I was beginning to think that they expect one to order wine at the restaurants in places like Fleur de lys. My husband and I don't drink alcohol anymore. I don't want to feel uncomfortable or make my husband feel uncomfortable. Do they expect it?

Of course not. Tell them you can't drink, it tends to make you stiff the waiter.

They'd like you to order wine and they probably believe your meal would be enhanced by a well-chosen wine, but you should never feel "expected" to get wine and I'd be surprised if that was their intention. Lots of people don't drink.

You need to have confidence and not be prepared to be a victim or "uncomfortable."

why would you care whatTHEY expect or do not expect. You are the patron and it is none of any ones business why you do not drink. Just say NO!

As an aside, we discovered when we were in Holland recently that (at one restaurant...the one where we asked) we would be given a pitcher of water and glasses for everyone at the table only if we all ordered at least one glass of wine. Otherwise, we would have to pay for the water.

"Just water, please".

-Bottled water or tap?

"Tap, thank you."

Charming, Jed, but I also have found that some places in Europe charge for tap water.

"I also have found that some places in Europe charge for tap water."

Not just Europe!!

Here in the US the public is willing to pay billions of $US per year for bottled tap water (AquaFina, etc).

Yes, it is true that some brands of bottled water are merely tap water, but I meant LITERALLY tap water, not tap water that has been bottled.

OK, not about tap water. We are talking about wine.

Sometimes I order wine, sometimes I don't. I've never felt pressured in the slightest, even in the nicest restaurants.

I imagine that whatever the charge for tap water, it is less than wine. In any case my wife always needs water with her meals.

This is such a non-issue. Order what you want. Whether that is a glass or bottle of wine, or mineral water, or a soft drink, or iced tea, or just a plain ole glass of water.

In high-end restaurants I think it is appropriate to order a beverage you pay for... Sparkling/mineral water is a common choice.

I have to disagree that if I actually prefer a glass of iced tap water to any kind of bottled water (and I do) that I should be "embarrassed" or "feel coerced" into ordering bottled water instead just because I'm not ordering wine. I think that's as silly as my friend who won't park his car in valet unless it's just been washed. Who's to be impressed here?

If they have a policy to charge me for the tap water, so be it. I still want the tap water. I may decide later if the place was worth going back to or not.

Hi Guys,

I totally understand what the OP is getting at here. Actually less than 2 weeks ago I was in NYC at a restaurant called Becco with about 8 other people and we had just been at a wedding the night before so no one wanted to drink anything alcoholic because no one is a big drinker to begin with and we had all had our fare share the previous evening.
When the whole party declined the waiters offer for wine he made some kind of remark about how we wanted to drink "jersey water" and walked away.

I though that was ridiculous! I RARELY drink and I have never felt pressured or uncomfortable about it before until this incident. And I don't think that I should. Any waiter who behaves like that needs a lecture from him manager lol!!

Order what you want!!!! Don't worry about it!!

Layla %-

Yes, a bad reaction CAN happen from a rude and uneducated waiter.
Two friends of mine (one a self-proclaimed alcoholic who was struggling to stay on the wagon, and his date who is on medication and can't drink) went to the upscale Bice here in Naples. When the waiter asked "can I bring you a cocktail or glass of wine?", they said "we don't drink" to which the waiter replied in a loud voice "You don't drink, what's the matter with you?" Hard to imagine, but true. If that should happen, report the server to the manager. It's inexcusable.

Layla, I would have immediately reported that waiter's comment to the manager. It is especially laughable and ironic in New York City, since you can't be the tap water there!

He would not get a tip from me to be sure.

Or they could have said "It makes me vomit immediately."

Why I suggest ordering the fizzy bottled water is because it nicely fills that place in a restaurant meal, where others would be having wine. A bottle to open and share before the meal. It's a nice ritual. Something I just don't feel having tap water.

Thank you all very much. I really appreciate your input.