Just wanted to thank so many of you who helped us "glue" a trip to so many colleges over Spring Break.

Taking a tip from one of the posters, we checked out a multi-legged flight instead of trying to land in New York and then driving our way north to the various colleges. We were able to fit in many more visits (a mixed blessing, to be sure!) for a cost that was only a few dollars more than a simple roundtrip flight and this one decision meant we never had to worry about parking or getting lost.

For one stretch we didn't even bother with a plane. Again, because of a poster's suggestion, we were able to get a greatly reduced Amtrak fare from New York to Providence and then from Providence to Boston because of our college search.

One of our goals on this trip was to make sure our daughter never used a taxi but only mass transportation. We felt it was important that she understand that if she insisted on going so far away, life and luggage were going to be a bit harder to handle. It was a great trip to try the AirTrain system from Newark to Manhattan, the New York subway, Boston "T" and commuter rails, and Phillie SEPTA and commuter systems.

Hotels we liked:

The Lenox in Boston--We got this at a good price, and it was delightful. Great location for what we were trying to accomplish.

The Hilton Inn at Penn--Biggest rooms of our trip at a terrific price. Meals were expensive there, though.

And once again, although the Hilton Towers in Manhattan is run down, rooms are a decent size for NYC and its location is still one of the best in the city. I just wish I could get a non-smoking room that actually smelled like one once!

Thank you, all of you, for being such a constant and reliable source of wisdom.

SO which colleges did she like?

The heck if I know. She's my "driven" kid, the overachiever who will make us all insane. Unlike my youngest who can walk on a campus, look around, take a deep breath and say, "I could be happy here for four years," this one has a philosophy of life that if the place isn't a trial, she wouldn't feel as though she's getting something out of it.

Almost makes one long to have a child who's looking for a "party" school.

LOL, amelia, you just described my two daughters!

They're far apart enough in age that the younger one didn't come along on the college tours. The older one agonized over everything and ended up simply going to the most selective school that accepted her, even though it wasn't a paricularly good fit, but my younger one had no trouble finding a school that she could easily get into and be happy at. What a refreshing change of pace!

Oh thank you, Anonymous. I really don't know if I could live through this again.

;-) She's only going to get crazier between now and this time next year!! Just sit back and let it wash over you; she won't make a bad decision, but she'll wear herself out.

So, which schools did you actually see? Any really bad experiences? Is she open to the idea of going to a place that she can get to by public transportation (i.e., a city or suburban school)?

Amelia - I empathize. We are one year ahead, having just sent in deposit for older of 2 kids to attend college next year. School is a perfect fit, even though not the most selective school that would accept him. Added bonus of that is that they gave him merit-based scholarship. He chose a southern school in part because of more relaxed atmosphere (and that it is far warmer than Boston).

Second kid (in 8th grade) is already agonizing over college choices - please spare me from the trauma and drama with her for 4 years.

This board was extremely useful in planning college visitation trips with kid #1 - and in evaluating cities in consideration for attendance. Hope we can do same for you.

On this trip, we did a lot of Ivies. She's spent eons on this. Imagine D-Day invasion.

We scouted West Coast a few years ago (not seriously, just gave her a feel)which she rejected and she really doesn't want to stay Midwest, even for Northwestern.

She's fine with an urban area. Suburban areas are not so wonderful. I secretly sympathize but have not told her so. I went to a gorgeous small, highly regarded liberal arts college in the MidWest and was depressed for four years. I would have given my eyeteeth for a crime wave.

Am trying to think of positives of this entire experience, and have enjoyed statement by youngest to friend in car,"I can now sniff out the campus bookstore at any college."

Oh well, it's good to know you all went through it and have survived.

Here's an unsolicited piece of advice: Just as kids should find a safety that they love, they should also love their "stretch" schools, and should not apply to an Ivy or other super-selective school "just to see if I'll get in." Because then if they do get in, they'll feel compelled to go, even if it's not such a good fit for their temperament. (Plus, these schools are very generous with their "need based" financial aid, which biases parents.)

Super-researchers who put a lot of pressure on themselves will find themselves on campus with 1500 other overachieving freshmen -- often not a healthy situation, IMHO. Older daughter has now directed her researchy and perfectionist traits into a nice career developing museum exhibits, but it took quite a while!

Some of my younger daughter's less-decisive friends have now received acceptances from several few dissimilar schools and are no closer to making a choice than they were a year ago -- but the deposits must be sent within the next 2 weeks. If your daughter prefers urban schools to suburban, then I urge you to seize on this tidbit of a preference and build on it!

Thanks, Anonymous. My husband and I share your viewpoint and we know we have to reinforce that message every day to her.

At the same time, I bet you also are agreeing with what so many of my friends tell me, "Give up. They're born this way--have to find the 'edge of the cliff' so they can live oh so satifactorily unhappily everyday!"

LUCKY you guys....

Here's Why:

JUST came back from my daily 7 mile walk...saw the postal truck drive away...saw our son (senior in H.S.) bolting toward our house...wondered why...got a clue...my eyes widened...actually bugged...adreneline(sp) kicked in and I started to sprint, with the remaining energy that I had, toward our house too...

His bolting beat my sprinting...he scooped up ALL of the mail and locked his darling self in the bathroom...EXHUSTED and peeved I was gasping "Open......the.....door...NOW!!!

He did not...I heard "YES!, YES! YES!!!!"

He finally came out. I was SO mad I was crossed eyed...the little 6'4 bugger gave me a kiss, hug and told me that I smelled a little "gamey" and then he left with 4 letters...

I called him on the cell before I logged on and found your post...all he said was that he was VERY happy and that I would be going to Freshman Parent Weekend in North Carolina, Virginia, Atlanta or Boston...

If you do not hear from me... just know thatI have been arrested for pinching the daylights out of my teen!

Mother of Wonderful Teen,
Oaktown Traveler

To Oaktown Traveler - you just reminded me that as of tomorrow it will again be my job to retrieve mail at the street mailbox - competitive scholarship award letter just received - son will no longer be at risk of arrest for stalking letter carrier. (Letter contained great news - with scholarship my husband and I can afford to retire at age 95 instead of age 96)

Gail:

As I say to my other MOB (mother of boy)
"friends":

YOU GO GIRL!!!!!!!

(My bubble bath and cocktail await me..)

Oaktown Traveler

For Oaktown and amelia and anyone else with a Mad Senior on their hands:

Can't recommend strongly enough that their student go to every Prospective Freshman weekend they can, no matter how many times they've seen the campus before. With an acceptance in hand and the reality that they might actual BE at the school in a few months, with some of the people they're meeting during that weekend, it's a very different deal. My son went into April with College B, S, and H ranked 1, 2, and 3. At the end of the weekend, he had become seriously disaffected with B, had an unsettling time at S, and was very happily surprised by H, which had been his last choice (just to see if he could get in).

Even if it seems a needless expense of time and money, it's not. Send them to all the prospective student events (unless you both agree that one or another college is out of the question).

I think the suggestion of a weekend at each school after admission is fabulous. The cost of a few weekends versus the pain of a bad four years is a great trade-off.

But what do we do about this Early Admission game? Some of the schools we've looked at accept almost 50% of the class by Dec 15. At two schools we were told by our student guides that unless the student is at the top of the "middle 50" admissions stats, the only way to get in is Early Admission. It's a great idea if one is positively in love with the school; it's just added pressure/enticement if the student isn't quite in love but thinks it will give him the added advantage in applying to a selective school.

I can see why there have been many articles lately by admissions people and guidance counselors speaking out against it--they feel these kids need more time, not less, to make decisions.

Again, I should have just drawn a circle on a map and said, "Choose any school in this one-hour from home radius." Then I could have spent two Spring Breaks with beach books instead of campus catalogues!

Any tips for parents who have a HS junior who has no idea where he wants to go to school or what he wants to major in. As a result, he does nothing about any of the information he receives or even about planning for school visitations. I'm ready to scream.

According to my friends, your story is a freqent MOB (Mother of Boy) tale. In fact, one kid I know that got into Harvard, Princeton, UPenn, and Stanford literally had to be forced into the car to visit them after he was admitted!

It's important to distinguish between Early Decision, which is a binding commitment, and Early Action, in which the college lets the student know early but the student is still free to apply to other schools.

Princeton, Columbia, and Brown still have Early Decision, but Harvard has Early Action. Yale has its own weird version of Early Action, which is a nonbinding decision but requires that the applicant not submit any early-type applications anywhere else. But then there's the Early Decision loophole -- you're not obliged to attend IF you don't get enough financial aid. Which you don't find out about until it's too late to apply elsewhere, IIRC. Yikes! Do you rally want to go someplace where your application is so middle-of-the-road that you have to pull in every little advantage?

Sorry to carry on so, I'm getting flashbacks to older dd's application process.

ampm - I believe you are speaking of a good percentage of high school juniors. My oldest daughter was exactly this way as a junior, and my younger daughter is following in her footsteps! This whole college thing is so stressful. The older daughter is just finishing up her freshman year at Texas A&M, which was not her 1st choice, and she still has not decided on a major. My HS junior seems to think she has plenty of time and as far as I can tell, has not researched a thing. Maybe she'll go to A&M like her sister, maybe not. At least we took her on college campus visits 2 years ago, so she at least has that. It all frightens me, but I figure that it will all work out in the end. Hopefully!

Anonymous--After twenty zillion info sessions, I could draw a flow chart on Early Action, Early Decision, Rolling Admission,etc. You just outlined the dilemma--Early Action is great as long as there's no limit on applying to other schools at the same time.