Did your teen hate college at first?
 

OK, when our kids "travel" away from home to a new place to stay for a few years, it can be difficult for them, initially. Well, we are going through this right now. We know if she gives it time, she will adjust. It is hard; new roommate (major party girl and lush), coming and going 24/7 in the dorms (room is by the elevator), big party school (UCSB), only one person from high school who is at the same school.

All of these factors are creating major cries of "I don't fit in" and "this place is just NOT for me". We are understanding that this is normal for fall freshman to go through. And throw in major homesickness from "traveling" so far away from home to get their education and set up a new life.

Anyway, sorry if some feel this is inappropriate for this forum. There are many on this board who have discussed their kid's college experiences here so I figured that many have been through this also. Any tips or words of encouragement to offer?

Our advice to her is to give it time and stay the course. Not falling on receptive ears, if you know what I mean. Thanks for your time.

Heavens, being that it is the end of October, maybe this school truly isn't for her?

Can she finish out the semester, start the spring at a local school at home (many community college courses will transfer if they are 101s) and start elsewhere next fall?

Some kids just aren't ready for school away from home.

I would suggest the above and see what she has to say.

Here are some websites:

http://www.sideroad.com/College_and_...man-blues.html
http://www.ehow.com/how_1589_beat-college-freshman.html
http://www.campusblues.com/
www.talk.collegeconfidential.com
When I confronted my Mom about this, her response was:"You think you are the Lone Ranger?OK, you make the choice...college or the barrio??" Best of Luck!

If she choose the school herself primarily, I'd do just what you're doing. Listen, stay open.

Every student is different with expectations meeting adjustments etc.
Is she coming home all the time? Or is that not possible?

The University I work for is a school which attracts a lot of students who do not like the big school experience. We have a lot of transfer students start as Sophomores here. We have about 3,400 FTE (Full Time Equivenlency) students in the entire structure, including Grad students. About 1/2 of those started here from their first day of college and the other 1/2 have transfered in.

All my kids went to huge State schools to start (all different) and for one of them it was disliked almost immediately because of the size/contact with profs etc. and all kinds of other factors, some exactly like your daughter's.

Many might say to just wait it out until she makes friends and adjusts. I did with the one who hated it, and he ended up going there for 2 whole years.

He made the best of it, but a big school was just not "for" him. He ended up coming here where I work now and he LOVED it.

Sometimes it doesn't work and sometimes it just takes more than a semester to meld.

More than any other advice (these things are SO hard to determine)I could give you would be to tell her to be VERY careful that she only take courses that are transferable. Nothing like a Fine Arts course (example: Interpretation of Film) that may not translate easily into another agenda.

If UCSB is on semesters (I don't know)-I would have a truth telling session with her before the next registration to determine what basics will transfer if she is still feeling uneasy after November. And you definitely can not depend upon your Academic Advisors to tell you these options on course transfers. If she is thinking of another school- get their catalog and let her plan her own path.

Is she depressed?

Heavens, My daughter HATED UCSB. Precisely for the reasons you mentioned. She would never have gotten used to it. She ended up doing the second semester abroad, in a program sponsored by UCSB so it wasn't a waste. And being it was in Paris it was a great experience. The next year she transferred to a different university and was very happy. In my opinion, USCB is an environment that just isn't a good fit for some kids.

Heavens,

I just finished reading the book "I Am Charlotte Simmons" by Tom Wolfe. I don't know if you have read it, but it may give you a little insight as to what she may be going through. (He did lots of research on college campuses before writing this piece of fiction) It is pretty shocking.

I have friends who graduated from UCSB and it IS known as a huge party school. If getting drunk/stoned and "hooking up" are not what she is into, then maybe she is right and she doesn't fit in (and aren't you glad!).

I'm no expert on this subject, but it sounds like this environment is not for her. I hope she will finish the semester and move to a place where she feels more at home.

Editors: Our concern for each other is the main reason I frequent this forum. Please allow this thread to continue so we can help Heavens. Thanks.

Fortunately, our daughter took a "gap" year off and started college a year older and wiser. That made a HUGE difference. The constant partying did get to her, nearly instantly, and she did not enjoy her first two quarters. She too had a party girl roommate and eventually that roommate went to another dorm and our daughter ended up with someone more compatible. She still never enjoyed her year in the dorm. It was only when she moved out into a house with other theatre majors that she felt more comfortable.

The first year is the toughest - for them and for you. See what happens when she comes home for the holidays (assume she will do that). I know some families whose kids returned to our hometown university the very first year, and I don't think it's at all unacceptable. Remembering that most kids when they head off as freshman have never lived away from home and everything is different. While it may seem exciting at the first, it isn't for everyone. Classes that transfer easily are a great suggestion. Funny, though, our daughter talked several times about transferring back in her freshman year, and then passed a point where she never really brought that up again. It was if she found her spot there and never looked back. Now, she is tired of the town and ready for graduation and moving on in the world!

Good luck to you, and to your daughter.

Oh yes. And it started before she even left for school. Although SHE chose it out of every school she applied to (and was accepted at) she was suddenly away from all her best friends and had one of those psycho roommies, too.

It was never hard for her to make friends, it just took a while for her to get used to having to deal with the bureaucracy of a large state university, and that she wasn't involved in any "activities" yet. I don't think she was REALLY happy until the end of the first year, when she decided to change her major, and was comfortable with a couple of girls who have remained wonderful friends to this day. Once she stopped spinning her wheels, she enjoyed it much more.

It would be a good idea for her to research the options for transferring to a different school next year -- but she'll need to pay close attention to her grades so that it is an easy transfer. Maybe if she could take a couple of "road trips" to other schools in the system, and talk to friends who went to other schools, she could see that everyone is adjusting.

She's NOT the only one with a bad-match for a roommate. If she can find someone else on the floor or in the hall who is having a tough time, they might just click. They might even be able to switch roomies at semester break (or at least know that they could room together next year).

Try to get her to focus on the one problem that bothers her most (which I'm guessing is the roomie.)

I used to live in LA (went to UCLA), and UCSB is kind of a party school. As is Pepperdine.

So the big question here is -- why on earth did she choose to go to UCSB in the first place? It's no secret what it's like. The answer to that may determine what she should do. If UCSB is wellknown for some particular program and that's why she chose it, then she should give it some time, and maybe can change roommates. If she had no good reason for choosing it except the beach, california, etc.... well, you need to figure these things out as to what the decision process was in this school.

It's early in the semester, and lots of kids feel unsettled at college to begin with. Since you're financially committed for this semester, convince her to stay and maybe she'll settle in. Or the travel abroad option through UCSC could be an excellent idea, especially if she wants to study abroad anyway.
I think it's too soon to make a do-or-die decision-- see if she can make it through this school year. Then you'd have the summer to talk with her friends about their experiences, and make a decision about returning.
I've read the Tom Wolfe book, and I have a daughter who's a junior in college far-away-- don't let the book scare you. IMHO some kids may experience college like that, but if your daughter has a head on her shoulders, she probably has more sense than that.
Santa Barbara is so beautiful, maybe she can get involved in community service off-campus and find things to do other than campus life. I do think dorm life is tough-- who wants people 24/7 partying in the hallways and even your own room? It's a lot of adjusting to do, on so many levels, wherever you go.

Heavens:

Go over to the collegeconfidential.com parent forum and post there. Great parents, very knowledgeable and experienced with college stuff. You'll get lots of sympathy and good advice.

Try this link to it:
http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/...splay.php?f=15

Reading some of these posts, maybe the WORST thing that could happen is that your daughter actually adapt to that environment! :-D

Dear Heavens, I remember your post when you were going to take your daughter to UCSB and I was wondering if she would like this university.

I say that as years ago my stepdaughter wanted to go there. We tried to suggest that perhaps it was not the university that would work for her but she insisted this was what she wanted.

Heavens, she would call us at least three times a week, usually in the middle of the night, crying and begging to come home.

The reasons for her unhappiness is the exact same reason that your daughter is expressing. In fact the situation is so similar right down to having only one friend from HS that she shared the dorm room with. This young lady came from a very strict upbringing and I can only assume that after she got away from her parents control she just became the over the top party girl. This was not something either my stepdaughter or we anticipated.

My husband would advise our daughter to give UCSB one semester. By that time she decided that she could handle things.

Looking back on it I think we made a big mistake. My stepdaughter ended up leaving UCSB the middle of her sophmore year. A bit of a breakdown so to speak. I did get her a medical discharge.

She than worked for two years. Eventually she went back to UCSB. She was older and more mature of course. She had her own apartment and consequently had her space to live the way she wanted. And she did get her degree.

With what I have seen over the years some students go to a university far from home to get away from parental control. They are not interested in studying. This makes it so hard for the serious students.

I don't have any great advice for you except to say that you two know your daughter as no one else would. At the time we went through this I guess I didn't agree with my husband's thought that she needed to mature and grow up. My sixth sense told me she needed to come home. I am always sorry when I don't listen to my sixth sense.

My best wishes to all of you. I am sure you will make the right decisions. Take good care.

GoTravel, her school is on quarter system, so she has been there for maybe five weeks, pushing it. She also pledged a sorority during informal rush, and that has been two weeks.

Beachboi, we have been so tempted to adopt your Mom's kind of tough love. It is hard not to. And hard to give in. I will check out the websites, and thanks.

Thanks for all of your responses. She is going to watch what she schedules in the future in case she does go through with a transfer. Which we don't mind, as long as she gives this school a chance.

Hummm, why did she pick the school? For one, she went there in high school in the summer for a leadership conferance. When she "traveled" to the campus she fell in love with it. But they have all of those orientations in the summer also and we saw a different school than what she is describing. Also, partying goes on at almost any school, IMO.

Also, she was in the top 4% of her class and they accepted her bc of that so she thought to give it a go. She is the most adventurous of teens, that is why this whole thing has taken us by surprise.

Your responses are so helpful, you have no idea how great it is to get such knowledgable advice. A million thanks...

For the record, I am not in any way bad mouthing the college. It does have that reputation but the school is working very hard to change the image. We love the school. But it does seem to attract a lot of young kids who want to just have a good time. Many are not old enough to handle the responsibility and in this day and age, the school has their hands tied to patrol it.

I just mentioned the name bc so many who post here are familiar with the school and have first hand experience with its uniqueness, whereas all of this is new to us.

Thanks again for all of your insight. These are huge decisions not to be taken lightly...

Hi there,

I have to preface my comments with the fact that I'm not yet a parent, but my brother went to UCSB and I had a hard college transition of my own (west coast to east coast) with the last 10-12 years so it may be still relevant.

I think your daughter should stick it out for the year and give it a chance. And in the meantime, she should concentrate and do well academically in case she does ultimately want to transfer.

As I remember it (and coincidently I was just talking to my friends from college about this last week), freshman year is a year in flux. Everyone is trying to find their group, trying to find people like them. The people she's hanging out with now, the first 2 months into school, will not be the people she will be hanging out with after she comes back to school from xmas break or next year. Some people immediately find their niche and it takes others longer. When I first went to college in New England from San Francisco, I thought I was an alien in a strange land. I also thought about transferring. It took far more than a year to adjust and ultimately, I had a great experience and met my best friends. I knew of a couple of people my age from SF who went off to college and came crying back after 2 months. In my mind, those kids gave up b/c they couldn't handle having their comfort zone challenged.

That's essentially what's going on. Your daughter is out of her comfort zone and the knee jerk reaction is to say, "I want to transfer," "I hate this place." I know b/c I went through it too. Who knows, after a year, she may still hate it. If that's the case, she can transfer. But I imagine she'll have a different viewpoint come March. I know I'm a stronger person for having been out of my comfort zone and had to adjust on my own. It's a hard but it is a very important thing to go through because there will be many things in life that will be hard and you have to learn to push through. There have to be people at UCSB who don't want to party all the time or are over the party thing and she will find them! Good Luck!

Heavens-
I can only answer this from the perspective of a student (well, make that one whose graduated and out for a long time now.)

I HATED college at first--had a roommate that not only had never met a Jewish person but also did hardcore drugs. Having lived in a pretty small town my whole life, I had never really had to make friends--something my parents pointed out but I didn't listen to. They also tried to talk me into going to schools closer to home but again I was stubborn.

I was miserable for much of the 1st semester. I called my parents crying all the time and my mom has told me many times that it broke her heart. That said, she told me at the time I had to suck it up and finish the year (think she may have said semester initially)

I'm so glad she did that. When the end of the first term came, I decided I could stick it out for the rest of the year and then would consider transferring to a school closer to home. That never happened because I found my niche and group of friends and came to love being away from home.

I have to say that in my first year of college, I grew up and gained so much confidence in myself. It was hard and definately a rocky way to grow up but it was one of the smartest moves I ever made--and my parents for forcing me to live w/my decisions.

Good luck!
OWJ

Sounds like the exact experience we went through. Second year, things are completely different. Hang in there, part of growing up and maturing is learning how to cope with these travails and NOT making a major move to another college/back home, whatever. This too, shall pass. She's going to have to face this world, and now's the time. This is also the experience of most of the parents of my kids' peers!

Heavens, you know UCSB does sound a lot like our Southern IL Univ.in Carbondale.

As she is on quarters that is even more registration choices. Tell her to keep it to the basics.

I know people have all kinds of other tales the opposite way, but I would not go beyond this coming Spring if she feels this way.

In my job I see so much depression and suicidal thinking in this group that I would much rather err on the side of carefulness. Listen to her, even when you don't want to hear it again.

I feel now, much like LoveItaly. I totally wish I would never have been so hard-headed to make up him stay that second year. Some people just don't like the ruckus of a big school and my youngest was definitely one of them. He ended up getting a Masters degree plus, but never ever in that environment.

This might help:

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. It is the most popular and widely syndicated column in the world -- known for its uncommon common sense and youthful perspective.

http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/

===

Esther Pauline Friedman Lederer, a.k.a. Ann Landers (July 4, 1918–June 22, 2002), wrote the famous syndicated advice column "Ann Landers". For some 45 years, it was a regular feature in many newspapers across North America. In it, people wrote the columnist for advice and she answered. Lederer's writing style was direct but often witty and sometimes acerbic. She would regularly upbraid an errant letter-writer with the quip, "Watch it, bub!"

In good health almost all of her life, she died of multiple myeloma in 2002 at the age of 83.

It was decided ahead of time, however, that the column would not continue after Lederer's death.

The Ann Landers column has since been replaced by Annie's Mailbox, a similar feature written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, the longtime editors of Lederer's old column.

http://www.creators.com/lifestyle_sh...olumnsName=ama

Heavens--I'm a little puzzled. She is disturbed by the partying but has pledged a sorority. It was my experience of college and those of others, that sororities and fraternaties were the biggest source of partying as well as drinking on campus.

When kids are trying to fit in and "find" their place and friends that they are relaxed to be with- they often times join groups and or pledge. Give her some points for trying.

SOME Greek organizations are big on partying. Not all. She isn't sure where this one falls in, but she met a young woman from this sorority and they really hit it off, so she invited her over to their house when fromal RUSH was over, for the informal RUSH.

My daughter, I'll call her JJ, went through RUSH, and this didn't start her off on the right foot, to the college experience. Within a few days, she felt inferior and rejected. This friend invited her to her house where she met a few of the girls and she liked them, they invited her that night with songs and gifts. Now she isn't sure what she wants to do.

Many sororities work hard in community service and ask the students to maintain their grades. Some have study nights. The fraternities do this also. So, like the rest, depends on the group...

It sounds like you are listening to her and know your daughter.

It will turn out ok and she'll find out if it is for her or not soon.

My daughter is a sophomore at UCSB, living in a dumpy apartment in IV and loving every minute of it. Freshman year was a major change for this only child who had to adapt to the chaos of the dorms and the stress of being "nice" to kids 24/7. She had a bizarro roommate who thankfully left after the first quarter. This can be a HUGE factor, it isn't easy socially to request a change, but perhaps she can try for next quarter. By January, my kid had made some marvelous friends and had fallen in love with UCSB. By this time she has learned how to party "properly", and scoffs at those who over indulge. Her freshman grades were a disaster, though - this year she has got a grip on herself.

All kids are different, but my advice to your daughter would be to hang in there, it's only been about 4 weeks and things will change. UCSB is only 1.5 hours drive from home, so my daughter came home about every other weekend, however it was only to visit an unsuitable boy friend who she ended up dumping in February!

Good luck mom, it's awful to have your kid crying on the phone...

Hi gigib, your post was very helpful.
What, overall, turned things around for your daughter? Just giving it time? Or do you think it was something more specific? My daughter has not declared her major yet, and is a little lost here also. UCSB can help with that, I think.

She has come home once, we have been up there once, and she met us in San Diego once. So, she hasn't exactly been exiled, LOL.

Today she sounds happy, and that is bc her best friend, still in high school, is going to be there in about an hour. She is thrilled, of course. So, as long as she sounds happy now and then, that is about all we can ask for these days.

We know she is growing, but why does it have to hurt so much sometimes? Thanks again, all. You have given us much to ponder.

DH and I have decided to take a little trip up there this week for observation, research, and wine sipping. All very scientific.

Enjoy your trip and lots of wine (for research purposes only)!

And good luck with the decisions. I can't offer much in the way of advice, except that transitions are hard and you know your daughter best!

Hi Heavens, I saw on another post that you will be going to Santa Barbara this weekend. Have a lovely time.

A couple of thoughts that were brought to mind due to posts here. I think one reason my husband insisted our daughter "hang in there" was that she was a bit spoiled, he realized that and felt she needed to buckle down and face the real world. But every person in different. I still think she was not mature enough to handle the problems. When she went back to UCSB when she was older and wiser it all went well. As I said before she got her degree and in doing so found her "niche". She made friends during that period that she is friends with today. Also, and I had forgotten about this, she had a boy friend the last couple of years of HS who while was an ok fellow was certainly not the person for her. And he was pushing her to get married right out of HS. Fortunatly she did want to "get away" from him. My husband, I think, felt that being out of our area was good for that reason. I believe he was afraid if she left UCSB she would end up feeling like a failure and perhaps allow this young fellow to take over her life. And that could have happened IMHO.

Her brother btw also went to UCSB and never had any problems. He had the ability to ignore all the party types and kept his nose to the grindstone. If I had one wish for him I wish he had taken the time to have a little bit of fun while at UCSB.

He then transferred to law school and then through the Army Corp of Engineers got his master degree. But he was always a serious person who knew what he wanted and never let anything or anyone distract him from his goals.

It is so hard raising a child. And we sure are not given a book of instructions when they are born. And even siblings can be so different from each other regarding their outlook on life, their maturity etc.

All we can do is the best that we know how. And asking for thoughts from others can often help us come to better decisions. Again, best wishes to you and your daughter Heavens. And enjoy that wine!!!

heavens,
i attended UCSB for a quarter, and also worked there in the '80's. I never found it to be a warm and fuzzy place...felt too much like a bunch of L.A. transplants or something, I was just never happy there...
I graduated from the UofMaryland, and was a lot happier there. Transferring to another school may not be a bad idea...
My son just started junior college near home, didn't want to go away yet, and I have doubts about that, whether he should've gone away. I do know he wouldn't like UCSB...this is a generalization, but it's sort of a "shallow" place...no insults to those who love it intended.

UCSB is definitely known as a party school but I know of several students from S. CA (where I live) who go there (and are not big party kids) and they have grown to like it a lot. They say it takes time to get to know other students like themselves but pretty soon they have a nice group of friends. I wonder if getting a new roommate wouldn't be a good move. I graduated from a large University in the Midwest and I had the roommate from hell when I first arrived but I asked for a change and my second roommate was great and we are good friends to this day. Sometimes the roommate is the biggest problem. If all else fails and she can't stand it after trying to meet others like her and changing roommates, perhaps a change is the answer. She may need a smaller school. I loved being at a huge University (and I grew up in a very small town) but some kids just want a smaller atmosphere and they do well there. Just depends on the person. Good luck to you and her too!!

Hi frankie, "shallow" is something I think of regarding UCSB but not all the students that go there are "shallow". But IMO a lot of students do go to UCSB because of its location, the beach and ocean, its party reputation.

And I hate to say this but for decades UCSB has said to be "working" on their image. IMO that is not going to happen. Some schools become party schools, some don't (well not as much). And some students love the party atmosphere and some don't and some can ignore it.

It seems to me more and more we read about universities and the problems surrounding them. Perhaps it is because so many more families can send their students off to university without making the terrific sacrifice that families use to make. I don't know the answer. I just know when I got out of HS that students that went on to higher education had a lot of expectations and consequently seemed to take their opportunity to get the education a lot more seriously than young people do today. And I say this will all the observations I have made in our own family. I consequently can imagine how difficult it must be for the serious student to adjust to campus life and feel as though they fit in while being away from home for the first time.

i have to apologize about the word "shallow". I know there are a lot of great people there...it did just feel like an awfully hard place to get to know people.
And to go straight there out of high school these days is a real accomplishment, it has high academic standards. It is not an easy school to get into as a freshman...

Heavens,
Our daughter had a very difficult first year away in a party dorm, and since she is quite shy, did find the adjustment much harder than she anticipated.

She ended up going to an on campus health services counsellor who really helped. They are available to listen and encourage the students, whether their problems are social, academic or psychological.

The minute we gave ours the option to move into an apartment, she decided to stick it out. I think feeling they have no way out is the worst part for many kids.

As often as you can visit, do so, and continue to be supportive. It sounds as if you are on the right track and she will thank you for it in the coming years.

My teen? Sheesh, I hated college at first! And,,,, at second. I had far too much on my plate - charged with raising my younger brother and sister + working part time + four classes and, often, a lab in order to carry 16 units per semester. 128 units over four years; should be breezy.

A four year degree? Not w/o taking summer or winter courses. Add into the equation that I met two separate university counselors in two years to select courses which were later deemed not applicable to the 136-unit degree I sought.

Luckily, I had no time for a fraternity. I <i>was</i> in a sorority one night, though. ;)

Worth all the struggles? Certainly. You betcha.

Pis

I just sent my second daughter off to college. Fortunately, they are both only approxinately 2 hours away and neither of them really had the home sick blues too much. On the subject of sororities, it was and continues to be a huge comfort to my eldest. They are not allowed to drink at sorority sponsored functions, and they have to maintain at least a 3.0 GPA. The university she goes to has over 50,000 students and she would have never made this many friends on her own. Her freshman year going through rush was very difficult (know what you mean, Heaven, by how she felt, my daugher called crying with the same feelings). Once she settled on the sorority and got involved, it's all been good (ridiculously expensive the parental units think, but what isn't??). If she knows she has the option of making a change after the semester, or the year, she might be able to look at things differently. Good luck to all of you, it's so hard to have your kids sad!

Heavens - For many kids the first semester or quarter of school is difficut, just being in a new environment and being far from home. I think they need to stick it out for the first year to see if they truly don't fit in. It takes a while to make friends and dealing with a roommate you don't get along with makes the process even more difficult.

My older daughter just graduated from UC Irvine and adapted right away. Even though we live an hour south of Irvine, she never came home because she always had so much to do with her new friends. She also got a part-time job after the first few months and that kept her busy.

My youngest daughter is a freshman at CSU San Marcos and is living on campus. She is having a much harder time adjusting although she likes 2 of her 3 roommates. She has been home alot and was not happy the first 6 weeks. She seems to be liking it better now.

Both of my daughters have had friends go to UCSB. Almost all of their friends are not into partying and I was surprised that these particular students picked UCSB. With the exception of one of them, they all loved the school and did well there. The sister of my youngest daughter's boyfriend goes to UCSB. She is a quiet, somewhat shy girl but has found her friends and likes it there alot. While joining a sorority may mean more partying, it is also a way to meet more people. It sounds like the girls your daughter met at the one house might be a good match for her. It will certainly give her a group where she feels like she fits in.

One thing that is difficult here in California is transferring after your freshman year. Most public universities will not take tranfers unless they have 60 units which makes them a junior. If she leaves UCSB her only option might be to get more units at the local community college so she can tranfer to another UC school as a junior.

One of my friend's has a daughter who goes to Arizona State. The most month there she loved it, then for the rest of the first semester she cried almost every day about wanting to come back to California. Her parents had her stick out the first semester, she's now a junior there and couldn't imagine going to any other school.

Sorry this post is so long but hope it helps.

My daughter went to the opposite coast for college. Yes, first year was difficult. Being used to having her own room, she opted for a single room. Big mistake, she realized too late. You really need the interaction with other students. Most of the unhappiness comes from feeling like you're the &quot;odd man out&quot;. Once they start making friends, get comfortable with the layout of the school, know where to eat and play off-campus, etc., then it begins to feel more comfortable. We told our daughter that she needed to stay just that first year. If she really wanted to change schools after that, then she could. She stayed all 4 years, graduated 2-1/2 years ago and stayed on the east coast - loves it - and has lots of friends.

I think it's harder on the parents sometimes. If they know it's ok to change schools at the end of one year, it makes it easier on them to cope. They just need to know you respect their feelings and are willing to work with them.

I don't have a teen but my own experience (9 years ago) starting university wasn't so hot. In the end, it didn't have much to do with the actual place or school but rather that I wasn't in the right program. I ended up switching degrees twice (ouch on my bank account - yes I funded my own schooling and wasn't wasting Mom and Dad's money). If your kid is happy with the study part - great. Try to encourage her to meet others by signing up for clubs or volunteer groups that interest her...and this doesn't need to be restricted to what the college offers...look outside the school.

I went to a large state university
(now ranked #3 for football!) and hated it my first year....the ENTIRE year. Roommate was nice enough, but strange. Did not know a soul from high school. Faculty in my major were more intent on 'weeding out' than teaching. My dorm had twice as many people as my high school did! Could not get home to see family...luckily my best friend from HS had the same experience at Emory-

I considered transferring, joined a sorority, joined the club field hockey team, became an RA, and got a car. It took two years until I felt a part of the campus...

Maybe transferring is the best option, but your daughter needs to give the campus every opportunity, not vice-versa. If your daughter was involved in high school, she needs to seek out those type of activities in college. The grass is not always greener at another college- who is to say that things will change if she transfers? Other schools party, have elevators in dorms and lush roommates!!!

Fast-forward: my last 2 years of school were dramatically different. It was a tough, but necessary part of my education.

Now I teach high school, and find that when graduates come back to see me, the best indicator of their college experience it the ROOMMATE! If they 'click' with their roommate, they seems to enjoy the whole environment more. A negative roommate situation just spills out to other aspects of college life...