to the ceremony and the child ruined our ceremony! Maybe you could get a babysitter for the baby for the ceremony and take the baby to the reception for a little while.

I'm with xxx. Not to stir the pot, but is the child invited to the ceremony and reception? From your opening description of your baby, I would not think that they should go to a wedding. Don't know why you really need to take the baby but thats your business. I'd suggest a mini-vacation on your own. Good Luck!

Having traveled with babies by myself to weddings in the Bay area twice - (two brothers - both provided a trusted baby sitter for the ceremony (they didn't allow children at the service) and the reception - optional) I ditto the airplane advice given above - Most importantly - Buy a seat for the child. It is worth it.

Ignore the posts above that answer questions about the baby you didn't ask.

You surely have already discussed bringing your baby with your cousin. Your baby is only one year old and only you know how difficult it would be to find someone to care for the child. Also, you are going to a family wedding and your extended family is looking forward to meeting your little one.

I can't imagine a Bride not thinking about the needs of family members traveling from long distances. Weddings today are so detailed, providing a trusted baby sitter at the ceremony seems like a very small detail that is important not to overlook.

I've traveled all over with my three children. Mostly with my husband, but sometimes alone. Two of my children had difficulty with their ears, esp. when landing. Here's what I did when they were infants: I always gave them Benadryl 30 minutes before flight. I re-dosed for long flights. It helps them sleep and keeps the ears clear. If your baby is awake during take off or landing, be sure he is sucking on a bottle or pacifier to relieve the pressure. If he still seems to experience some discomfort, ask the flight attendent to wet and warm two washcloths (carry them with you) and hold them firmly over his ears. This helped my daughter so much when she was an infant, that I always carried a small thermos with warm washcloths. Just keep in mind, if your baby cries, almost everyone on the plane has heard it before. In my travels, I find most passengers sympathetic when a child is uncomfortable enough to cry.

i know that a lot of you think i was butting in where i don't belong with my question about whether the baby was invited or not. and in response to that i want to ask you all to visit any one of the numerous wedding planning web sites and surf their boards for a few minutes. you will see many posts by agonized brides who have to call guests and explain that the invite addressed to Mr&Mrs. joe smith doesnt mean the 2 young children are invited. or that the invite to The Cousin Family doesn't mean that 16 year old sally cousin gets to bring her boyfriend.

people who WANT to bring their baby/boyfriend/uninvited children have a way of ignoring the words written on the envelopes of invitations. i have been at a wedding where the grooms parents had nowhere to sit during the best mans toast b/c a couple showed up with their ten year old twins.
yes i am sure that debbies whole family is dying to meet her baby. but if i were the bride, and my cousin showed up with a jetlagged, cranky one year old that WASN"T invited, i'd be annoyed.
In debbies own words:
My baby is walking pretty well, loves to poke around everywhere, gets distracted easily, won't sit still and might as well been named Curious George

That is a great description of a healthy one year old. but it is also a recipe for disaster at an adult wedding reception. let's try to see it from a brides point of view:

My baby is walking pretty well(he will be all over the place during the ceremony and running around the reception hall, endangering himself being underfoot of the waitstaff.)
loves to poke around everywhere(hmm, lots of candles and expensive flower arrangements will be there. I hope none of the flowers I picked are poisonous. let's not even think about burns from candles)
gets distracted easily,( he will be bored out of his mind, and probably crying about it. my cousin, who i never get to see, will be wrapped up with keeping him entertained.)
won't sit still(wonder how he'll sit still for 45 minutes during the ceremony. nothing i want more than to have the moments when i actually am getting married disrupted by "sit down, curious george, sit down now.")

Your right eddie the *** man. You are butting in - Your e-mail name tells it all.

Eddie, you and everyone else who thinks this was a question about whether to take a baby to a wedding should just go away and take a lesson in reading for the point of a paragraph.

You have no information about whether or not Debbie actually plans to take the baby to the wedding and for that matter, no reason to think the baby wasn't invited. There is no reason to think Debbie hasn't already thought of all the issues, and no justification for address ing that issue instead of the question she asked. It's irrelevent, no one asked you, and none of your business. Put a sock in it.

Debbie, enjoy your trip, your cousin's wedding, and Curious George. Sorry for the renegade Fodorites who can't bear an opportunity to make a battle out of a question.