My 16 year old daughter is supposed to be flying by herself to Miami to join group to Jamaica for a marine biology trip (this weekend) for Thanksgiving week.We had to buy tickets and planned this trip early this year. The person running the academic trip has called and said that the trip is still going but we could cancel with full refund if we did not feel comfortable.I now see today that American will reissue tickets without penalty.What would you do? Daughter is very worldly,has traveled alot with family and both my husband and I work for another airline(so we understand airline situations).I am feeling VERY apprehensive about this trip after this last episode with American(yes,I know it wasn't their fault!).I just have always felt moe comfortable on own airline as I know how well the maintenance and crews really are!(We could not buy her a ticket on our airline as the flights were not convenient and already full.)My daughter has really looked forward to this trip but I have seen in her eyes the past two days that she is waiting for a signal/blessing from me for this trip.I had left it that if there was no evidence of any terrorism that she should go.Anyones thoughts? I would appreciate your opinions and prayers! Thanks-

I quess one of the reasons I was posting this is that I feel when things like engines fall off planes-there are underlying problems of bad maintenance,etc. that perhaps weren't looked at.I have been with the airlines for almost 30 years and have always had the feeling when I went to work that it is in God's hands on when your number is up so enjoy life.But somehow when its your children-life has different meanings?I have really had some sleepless nights on this and almost feel as though my decision can make or break "her destiny".Anyone?

Hi , my daughter will be flying to London this Friday, with her little boy.On one hand I am thrilled for her, on the other I am worried..but I think if these events of the past 2 months had not happened, I would still worry.It is always frightening when you children go off alone, especially flying.But remember,since all of this happened, right this minute, hundreds of planes/thousands of people are/have been flying.Yes, the accident was horrible, and senseless regardless of cause, but we can't stay hiding in our homes and be afraid.A terrible example is that there were people "safe" in their homes killed in that accident also.So, do not think that something bad might happen to her.Think about all the great things she will do and see and how much fun she will have.And when she comes home give her a big kiss and hug *M

I probably wouldn't have planned the trip to begin with, with or without 9/11 because it would interfere with my family spending thanksgiving together which I think is an important thing to do. that being said, at this point, it seems as if everyone will spend the time worrying and stressing over the trip. You and your husband here, and you're daughter, there. even though you feel she is looking to you for approval of the trip, it may really be that she is frightened and looking for you to make the big decision to cancel the trip. I would cancel and make a really nice Thanksgiving celebration at home-start a new tradition. Even if it's just the three of you. Do something memorable and appropriate to celebrate Thanksgiving. she may hate you for a few days, but how unusual is that for a teenager. One other thought-it sounds like your daughter has had plenty of great adventures and will have more to come so it's not like this is a once in a lifetime opportunity for her.

As another mom, with 15 & 17 year old daughters, I certainly sympathize with you. Assuming she will be with people she knows, I'd send her. To be honest, I'd be worrying more about the Jamaica danger than the air flight. Our family is flying to Mexico to join friends for thanksgiving. We are apprehensive, but we refuse to be terrorized!
God bless you and yours.

How does she feel about going? Maybe you can take a look at what lessons will be learned from going or cancelling. Did you not want her to go from the beginning and now this is a convenient way out? Is it good for her to take on some difficult, risky situations and get through them ok? Is she too risky and needs to learn some caution? You're the parents and have the final say so but think through the benefits and consequences from your final decision. The odds are so small that something will happen and as a parent it would be tough to live with yourself if you didn't stop her. Will you be letting her drive a car? I think the odds of something happening with a teenager driving is larger than terrorist attack in the air.
I finally traveled last week and felt good that I did it and got over the anxiety of traveling. Ramblin, sorry!!!

I'd let her go, but make sure that you talk to her about contraceptives first. The islands have a very laid-back attitude towards these things and with all the guys and gals in their bathing suits, it's easy for things to get out of hand.

But a marine biology trip to Jamaica might indeed be a once-in-a-lifetimeopportunity!

Since she signed up for the trip in the first place, I assume that the famly has already thought through all the underlying issues, such as not being together for Thanksgiving. (In my famly, for instance, this wouldn'tbe a big deal becuase we see eachother all the time anyway.)

I agree that dd is looking to parents for confirmation, but not that it's confirmation of her inclination to cancel. It's just as likely that she's looking for reassurance to go ahead.

If mom can't overcome her own apprehension I would cancel, but otherwise I would go ahead with the plans. There's no indication that her flights are at risk. Chances are 99.99 perent that the trip will be a big success. If you cancel, she'll spend the rest of her life with that confirmation of fear.

My twenty something daughter left for a job in Hong Kong a couple years ago.(She is back).It is so stressful when a mom can't make sure nothing will happen to her child. I remember wanting her to stay, but feeling proud of her determination. If I would have insisted she stay (especially at 16), she would have always wondered what the experience would have been like. After she had to miss a couple a couple holidays I notice that she really appreciates them in a way she never did before. Have her check in with you often.These are the parts of being a parent that you never imagine!You sound like a great mom!

If it were my daugter I would not let her go. 16 IMO, is too young, too immature and too darn hormonal to be that far away from home, worldly or otherwise. 16 year olds are like pack rats when they get together and are easily influenced by peer pressure. Jamaica is loaded with drugs and people selling them. What happens if your daughters' peers talk her into smoking a joint and she gets busted?? What happens if she gets sick or injured. IMO, she is too young. There will be plenty of opportunities for her to go on these type of trips in college. Don't rush your child into growing up, you will regret it.

Sorry Another Mom, but you should only smother your own children, not someone else's. To stressed mom: I fully understand the stress. I'd have the same second thoughts that you'd have if it were my 15 year old. Still, you know on an intellectual level that flying is the safest way to travel. That was true before 9/11 and it's still true today. The risks of a travel accident are no higher today than when you first booked the flight. What you're dealing with is the intensity of the events of September coupled with an accident of catastrophic proportion in Queens, NYC this week.

Talk to your daughter. IF she was mature enough to handle this trip before 9/11 AND she still wants to go, send her. IF she tells you she is now afraid to travel alone, cancel the trip. The only trick is to help her make the decision for herself. She'll be making decisions and on her own in a few years, assuming college is in the plans. Sixteen is more than old enough to be an exchange student, this experience should be a great one for her. Here's a chance to start the process! Good luck!

Okay folks-here is the original poster giving you some insight on the trip.First of all,there are 7 instructors/1 nurse going with 20 students.These kids have been going to an oceanography camp for several weeks the past summers where the emphasis is educational-dissecting squids,doing saline counts in the ocean,etc.The students have to have a certain gradepoint,references and attitude to go.The trip is very well chaperoned and they stay at a university marine lab which is away from everything.They are there for a tropical marine biology course-not a club med experience.
The trip has been planned for over a year and half so I quess that my main concern was over the terrorism issue and maintenance of AA.( have always had the traditional Thanksgiving dinner at my house so this is the first year that it would be different.)I must admit that I was taken back with people thinking that my daughter was going on some type of "winter/spring break" drinking drug marathon-trust me when I say that the daughter's every being is that of marine biology.She was born to it. Anyway,I appreciate your various observations but I really was nervous on possible cover ups of the recent accident and because this is such a different time for all of us,it is scary!

Boy,am I glad I did not use my real email.I see what people are saying about fodors changing? I was not asking parenting advice-I was asking about traveling under the recent circumstances.Please do not attack my parenting skills when you do not know me.Its about TRAVEL!!!!!

Stressed Mom -

Don't let the nasties on this thread bother you. It sounds like your daughter is an ambitious, focused young lady. She may or may not have plans to party/attempt to put one over on the chaperones. However, what some of these people refuse to realize is that their own precious little ones can and DO get knocked up/drunk/high, etc just as easily after a night of cruising the suburban mall or cow tipping - all the parental smothering in the world will not keep those dimwits from getting into trouble to relieve their boredom.

Stressed mom, everyone right now is nervous and a bit unsure because previously unimaginable things have happened. However, the trip as you describe it would seem to be such a wonderful opportunity for your daughter. My daughter is a college freshman in Miami, and to come home to Chicago for her short midsemester break at an affordable price she had to fly Continental, through Newark on the way home and Houston on the way back to Miami. I was nervous, but couldn't really ask her not to come, and it was fine. I think what you are experiencing is this sort of vague uneasiness, where you worry about what COULD happen, but likely nothing will.

Please ignore these rude people who apparently have no experience of focused young people, teens with real interests and activities, who are highly unlikely to engage in the type of acting-out behaviour these IDIOTS seem to think is normal teenage behavior.

Thank you xyz for your kind words.I quess that I thought that everyone would be nice enough to offer words of encouragement or discouragement based on their gut feelings of the world at the moment. I never in my wildest dreams thought that people would be responding as they have about partying(its on a secluded area/marine biology lab) so partying would not be an option .My daughter just read some of these replies and commented-"boy,they sure don't know me".As a former high school teacher,I know how some of those chaperoned trips have played out.However,when you have to have transcripts,recs from teachers,etc.-its a totally different type of trip and kids that go.(Just paying for the trip doesn't cut it to go!)I promise that I won't ever ask a "to go or not to go "question again.Funny,I have had some of the best online friendships through this board through the past 4 years...............I quess things really do change.

Stressed mom: I would wager that the nasties on this thread do not have children of their own, they just like to mix up trouble and are in no position to dispense parenting advice. The fact of the matter is, by the time your child is 16, they are who they are. You can give them guidelines but locking them in their rooms until they turn 21 just isn't practical. No one's daughter needs to go to Jamaica to have a joint offered to her, or other suggested dangers.

I like A Dad's advice. At some point very soon your daughter will be making lots of decisions on her own. Let her be a big part of this one.

Stressed mom, I apologize for the rude treatment you've received on the boards. You are right that they used to attract a different (better) class of people in the past.

As far as your daughter goes, you need to follow your heart. You've brought here along this far in 16 years, you must be doing something right!

The truth of the matter is that none of us knows what the future may bring. We lose about 45,000 people a year (9 WTC disasters) to auto deaths, but, for whatever reason, people still drive.

What you can do both for your daughter and your family, since you work in the airline industry, is to contact your representative and tell him or her how the lack of airport security has affected your family. A lot of good men and women have sacrificed their lives to preserve our freedoms, one of which is representative democracy. It's up to us to carry that torch and let our reps know that we don't like the slipshod excuse for airline safety that currently exists in this country. To find your rep, go to this site--

www.firstgov.gov

Sam

Personally, I would not let her go for the following reasons:

1.) There have been numerous advisories about travel to Jamaica. The crime rate is very high there and there has been civil unrest.

2.) If something would happen here, you would have a heck of a time getting her back.

3.) Nuts like above, who prey on young girls.

4.) Airline security. While they are screening passengers better, they are still not screening for explosives in checked luggage across the board.

5.) 16 is still young and there will be tons of opportunities when she is older and in college to travel and do research. Maybe by then, terrorism will not be a threat.

Dear "Busted"-It is perhaps working for a major airline that causes me to be alarmed.You see,there are some things that I may know more about that you do as "a frequent flier".It is known in the airline industry that some airlines are known for more lax standards in certain areas than others;that their crews are less seasoned due to faster hiring of late,etc.I quess I should apologize to you and the rest of the "crew here on the USA board" as I thought that most of you were also on the European and Canadian boards-I was wrong.I will retreat back to the European board.Thank you to all who have responded in a nice and compassionate way.PS-to the "yahoo" who wanted to see my daughter in a bikini........when you work in the marine biology arena,you usually wear one-piece bathing suits along with long sleeved t-shirts,possibly gloves and snorkel gear. Sorry to burst your bubble but she takes after her mother!!!