That's great that she has decided on a plan of action. I wish you all the best of luck and hope that it works out for her !

I understand what you are saying Barbara, but she will be a junior by then, a little older and wiser, and a commuter. Also, only two hours from home. So, the whole experience should be a different one. She has a few friends there, but she is not chosing that for the friends. Mainly bc it is convenient for all of her goals. Job, credential, some friends, and closer to home. It is a better fit.

good for you Heavens~you're a good Mom in my mind not to make her stay!
( Makes me feel better that our son elected to stay at home and go to the local junior college, I was originally disappointed about that.)
Now, he'd really like to get away from so. cal completely, tomorrow he and his Dad are off to visit the University of Montana! Brrr~~!!!

Heavens, Congratulations on navigating this rough patch, being willing to change gears, and coming out with your daughter in a better place. One thing we learn as parents is that we never quit learning!

Wow, this just strengthens my opinion that young people should take a gap year or two to really decide what they want and see something of the world before they commit to a 4 year school. I was lucky being able to work and travel across Europe during my gap year... I think that a lot of 18 YRs fresh out of high school are in for a real shock when getting to a school particularly one like UCSB (my best friend went there and I still don't remember all of the parties in Franciso Torres dorms.. )
I am glad she's got a new plan of action.. seems like Heavens did the best any parent could do in the situation! Best of luck!

Hi Thyra, I completely agree with you and just had a conversation with a friend a few nights ago about the idea of our HS graduates having a gap year before they start college or university. It seems like a good idea to me. I know that a lot of parents worry that if their children don't immediately go onto higher education the September after they graduate from HS they never will. But I think that a gap year gives young adults a chance to "discover" themselves and that are more apt to know what they want to do with their life career wise if they take a break for a year.

Heavens - what great news!! I am so happy for you and your daughter. Remember, I am the one who commuted my first 2 yrs to a local JC before commuting a year to BU and then living there.
everyone at their own pace, different strokes for different folks - your daughter sounds happy (and so do you) and that was the ending we hoped for!
She has a plan, and she seems happy with it and that is huge! - and even if that plan changes, such is going with the flow of life - your support and what she learned from you and how you worked this through with her, well if she is ever a mom she will be a great one!

LoveItaly - what a great grandma you are - good luck to your grandson adn I will keep my fingers crossed too - isn't he lucky to have a supportive grandma like you -

What a happy ending - heavens, thanks for letting us know!

Just thought i would add my two cents...As a mother of a SDSU freshman, I must warn you... transferring to SDSU is very difficult. They had 52,000 freshman applicants this year and a large amount of transfer applicants too.
As most of you know, each state school gives priority enrollment to students who live close to campus. Since SDSU is so popular with the San Diego area kids, every student in a 12 mile radias are almost guarenteed entrance (as long as they meet the index). THis makes getting in to SDSU almost impossible, and my son was accepted under special circumstances. (Ironically, their housing is not filled to capacity because the SD kids' parents refuse to pay for housing when they live 10 minute away from campus!)

And thankfully, my son absolutely loves, loves, loves SDSU. But he is extremely outgoing, and adapts to any situation. Academically its a good fit for him, but some kids find it not challenging enough. The dorms are very noisy, but there are study rooms in the bottom floors.

And by the way, SDSU wants to shed their "party school" reputation and is very strict about partying in the dorms. One boy threw a wild party in his dorm room and ended up with a hefty fine, a carpet cleaning bill and was put on probation. And it was his first offense! Any parent who attends orientation will find out that they mean business and they are not afraid to kick a student out of SDSU for inappropriate behavior.

Every college has its good and bad. But SDSU in my opinion is a great school and the right "fit" for my son.
And best of all ITS AFFORDABLE! And better yet, its a great vacation destination spot for hubby and I. We're staying at Coronado Island next week when we go to pick up our son for Christmas break (we only live 2 hours away but its a good excuse to get away).

Gap year is ok idea and great for some- but in my area not 10% could afford a gap year, nor will most of them return to school after making any kind of money and being on their own.

The parents in general just don't have the income to semi-support students through "gap" years. This also delays independence. My peers are absolutely drained from supporting 23 to 27 year old that are still educating. I just have to put in a good word for those who don't have a life because of supporting their kids' education into infinity.

And I do not want to steal the thread but posters on another thread have asked. Last week, the FBI showed up and were at my son's house for over an hour.
His roomie from hell (8 years ago) was this week charged with murder and taken back into IL.

Now I am doubly sorry that I didn't let him come home. And feel very lucky that he was strong enough to fend off the atmosphere he had to at 17 (he was 17)and to recognize it for what it was. I am proud of him.

The FBI asked him about 100 questions, including what scars he had. (The guy walked around in boxer shorts constantly.) What candles he lit. etc. etc.

You still do never know what is out there, and it is always best to listen. He petitioned several times and because of former events and Federal quotas/restrictions this roommate could not be evicted, nor transfered to any other dorm where there were women.

My son lost his job and his room but the perp never lost a thing. He also went on to do this at two more school- and one was private. Something to really think about.

Gap years can cost a fortune - or be almost cost free, depending on what the student chooses to do.
A kid can travel around Europe (on their saved money or parents) or can go to a gap year at an institution (and pay tuition) OR there are too many to mention volunteer organizations or those with grants (federal, international and private) who pay stipends, or provide room and board - and the student works in the community, tutoring, teaching english, building houses, working in field clinics, the options are numerous.

I urge parents not to discount this possibility if it will help a student because you assume it will be unaffordable. Our neighbors daughter was not sure what direction she wanted to go in - so she applied to some colleges and deferred to one she thought she wanted to attend but couldn't decide on major and if going straight to college was best for her.

Instead, she spent 1/2 the following year in the Appalachia region at a school teaching sign language and working with deaf children and those with disabilities and the other 1/2 in Europe working in another field - before the year ended she was sure she wanted to work with children, with disabilities, and went on to college.

Another local girl just returned from working with children at a new school being formed in Ecuador having rec'd room and board - the cost to her parents was basically keeping her on a medical insurance coverage plan, she had worked 3 months prior as waitress and saved her spending and flight money. She is starting college in a few weeks in New England.

Just a few examples of low cost gap years that benefited the participants and wasn't incredibly costly to the parents, although all things are relative and some wouldn't be able to help even with medical coverage, but where there's a will there's a way, usually.